Repetitive Dreams
by Kayozm
Summary: "Oh my god! Jasper!" Jasper looked up automatically when he heard his name whispered, almost too quietly even for his super hearing. The new girl—Bella Swan—was staring at him with a shocked expression on her face from across the Forks High cafeteria. AU Bella x Jasper, ExA
1. Part 1: Chapter 1 - Surprise

_Forks, Washington, Tuesday January 3rd, 2006_

"Oh my god! Jasper!" Jasper looked up automatically when he heard his name whispered, almost too quietly even for his super hearing. The new girl—Bella Swan—was staring at him with a shocked expression on her face from across the Forks High cafeteria. She couldn't possibly know him, yet as he made eye contact with her and automatically searched out her feelings he could feel her recognition combined with shock, joy and hope.

Realising that he was staring, he looked away, only to have her feelings blink off completely. He glanced back to see what had distracted her, only to see her looking down. She was flushed with, he supposed, embarrassment. She had been staring too. But try as he might, he couldn't single out her feelings again. He frowned, confused.

"What was that?" Edward asked curiously.

"I have no idea. It felt as though she recognised me, and she obviously knew my name, but I don't see how she could have. Maybe her emotions were about something else. What's she thinking?"

Now it was Edward's turn to frown as he stared over at her.

"I don't know," he said slowly.

"What do you mean?" Alice looked at him, concerned.

"I can't hear her," Edward said. "It's like there's just a blank hole, where her thoughts should be. Even when she speaks, there's no thought process around it."

They all tuned in to the conversation she was having with Jessica Stanley.

"It's creepy if you ask me. I'm surprised it's allowed. Last year their older brother and sister were seniors—Emmett, Alice's biological brother, and Rosalie, who's Jasper's sister—and they were together too. I mean, I know they're not blood related, but even so..."

'What about the blond one? Jasper, is it?' Bella asked briefly glancing back at them. They were all carefully looking away, but they could easily watch through their peripheral vision.

"Don't even bother! He may be good looking, but he's just as stuck up as the rest of them. Apparently, none of the girls in Forks are good enough for him."

"Maybe he has a girlfriend somewhere else," Bella murmured, looking down again. "I need to use the restroom before class. I'll see you later."

Jasper watched out of the corner of his eye, as she hurried out of the cafeteria. She looked over at him as she left, but he didn't look back. He still couldn't feel anything from her though.

"Do you guys have any classes with her?" he asked.

"Not so far." Alice and Edward had worked it so they had most of their classes together this year. Being in school six hours a day was painful enough without being separated from your mate as well.

Jasper used to schedule his classes with them too. It gave him more confidence that he could withstand the constant temptation of human blood. But they eventually realised that he actually did better with some distance from them, so their bloodlust would have less impact on him.

"And I haven't had any visions of her," Alice added, "although..." She scrunched up her forehead, concentrating. "I _think_ you might have biology with her, next lesson."

"What do you mean, can't you see?"

"I don't know, maybe she's thinking of skipping class? It's blurry, and I'm just getting glimpses. The seat next to you is the only seat open in that class, right?"

"Yep."

"Well, I think she'll be in it, but I'm not sure. She must be blocking us somehow."

"It sure seems like it," Edward said. "Do you think she knows? Is she doing it on purpose?"

"I don't know," Jasper said slowly. "I didn't get any sense of that though, when I could read her. But I can't be sure."

"I don't like it," Edward said. "See what you can find out in Biology. Try to get her to talk to you."

"Yeah, okay. We'd better get to class."

Jasper arrived at class in time to slip into his seat before Bella arrived, so he was able to watch her reactions as she came in. She went up to Mr Banner first, to introduce herself and get him to sign her slip. He then directed her to the only empty seat in class, and Jasper watched as she looked over curiously and saw him.

As they made eye contact, he could once again feel her emotions. Joy, again, and hope, combined with some apprehension. That was the only emotion he understood. Most people were apprehensive when they had to interact closely with his kind, even if they had no idea why.

She stumbled then, and as she looked down her emotions were closed off again. They had to be making eye contact, perhaps? Interesting.

As she sat down she turned to look at him and again he felt her almost overwhelming hope. Maybe even relief. She held out her hand to him.

"I'm Bella," she said quietly, "Bella Swan."

He took her hand in a brief clasp, hoping she didn't notice how cold his was.

"Jasper Hale," he replied. "It's very nice to meet you."

"Hale?" She said, clearly surprised, "Oh, I thought..." He could feel her growing doubt, as she spoke.

"You've probably heard I'm one of the Cullens," he explained, though not knowing why it would matter. "But my sister Rosalie and I kept our birth name."

"No, that's not it, it's just—you look like— Sorry," She finished, lamely. "You just look like someone else. His name's Jasper too." She looked down now, that delicate blush staining her cheeks with embarrassment again, but before she did he felt her growing sadness. Almost… grief? Who did she think he was?

"What name were you expecting?" he asked quickly, wanting to get as much as possible out of her before Mr Banner started the class. "Maybe it's a relation?"

"Whitlock," she all but whispered, without looking up. "I thought you were Jasper Whitlock."

Jasper gasped lightly and felt his jaw drop open. He was glad she wasn't looking at him just then, because he wasn't sure he could mask his shock. How the hell did she know him as Jasper Whitlock? He hadn't used that name in years. Not in her lifetime in fact.

She glanced back up at him then and it was all he could do to school his features into the mild curiosity he should have been showing.

"You look just like him," she said. "Well, except for your eyes." What colour was she expecting? Red? "His eyes are grey actually," she said, almost as though she'd heard his thought. "Though they look blue too, depending on his shirt." She was feeling pure sadness now, and moving into resignation. She looked away. "I thought maybe contacts though... I should have known better."

Shocked, Jasper was just about to ask her how she knew this Jasper Whitlock, when Mr Banner called them to attention.

* * *

 **Author Note:**

Edited to add: for those coming "late" to the party (I'm not even half was through as I write this, so it's all relative, but you know what I mean), I'd LOVE it if you would still leave comments here and there as you read and let me know what you think. Feel free to mention any errors you find and what have you, too. I do send out teasers to reviewers, but if you want one, let me know when you've read all the way to the end, so I'm not sending you spoilers!

Also, I use *mostly*Australian spellings (except for mom), but am attempting to use US appropriate lingo. Let me know if any Australianisms slip through that you don't understand (or that just seem out of place).

.

I don't have a Beta reader and was entirely overwhelmed when I looked at the beta reader page, so if you are interested... let me know. I don't really need someone to help me with grammar and punctuation, having worked in copy editing in a past life... but plot development, character arcs, continuity error checks and proof reading could all be helpful! This is only the second time I have attempted a piece of fiction of this length, and the first time with this complexity. Plus I am Australian, and while I have lived in America, it could still be handy to have an American beta reader who can point out if I have used English/Australian idioms that you are unfamiliar with.

Finally I'm curious to know - would you prefer I post a chapter a week and hope that my writing stays far enough ahead not to have delays, or would you prefer I waited and posted the rest when it is complete? I'm up to 36,000 words so far, and expect it to be between 50,000 and 70,000 (not counting author notes!). Probably at the upper end of that. I do have a complete plan. [haha, edited to add 12 chapters later to add, I'm thinking it's going to be over 100,000 at this point. Some of my chapters I thought would be short have turned out not to be. At All.]

 **I'm rating the story as M, for occasional course language, and some non-explicit but definitely suggestive adult themes, including one or two scenes that may be somewhat disturbing. I am not quite sure how I am going to handle them yet and I don't want to be hamstrung by rating it too low to begin with. However, while there may be one "suggestive" (non-disturbing) scene, I want to emphasise that it is not going to be an "adult" story, so please don't read with the expectation of a lot of that sort of fun. Up to chapter 20 there is so far nothing I wouldn't let my teenagers read. But i haven't written the disturbing bits yet.**


	2. Part 1: Chapter 2 - Dreaming

**Chapter Two – Dreaming**

Bella heard her father at the front door just as she pulled dinner out of the oven.

"You didn't have to cook, Bells! Not on your first day at school. I was going to suggest pizza." Her father hung up his jacket and sat at the place she'd set for him at his small kitchen table.

"That's okay, Dad, I like cooking. Besides, it helps me relax, and I needed something to keep my mind occupied." Bella slid two plates on the table and took her place, adjacent to her father.

"Why?" Charlie frowned at her, and she immediately realised her mistake. "Bad first day?"

"No, Dad, it was fine, really, just a lot to take in," she hastily reassured. "Everyone was very nice," she added.

"Well good. I want you to be happy here, Bells. I probably should have introduced you around before school started back, but you seemed happy to spend time on the rez."

"I was, Dad, it was nice to reconnect with Jacob, and Rachel while she was visiting." Bella had arrived in Forks just after Christmas, which she spent with her mother in Phoenix, and was pleased to discover her childhood friend was also home for the holidays.

"You seemed to get along well with Harry and Sue's kids too?"

"Yeah, I did. Leah is a bit abrupt, but once you get to know her she's cool. And Seth's a real sweetie."

Charlie barked out a laugh. "No teenage boy wants to be thought of as sweet!" he said in response to her raised eyebrows.

"Dad! He's about thirteen years old!"

"Oh, I know," he said. "Even so..." He chuckled some more.

"It's just a shame they don't go to school in town," she added.

"Yeah. There are lots of great local kids too though," he said. "I am sorry I couldn't take the whole week off to spend with you."

"Its fine, Dad. We probably would have just spent it at Billy's anyway." She smiled at him. "Truly, I'm not complaining. It was good to catch up with them. I have plenty of time to get to know the kids at school."

"So how did it go today? Did you meet some people you'd want to get to know?"

"Sure," she said. "There's a girl named Angela who seems nice. And lots of others too, I don't remember all their names." And one very, very beautiful boy—or man, she'd almost want to say—who she could almost swear she knew inside out. But he didn't seem to know her at all.

"That'd be Angela Weber, I guess. Reverend Weber's daughter."

"Oh yeah, that's right." She longed to ask him about the Cullens and Hales. Was that really his surname? She supposed it didn't mean anything, either way. After all, her own surname wasn't Williams now. But she couldn't bring herself to mention them. What could her father possibly say that would make things better?

Either it truly wasn't Jasper, her Jasper—and after all his eyes _were_ a different colour—or it was, and he didn't know her at all, which was utterly unbearable to even contemplate. How could he not know her? No, it simply had to be a coincidence. And yet… When she'd said the name Whitlock, she was sure she'd heard him gasp. As though it did mean something to him. But how could it be him?

She realised they'd both finished eating and got up to clear the table.

"I've got the dishes tonight," Charlie said, shooing her away. "You must be tired after your first day, and besides, I bet you haven't called your mom yet, you should give her a call and then go up to bed."

"Oh, Char—Dad! I don't really feel like talking to Mom tonight. She'll want a description of every single person I spoke to. You know what she's like. I'll just send her an email to let her know it went okay. I can talk to her on the weekend, I should have more to say by then."

"Well, go do that then, and get some sleep."

"Okay, 'night, Dad." She kissed his cheek fondly and then took herself upstairs. He was right that she was tired, and if she was honest she was almost desperate to get to sleep. Maybe she would see _him_ tonight.

After a quick shower in the small bathroom she now shared with her father, she cleaned her teeth then headed into her bedroom to boot up her ancient computer.

Sure enough, there was an email from Renee, wondering how her first day went. She sent off a quick reply, not really saying much of anything, but assuring her that everyone was very welcoming.

Her fun and outgoing mother never could quite understand how she had produced such an introverted daughter. Where Renee would no doubt already have made firm friends with a bunch of people, Bella was much more like her quiet father. She liked most of the kids she'd met today well enough, but she hated all the overt attention she got as the new girl, and knew it would probably take her weeks before she would call any of the kids here her friends.

Closing down her computer her mind inevitably went back to Jasper Hale. As she climbed into bed, she told herself firmly to put him out of her mind and go to sleep. She rolled onto her side and closed her eyes, but sleep wouldn't come.

She'd been having trouble sleeping ever since she arrived in this cold, dreary town, unused to the almost constant sound of rain, or the wind in the forest that started not far from her window.

And she resented the lack of sleep, not only because it left her tired during the day, but because _he'd_ been home last week, and she worried she was missing out on time with him. He was gone again now, but she didn't know whether he might be back soon.

Today, very briefly, she'd thought everything was about to change. She'd thought he would be in her life for real, on a day to day basis. Not off at the war, nor disapproved of by her father. Well, she didn't know that for sure of course. She hadn't mentioned him to Charlie. But she doubted he would disapprove.

She rolled over for what felt like the millionth time and looked at the clock: 1:34 am.

Come on brain! Stop thinking about Jasper Hale, who doesn't even know you, and go to sleep!

She tried flexing and relaxing every muscle in her body, one at a time, starting at her toes. That sometimes worked. As she lay there she thought back to the last time she had seen _her_ Jasper, four nights ago.

 _"Hey there, darlin'! I thought maybe I wasn't going to see you today! I was hopin' Mary got you my message."_

 _"Jasper!" She'd run over to where he waited for her under 'their' tree and thrown herself into his arms. "Mama kept me busy mending all morning, and then I had to help with the knitting. We've been making socks to send back with you for the soldiers."_

 _"That's great, darlin', they will really appreciate that."_

 _"How long..." She cleared her throat and leaned back to look up at him. "How long can you stay this time?"_

 _He looked down at her sadly, tenderly lifting a strand of hair from where it had shifted into her eyes, smoothing it back from her face. "Only until tomorrow, love. There's going to be another battle at Galveston, and this time, we plan on winning. We evacuated most of the people there last year, but I've been ordered back to make sure."_

 _"Oh, Jasper! When will this war be over? I want you to come home! You've already been made Major, surely my father would accept you now!"_

 _"I don't know, darlin'. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't. But you know I can't desert my men now. Besides, with the draft, I couldn't leave even if I wanted to."_

 _"I know." She buried her head back in his chest. "I just miss you so much."_

 _"I know, darlin', me too. But let's not waste what little time we have today. Sit awhile with me and tell me what's been happenin' back here."_

 _He laid his jacket on the ground for her beside their tree, so she sat down, leaning her back against the trunk, and spent the next hours updating her beautiful man on the local goings on. He lay with his head in her lap, and after a while they both fell silent, her fingers running through his hair._

 _As the sun started to sink, she knew she needed to head home, and she felt her mood sink with it. But she would be strong for him, she told herself. Swallowing back the tears that threatened, she asked in a small voice, already knowing the likely answer, "Will I see you tomorrow, Jasper?"_

 _He sat up and reached with his thumb to wipe away the tears she hadn't realised were falling. "No, darlin', I'm sorry. I have to move out at dawn." He cupped her cheek with his hand, and she leaned into it._

 _"That's okay," she said quietly. "At least we had today right? Do you know when—is there any chance—?"_

 _"I don't know, darlin'," he replied sadly. "I just don't know when I'll be back again. But you know what? You're right."_

 _"About what?" She asked, confused._

 _"About your papa._

 _"Next time I'm able to come back, I mean to speak with him. You're eighteen now, so he'll be lookin' around. I am the youngest Major I know of in the whole Confederate army. That's gotta mean somethin', right? I want it to be official. I want to be able to put a ring on your finger and have everyone know. One day, you are going to be Mrs Jasper Whitlock. And I am goin' to be the happiest man alive."_

By the time she was on her third time through relaxing her body the clock said 2:30 am, but she could finally feel herself drifting. She knew her dreams would not be as pleasant tonight, unless by some miracle Jasper was back already. They never were since he went away. But her body needed sleep, and she felt her present fading away.

.

Isabella was sitting in her family's parlour knitting socks with her mother. The news was that their army had had a resounding victory in Galveston, and it was hoped it might be a turning point in the war.

But they still needed more support. Jasper had told her how much the soldiers appreciated the supplies they received from the women back home. He'd clearly not wanted to worry her, but she knew from listening to her parents talk that conditions in the army were not good, so she was glad to be able to do _something_ for them, even if it was just knitting more and more socks.

"And with Galveston retaken, perhaps the blockade will lift too," Mama was saying happily, "which would be good for your father's business." Bella knew that the blockade was responsible for the many shortages they were suffering, but she only half understood her father's personal stake in trade. She was far more interested in whether there were many casualties from the battle, but that, Mama didn't know.

Of course, regardless of trade, she understood that the abolitionists desire to free the slaves would affect their farm, but she'd heard it whispered that that would never have happened anyway, even without going to war. And she honestly didn't know how she felt about that.

Jasper said the war was important because it was about states' rights. It wasn't that long ago that Texas was a free country, and it wasn't right that the President could tell them what to do. But his family had always been against slavery anyway, and she thought they had a point. And now that the _Confederate_ Congress insisted on drafting Texan men, she thought it made a mockery of state rights anyway.

Her older brother had been conscripted, which was probably fair enough (she'd secretly always thought it was wrong that he had stayed home as long as he had), but so had Jasper's father, and how were Mary and her mother supposed to run their farm without any of their menfolk? Jasper's little brother had already had to take over his share of the work, and he was only eleven, and not even as big as Mary.

"We should have some visitors later in the week, Isabella, I will need your help to watch your little brother, so don't go wondering off with your friend Mary, unless you take him with you."

"Yes, Mama," she replied, wondering when _she_ might have a visitor again. Would Jasper be able to come home now?

She watched the sun setting through the window and thought again of her last moments with Jasper four days earlier.

 _"Oh, Jasper!" She'd leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his collar. "Please promise me you'll stay safe," she said, her voice muffled by his shirt, "and come back to me soon!"_

 _"I promise," he said, gently tilting her head back, his hand under her chin, and leaned forward to place a chaste kiss on her lips. "I love you."_

 _"I love you, too."_

 _._

Bella opened her eyes, the dark Forks morning a distinct contrast to the setting Texas sun she had been watching only minutes before. Her fingers brushed her lips, which seemed to tingle as she remembered again the kiss Jasper had pressed on them before walking her home that last time she'd seen him.

As she got ready for her second day at Forks High, Bella couldn't stop her mind flitting back and forth between the Jasper of her dreams, and the folks she would see today in school. Would she see Jasper Hale today?

She felt a little guilty even wondering. Was she betraying _her_ Jasper, even thinking about it? She hadn't had an interest in anyone other than Jasper since her crush on Jonathan Marks back in the seventh grade. But she and Jasper had just been friends back then. He was just someone who'd always been there.

It wasn't until nearly the end of her Freshman year (not that nineteenth-century Isabella had been sent to high school) that they'd started seeing each other differently. Of course, Jasper was already sixteen then. And before he was seventeen, he'd joined the army, lying about his age, determined to make something of himself—to be someone her father would accept for her.

Were they truly not the same person? Her Jasper and Jasper Hale? Of course, they couldn't be, how could they? And she couldn't ask _her_ Jasper, even if he were to come back tonight, because when she was dreaming, she never remembered this life.

Honestly, sometimes she wondered which was real and which the dream. But really, she knew. They were both real. It was just that the reality in which she had Jasper would always trump any reality in which he didn't exist. But what if he existed in both?

* * *

 **A/N Obviously, I don't own the Twilight Saga, and in fact I am very grateful to Stephenie Meyer for graciously letting us play in her universe.**

 **Thanks to Kakarot1313 for proofing this chapter. You know you love it! : )**

 **Words: 2539. First published: 18 March 2018, Australian time.**

 **PS Thanks for all the kind reviews, favourites and follows! Now I get why authors are so into them, LOL!**


	3. Part 1: Chapter 3 - Talking

**Chapter Three - Talking**

Wednesday found Jasper feeling strangely jittery for a 161-year-old vampire. Vampires don't do jittery. But he was on his way to the cafeteria for the humans' lunchtime, where he had every reason to believe he would see Bella Swan. And then he would sit next to her again in Biology.

And even though he was quite sure he'd never seen her before in his life, and even though he wasn't at all sure that her apparent recognition of him might not be some kind of weird trap, the truth was, he felt an almost overwhelming longing to see her again.

He thought back to the conversation he'd had with his family the night before.

Edward had been able to follow most of Jasper's conversation with Bella in biology, listening to his thoughts and relaying it to Alice in a voice inaudible to the humans, in real time. She had had glimpses through her visions, but very little that was concrete, much to her annoyance.

They had agreed, after school finished, to wait until the whole family could be assembled later that night, before discussing it further.

Rosalie and Emmett had spent the summer and fall taking some time out on their own, though they were expected back fairly soon. They had completed their senior year at Forks High in the spring, and the community believed they had gone off to college.

However, they could still take part in a family meeting by video call.

They had sat down just after midnight, as soon as Carlisle had come home from the hospital, to fill everyone in on their strange day.

 _"So, she was primarily feeling joy and hope," Carlisle summarised, "once she was past the shock of seeing you. But then it morphed into sadness when she decided you were not the Jasper she knew?"_

 _"Pretty much," Jasper confirmed. He felt a little uncomfortable talking about her feelings with everyone, almost as though he were betraying her trust, but after all, Edward had already read them in his mind the instant he felt them. Besides, he reminded himself, this was his family. She was just some strange human girl._

 _"What colour were your eyes as a human, Jasper?" Esme asked suddenly._

 _"I don't honestly know," he admitted. "I really don't remember much of anything from before I was turned, just the briefest of snippets. Alice and I did some research, as you know, when we were first travelling together, because I did at least remember my name and parents' names, and where I was from. But aside from my memories of that last night, when I met Maria, any other images in my head are from the few photos we found, and the odd glimpses of memory they brought back. But of course, the photos were all in sepia. So, my eyes could have been grey but...there's no way to know."_

 _"Anyway," Rosalie interrupted impatiently, "you've said Bella Swan is clearly human, and clearly only 18 years old, so there's no way she knew Jasper as a human."_

 _"True," Esme said. "But you have to admit, it's very strange."_

 _"Maybe she did a research project on the civil war, and came across his photo," Emmett suggested._

 _"She wouldn't know his eye colour then," Alice pointed out._

 _"No, but maybe she made it up. Maybe she's delusional and she's convinced herself he's real."_

 _"Is that possible Carlisle?" Jasper asked. "For her to be that delusional with no other outward signs?"_

 _"Well, human psychology is not really my area, but I think it could be. Besides, you've only met her very briefly. There could be other signs you just haven't seen yet."_

 _"True." Somehow the thought troubled him, more than it should._

 _"We really don't know why she moved to Forks," Carlisle added. "She may have been through some kind of trauma which has caused her mind to create a different reality, based on photos she's seen. We shouldn't jump to any conclusions at this stage."_

 _"The real question," Rosalie interjected, "is does she pose any danger to our family?"_

 _There was silence, for a while, as they all pondered this question._

 _Finally, Jasper spoke. "I really don't see how she could," he said. "She is just human, as you said. It's weird that none of us can get a proper read on her, but I can read her when we make eye contact, and her emotions felt completely sincere. I didn't detect any kind of duplicity. And she seemed to accept that I wasn't who she thought I was."_

 _"Alright then," Carlisle concluded. "Let's just keep an eye on things and see what develops. We'll need to move on from here in another year or so anyway, so it really wouldn't be the end of the world to move early. On the other hand, we all like it here, so let's not rush into anything._

 _"Jasper, since you are the best placed to talk to her, why don't you see if you can get her to open up—why did she move to Forks, for instance, and has she studied the civil war? Be subtle, but see what you can find out. It's a short week, between the Monday holiday and the sunny days coming up, but see what you can manage."_

He brought his mind back to the present. He knew he wouldn't get a chance to talk to her at lunch—they had agreed not to overly encourage any interest in their family, so he would keep their conversations to Biology—but perhaps they would make eye contact, and he would find out what she was feeling today.

He entered the cafeteria to see Edward and Alice already seated at their usual table. He was disappointed to see that Bella was also seated, and with her back to both the entrance and his seat. His only chance to see her eyes would be when he went to collect food.

He lined up and grabbed a tray, quickly choosing a salad, which was easy to push around his plate making it look like he was eating, should any human be paying attention. Then he looked up and saw her gaze on him.

The rush of joy he felt was such a surprise he looked away almost instantly. Was that her, or him? He wasn't even sure. He quickly looked back and met her eyes again. She gave him a small smile, before tuning her eyes back to her tray. This time, though, all he felt from her was confusion and longing, and just a hint of guilt. What was that about?

Jasper once again made it to Biology in time to watch for Bella's arrival, wanting the maximum time to chat with her before the lesson began. Only, he assured himself, because he had taken on the role of subtle interrogator for his family. Not because he actually wanted to spend time with an insignificant human girl.

When that girl arrived though, making momentary eye contact and giving him a small smile as she sat down, he knew that he was lying to himself. He may have been suspicious of her—though he really couldn't imagine what sort of trap or trouble she could represent—but he was also intrigued.

"So…" he drawled slowly, waiting for her to look up at him, "what brought you to Forks?"

If she was surprised by his question it didn't show, and her emotions, as she briefly made eye contact, were of simple resignation. Because he was making small talk, or because she'd had to move to Forks? He couldn't tell.

"My mother got remarried," she said, simply. "It seemed like a good opportunity to spend some time with my dad."

"Oh," he said. "You don't like him then? Your step-father?"

"Oh no, Phil's fine. Great even. A bit young maybe, but Renee—my mom—loves him."

"But you don't approve?"

"Of what?"

"Of how young he is?"

"What? No, it's fine. He loves her, and he makes her happy, which is the main thing."

"So why did you leave then?"

She looked at him measuringly. He couldn't quite interpret her emotions. Debating his sincerity perhaps? Apparently deciding he really did want to know, she explained that her step-father was a ball player and travelled a lot. It had made her mom sad to stay home with Bella, so Bella took it upon herself to move.

Her mom and Phil would now be able to settle in Florida, in between trips, and while she could have moved there with them, it would still have kept her mom trapped at home, and she figured if she was moving mid-year either way, she might as well make it count.

"Charlie—my Dad's always wanted me to spend time here, so it seemed like a win-win," she said.

"For everyone but you," Jasper added thoughtfully.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, it can't be easy moving half way through your senior year," he said. "Besides which, the weather must be a bit of a shock to the system."

She shrugged. "Yeah," she admitted, "I don't really like the rain. And I needed a whole new wardrobe to cope with winter here—my Phoenix winter woollies would barely cope with a Forks spring." She looked back at him, about to say something else, when Mr Banner called the class to attention.

Jasper kept half an ear on the teacher, making sure he kept track of what was going on, but most of his attention was still focussed on Bella, so he didn't miss her sigh when Mr Banner announced the lab they would be doing today. Maybe she struggled with biology? He wondered what her interests were, outside of making her parents happy.

Mr Banner walked around their class handing out packets of slides, and stopped at their table.

"Now, Miss Swan, I'm not sure where you were up to in Phoenix, but Jasper here is one of our best students, so I'm sure he can help if need be. But please ask if you have any questions." He didn't wait for an answer, continuing through the room.

"We need to do it together anyway," Jasper said. "Would you like to do the first one, or shall I?"

"I can do it." Bella pulled the microscope in front of her and grabbed the first slide. They had to identify five slides and answer questions on each. She sounded miffed, he thought.

"Do you want to scribe?" she asked, looking at the slide, and starting to give the answers.

"Sure. Do you want me to check it?"

"If you want," she said, casually pushing the microscope towards him. He had a feeling she was going to be offended if he double checked her work, but he couldn't help himself. He looked through the lens and saw that she had it right. He turned to write her answers as she switched out the slides.

"Do you want to look first this time?" she asked.

"Sure." This time, she double checked his answers, but glancing around, he saw that they were still working faster than the rest of the class. Which suited him well, as it would give them more time to talk.

Unfortunately, he wasn't sure how to redirect the conversation back where he wanted it to go.

"So…You like biology then?" he asked, as he wrote in the answers for their final slide.

"It's okay," she said, shrugging again.

"Well, you obviously don't struggle with it. I thought you might, when I heard you sigh earlier, when the lab was announced."

"Oh, you heard that?" she asked unnecessarily, blushing a little. "It's just—I was in AP Bio in Phoenix. I figured this was going to be boring but...I still need the credits to graduate."

"Oh right." So, she'd apparently moved here for family convenience, no trauma or coercion, and she was clearly smart. Not that she would be likely to tell him, if there had been some kind of traumatic reason to move here, but he hadn't detected any kind of deceit or discomfort when she'd answered those questions, either from her emotions—when he could read them—or her physiological reactions. No elevated heartbeat, no blushing—which she seemed to do easily—no stammering or avoiding eye contact. So, the delusion idea still seemed like the most likely.

"So, what subjects do you like then? History maybe?"

"Nah, not really. English is my favourite. Most of the history I know is bits and pieces I've picked up in English classes."

"Oh yeah, like what?"

"Oh, you know, I did a unit on Romantic English lit, so I know a bit about the French Revolution and Georgian Era England. And I've studied some twentieth century US lit, where I learnt quite a bit about the Civil Rights Movement. That sort of thing."

"So, you haven't studied history at all?"

"Not since my freshman year. American History was a required subject then, but honestly, it was so broad, I'm not sure I learned much of anything," she said. "What about you? Is history one of your favourites then?"

"Absolutely," he said. Watching her closely he added, "I'm a bit of a civil war buff actually."

If she hadn't been looking him straight in the eye, he would have completely misinterpreted her response. She started visibly, first going pale, then blushing. It would have looked completely suspicious— _was_ there some kind of trap?—if he hadn't also felt another spike of hope from her at the same time.

"You are?" she all but whispered.

He looked at her curiously, keeping his face almost blank, to disguise his reaction.

"Yes," he said. "Why? Have you studied civil war era literature too?"

"N-no," she denied. "I've never studied it...but..." She kept flicking her glance up and then away again. He could see she was trying to decide what to say. She was still feeling hopeful, but also confused, and that tiny hint of guilt again too. "I mean, I guess..." She was flushed now, clearly at a loss. "It's an interesting period though, right? And still so much disconnect between the history told here in the North, compared to the South. And…I mean…a lot of people still have a personal connection, right? I mean, ancestors who fought or...or died."

"Sure," he said, somewhat startled by her passion, once she got going. It really was a subject he felt strongly about, mostly because he was precisely aware of how much the history books got wrong.

"So...do you?" she asked, almost shyly. "Have a personal interest?"

Did she know who he was? Or at least know who Jasper Whitlock was? The one from the history books? After all, he _was_ on record as being the youngest major in the confederate army. Should he bring that up? No, perhaps not.

"It was almost as though she knew," he told Edward later. "In fact, if I hadn't been able to read her emotions…"

"What?"

"I don't know. I think I would have thought... _someone_ was trying to get to us—or me—somehow. But why?"

"Exactly! Why?"

"If I didn't know better I would think she was being coerced or something."

"What do you mean?"

"Like maybe someone was bribing her or blackmailing her."

"If someone was, it would have to be a vampire."

"I know." That was what worried him.

"But you don't think that's it?" Edward asked.

"Her emotions are just so sincere and so...so _strong_."

"Which emotions?"

"Hope, joy...the sadness yesterday. Longing, even. And yes, I guess those could all relate to thinking she'd found the right person to achieve whatever it is she'd been told to do…but there's no fear, no worry, nothing else that would fit with that sort of scenario."

"You said there was guilt, and relief, those could fit."

"True, but only in such small amounts. I just don't see it."

"And she said she'd never studied the civil war at all?"

"That's right."

Esme interrupted suddenly. "What if...what if she is delusional, but it's a delusion not brought on by trauma, or by reading about you, but created deliberately, by a gifted vampire?"

Jasper could tell Esme was worried by the idea. "I guess it could fit," he said reluctantly. "That would explain why she _feels_ sincere. But what could possibly be the end game?"

"I think you should keep talking to her," Edward said. "Maybe bring up your supposed namesake, see if you can find out more of what she _thinks_ she knows. After all, it would make sense for you to be interested—someone who looks just like you, with the same first name? Who wouldn't want to know more?"

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Thanks for the reviews, follows and favourites. It turns out it really** _ **does**_ **make me want to get the next chapter out more quickly, getting reviews. And reviewing as you read (not waiting till the last published chapter), gives you GREAT karma. I'm jus' sayin'...**

 **What do you think of their theories?**

 **Also, feel free to point out typos or errors. This chapter is still unbeta'd.**

 **And, many thanks to Stephenie Meyer for letting us play in her world.**

 **First published 23 March 2018, 9pm-ish (AEDT), 2781 words.**


	4. Part 1: Chapter 4 - Possibilities

**A/N Thanks so much for all the reviews, it really means a lot to me. Favs and follows too of course!**

 **I will be camping from Friday this week, so I decided to get this shortish chapter out today, rather than make you wait until next week.**

 **I've remembered how much I love getting recommendations for other stories to read when I'm reading WIPS, so I am going to start posting a couple of recs at the bottom of each chapter, and I'll try to go with something new and something old. They won't necessarily be Bella-Jasper pairings though!**

 **This chapter has been beta-ed, yay! Thanks MeSh17! But, of course, I have then made more changes, so any errors are all mine.**

 **Thanks to Stephenie Meyer for letting us play in her world.**

* * *

 **Chapter Four - Possibilities**

When Bella arrived home after her second day of school in Forks, she felt emotionally exhausted.

From worrying about _her_ Jasper, to conversing with Jasper Hale in biology—he reminded her so much of her Jasper, even the way he talked!—to having to participate in PE, where they were currently playing tennis, the day had been far from relaxed.

At least Mike Newton had taken pity on her, trying to keep the tennis ball—and himself—away from her as much as possible, once he realised how completely hopeless she was. Not before she'd tripped over her own feet twice though, once taking him down with her. She doubted he'd be volunteering to partner with her again tomorrow!

As she dumped her bag in her room, and dragged herself back downstairs to start dinner, her mind flowed seamlessly back to her conversation with Jasper Hale in biology. Not only was he a civil war buff, but he just _had_ to bring it up with her. And, although it was faint, she thought she detected a slight Southern drawl to his accent too. He hadn't answered her question about having a personal connection to the war, neatly sidestepping it to bring the conversation back to biology, but... It must mean something, mustn't it? But what exactly?! He clearly didn't recognise her. He wasn't faking that, she was sure.

If she could only ask _her_ Jasper…but when she was dreaming she had no memory of her waking life. What if—what if all the while _she_ was dreaming of her life in the nineteenth century, nineteenth-century Jasper was dreaming of his life in the twenty-first? What? How could that possibly make sense? Now she was just confusing herself. She really needed to get more sleep.

Of course, that made her think of last night's dream again. Jasper would still be gone, when she got there tonight. She would write to him, and spend time knitting for the soldiers, and do all the other things she'd learned to do to feel close to him in the past two years. But it wouldn't bring him back to her any more quickly.

The war must be over soon, though, right? She was telling the truth today when she told Jasper Hale that she'd never studied it. Almost everything she knew about the period came from her dreams—which meant she knew a lot about day-to-day life in Texas, but very little about the bigger picture, let alone the timeline of the war.

She often wanted to look it up, especially since the war began—to know when it would end. And when Jasper was made Major…she knew he would have made it into the history books then. But no—what if she discovered something she couldn't handle? What if Jasper…what if he died? She just didn't think she could stand to know that.

Or even—and she told herself this was much more likely, as she took a deep breath and tried to calm her racing heart—what if she found out his date of death, and it was much later? She would still, presumably, get to that point in her dreams eventually. Unless _she_ died first of course, or nineteenth-century Isabella did. And what would happen then? Either way, it was all information she shouldn't know ahead of time.

Of course, it all happened one hundred-and-fifty odd years ago. Obviously, he was dead now. But so was Isabella. _That_ Isabella. But what did that mean? Could Jasper Hale really be the twenty-first century version of _her_ Jasper? And even if he was, so what? He clearly didn't know her...though, he seemed willing to get to know her. He'd been the one to initiate conversation today.

Maybe...could this be it? Could this be the reason she'd dreamed about her Jasper for the past eighteen years? So that when she was finally here, meeting Jasper Hale, she'd be ready? Jessica had said Jasper didn't talk to anyone. She'd called him stuck up, but he didn't seem that way to her. Maybe he was just shy? But no, that didn't seem to fit either. He talked to her quite comfortably in biology.

Unless…maybe he didn't _know her_ know her, but maybe on some level…? Or maybe he just needed a friend, and she was meant to be that friend? That wouldn't be betraying _her_ Jasper, right?

She moaned and leaned her head into her hands on the counter top. She was just going around and around in circles in her head. None of it made sense, just as it never had. It was real though, she knew that. She never once doubted that Jasper was as real as Renee or Charlie.

She was sure if she did give in and Google 'Major Jasper Whitlock' she would pull up a photo of him. Old and grainy—probably the photo from that newspaper article, when he was promoted to Major. She knew he was real. It was all real. But she had no idea what it meant.

She ate dinner with Charlie, then shooed him off to watch TV while she did the dishes. "We'll take turns," she told him, at his token protest. She didn't want him to have extra work because of her presence in his home. And she was used to doing most of the household management herself, after living with her mother, who would simply forget to do the dishes until it was suddenly bedtime, if it were left to her.

Afterwards, she made quick work of her homework. There wasn't much yet, but she knew it would pile up fast, so she was determined to stay on top of it. She knew calculus was going to be her most difficult subject, so she forced herself to do some extra problems, before allowing herself to start on a book, for English.

She was taking a unit in Shakespeare for English this semester. She'd already studied several of his plays in AP English in Phoenix, but it was either that or contemporary US lit again. They were starting easy with a comedy, _Twelfth Night_ , so after cleaning her teeth and changing into a comfy pair of sweats and a tank top, Bella curled up in her bed to read until she fell asleep.

"Isabella!" Mama was always cranky lately, Bella thought. She dragged herself out of her daydream of Jasper and went to see what her mother needed.

"What is it, Mama?" She asked obediently.

"Bella, you know there's work to be done."

"I know, Mama, but I was just finishing a letter to Jasper."

"Which is a waste of time. You know his family doesn't even know where to send letters next, with everything so uncertain at the moment. Besides, if you are going to be writing letters, you should be writing to your brother."

"I have already written to John, Mama," she admitted sadly. "And he _might_ get it, even if it's not for a while. And it helps me feel closer to him."

Her mama frowned. "Isabella, your father has guests arriving in two days. Business associates. The house will be spotless, and _you_ will have to make sure to look your best. There's no use in wasting time on letters that won't be delivered. Go and have a look through your dresses and see what can be brightened up with some fresh embroidery."

"But, Mama—"

"Don't 'but mama' me young lady. I know you have a fondness for young Jasper, but you know as well as I do that your father will never support it."

"But, Mama, he's a major now! He was going to—"

Her mother cut her off with a quelling stare. "And just as poor as he was before he was promoted, I'll warrant.

"You are lucky that your father has friends in official positions who have not been conscripted into the war effort. If you wait for this war to end, you will be an old maid."

"I would wait for Jasper forever," she muttered mutinously.

"I heard that, young lady. I wonder he even joined the war effort. _His_ family has always sneered at those of us with enough money and sense to keep slaves. I wouldn't be at all surprised if they were union sympathizers!"

Bella woke up on Thursday morning with tears on her face, and her alarm buzzing beside her bed. Why would Mama not listen to her? She surely couldn't be serious about her father's friends, could she? Papa may not ever approve completely of Jasper, but he would come around. He had to. Jasper just _had_ to speak to him the next time he was able to come home.

There was a knock on the door. "Bella, you up?" Charlie's voice brought her back to the present in a way her alarm never quite managed to do. She wiped the tears off her cheeks.

"Yes, Dad, getting there. Come on in."

The door opened and Charlie stuck his head around the corner.

"I'm heading out. There's coffee in the kitchen. See you tonight."

"Thanks, Dad."

One cup of coffee and two pop tarts later Bella jumped in her truck to face day three at Forks High.

It wasn't that it had been bad so far. What she'd told both Charlie and Renee was completely true. Everyone had been very friendly to her. Angela Weber and Jessica Stanley had insisted she sit with them at lunch, and she had at least one person she felt comfortable with in every class.

And then there's Jasper, a voice whispered in her head. She couldn't deny the way her heartbeat picked up just thinking about Jasper Hale. She hoped she would get to talk with him some more today, even though a part of her felt she was betraying _her_ Jasper just by thinking of it.

She got to school early, and the sun was peeking out from the clouds for once, but it was still far too cold to sit outside. She sat in her truck with the heater running, reading some more Shakespeare, while waiting for the bell.

As she sat there the parking lot gradually filled up. When she finally got out, she saw Jessica arrive, Mike not far behind.

"Soooo," Jessica began as they walked into the building, "I hear you and Jasper Hale were looking pretty chummy in biology yesterday, Bella?" She looked over expectantly, waiting for her to 'dish', Bella supposed. Well, she would be disappointed.

"We're lab partners," she said simply. "And we finished early."

"Yeah, you have all the luck," Mike practically groaned.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked, frowning. "We had five slides, just like everyone else."

"Yeah but you're working with Mr Genius Jasper. He may not be much in the personality department, but he's not dumb. He always finishes first."

Bella frowned, not sure which slur to defend first. Not wanting to create any more gossip about her and Jasper, she decided to stick with defending her own honour.

"Actually, we worked together," she said, still frowning. Then realising how defensive that sounded, she added, "I did AP bio in Phoenix, so it wasn't new to me, that's all."

The bell went then, cutting short any further conversation, much to Bella's relief.

She found herself peering around as she made her way to class, hoping to catch a glimpse of someone her mind shied away from naming. He wasn't there though.

Disappointed, she followed Jess to Spanish, knowing she wouldn't be happy until she saw him in the cafeteria at lunch.

Unfortunately, she was bound for disappointment there too.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Question: I used the word "comfy" in this chapter, instead of comfortable. Is that an Australian-ism? Would an American girl say that?**

 **Also, you may have noticed, even though I am making an effort to use American Idioms (ideally those suited to the characters and time period), I am sticking to Australian spelling...**

 **First published 29 March 2018, 8:30pm Aussie-EST. Length: 1901**

 **Two Recs:I re-read an old favourite, Beyond Time by TKegl this week.** This is an Edward-Bella story in which Bella ends up in 1918, after Edward leaves in New Moon. There she meets human Edward, but he is not quite what she expected. It is really well written, fully engaging and a great story. s/5755522/1/

 **And, I started reading a WIP that has me totally intrigued!** Beautifully written, this is another Bella-Edward one (or I presume it will be) – all human, but still kinda fantasy (I'll let you figure that out for yourself): **The Island, by Moonchild707**. Started last July and last updated in February, I certainly hope it will be continued... (updated later to add, it is being updated still - not too quickly, but fairly consistently!)

 **Summary:** A girl leaves home for the great unknown. A king readies his people for war. A plane crashes in a storm over the mid-Pacific, and a body is found on a beach, not quite alive, but not yet dead. When a girl falls from the sky in a cloud of fire and steel, she must build a new home and make her new life in this land amongst strangers, known only to her as The Island. AH, AU.

 **Thanks for reading. See you next week.**


	5. Part 1: Chapter 5 - Conspiracy

**Chapter Five – Conspiracy**

Two days off school to hunt in the sun would usually be a cause for celebration. Jasper, more than any of the others, still struggled with the whole repetitive experience that was high school.

The constant exposure to mass teenage hormonal angst, thanks to his gift, was almost worse than the constant burn in his throat, caused by the smell of their blood. And unlike his 'siblings' he didn't have a mate, to help pass the time.

But right now, he wanted to be in school. He wanted to see Bella Swan. He wanted to try to sort out the mystery she presented, to pick her brain without her realising what he was doing.

But he also just wanted to see her.

Edward snorted. "Shut up Edward!" Jasper pushed him from the side, as they ran through the trees. "She's an interesting puzzle, you've got to admit."

"Interesting!" Edward snorted again. "Keep telling yourself that's all it is, by all means." He shoved Jasper back and took off ahead. "I smell mountain lion," he called. "Race you!"

Jasper didn't bother racing, though. Edward could easily outstrip any of them, and Jasper didn't mind being left to his own thoughts for a while anyway.

.

The family spent three whole sunny days running and hunting. They ran as far as Canada before they started to head back. It was good fun, and even though some of the teachers would certainly frown on them taking time off the first week back, the school never made an issue of it, thanks to their perfect records.

Esme had a degree in teaching, and claimed to home-school them while they were 'camping', which helped too.

By the end of the three days though, Jasper was feeling truly antsy. When Alice finally asked what was wrong, late on Saturday, he didn't know what to say.

"It's just...that girl!" He exclaimed. "I'm just anxious to figure out what's going on. I mean—doesn't anyone else find it suspicious that she shows up _just_ before we have three days of sun—so we can't keep investigating?"

"Jasper!" Alice was clearly exasperated. "She showed up for the first week of school! That's not exactly suspicious, no."

Edward was quietly dissolving into laughter and putting off enough amusement to make Jasper laugh too, if he wasn't so frustrated. He glared at Edward.

"And by the way, her name is Bella." Alice added, looking between him and her mate in confusion. "I don't know why you don't want to use it."

"I don't know what you think is so funny about this, Edward," Jasper said frostily, ignoring Alice's comment altogether. "I'd think you'd all be worried."

"You're trying so hard to be suspicious of her," Edward replied. Sobering, he added, "But we both know that's not what you're really feeling."

"I'm mostly worried about her," Esme said, coming up to them hand in hand with Carlisle. "If someone _is_ influencing her without her knowledge, I hope our absence doesn't cause any problems."

"That's it!" Jasper all but growled. "I'm heading back now. School's out for the week but we can still run around her house and do a quick patrol around the town, make sure there aren't any foreign scents! We shouldn't have left for so long."

"Alright, son," Carlisle said soothingly. "Let's all head back."

"Should we bring the wolves into it do you think?" Esme asked.

"Not yet," Carlisle responded thoughtfully. "There's nothing in the treaty that requires it, and we really don't know what's going on yet. There may well be no other vampire involved. I've never actually heard of a gift like we're supposing would be needed. It's likely something far simpler."

"Let's just go!" Jasper didn't wait for more conversation, taking off at top speed.

He'd honestly been anxious the whole time they'd been gone, and what if this was why? What if there _was_ another vampire involved, and he—or she—he thought grimly, thinking of his sire, was hurting Bella, to get to _him_. He wasn't sure how he'd live with that.

It would be well past midnight by the time they could get home. He would head straight over to the Swan residence. He may not be able to feel her emotions, but his sense of smell would tell him if she was there, and he'd be able to hear her heartbeat. And he'd also know immediately if another vampire had been anywhere nearby.

He forced himself to go faster. The sooner he could make sure she was safe, the better he'd feel.

It was almost 3am before Jasper reached the forest outside Bella's house. The two couples had each gone a different direction, intending to do a full survey of the Forks area, excluding the area claimed by the Quileutes.

The Swan residence was dark and quiet, as were all the nearby houses. Jasper did a full circuit of Bella's house, keeping to the shadows and seeking out with his extra sense, to be sure no one was nearby. He could feel several people in the area, but they all had the slightly different emotions of people caught in dreams. Listening, he could make out the sleeping heartbeats of each person whose emotions he felt.

There were certainly no vampires nearby, nor could he detect any vampire scents in the area, other than the fading ones of his own family.

Focussing on the Swan house, he could hear two sets of heartbeats. One, he assumed, was Charlie's. The other he could already identify as Bella's. Two days of sitting with her through a one-hour class, listening to her breathing and heartbeat to help him identify her closed off emotions, and he could pick her out just by those sounds.

Of course, he reminded himself, this was her house, and he could also smell her unique scent. But he suspected he would have known those sounds anywhere.

But there was something different. There were two sets of dreaming emotions coming from that house. One of them was Bella's without a doubt. Even if he hadn't known her heartbeat, he could recognise her emotional signature, despite only getting brief glimpses of it before. Now it was a constant—because she was asleep? He wondered. It made sense, he supposed. Sleeping, all her defences were down. Did that mean Edward would be able to hear her thoughts, also? The idea made him strangely uncomfortable, but rationally he knew it would be a good idea to find out. Maybe not tonight though. Tonight, he would just watch over her and let the rest of the family do their own jobs.

He quickly climbed a tree just inside the forest, far enough from the house to be unobserved by a human, but close enough to easily keep tabs on anyone coming or going.

He sat quietly letting Bella's emotions wash over him. He wondered what she was dreaming of. Generally, people's feelings were somewhat muted for most of their sleep cycles. Only during the most intense dreams did they come up to a waking level of emotion. Bella was no exception. All he got from her at the moment was a sad peacefulness. She was certainly not in the grip of any dramatic dream.

Her father was clearly in a different part of his sleep cycle, and he talked in his sleep. He was muttering something about fish and beer, radiating calm happiness. It was a pleasant emotion to sink into, and Jasper felt his own mood lighten in response.

It wasn't much later though that the emotions coming from Bella intensified, and became more negative. From sadness and resignation, they gradually morphed into anger and apprehension. Almost fear. She also started muttering in her sleep, but her words were clearer and far less happy than Charlie's had been.

"No Mama! You can't be serious!" She said, before descending back into silence for a time. Her heartbeat stayed elevated though, and from time to time a "Please Mama!" Or "Yes Papa," broke out, the latter in a tone of quiet anger. The overwhelming feeling she was giving off, though, was despair.

It was strange. He'd not heard her refer to either of her parents that way in their conversations in class. Her mother was Mom or Renee, and he thought she'd only ever called her father Charlie. He wondered if she was dreaming about someone other than herself, perhaps inspired by whatever she had been reading or watching on television last night.

He heard her turn over and—was she? Yes, she was definitely crying. Was she awake? And then she said his name, "Jasper!" Was she calling him? Did she somehow know he was there?

But no, she was mumbling something else now. She was still asleep. But then she called to him again, although this time sounding more broken, as though she knew no one was listening: "Please come back, Jasper."

It was starting to get light now. He would have to go soon, but he didn't want to miss anything else she might say. She'd stopped crying, for the most part, and he hadn't heard any clear words for a while, when he heard her heartbeat start to change again. She was waking up.

He was just about to jump down from the tree to run home, when he heard her mutter, almost desperately, "Please God! Bring him back to me! Bring him back in time." As he ran home he wondered which "him" she meant.

.

"Do you think she meant you?" Alice asked, when he—somewhat reluctantly—reported everything he'd heard to his family once they were all in for the day—trapped by the sunlight which promised to keep them indoors until the clouds rolled back in, around mid-afternoon.

"Which time?" He asked. "When she said my name, or after she woke up?"

"Well, I meant then, when she was praying—but both times I suppose."

"I've really no idea," Jasper replied. "She could have meant me—in which case, I suppose we'd have to assume she is up to _something_ or is at least party to whatever is going on—she's worried because I wasn't in school and she needs me there for something."

"It seems so," Carlisle agreed. "Or, she was thinking of your alter ego, who you remind her of, and who just happens to have your human name."

"The thing is," Jasper said, "when she first saw me, she thought I _was_ him. Even when she was right next to me and looking into my—gold—eyes. So, if she's for real, she can't have seen him for quite some time."

"Or she's never seen him, in the flesh," Edward added.

"Exactly. In which case, why would she be praying that he comes back in time? In time for what?"

"So," Carlisle said, "it seems that the more likely scenario is that she meant you, in the dream and probably in the prayer. Which means we can assume she really did recognise you, which in turn means someone—and really it could only be a vampire—either has something over her or has promised her something. Or has created false memories in her mind."

"But to do what? What could they be trying to achieve?" Alice asked, rhetorically, looking back at Jasper. "You're here anyway, which obviously the mystery vampire knows, and there's nothing she can actually do to you. I just don't see the end game."

"I'm still most worried about her," Esme said with her usual maternal concern. "From everything you've said, she doesn't seem to know what we are, but if she's been interacting with other vampires...they won't be concerned for her welfare at all."

"Especially not if it's Maria!" Alice said, finally voicing the possibility Jasper knew everyone was concerned about. "Or do you think it could be—we've been waiting to see if Victoria will show up again, looking for revenge—could this be something to do with her?"

"I don't know," Edward was thoughtful. "It seems pretty complex for a vampire stricken with grief over losing a mate. And I didn't hear anything in her thoughts that would suggest the kind of gift necessary, either."

"If it is something along those lines, it does seem more like Maria's style," Jasper agreed. "Of course, Victoria's grudge against me is a bit more recent, but—I tend to agree with Edward."

"Why can't I _see_ anything?" Alice moaned. "If any other vampire is involved, I should be able to see _something_. They must have some kind of intention that should result in a vision, but I get nothing!"

"You can't see Bella very clearly—could her involvement be blocking other visions?" Esme suggested.

"Maybe I should leave," Jasper interjected, "go visit the Denalis or track down Peter and Charlotte. Maybe you would see something then." But even as he said it, the idea of leaving—of leaving _her_ unprotected and in who knew what danger—made him feel almost ill.

"No," Carlisle said decisively. "We stick together."

"That could be exactly what they were trying to achieve!" Esme said almost at the same time. "To separate you from your family."

"Exactly. Besides," Carlisle added, "we still need you to talk to her some more. Try to find out how she knows 'Jasper Whitlock', and what she knows about him. We're making some assumptions here, but we're still a long way from really knowing what's going on, or how involved she is."

"Okay," Jasper agreed, more than a little relieved. "I'll see what else I can find out on Monday. And in the meantime, I'm going to head back to her house, as soon as the clouds come back. If there's an opportunity when she and Charlie are both out today, I want to break in and have a look through her things—anything she brought from Phoenix. It's a long shot, but if Maria or Victoria have had contact with her, I might still be able to identify the scent. Or if not theirs, then another vampire's."

"Good idea," Carlisle said. "And Edward, why don't you head over there later tonight too. See if you can pick up anything from her while she sleeps?"

* * *

 **Author note:**

Thanks to Stephenie Meyer for letting us play in her world, and many, many thanks to MeSh17 and Honeybeemelissa for their suggestions and corrections! Of course, I have made more changes to the chapter since they read it, so any mistakes are mine.

Thanks for all the encouraging words in your reviews. I do go back and make corrections if you point them out to me, and I especially LOVE it if you point out Australian-isms or actual typos!

 _ **What do you think of their theories? Got any other ideas for them? Reviewers of this chapter will get a teaser of chapter 6 in their in-boxes!**_ _(assuming they are logged in and have PMs enabled)_

This chapter published 6 April 2018, 2:40ishpm AEST. Length: 2374 words

 **.**

 **Recs:**

I apologise to Bella-Jasper fans but I am on a bit of a Bella-Edward roll with my reading at the moment... That said, if you are new to Bella-Jasper, as a few of you have said you are, you should clearly go and read **Leaves of Grass** right now. s/6555315/1/Leaves-of-Grass

Here's an intriguing WIP I'm reading: **The Girl** by **LazyFirefly:** "A little girl arrives at the Volturi castle, not knowing that moment would change many lives." s/12795152/1/The-Girl

And here's an old fav: **I'm Only Sleeping** by **Simaril**. While this is canon couples, it's actually it's mostly Jasper-Bella, but a friendship story, not romance. " One second's loss of control and all is ruined. Trapped in her own body Bella needs to find a way to make herself heard. A tale of love, loss and family. Jasper/Bella Friendship. Eventual Edward/Bella. Winner of an Emerging Swan Award." s/7079270/1/I-m-Only-Sleeping. I was actually going to choose a different Simaril story, but I picked this one because of the Jasper POV.


	6. Part 1: Chapter 6 - Listening In

**Many, many thanks to Meha (MeSh17) for all her help and willingness to go back and forth with me on my concerns with this chapter. I think you are getting a much better version as a result!**

 **And of course, thanks to Stephenie Meyer for graciously letting us play in her world.**

 **This chapter first published April 12, about 4:15pm Australian Eastern Standard count: 1788**

* * *

 **Chapter Six – Listening In**

Bella woke on Sunday to the fourth sunny morning in a row. "Must be some kind of January record," she muttered to herself happily as she got dressed.

She'd had a restless night, finally waking fully at the end of an awful dream—but she wasn't going to even think about that. That life wasn't real, not in the present. And she couldn't be made to marry someone in a life that wasn't real, she just couldn't. Besides, Jasper would come back in time. He had to.

"Stop it, Swan!" She told herself crossly. Whatever happened in her dreams was in the past, this life _was_ real, it was now, and she was going to make the most of it.

And Jasper _Hale_ was most definitely real, even if he hadn't been in school on Thursday or Friday—according to Jessica that was par for the course for the Cullen family when the sun was out—and even though he didn't know her, it just couldn't be a coincidence.

There was still a part of her that felt guilty about her attraction to him, as though that was betraying _her_ Jasper. But she was almost convinced now that the whole point of the dreams was to make sure she knew him when she found him. After all, if he never spoke to anyone besides his siblings, and she was her usual shy self, they may never have spoken at all. Though in truth, he spoke to her first. But still….

Maybe the dreams were there to make sure she made an effort with this Jasper. Of course, that would imply some higher power was involved, and she wasn't sure she believed that. But maybe... There had to be _some_ explanation for her dreams, didn't there? She'd never really questioned them before, but she'd known from an early age that having a whole separate life in her sleep was not normal.

She showered quickly and dressed in jeans and a warm thermal top with a long sleeve tee over it, grabbing a warm jacket as well. Half the kids on the rez seemed to get by in summer clothes all year round, but she knew _she_ would be cold if they went for a walk today.

She'd told Charlie she'd go to the rez with him today and hang with the kids there while her dad helped out at the Clearwater's. Harry Clearwater—another good friend and fishing buddy of Charlie's—had died a few months previously, and Charlie's weekends were divided between fishing with Billy or helping out with chores at Sue's.

Honestly, she didn't know how much help Sue needed, but it was Charlie's way of showing support. If there was still some sun later maybe she could walk down to the beach with Leah and Seth. She walked downstairs slowly, trying to keep that positive thought uppermost in her mind.

It was hard to keep her mind on the present though, her dreams had become so disturbing lately.

Yesterday, Charlie had already gone down to the rez to go fishing with Billy Black when Bella came down stairs and by the time her dad had arrived home late in the afternoon, Bella had completed all her homework, read ahead for English, and had dinner ready in the oven.

After eating, she'd done a load of laundry and watched a game on TV with her father—even though she had no idea who the teams were and couldn't really follow the game. By the time eleven o'clock rolled around Charlie was in bed, her laundry was folded and put away, and there was nothing else to keep her from her bed.

Which was when Bella had to admit that she was putting off going to bed for a reason.

For most of her childhood Bella had looked forward to sleeping and dreaming, knowing that she would get to play with Jasper at some point in the night.

Her second life, as she liked to think of it, was always incomplete. She didn't dream full days, morning to night, but rather snippets, most of which included Jasper. In those dreams, she had an awareness of the rest of her day, but on waking, though she'd have a full knowledge of nineteenth century Bella's day, only the parts included in her dream really felt like they'd happened to her. The other parts were more distant, with less emotion attached, as though they had happened a long time ago. Which they had, she supposed.

And most of the parts she dreamt about were spent with Jasper. That was, until a little under two years ago, when Jasper joined the confederate army and left to join the war.

Since then her dreams had included very little of him, although she often dreamed of writing to him, talking with his sister, Mary, or knitting for the soldiers.

But while he was unavoidably absent from her dreams, there was nothing in them to dread. Of course, there was the ever-present worry that they would get bad news from the front, either about Jasper directly, or about the war effort in general. But there was also the hope that he would be home for a visit, or she would receive a letter.

Now, for the first time, she was actively dreading her dreams. Jasper had just been home, and wasn't expected back soon, and her parents were seriously contemplating suitors for her.

She'd known that her father didn't overly approve of Jasper, who came from a rather poorer family than her own. But it had truly never occurred to her that he would force another marriage on her. Especially not with most young—and not so young—men away at war. Jasper was trying to make something of himself, and she would wait for him for as long as it took. But it seemed her parents had other ideas.

For the first time, Bella had been truly afraid to go to sleep, and the dream she had had before waking this morning only increased her fear for tonight. Papa's friend, Mr Johnson, honestly gave her the creeps.

Edward joined Jasper outside Bella's house before midnight on Sunday, and they quickly discovered that Edward could read her mind while she slept—which for the most part was as pointless as reading anyone's mind while they slept, full of unrelated images and vague nothings.

Jasper had visited Bella's house on Sunday afternoon when the clouds rolled in, and finding it empty, spent some time poking around in her room. But, he hadn't found anything suspicious, and certainly no other vampire's scent.

"That doesn't mean she hasn't had contact with a vampire, though," Edward was quick to point out. "They would probably have been careful not to touch her anyway."

Towards morning, her dreams became clearer.

"It's almost like listening to the thoughts of someone a mile or so away. Far enough that I can't hear what's going on audibly, but I can follow the whole scene through her mind," he explained to Jasper. "There's no indication that she's dreaming at all."

"So, what are you seeing?"

"She's in a house that looks like something from—well, from the 1800s, I think. Pretty nice—a well-to-do family. She's sitting in what looks to be family's living room, fancy uncomfortable chairs and everything. Her mother—I think it's her mother—is lecturing her, and she seems pretty unhappy."

"Who, Bella or her mother? What are they saying?"

"Bella's unhappy. Her mother, not so much. Okay, I'm just going to try to report it as I hear it. Her mom's just told her she needs to start acting smarter.

 _'Look Isabella, Mr Johnson was very impressed with you yesterday, and he means to come back next week.'_

 _'But Mama, I don't even like Mr Johnson!'_

 _'Correction: You don't know Mr Johnson. Nor do you need to. What you do know is that he won't be drafted in the war, because he has a serious position in the city. You know he is willing to support your father's interests, and that he can also support_ you _and any children you might have, without your father's support. And you know that your father is_ never _going to approve a marriage between you and Jasper Whitlock._ This _is your future. I suggest you embrace it and learn to be happy with it.'_

 _'Yes, Mama. May I be excused now?'_ "She's crying, but she's trying to hide it. I can't tell what she's thinking—whether she's really that meek or she has some other plan, she's not thinking about it. She's left the house and is walking somewhere. She's picturing a large oak tree, I guess that's where she's going."

"Well, I may not know what she's thinking,' Jasper threw in, "but she's feeling completely devastated."

"Jasper, oh my god, she's picturing you. Except, a human you. Waiting for her under the tree. Except you aren't there, she's there now and just sitting down. But I can see what she's thinking about inside the dream. So weird. "

"And?! What is she thinking about?" Jasper asked impatiently

"You," Edward said simply. "She's remembering, I think, sitting under here with you. You told her the next time you were able to come back, you would speak to her father. You said—Oh shit!"

"I'm pretty sure I would never have said that to a lady in the 1800s. Even in a planted memory inside a dream. If that's even what this is!"

"Jasper, you told her you had to leave in the morning to evacuate the last people from around Galveston, because there was a plan to retake it."

Jasper actually felt the strength go out of his legs and sat down on the ground.

"Oh my god," he whispered. "Oh fuck."

"What was that? What did I just see in your head?"

"I don't know." Jasper was still whispering. He felt like he was in shock. "Edward, I think I'm remembering something. Look at the images in my head."

"Jasper, you're picturing her exactly the way she is dressed in the memory in her dream. And you're picturing the exact same tree! "

"What the fuck is going on, Edward?"

"I don't know, but, Jasper—Galveston!"

"I know. I know," he moaned. "That's where Maria found me."

They both heard the change in Bella's heart rate and breathing as she started to wake up. And they both heard her quietly crying.

* * *

 **A/N Okay so let me have it - what do you think now? Reviews get a teaser of chapter 7!**

Next chapter I **promise** we'll get Bella and Jasper in the same room and even talking! LOL.

And by the way, I have already sent chapter 7 to my lovely betas, BUT my kids are on school holidays for two weeks as of this afternoon, so I don't absolutely promise to get the next chapter out next week. I will do my best though. And who knows, maybe I'll get more done instead of less, what with the lack of stress over school lunches!

 **Recs:**

New(ish):

 **What Have We Done? By ladylibre** s/12499419/1/What-Have-We-Done

This is a New Moon alternate, canon couples but in Rosalie's POV. I really enjoyed it. It's complete, but recent – just finished in March.

Summary: "Fed up with her family's mourning since leaving Bella behind, Rosalie returns to Forks to prove that the stupid human is just fine without them. But what she finds is not what she expected. And that will not do. *A canon-based, drabblish AU New Moon fic."

From the archives:

 **Long Way Down by forthelongestday** s/6242534/2/Long-Way-Down

This is a New Moon AU Jasper/Bella Fic. The truth is, I read so many Jasper-Bella fics in such a short time a year or two ago, that many of them are blended together in my head – especially since post new moon is SUCH a common starting point. And most of them I can't pin to a title or author. And, at least a couple of my favourites are no longer on this site. So, I don't remember exactly how this plays out. But it's got a great beginning, I think.

Summary: When Edward confesses his motivation for leaving Bella she realizes she cannot offer him a second chance. Her insistence for closure is met with the realization that one member of the family has no intentions of leaving her unprotected again."


	7. Part 1:Chapter 7 - Progress & Prophecies

**Many thanks to Ms Meyer for building such a fun sandpit and then letting us loose in it, and to Meha for her beta skills.**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven – Progress & Prophecies**

Monday morning Forks was back to grey and drizzly, which matched Bella's mood perfectly. Her dreams were not improving, and she knew she was starting to look as sleep deprived as she felt.

She'd had a pleasant time at the beach with Seth, Leah, Jacob and some of their friends the day before, the sun had even shown itself for a little while in the early afternoon. But the conversation she'd had with Seth the _fourth_ time she'd tripped on their way to the beach had left her feeling strangely unsettled, although she knew he'd been joking.

 _"How many falls is that now?" Seth teased her as he gave her a hand up, yet again. Really, she needed to start paying attention to her surroundings, she thought, instead of over-analysing her dreams._

 _"Well I may fall a lot, but I haven't broken anything yet," she said. "Just a few scratches on my palms."_

 _"Yeah, you're like the cat with nine lives," Seth joked. "At least you know how to land."_

 _"She should," Jacob added, "She's had enough practice."_

 _"Oh, ha ha! Laugh it up," Bella grumbled, but with a smile of her own. It was nice to be with people who knew her._

 _"I know!" Seth said, "She's the girl from the prophecy!"_

 _"What prophecy?" Bella asked._

 _"You know, the one about the girl who lives four times." He turned to Leah. "Isn't there something about her being called beautiful and adopted by the tribe? That could totally be Bella! Her name means beautiful, and she and Charlie are practically family, the amount of time they spend down here!"_

 _"I don't think 'lives four times' and 'fell four times without breaking anything' are exactly equivalent, nitwit," Leah commented. "Besides, it says 'beloved of the people' not adopted by the tribe."_

 _"Same thing, and it still works."_

 _"You know, you're not really supposed to talk about that outside of the tribal gatherings," Jacob said, frowning slightly and looking away._

 _"Oh please," Seth rolled his eyes, " It's not like it's for real. Next thing you'll be telling me to watch out for the Cold Ones… Oooh, I'm scared!"_

 _"Whatever," Jacob said, with a sideways glance at Bella. He looked like he was still uncomfortable, she thought, but didn't want her to know. "Race you to the water!" They could see the beach through the trees by then, and Jacob took off without looking back, followed by Seth._

 _Jake had grown so much over the past months. He towered over them all now, including Seth—who was tall himself, for a thirteen-year-old—and he outpaced him easily. When she'd visited last summer she'd still been taller than him. It was almost uncanny._

 _Leah hung back and walked with Bella, but she didn't say anything else about the prophecy, and Bella didn't feel she could ask, after Jacob's obvious discomfort. It made her feel excluded, in the one place in Forks where she'd always felt comfortable. Then again, she really wasn't a member of the Quileute, no matter how close her father may be with them, so what did she expect?_

Now it was back to school, and back to the usual bleak weather. At least Jasper Hale should be there today, right? That might be a bright spot.

It was hard to feel uplifted though, even by that idea, after the dream she'd just woken from. It didn't matter how many times she told herself this reality mattered more, she just didn't believe it. Jasper didn't even _know_ her in this reality. How could that be an improvement?

The morning dragged by, not helped by Jessica making several comments about how tired she looked, and had she slept at _all_ on the weekend?

Not much, and not well, was the answer, and by the time lunch rolled around, she wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and sleep. Except that sleep was exactly what she needed to avoid. She stood at the end of the lunch line, only half noticing as it moved forward. Suddenly, an apple was deposited on her tray.

"You really should eat somethin' darlin'," Jasper's soft drawl informed her. She almost threw herself at him in joy, only remembering at the very last second that he was _not_ her Jasper. She felt herself blushing furiously and hoped he just thought she'd been startled, and not that she was about to jump him in the lunch line.

"You startled me," she said breathlessly.

"Sorry." He smiled though, anything but contrite. "You gonna get anything else to eat though?"

"Uh, yeah...I'll just grab a salad," she said, matching actions to her words, and following it up with a soda. She paid and moved out of line, but then stood there waiting for him, feeling like a fool. Should she say something else, or just scuttle over to her usual table? Did he actually want to talk to her, or was he just making conversation because he was behind her in line?

He solved the problem for her by finishing up with his own transaction before she could decide what to do. He moved to stand by her and she suddenly realised his siblings were behind him in line. So of course, he would wait for them. Now she felt really uncomfortable.

"So, you're back from camping," she blurted out. Way to go Bella, state the obvious, why don't you?

"Ah, yeah," Jasper said, "We got back Saturday. Hey, have you met Edward and Alice?" he asked, as they came over.

"Not yet... Hi," she said shyly, "It's nice to meet you both."

"You too, Bella!" Alice declared with a grin.

"Welcome to Forks." Edward was rather more subdued, but not unfriendly, Bella thought. Time to beat a quick retreat though, before it got uncomfortable (again).

"Well, I should—" she gestured over towards where Angela was sitting with Mike and Jessica. "I'll see you in class, Jasper."

"You sure will, darlin'."

She wished he wouldn't call her darlin'. She was sure it was just his standard diminutive, but he sounded so much like her Jasper, and she wasn't sure how to take that right now. She turned and walked over to Angela, and out of the corner of her eye she could see Jasper and his siblings walking to their usual table.

"Oh. My. God." Jessica began, as soon as she sat down. "You can NOT pretend nothing is going on now."

"What?" Bella knew perfectly well what she was talking about, but she was not about to admit it.

"Jasper Hale, that's what! He was chatting you up in the lunch line!"

Bella flushed. "Don't be ridiculous Jess, he was just being polite."

"Bella, Jasper _never_ talks to anyone. Did I not tell you this? The last time I saw him so much as say hello to someone outside his family was last summer when their cousins were visiting from Alaska."

"I think cousins still count as family, Jess," Angela commented wryly.

"Yeah, but it was pretty clear these weren't just cousins. You know what I mean? When I saw him in town with that gorgeous one with the long blond hair... it's pretty clear there was something going on with them."

Bella felt herself grow cold. He was seeing someone? Well of course he was. Why wouldn't he be? She took a deep breath and tuned back in to the conversation.

"..defeats your point doesn't it?" Angela was saying.

"Not at all! She might not really have been 'family'," she used her fingers to put the word in imaginary quotation marks, "but she wasn't from Forks High, either. Whereas you, Bella, are."

"Seriously Jess, he was just being polite, just like every other student in this school," Bella said. She thought she did a fairly good job of sounding normal. At least her voice wasn't shaking. "I'm probably the first new kid you've had here all year—"

"In about three years actually," Angela interjected.

"So, there you go," Bella finished. "He was just introducing me to his siblings, being polite to the new girl. Now tell me about your weekends. What did you do to make the most of the sun?"

.

After stopping to use the restroom, Bella arrived at biology only just before the teacher, and silently cursed herself for missing the few moments she could have spent talking with Jasper.

She smiled at him as she sat down and hoped he could see in her eyes how glad she was to see him. Then hoped she didn't come across as just another high school girl, desperate for the gorgeous boy's attention. He smiled back though, and she relaxed.

"Hi again," she said, feeling shy.

"Hi, darlin'. You ready to sleep for the next hour?"

"I'm sorry? What do you mean?" she asked, frowning in confusion.

Jasper gestured to the front of the room, and she saw that Mr Banner was wheeling a television to the front of the classroom. "Looks like it's going to be a 'teach-by-video' lesson," he said.

"Oh," she laughed, "this should be good."

Just then Mr Banner called them to attention, so she turned to face him, and tried to ignore the pull to lean towards Jasper.

She was unsurprised when the film turned out to be one she had seen already in Phoenix, and that Jasper was right—it wouldn't hold her attention. Nonetheless, she dutifully got out her notebook, knowing that the only way to keep her mind on the lesson would be to take notes, however unnecessary.

She still found her mind drifting though. And worse, when it did, she found herself unconsciously leaning towards Jasper. She leaned back towards her notebook and tried to force herself to listen to the film. But even as she kept half her mind on cell mutation, she felt the almost magnetic pull towards her desk partner.

It's not _my_ Jasper, she told herself silently. He doesn't even know me!

The droning of the film was mind numbing. She _was_ tired. She longed to simply put her head on her desk and close her eyes. Or better yet, give in to the urge to lean into Jasper, as she would if they were sitting under their oak tree. If he was Jasper Whitlock.

There'd always been that pull between them. When they were young, they could hold hands, or show other small affections, as freely as they wished. And they did—they always seemed to be touching, one way or another. As they got older, she was expected to behave 'like a young lady' and they were not able to be so free with each other. But in private, or when no-one but Mary was with them, they still held hands, or—and these were her favourite memories—often he would lie down, with his head on her lap, and they would while away hours talking, planning and dreaming of the future.

She realised she was starting to lean towards him again, and pulled herself upright, praying he hadn't noticed. She gripped the side of her chair away from him and spent the rest of the lesson focussed only on staying still. When the bell finally rang for the end of class, and Mr Banner dismissed them, saying they would finish the film the next day, she was afraid to look at Jasper, bending instead to pack away her books.

But when Jasper stood to leave, he touched her shoulder gently, forcing her to look at him. His smile was as warm as ever. Apparently, he hadn't noticed anything strange about her behaviour then.

"See you tomorrow," he said.

"Yeah, see you." She stood for a moment, watching him leave, then hurriedly finished packing her bag and left for her next class.

.

.

"Isabella!" Her mother sounded cross again. Bella had been trying to stay out of her way, not wanting to have any more conversations about prospective suitors.

She knew she needed to be as meek and biddable as possible today, if she was to have time tomorrow to sneak out and see Jasper's sister. Mary was only a year younger than Bella, and her closest friend, besides Jasper himself. The three of them had been inseparable as children.

She wanted to know if Mary had any news. And while she knew there was nothing Mary or her family could do to influence her father, she also knew they would help her in any way they could. Whatever happened, she wasn't going to betray Jasper while he was away at war by marrying another. She simply wouldn't do it.

"Yes Mama?" Bella came in from where she had been not quite hiding, knitting in the soft January sunshine.

"There you are! I've been looking through your wardrobe child. I think you should wear your blue muslin next Thursday, when Mr Johnson calls, but you will need to let it out, you've grown taller. It's not as attractive as your silk, but there is no more fabric in that, and nothing to be had while this blockade lasts. Leave your knitting for now and fetch your sewing box. Some fresh embroidery on the neckline would look well, also."

Bella had to bite the inside of her cheek, to stop herself from speaking out of turn. "Yes, Mama," was all she said, going to get a needle and thread.

Her mother watched until Bella was settled with her sewing, then called the maid for some tea.

Just then there was the sound of someone at the front door.

Bella looked up to see Mary coming into the room, she patted the sofa next to her, inviting her to sit down.

"Good afternoon, Mary, what can we do for you?" Mama asked coldly.

"Oh," Mary said quickly, sitting next to Bella, "I'm sorry to intrude. Ma was just wondering if, well—have you heard anything from Jasper at all?"

Bella had been hoping Mary was bringing news, not coming to look for it. Jasper did sometimes write to her father, knowing that he would pass on important news, as he was more easily able to afford postage-due mail than was Jaspers mother. But there'd been nothing lately.

"Papa hasn't mentioned anything Mary, I'm sorry," Bella said, pausing in her work to reach out to Mary, "but you know how often the mail goes astray coming from the soldiers. We haven't heard from John recently either."

"Isabella, focus on your sewing please," Mama said. "I'm sorry to have no news, Mary, but we did win the battle at Galveston, so I am sure we will hear more soon. Of course, we will send Sarah or one of the maids to let you know if we do. You will have to excuse us now though. Isabella has a suitor visiting next week and needs to be prepared."

Bella felt herself flush, and looked down at her sewing, afraid to meet Mary's eye. She'd wanted the chance to tell her about Mr Johnson, but not this way.

"Oh!" Mary said sharply, standing up, "of course. I will leave you then. Thank you for your time Mrs Williams."

"Mary!" Bella looked up at her now but didn't know what to say. She hoped her face alone would convey her unhappiness. "I—I'll see you soon, alright?"

"Of course," Mary said again, but Bella wasn't sure if the girl had understood her unspoken message. She would definitely have to find time to sneak out and see her tomorrow.

.

.

"Edward," Jasper began, standing in the forest just out of sight of Bella's bedroom window early Tuesday morning, "I don't see how those could be planted memories. I just don't see how that would be possible."

"I know," Edward agreed, "and Jasper, when your sister arrived in her dream, I saw your picture of her in your thoughts—it was the same person. Not the same clothes this time of course, but clearly the same girl you remember."

"I don't remember her very well," Jasper admitted. "I didn't remember her at all until Alice and I did a little digging into my family history, a few years before we met up with you. We found a tintype of her and her husband. It would have been almost ten years after this, but it brought up some memories of her for me. I couldn't even picture my parents before we did that research."

"And there wasn't a fiancé?" Edward asked, "No record of Isabella or her family?"

"No, but to be honest we didn't dig very deeply. It was...painful. And I don't suppose anything about her would have come up anyway, even assuming all this is real—since her father never approved."

"True."

"Do you think it is real, Edward? Do you think she's dreaming of real events?"

"I don't know Jasper, but... I can't see any other reasonable explanation. Her dreams of your sister exactly match your memories, she dreams of you but looking human, and on top of that _you_ remember her, even if it is just that one image. It perfectly matched her dream. I think it has to be real. I just don't understand how."

"I agree."

"Are you ready to go back? It's nearly light."

"I—" he looked up at the window they'd been staring at all night.

"You don't want to leave her." It was a statement, rather than a question.

"I just feel very protective of her," Jasper said. "I don't know why. It's not rational. It's not like I can _do_ anything."

"It's fine," Edward said. "We can stay a bit longer. But we'll have to go soon if you want to be at school when she gets there."

Just then Edward's phone buzzed with a message. He looked at it, then held it up for Jasper to see.

 _I'm not sure if she's going to school today, it's all fuzzy, but you & Jasper need to be at school so you can go on a trip next week._

"Why would we be going on a trip?" Jasper wondered aloud.

Buzz

 _Texas. Family research._

"Huh. I wonder if that's a vision or just her naturally bossy nature," Jasper mused, wondering if she would reply with another text.

"It can't be a vision," Edward said, "we haven't decided anything yet."

"Someone else might have though."

"True."

"Probably Alice. The true prophet." They both chuckled, enjoying the break in tension.

"Let's head back," Edward added. "She's not coming out, and there really is nothing you can do here. And I wouldn't mind talking this whole situation over with the others before we head for another day in purgatory."

Reluctantly, Jasper agreed, and they disappeared into the trees.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Once again, thanks for the reviews! Over 100 now, woohoo! It's the little things folks…**

 **And many thanks to MeSh17 for her beta skills this chapter. And Melissa, just know I'm thinking of you.**

It's still school holidays here, and since the last chapter I have had one visit to the ER (eldest child), one bee sting to the skull (how does that even happen?– it took me ages to find the stinger to pull out) (middle child), and LOTS of chatter from my youngest :)

All of which is to say, it could be more than a week again until the next chapter. I haven't even managed to get it ready for my betas yet.

This chapter Published 22 April 2018 at 9:05 AEST. 3119 words.

 **Recs:**

 **Older:**

 **Firefly in Summer** by primarycolors 6672297/1/Firefly-in-Summer

I don't often read all human twi-fic – if I want all human I switch to Pride and Prejudice :) And honestly, sometimes I wonder why the authors don't just use different names and publish it professionally. Especially this one, where Bella and Edward are the only major twilight characters. But this story is AMAZING. Warning: It did have me sobbing once or possibly twice. But so worth it.

Summary: Edward finds himself back in the little beach town of his childhood when he inherits the local bar from his uncle. The elusive, pretty girl next door has killer legs, a sketchbook and secrets that are slowly eating her alive.

 **Newer:**

 **Moonlight: A Twilight and Life and Death Retelling** by Rosalie McHale s/12355361/1/Moonlight-A-Twilight-and-Life-and-Death-Retelling

This is slashfic with lemons, so if that's not your thing… don't read it. This is an Edward/Beau story. I haven't read many Beau stories, but I really liked this one. It was published, and completed, last year.

Summary: After over 100 years in the closet, Edward had all but given up the idea of finding a mate. He certainly didn't think he would fall for his food. Beau wasn't looking for love when he moved to Forks, Washington. Rural towns didn't exactly have a welcoming reputation for people like him. Twilight re-imagined (again). Slashfic/lemons. Beau x Edward


	8. Part 1: Chapter 8 - Falling

**A/N I made a tiny change to the last chapter after about 80 people had already viewed it. I doubt anyone would notice, but I realised I had gotten my 2006 days out of sync with my 1863 days (they started out right, but I got momentarily confused). So, in 1863, Mr Johnson is now expected back the following Thursday (the 15** **th** **), which works out to be Sunday 15th in 2006.**

 **As always, many thanks to Stephenie Meyer for letting us play, and to MeSh17 for her advice.**

 **And, thank you all for reading, and especially for reviewing.**

 **This chapter published 27 April 2008. 2507 words.**

* * *

 **Chapter Eight – Falling**

"Alice, I'm just not sure I should leave right now," Jasper said into the phone, from his spot outside Bella's house on Friday morning. "She's getting more and more depressed each day and her dreams don't seem to be improving. The only time I see her a little happier is when we talk in biology."

He'd enjoyed seeing her in school this week—she had been at school each day, though Alice's visions of her continued to be unclear—but her dreams had been less pleasant to watch. She seemed to stay awake as long as she could each night and while her dreams had been largely uneventful, he could feel her getting more desperate for her Jasper's return, every day, especially as her mother was anxiously anticipating Mr Johnson's next visit.

Last night was the first time Edward hadn't stayed, so he didn't know what exactly she'd dreamed but he could feel her anxiety.

"Look, I just think we need more to go on. You and I didn't dig very far into your history the last time we looked," Alice reminded him. "Edward has pictures of people from her dreams, that match your memories, as well as people you don't remember. If you both go and just see what else you can find—"

"But to prove what?" Jasper asked, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "If we find pictures, she could have seen them too. If we don't, then unless I suddenly remember more... We can't tell if her mind is just making things up."

"But you don't believe that's what's happening."

"No, I don't."

"And I don't either—that dream memory she had that matched your memory..."

"Exactly!"

"So, go to Houston and rule out any photos of the two of you in those outfits. Find your sister's diary and read it! See what you can dig up about Isabella Williams and her family. See if you can find a photo of her."

They had already done as much research as they could online, but most of the materials they'd found—like two full journals of Mary Davis, nee Whitlock, one covering 1862–1864—were only given brief descriptions in the online catalogues they'd consulted. Jasper knew the best way to get more information was to go Houston and see the journal and other historical documents for himself, preferably, as Alice had suggested, taking Edward along so he could match any images they found—or any memories of his that popped up—to Bella's dreams.

After a minute of silence Alice started again.

"Look, maybe once you make the decision to go, I will see more visions and you won't have to go at all. Or once you get there, you'll make a decision that will give me more visions. Right now, I'm not seeing anything useful, and until you decide something, I'm not going to!"

"I know, Alice," he said. "I understand that. It's just—if there was going to be anything to find out, don't you think you _would_ have seen it?"

"Maybe you haven't decided the right thing yet. And really, it's not as though you're doing anything for her here Jazz, standing outside her bedroom window all night. You're just making yourself miserable. If you really want to help her, I truly believe this is the best way to do it."

"I do what I can, when I see her at school," he protested. "And what about the decision we made—only a week ago—to stick together?"

"Jasper—"

"Wait a sec, I've got a call coming in from Peter, I'll call you back." He heard her sigh, as he pressed end on the call and answered his old friend.

"What's up Peter?"

"You need to go to Houston."

"What? Why?" Peter had a gift of "just knowing shit". It had always steered Jasper well and had been no small part of their many successes together in Maria's army so many years ago, but sometimes it was just annoying, especially the way Peter liked to keep things as cryptic as possible.

"I don' know bro, you know it doesn't work that way. I just know you've been thinkin' about it, and that you should do it."

"Well, that just sucks."

"There's somethin' else too."

"Okay—spit it out then!"

"I don't know—" Peter sounded concerned and also unsure of himself, which was out of character, but Jasper was tired, even though that should have been impossible for a vampire.

"What?" he barked, impatient. "Do you know something else or not?"

"Keep your shirt on," Peter said, "I'm tryin' to tell you. I know there's _somethin'_ —or someone? Jasper, have you met someone? Someone of the female persuasion, perhaps?"

Jasper didn't answer. Truthfully, he wasn't sure what to say. He'd certainly met _someone_. But not the sort of someone Peter was implying, had he?

"Jasper?"

"What is it that you see Pete—just tell me."

"I don't _see_ things. You know that. I'm not like your seer. I just get feelin's. And the feeling I'm getting is—you need to take care with this one."

"What? Do you think she's not trustworthy?"

"No, no, that's not what I meant at all. Although I'm not sayin' she is, either. I don't know—it's like my feelin's are all confused. I can't read things proper-like. But anyway—you're the empath, and you live with a seer and a mind reader. Shouldn't y'all be able to figure out whether she's trustworthy without my help?"

"Yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you?" Jasper said, frowning up at her window. "But she seems to confuse us all. So, what did you mean then? Take care of what?"

"Of her, take care of her. I can't tell you more than that, I just think—somethin' bad is comin', and she's gonna need you. That's all I know."

"Great, but you just told me to go to Houston. How can I do both?"

"You go to Houston now, and don't be too long there. Although, Char says to tell you that if you are heading to Houston you'd best visit us on your way, or she'll done detach some body parts the next time she sees you."

"Fine," Jasper said, resigned. "Tell Char we'll see her tomorrow. I'm bringing Edward, but not Alice—she'll stay here and keep an eye on Bella, as much as she can."

As he ran home, Jasper reflected on his feelings towards Bella. Peter had seemed to be implying that she was—something more than he had been allowing himself to imagine.

On Tuesday and Wednesday Jasper had been disappointed to be kept from conversing with Bella in biology, as they completed the film from Monday's lesson.

But on Thursday, he had another chance. He remembered watching Bella in his peripheral vision, as she got her notebook out, readying herself for the lesson.

He knew Edward was right to advise caution. He needed to quiz her some more about her knowledge of Jasper Whitlock, to see what emotions that brought up for her and what explanations she gave. Did she even remember everything she dreamed when she woke each morning? Did she know who Jasper Whitlock was? Or did she think he was a figment of her imagination?

Either way, her shock when she saw him that first day would be equally understandable. As, he supposed, would be her apparent comfort in chatting with him. Regardless of how much she understood, there was a part of her that felt like she already knew him. Most human's shied away from him—from all of them—automatically, but she didn't seem to.

But they still didn't really understand what was going on, and although he had had that snippet of memory while Edward described her dreams on Sunday night, nothing else had come back to him since.

Her dreams most of the week had been unexceptional, aside from the fact that they were about the events of January 1863. She'd had no news of Jasper Whitlock, and no visits from her father's friend, though she had been able to sneak out to confide in his sister, twice.

From what they could tell, each night she would dream of events from that exact day in 1863, so if her so-called suitor—the thought made him growl aloud as he ran—was coming back on Thursday, that would be the 15th, and Bella would presumably dream about it on Sunday night. He hoped they would be back from Texas in time to 'hear' that dream.

In the meantime she seemed sad and worried, both in her dreams and in the present day. Jasper wished he could do more to cheer her up, to reassure her that everything would be okay. But, how could he? It wouldn't.

If her dreams truly reflected the past, then Jasper Whitlock wouldn't be returning for her.

So, he'd quizzed her about Jasper Whitlock on Thursday, but tried to keep the conversation as upbeat as possible. She seemed to like talking about him. She'd also mentioned playing with Mary, and talked about his mom, and he felt like he could _almost_ access those memories. Her comments brought up hazy pictures of his sister as a little girl, but he couldn't be sure whether it was a memory or just his imagination.

And now? Although he still didn't remember anything much of Bella Williams—even assuming she had existed—he was becoming more and more intrigued by Bella Swan. But how long could he stay in her life? His charade of high school would only last for a few more months.

Could he follow her to college? What would be the point? Unless he let her into his world... He realised with a jolt that he was seriously considering that as a possibility. That he actually wanted her to know the truth.

As if she could possibly accept him as he really was, he thought bitterly. If she did remember her dreams, if she did see herself and nineteenth century Bella as one and the same—then he was the man who failed to come back, after promising he would. She didn't know it yet, but he never came back; wasn't there when she needed him. And if that wasn't enough, he wasn't that man anymore, he was a vampire, and one with a monstrous past. He knew Edward thought of himself as a monster, but he was a mere innocent compared to Jasper.

Generally, Jasper felt relatively at peace with his existence. Since he'd discovered he could survive on animals, he'd worked hard to gain control over his bloodlust, and was proud of his achievements. And he loved his adopted family. Living with three mated pairs was not always easy, but their almost constant happiness was like a drug to him, especially Alice and Emmett's simple joy in everything. He missed Emmett and Rose while they were away. And Esme's motherly love and acceptance of all of them was another source of empath bliss.

But when he thought of his time with Maria, he was still filled with shame, and the idea of sharing that with an innocent girl...it was abhorrent. She should never have to know such evil existed. And yet...he couldn't help but admit, there was a part of him longing to share everything with her...a part of him that was falling for this kind, innocent human girl. And that part continually forgot every reason he had for keeping his distance.

.

Friday morning was another cloudy, grey Forks morning, and Bella was torn between being relieved it was Friday—this week had dragged and she really was exhausted—and disappointed, knowing she'd miss the highlight of her days over the weekend—biology with Jasper Hale.

Not that she'd made any progress figuring him out. If she was supposed to be making friends with him, then she thought she'd made some progress, but not much. They talked every day in class, if only for a few minutes. But aside from their brief conversation in the lunch line last Monday, biology was all they had.

And even that was confusing. Yesterday he'd asked her some questions about Jasper Whitlock. She couldn't decide if he was genuinely interested, or if he was testing her story for holes. He kept asking questions that she was unable to answer honestly, and she was almost sure he was suspicious.

"So, tell me about this Jasper I remind you of," he'd said, his slight Southern drawl reminding her even more of his doppelganger from the past. "How do you know him?"

"I've always known him," she answered easily, "my whole life."

"Oh, is he someone you knew from before you left Forks then?" he asked. "Like the kids on the rez you were telling me about?"

"Oh no, I don't actually have many memories from when I lived here," she said, "almost none actually, just some vague impressions. No, I met him down South.

"Actually," she continued foolishly, just happy to be able to talk about him at all, "my earliest clear memory is of playing in the sand with Jasper and his little sister Mary. I think I was two, and Jasper was nearly three. Mary must have been about 15 months old. We thought we were so big, we were taking care of little Mary all by ourselves. Looking back, I guess Jasper's mama could probably see us from her kitchen. But she let us think we were in charge."

"She sounds like a good mom."

"She is. Was. Is. I mean—I don't see her much anymore. That was before we moved to Phoenix. But I'm sure she still is. She's always—I mean, she was always so good to me."

"Oh, so did you lose touch, then? Is that why you thought I might be him—you haven't seen him since you moved to Arizona?"

"Oh no," she said quickly, digging herself deeper, she realised now, but somehow needing to affirm that Jasper was still in her life, "not at all. But he's in the army now. I don't see him as often. But he visits whenever he can."

She realised now, she shouldn't have said that. Jasper would never show up in this life. _Her_ Jasper. And if she was meant to befriend Jasper Hale, how could she explain that? She didn't want him to think she was just using him as a kind of fill-in.

And she wasn't, was she? She really did like him. Though truly it was hard to separate the two Jaspers in her head. They were so alike, not just in looks, but in manner.

She spent less than an hour a day with Jasper in biology, and most of that was taken up with school work. But when they spoke, he made her feel…special; listened to; almost—cared for. She wasn't really sure, even so, that she wasn't just imagining all that. Allowing her feelings for nineteenth century Jasper to sway her.

But she thought...she rather thought she could come to care for Jasper Hale quite a bit.

* * *

 **A/N Peter "just knowing shit" has become part of the fanon, but it's not canon – the idea originally comes from IDreamOfEddy's** _ **Colliding Meteors**_

 **As someone else said in a fic I read recently (you know who you are!) – Reviews make me SQUEE! (They also get sneak peaks of next week's episode!)**

 **(Also, I think I've said this before, but it's worth repeating... feel free to tell me about typos. In fact, I would LOVE it if you would, so I can fix them. I KNOW proofreading is not my strongest skill. You can PM me if you don't want to look petty in a review, but I honestly don't mind if your review just lists the errors. It's all for the good!)**

 **.**

 **Recs:**

 **Older:  
** ** _Girl in the Meadow_ by Simaril** – I know I have recommended one of Simaril's before, but they are so good. I LOVED this story. /s/11029458/1/The-Girl-In-The-Meadow

 **Newer (but complete):  
 _Looking for Love_ by Me4Jasper** This author has written loads of short – 1-2 or occasionally 3 shot Bella/Jasper stories, many for Halloween series' that are fun, quick reads, but this one is a little longer (7 chapters). Still essentially a fun quickie though /s/12823394/1/Looking-for-Love


	9. Pt 1:Chap 9 - Developments & Conclusions

**Many thanks for all the reviews, I do love them! And of course reviewers get teasers of the next chapter (and some idea of when the next chapter will be up, though I am trying to stick to roughly weekly).**

 **As always, many thanks to Stephenie Meyers for letting us play, and to MeSh17 for her advice. I've deleted even more commas since she read it and added in new sentences, so any mistakes are mine.**

* * *

 **Chapter Nine – Developments & Conclusions**

The morning passed slowly at school. Jess had stopped pestering her about Jasper, since he'd made no effort to speak to her outside of class since Monday.

Now she was full of her plans to get a group together for a movie in Port Angeles on the weekend. Bella made half-hearted sounds of approval.

She was just so tired, only managing a few hours of sleep each night. But at the same time, maybe a movie would be a good way to distract herself. She was dreading her Papa's friend coming back and what that might mean for her nineteenth century self.

Honestly, she thought she might just force herself to stay awake all weekend. But she knew that even if she did that, when she did fall asleep again all the memories would be there, almost as though she'd lived them. So what was the point of putting herself through the misery of sleep deprivation as well?

Maybe a better idea would be to make an appointment to see a doctor to get some sleeping pills. She'd heard they stopped you from dreaming. She'd have to come up with some excuse though, and she was a terrible liar. But she couldn't exactly tell the truth.

If only Jasper would come home and speak to her father. The newspapers said the Battle of Galveston was a complete victory, so surely he would be able visit again soon? He hadn't had furlough in over a year—that one night on the way back to Galveston surely didn't count.

The Cullen's usual table was still empty when she got to the cafeteria, so after grabbing some fries and a bottle of water—she really wasn't very hungry, but the hot fries seemed appealing for once—she positioned herself with a view of the door, so she'd see him come in.

She listened with half an ear as Jessica drew more kids into her movie plan, somehow managing to get Mike to agree to pick her up. He had access to his parents' minivan so it was logical for him to drive, but when he turned to Bella and asked if she'd like him to pick her up too, she could feel Jessica's displeasure. She was sitting between Mike and Jessica, which she knew was through Mike's manoeuvring, and wondered how she could easily discourage him.

"Um," she began, "I, uh, I'll have to check with my dad," she said, "I'm not sure if he has plans tomorrow."

"Okay—" Mike began.

"I'll let you know in the morning, okay, Jess?" she said, turning towards the girl, not wanting to give Mike an opening to give her his phone number.

"Sure," Jess said, relatively happy again.

"Okay," Mike said again, getting up. "I have to get a book from the library. I'll see you in bio, Bella."

Alice walked in just then, and Bella was disappointed to see that she was alone. Glancing over to the Cullen table, she saw that it was still empty. Maybe Jasper was in the library, she thought, or delayed talking to a teacher.

When Alice made a beeline for their table and asked to sit next to her, Bella was almost too surprised to respond. Not that it would have mattered, she reflected. Alice was sitting down before she'd finished speaking. She was like a whirlwind.

"So," Bella began, "your brothers— I mean, uh, Edward and Jasper?" She stuttered out, flushing as she wondered whether Alice was offended by hearing Edward referred to as her brother. "Are they not having lunch?"

"Nah, they're not here," Alice said, causing Bella's heart to sink. "They're camping again this weekend."

"Oh," she said, stupidly. "They must be keen campers."

"Oh, they are," Alice laughed, a tinkling sound that made Bella want to sigh in pleasure despite her sadness.

She's so beautiful when she smiles, Bella thought. Even more so than usual. And those eyes! They were the same gorgeous colour as Jasper's. Funny, she could have sworn they were much darker when she first saw her last week. Must have been the light or something.

"Jasper asked me if I could get your notes from biology though," she added, distracting Bella from her thoughts.

"Oh sure, of course," she replied. "I can meet you after school if you'd like? Do you want to just photograph them? And I'll pick up copies of any handouts for him too."

"That'd be great, but I have to rush off after school," Alice said. "Could I come by your place tomorrow morning?"

"Sure thing. What time?"

"Whatever suits you. I've got no other plans."

"How's around ten then? Or later is fine if that's too early."

"No, that's great. Here," she said, thrusting her phone at Bella, "can you put your address and phone in my contacts? That way I can call if anything comes up."

"Of course, good idea," Bella said.

"And give me your phone, and I'll put myself in there," Alice added.

By the time they'd swapped phones back, the bell was ringing for class. Alice jumped up and grabbed her tray, tossing a "see you tomorrow" over her shoulder as she pitched the contents of the tray into the garbage and left the cafeteria.

I don't even think she ate anything, Bella thought as she slowly took her own tray to dispose of her leftover fries. They hadn't been as nice as they'd smelled.

"First Jasper Hale, then Alice Cullen!" Jessica exclaimed behind her. "Are you secretly friends with the whole family or something?"

"No," Bella denied. "Aside from when Jasper introduced us on Monday, I'd never even spoken to Alice before. I guess she just wanted to make sure she could get my bio notes for her brother."

"Maybe," Jess agreed doubtfully, "but Bella, in the three years they've been at this school, I've _never_ seen Alice sit with anyone outside her family. Never."

"That's weird then," Bella agreed. Privately, though, she thought about the snarky comments Jess had made about Alice and Edward dating, on Bella's first day, and wondered if that was indicative of the reception the Cullens had received when they moved here—if they'd been rejected, however subtly, for being different, and simply found it easier to stick together.

Maybe, because she was new too, they found Bella less intimidating. Not that she could imagine any one of them being intimidated by anything, she thought, especially not by any of the kids at Forks High.

 _._

 _._

Driving at the speed limit, it would take about 38 hours to get from Forks to Houston. Jasper and Edward made it in 26 hours, even with a short stop at Peter and Charlotte's. It was still slow enough to frustrate Jasper, but if they'd run they would have had to take too many detours, avoiding populated areas.

Besides, they would certainly need the heavily tinted windows of Carlisle's Mercedes if they were to get around Texas in the daytime, though Alice had assured them Saturday would be overcast in Houston.

Luckily, Peter had been able to tell them to focus on his sister's journals, so hopefully it wouldn't take long.

"I don' know what it is y'all are lookin' for," Peter said, "And I don't know if you're gonna to find it. But there's somethin' in those journals you need to know. Only…"

"What?" Jasper had barked at him, impatiently.

"Well, I don't think you're gonna to like it much. And another thing—" Peter frowned at them and it was all Jasper could do to restrain his growl. "I don't think you're gonna find them where you think you are, so you'd better git goin', or you aren't gittin' back in time."

"In time for what?" Jasper did growl now, but Peter was unable to be any more specific.

In fact, their primary destination was a library archive in Liberty, a town an hour outside of Houston, which housed archives covering a wide range of south-eastern Texas history. Among them were the historical papers of the Davis family, which included journals and letters of a Mrs Mary Davis, nee Whitlock.

They arrived at the library just as it opened, and quickly made themselves at home, only to discover that the particular journals they wanted—and their matching microfiche records— were on tour.

"I'm very sorry, those journals are part of a civil war era exhibition in Austin at the moment," the librarian, whose name tag read "Audrey Rodriguez", told them. "We do have lots of other interesting material from that family though, including some later journals and letters of Mary Davis. I can let you have a look at the microfiche copies of those if you like."

"Actually, Ms Rodriquez, it's the civil war period we were mainly interested in," Jasper told her, "as well as her original family—the Whitlocks, right?"

"That's right, Whitlock was her maiden name, but I'm afraid we don't have much more information from that family. Her brother, Jasper Whitlock, was a Major in the confederate army, but he died during the war. There is some material on his life in the exhibition, but of course it is also currently in Austin."

"Of course." Jasper sighed. He turned away and spoke to Edward at a speed and level that was inaudible to human ears. "Should we have a quick look at the later journals while we're here, do you think?"

"I don't really see the point, do you?" Edward asked. "There's unlikely to be anything directly related to the time period we're interested in, and Peter said we wouldn't find the journals we needed here."

"True. And there's really nothing quick about studying microfiche, even at vampire speed."

"No. Maybe this is why Alice hasn't been able to see the outcome of this search. Let's just see what we can find about the Williams and Johnsons families, and then head to Austin."

They spent the next two hours going through many records, from births, deaths and marriages to private papers and letters. Both the Johnson and Williams families had been wealthy and relatively powerful before the war, but both had drastically reduced positions in the post-war years and not a great deal of their papers had been preserved.

However, they quickly found the record of Isabella Williams' birth, on September 18, 1844.

It was Jasper who discovered her marriage to Robert Johnson on January 22nd, 1863. He accidently crushed the corner of the table when he saw the entry.

"If he wasn't already dead, I would kill him!" Jasper growled in fury. "And her father with him! There's no way she married him willingly. No way."

"Hey," Edward said in what was obviously supposed to be a soothing tone, "it was a long time ago Jazz. And you were gone. She had to move on."

"She wouldn't have! Not by choice. Not that quickly."

"Are you remembering something else then?"

"No," Jasper leaned over and put his head in his hands. "Not really." His voice was muffled, but he knew Edward could hear him. _I don't really remember,_ he thought to him, _I just—I_ feel _. I feel protective of her. I feel—I want to kill the man who touched her. Even more, because I am sure, completely sure, she was married to him against her will. But even if she wasn't, I would still want to kill him._

"Shall we get out of here?" He could feel Edward's concern for him, but he wasn't ready to leave yet.

 _I just want to look a bit more. To see if…_

"You want to know if she had children."

"Yes."

"Do you think—are you thinking that Bella Swan might be a descendent?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know." Jasper sat up and stared unseeing at the screen. "Not really, I guess. I mean, that wouldn't make any more sense than anything else. Being a descendent wouldn't give her those memories. But Edward, she just looks so much like her."

"She looks exactly like her, from that one memory you had," Edward said. "Unless…"

When Edward went silent, Jasper turned to look at him. "Unless what?" he finally asked, impatient to keep working.

"Unless— Jazz, we had thought there could be a vampire with a special skill, who had somehow planted the memories she has."

"We had, but then when we saw how they matched with my memories, I thought we discounted that idea."

"But what if your memories were planted too?"

"What?! Edward, that's impossible."

"Is it?"

"Yes! You know it is. How would that happen? We haven't had any nomads come through Forks in months, and if they had some kind of plan like that, you would have read it in their thoughts."

"Maybe. But what if they ran into you when you were out hunting. What if they had some way of masking themselves, and you never knew they were there?"

"Edward. Have you ever heard of Ockham's razor?"

"Of course—the simplest answer is often the best one. To paraphrase."

"Exactly."

"So what's the simplest answer then?"

"I don't know! Reincarnation? Into a body that looks identical to her previous one?" Jasper growled in frustration again. "Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure your explanation is not it."

"Okay, let's just see what else we can find, and get to Austin before the library there closes for the day."

It was not a minute later that Jasper let out a growl of anguish and ran from the library. He knew he was being less than discreet and could feel Edward's concern, but he had to get out. He had to run.

She had died. Isabella had died, and he hadn't been there for her. Only 22 days after her marriage, she was dead. He howled, and ran, faster than human eyes could track him. He didn't know where he was going, he just had to run.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Poor Jasper. He doesn't even remember who she is, really, and yet he's totally devastated. What do you think this will mean for when he sees Bella Swan again?**

 **This chapter published 8 May 2018, 6ish pm (Aussie time). 2324 words.**

Recs. Just one this week. I am behind schedule on everything!

WIP: **Whitlock's Swan by DC Nixon** s/12868255/1/Whitlock-s-Swan, – this is a Jasper/Bella WIP. DC Nixon has written some others that are complete though. I have to admit I skimmed the first few chapters of this (they were a bit traumatic!), but once I got sucked in well, there I was. Now I have to wait for the next chapter like everyone else, LOL.

This Jasper is very different to mine, and actually so is Bella, but still fun to read.

Summary: Bella moves to Forks to get away from one controlling vamp and ends up running into a whole coven. The Cullen kids have branched off from their father and Alice is running the show. They are ruthless, they are vindictive and they want Bella as their pet. What happens when Jasper realizes they have his Swan? - Jasper/Bella


	10. Part 1: Chapter 10 - Which Bella?

Thanks to MeSh17 for looking over an earlier version – all mistakes are my own! And to Ms Meyer for the inspiration.

Published Monday 14/5 6:30ish PM (AEST). 1761 words.

(for those who got teasers - some changes to that passage...)

* * *

 **Chapter Ten – Which Bella?**

By the time Alice arrived on Saturday morning, Bella had been up for several hours. Unwilling to risk more sleep after she'd woken from another unpleasant dream, she'd been up at 5am. As soon as she heard Charlie leave for a day of fishing, she'd started a load of laundry and then spent the rest of the morning cleaning.

The loud knock on the front door made her jump and bang her head on the top of the cupboard she was scrubbing.

"Ow!" She answered the door rubbing the back of her head and was surprised to see Alice already.

"Hi Bella!" Alice trilled in her melodic voice, pushing a takeout coffee at Bella. "For you," she said. "Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?"

"I'm fine," she said automatically, taking the coffee. "Thanks. Come in. Is it ten o'clock already?"

"Yep! What have you been doing?" Alice asked, wrinkling her nose as she followed Bella into the living room. "It smells like cleaning products in here."

"Yeah, I'm kinda spring cleaning." Bella sniffed the air, surprised that Alice could smell anything—she hadn't started on the downstairs yet. "I swear some of the cupboards haven't been cleaned out since before Renee left. In fact, knowing my mom, they probably haven't been cleaned since my parents moved in!"

Alice's laugh chimed, bringing an involuntary smile Bella to face. "Time for a coffee break then. You look tired, have you been cleaning all morning?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess."

"Actually, you looked tired at school yesterday too, are you sure you're okay?"

Uncomfortable, Bella turned and led the way into the kitchen. "I just haven't been sleeping well," she said quietly. "Not used to the constant sound of rain I guess." It was true enough, if not the whole story. She _had_ struggled to adjust to the constant rattle of rain when she first arrived from Phoenix. Of course, that wasn't the main problem anymore. She put the kettle on the stove to give herself something to do.

"Can I make you a cup of something?" She asked politely.

"Oh no, I just had something. That's why I got that for you." Alice said, indicating the cup Bella had set down on the counter.

"Oh, of course." Bella felt her cheeks heat up. She picked the cup back up, turning off the stove, and then stood awkwardly for a moment. "Oh," she said again suddenly. "I should grab that homework, for Jasper. Have a seat, I'll be right back."

"No rush," Alice said, sitting down at the table. "Sit and drink your coffee first."

They chatted briefly about school, the rain, and why Bella had come to Forks. Everything but the one subject Bella was most interested in—Alice's absent brother. She couldn't figure out how to bring the subject around to him, until she finished her coffee and remembered again to get the homework.

"Sorry," she said, "I'm sure you have other things to do today, I'll just go get my notes for you to photograph. And there was a handout too, so I got an extra copy for Jasper." She followed her words with action and grabbed the handout and her notebook from her room.

"Does he go away often?" she asked, as she watched Alice photograph the relevant pages.

"Pretty often," Alice said (somewhat non-committally, Bella thought). "And thanks for this. But I told you, there was no rush. What do you have planned for the rest of the day?"

Bella admitted that she was just planning to clean some more and then get started on her own homework.

"Excellent," Alice said. "I'll help you clean and we'll get it done in half the time, then we can study together."

Bella found herself agreeing, after Alice refused to take no for an answer, and she couldn't deny that cleaning was more fun with Alice helping. They chatted companionably as they worked, Alice sharing titbits about the other members of her family in between quizzing Bella about her life growing up with her mom, how she liked Forks, and what she planned on doing after graduation.

The last question was one she found hard to answer. Internally she acknowledged that she'd been so caught up, in recent months, in worrying about Jasper and the Civil War and what her parents there had planned for her future, that she'd found it hard to focus on a twenty-first century future.

She'd applied to colleges in Washington, Arizona and Florida, but she wasn't passionate about any course. In fact, she found it hard to imagine her future at all. If only Jasper Whitlock would survive the war and marry her, everything would be okay. But at the same time, she couldn't help but think her waking life would just be a lifetime of loneliness and longing. Except that—now she'd met Jasper Hale. And suddenly, everything was feeling a little different.

When they were done cleaning, Alice asked if Bella would mind coming to her family's house to study.

"Because I don't have my work here with me, of course," Alice said.

"Oh sure," Bella replied, "if you don't mind waiting while a throw I piece of beef in the slow cooker, then I can follow you in my truck."

She walked into the kitchen, only stopping when she realised Alice wasn't following her. She turned around to see her new friend standing at the bottom of the stairs, staring into space.

"Alice?" The girl visibly started then turned to Bella with a smile.

"Oh, sorry," she said. "I just remembered something. But yeah, of course, that's fine. I'll just give Esme a call and let her know we'll be there for lunch."

"Oh, um... If you're sure that will be okay? We could just as easily eat here before we go."

"No, no, it's fine. Esme loves to cook and she'll be thrilled I'm having a friend over. And this way we can focus on studying and just eat when it's ready."

That brought to mind a question Bella had been wondering about—namely, why Alice was being so friendly if, as Jess had said, she normally never spoke to anyone outside her family. But she couldn't find any polite way to ask about it, so she decided to simply put the question aside for now and enjoy spending time with her new friend.

Besides, she told herself, she was very likely right in her first assumption: that the Cullens had been made to feel less than welcome, with their unusual family structure. It wasn't that the other kids at school were actually malicious, she thought, but Forks was a small town, and when new kids arrived they were naturally very much under the microscope, just as she had felt herself to be these past couple of weeks. Alice was probably just happy to have found someone she didn't feel judged by.

.

While the two girls set themselves and their homework up at the Cullen's large dining room table, Esme prepared them a plate of mixed sandwiches, which Bella thought looked like those a catering company might provide.

She realised Alice was right in her estimation of Esme, who welcomed her effusively.

"Oh Bella, it's lovely to meet you. I've heard so much about you from Alice and Jasper—he'll be disappointed to have missed your visit."

Finally, a natural opening to ask about him!

"How long is he away for?" She asked, "Should I collect his homework on Monday too?"

"Oh no, Bella," Alice broke in. "He'll be back tomorrow night. Didn't I tell you?"

.

.

Driving back to Washington on Sunday, Jasper couldn't stop his mind repetitively running over their discoveries in Texas. They had found Mary's journals in the exhibit, but they hadn't been able to actually access them while the library was open, as they were behind glass, and unfortunately the microfiche records were incomplete.

At first, they had both been infuriated. "You'd think either that librarian this morning or Peter would have told us they weren't actually accessible to the public," Jasper had growled. "I guess we'll have to break in after hours, but that had better not make us too late for whatever Peter is worried about happening in Forks."

"Wait a minute. Come and look at this," Edward had responded. "It's her."

There was a blown-up newspaper clipping on display with a photo of Bella and a significantly older man, with a caption that read "Miss Isabella Williams marries Mr Robert Johnson."

If he'd had a beating heart, Jasper felt sure it would have stopped then. He already knew she'd married, but to _see_ it... She didn't look happy, but she didn't look sad either. She looked dead. Of course, the photo was grainy and old, but to Jasper's acute eyesight, her eyes looked glazed; her skin, pasty. And she had clearly lost weight. He felt the growl he was suppressing rumble out.

"Calm down, Jasper," Edward said while taking a photo of the clipping on his phone. "You're projecting your rage to everyone!"

As Jasper took an unnecessary breath and forced himself to pump calm through the room, Edward's phone started ringing.

Apparently, their decisions were finally giving Alice visions left, right and centre, which was making it difficult for her to act "normally" for Bella.

She'd seen his meltdown this morning, though not what caused it, and more importantly she'd seen the effect of their decision to come back later to look through the journals, and their consequent conversations about what they'd found: Mary's record of watching Bella's health deteriorate as she mourned Jasper and prepared for her wedding.

"I'll tell you about that later," Alice said. "But I think it's probably better if you don't put Jasper through the misery of actually reading them—I think I already know everything you'll find out. But Edward, there's something else."

"Just tell me Alice!" Edward always got impatient when he couldn't read people's minds and had to wait for them to actually speak.

"You just a took photo of a photo of Bella, right? Of Isabella Williams that is?"

"Yes, and she is the spitting image of our Bella."

"I know, but Edward, Carlisle hasn't met Bella yet, but when you took the photo it sparked a vision of when you show it to him. Edward, he met someone who looked exactly like that, only it wasn't during the civil war, and it wasn't in the present—it was in Chicago in 1918, during the Spanish influenza outbreak. Her name was Isabel Dawson."

.

* * *

 **Reviews make me grin.**

 **I'm kinda abandoning the idea of strictly weekly. This** _ **is**_ **only a week since the last one, but I meant to get back on track. But the chapters from now on are all unedited, which means I'm editing, realising I need to add something, sending to Meha, changing it before she looks at it, waiting for her to get back to me, changing it again after she does... Plus, May is a stupidly busy month for me, work-wise.** **So – I'll try to stick to** _ **roughly weekly**_ **. But no promises.**

 **And yeah, this chapter is a little shorter than usual.**

 **Recs: Just one: Supernormal by Cupcakeriot. It's a WIP, but has 212 chapters (some drabble short, some not), and is regularly updated. s/12597569/1/supernormal**

 **This is sort of Bella-Edward, but really, it's can only loosely be termed Twilight fan fiction (which the author says, somewhere or other, I'm sure). It is VERY fun though. I am enjoying it a lot. Summary: "** She is different. She is magic. And her life is unbelievably beyond normal - it's supernormal. Featuring: M-rating for language and violence, magic rituals, strange creatures, stranger deaths, some citrus, realistic character development, and a super, super slow burn."


	11. Part 1: Chapter 11 - Grief

Thanks to MeSh17 for her beta skills. I pay so much more attention to my commas knowing you are going to be reading it! And as always, to Ms Meyer for permission to play.

This one is a little late, but long!

I am camping with my 11-year-old's class this weekend. I imagine I will have a lot of time to work on editing a print out of the next few chapters... that seems likely, right?

Published Monday 24/5 4ish PM AEST. 4272 words.

* * *

 **Chapter Eleven - Grief**

Before leaving Texas, Jasper had phoned Peter to ensure his "Spidey senses" were in agreement with Alice, and with his blessing they drove back to Forks in record time, arriving just after sundown.

"Let me out near the Swan's," Jasper told Edward. "You can fill the rest of the family in on anything Alice doesn't know. I want to check on Bella."

"Sure," Edward said. "Call me when she's asleep and I'll come back. I know you're worried about tonight's dreams."

"I am," Jasper agreed, "but I also want to know what Alice has to tell us about those journals. So give me half an hour here, and I'll see you at the house."

"Make it two hours," Edward said. "Alice wants to go for a quick hunt with me, and if I'm going to be here overnight..."

"Right. I should do the same. Two hours then."

.

When they had hunted—though Jasper doubted that was all Alice and Edward were doing after being apart for almost 60 hours—they gathered at the Cullen house. Alice had already filled in the rest of the family about her visions. "But I don't know everything," she said, "only the outcomes. Can you fill us in on what happened in the morning?"

"No," Jasper said tersely. "Just tell us what you saw. Edward can fill you in on the rest after I leave."

"You're heading back to Bella's?" Esme asked, sounding concerned.

"Yes," he said. "Peter said I needed to be back here for something. Something to do with Bella. So I don't want to stay away too long."

Everything had seemed fine when he stopped by—she was chatting quietly with Charlie while she cooked dinner, and he couldn't detect any particularly heightened emotions from Charlie, although he was feeling mild concern about something. But with the very limited information Peter had been able to give them, he didn't know what he was looking for, and it made him anxious.

"Okay," Alice said. "So in my vision of you discussing the journals, you mentioned that Bella got married, but you seemed to already know that," Edward and Jasper both nodded, but she continued speaking. "And Edward already told me you know that she died not much later..."

Jasper clenched his teeth to keep from growling. He still couldn't believe she had died so quickly. If that man had done something to her...he desperately wanted to find someone to hurt. It was all so long ago, but it felt immediate. God, he needed to get back over there.

"Yes," he said shortly. "Alice, just tell me what I don't know. What was in the journals that was so important?"

"Honestly...I'm not sure. Edward told me that Peter confirmed they were important, but those were the only two major things. Maybe it was more about finding the picture of her..."

"No, Peter said there was something we needed to know from the journals. How did she die? Did Mary write about that?"

"Oh, yes. She was sick—" Alice began.

"So it wasn't the husband?" Jasper interrupted.

"No, I don't think so. Mary wrote about her looking unwell even before the wedding. She was always tired and looked like she'd lost weight. She thought it was just stress and grief, and hoped it would get better after the wedding—that she'd move on, you know? She said—" She broke off and looked at Jasper consideringly.

"What?" he asked. "Just tell me what she said, Alice. I'm not going to fly off the handle, no matter what you say, so you can stop second guessing yourself."

"Okay, she just—she wrote about how much you had loved her, and how you would have wanted her to be safe and happy, more than anything else. She said you would have been upset if you knew she was starving herself to death."

"So is that what happened then?" he asked sadly. "She basically died from grief?"

"I'm not sure. Obviously, she didn't get better after the wedding, but Mary only saw her twice after that. But she did write that she'd been able to visit Isabella a week after, and while she was there Bella had to run off at one point, and she thought she had thrown up."

"Did she ask her?"

"She didn't say. She just said that Bella ran off—to be sick, she thought—and when she came back she looked paler than ever. She didn't want to upset her, but she asked if there was anything she could do, and Bella said no; that she was just very tired, but she felt sure if she could just get a good night's sleep she would start to feel better. She—"Alice swallowed. "Jasper, just be calm okay? She implied that she was trying to do her duty, and that she hoped that once she fell pregnant, Mr Johnson would let her sleep alone."

Jasper clenched his fists until he felt the venom start to seep from his palms where his nails cut them. He took a deep breath and tried to rein in the rage he knew he was projecting through the room.

"So he _was_ culpable," was all he said.

"Maybe, in a way, but he didn't actually kill her or anything. The next time Mary mentioned seeing her, she said that she looked even sicker, and admitted she was having trouble eating. She wrote that Bella said 'I feel like there's constantly a lump of grief in my throat through which food won't pass.' A week later she collapsed, and two days after that she was dead."

There was silence in the room, as everyone processed the speed of her apparent illness, whatever the cause, and Jasper again tried to rein in his emotions.

He jumped up, startling everyone. "I need to go," he said.

"Don't you want to talk—shouldn't we discuss Isabel Dawson?" Edward asked.

"You discuss her," Jasper said. He walked out of the house and started running, grateful that Bella lived close enough to the forest that he could run undetected the entire way. It was hard to separate his grief and rage over the death of the Bella he barely remembered and yet felt so much for, and his feelings for the Bella he had only met—could it be possible?—two weeks ago. He needed to see her, or at least hear her voice, to know she, at least, was still okay.

.

Sunday night found Bella exhausted and desperately hoping for a dreamless night. She had completed most of her homework with Alice the day before, and then spent Sunday on the rez with Jacob and the Clearwaters. It was a good day, she thought, and worth it to be reminded she had a life and friends outside of her dreams. But it did leave her with a few hours of reading to complete before she could call it a night.

When she finally turned off her light, she was rewarded with several hours of solid, dreamless sleep. She wasn't lucky enough to spend the whole night that way, though.

She woke up briefly when she heard Charlie get up around 5am, and when she settled back into sleep, it was to dream of her mother's parlour in 1862.

.

"Isabella, sit up straight," her mother said for what was surely at least the twentieth time, "Mr Johnson will be here any minute."

"I am sitting up straight, Mama."

"Well pinch your cheeks, girl, you look as pale as anything."

The knock on the door just then saved Bella from answering, but she knew she did look pale She'd been feeling unwell off and on for the past few weeks and had not been able to keep anything down that morning. Her mother insisted it was nerves, and she supposed that was probably correct.

The maid showed Mr Johnson into the parlour, and her father came in not long after. They carried on most of the conversation between the two of them, and Bella only paid them half a mind while she sewed. She knew her mother wanted her to marry Mr Johnson, but he must be closer to her father's age than hers, and she was sure he wouldn't be interested in her. He certainly wasn't paying her any attention today.

As if that thought had called him, Mr Johnson turned to her then and spoke. "And how are you today, Miss Williams? Your father has told me that your brother and one of your childhood playmates are off defending Texas and were part of the victory at Galveston. I'm sure you must be very proud of them."

"I, uh…that is, yes. Yes, of course, I am," she stuttered. That was unexpected, she thought.

"Well, and I see you are knitting, doing your part for our soldiers as well, hmm?"

"Yes," she murmured, looking down at her knitting. "I do my best."

"Good, good." She glanced up and saw that he was looking back at her father. "Well Williams," he said, "I'm sure we can settle the rest of our business in your study, hmm? I'm sure Miss Williams and her mother will have their hands full getting ready for the wedding. I think we should set the date, and let's not leave it too long. Perhaps a week from today?"

Bella heard herself gasp, and her father glanced at her uncomfortably but was already standing and ushering Mr Johnson away.

"Now don't be missish about this Isabella," she heard her mother say crossly, as the door closed on her father and his guest, but it sounded as though it came from a long way off. She stood, intent on demanding an explanation from her mother, but instead she felt herself swaying as her vision narrowed and blackness overtook her.

.

It felt like hours later that she woke to the sound of her phone alarm blaring, telling her it was time to get up for school on Monday morning. At first, she wasn't sure where she was, or WHEN she was. But as the early morning Forks light filtered into her bedroom, she got her bearings and dragged herself up and into the shower.

She knew she'd slept well for the first part of the night, but the subsequent dream seemed to have undone any good she'd received. She avoided looking at herself in the mirror, knowing she would be even paler, with bigger shadows under her eyes, than when she'd seen Alice on Saturday.

She wanted to force her way back into the eighteen-sixties and demand that her mother and father stop bulldozing her, knowing that the Isabella of that time simply didn't know how to resist them. She needed Jasper to come back, and she just didn't think he was going to get there in time.

In the kitchen, she poured herself a cup of coffee, but even the idea of a pop tart made her stomach rebel. The coffee would see her through to lunch, she reasoned, as she grabbed her bag and keys and took herself to school.

.

The morning went by slowly, each class passing in something of a blur. Bella couldn't stop thinking of Mr Johnson's statement and what it must mean. If she'd had any doubt that the wedding he mentioned was to be hers, to him, her mother's reaction would have put paid to it.

She supposed she'd find out when she went to bed tonight whether her father had agreed to Mr Johnson's terms—and the date he'd suggested—but she felt sure that he would.

And then what would she do? Would she just go along with it? Would she run away to try to find Jasper, or ask his mother for help? Would she stand up to her parents and simply refuse?

That was the least likely option, she thought, but the one she most hoped for. It was maddening to feel that her future was dictated by nineteenth century attitudes that she didn't hold, and that she couldn't influence her nineteenth century self and her choices.

By the time lunch arrived she was both starving and even more nauseated than she had been in the morning. She picked up a bottle of coke in the lunch line and a yoghurt, hoping that would be mild enough to stay put in her stomach. The good bacteria should help, right? She hoped so.

As she was digging through her purse for some notes to pay for her meagre 'meal', she felt someone looking at her. Looking around, she met Jasper's eyes across the room. "Oh!" she gasped, almost breathlessly, the overwhelming relief almost bringing her to tears, "You're back." She knew he couldn't hear her at that distance, but she felt herself flush hot with embarrassment anyway. But then he smiled at her, and she felt her heart do a little summersault.

"That'll be $3 please, Miss Swan," she heard from behind her, and turned around, her face even hotter.

"Sorry!" she said, handing over the money. She went to pick up her tray, but suddenly Jasper was right there, collecting it for her.

"Oh," she gasped again, "I didn't see you!"

"Sorry darlin'," Jasper said, his Texan drawl stronger than ever. "I didn't mean t' scare you. Will you sit with us today?" He smiled again, ducking his head down to her height to meet her eyes.

"I... uh…" His eyes were so beautiful, she thought, staring into them. What was she supposed to be saying?

"I know Alice would like you to," he added then, reminding her what they were talking about. "She hasn't shut up about how much she enjoyed spending time with you on Saturday."

"Oh," she said, ridiculously disappointed. Silly, silly Bella! Of course it would be for his sister he asked her. He hardly even knew her!

"And, " he said, as if sensing her disappointment, "I would like it too."

"Oh," she said, again, stupidly. "I—sure, that would be nice," she finally agreed. His answering smile was blinding, and for a moment she was caught again in his gaze, unsure what she was supposed to be doing next. Then he turned away, one hand holding the tray, the other ever so gently propelling her along, just barely touching the small of her back.

When they got to his sibling's table, Jasper put her tray down and pulled out a chair for her—next to Alice—in an old-fashioned gesture that once again reminded her forcibly of Jasper Whitlock.

When he sat opposite her instead of next to her she was momentarily disappointed. But then, she reasoned, this way she could look at him without it being awkward, which was almost better than sitting by him.

"So," Alice said brightly, "what did you do yesterday, clean some more?"

"Ha ha," Bella stuck out her tongue at Alice. "I do have some life you know," she said. "Anyway, thanks to your help the house is already spotless."

"Okay, good!" Alice chirped back. "So, what does this life entail then? Do tell."

"I spent the day on the rez actually," she said, "with Jacob Black, and Leah and Seth Clearwater. Do you know them?" She felt a strange vibration through the table and looked up to see Jasper gripping it and frowning.

"Not really," Alice said, drawing Bella's attention back towards her. "I may have met them sometime," she said, "but I don't really know anyone from the rez. Maybe you can introduce us sometime. Are they good friends of yours?"

"The best," she said. "My dad and Billy Black have been best friends for years. I don't really know Seth and Leah as well as Jacob, but their dad, Harry Clearwater? He died of a heart attack a few months ago, so Dad and Billy have been helping out with stuff for Sue, his widow."

"Oh, that's sad," Alice said. "But great that she has such good friends around her. I bet it's good for the kids too—you know, to have other families they can lean on."

"I guess so," Bella said. "Truly, they've been good for me. I didn't really know anyone from town before I started school here—just my Dad's friends and the kids on the rez. So it's nice to spend time with familiar faces, you know?"

She felt the table vibrate again and heard what almost sounded like a growl coming from Jasper's direction. She looked back over at him, but he was looking down at his food, and didn't seem to be paying attention. Weird.

She looked back at Alice and saw that she was glaring at Jasper. But then she smiled and said to Bella, "Well, now you can count us as familiar faces too, right? I can tell we're going to be best friends!"

Bella couldn't help but smile back. "Sure," she said, "I'd like that."

"And Esme wants to know when you'll come by again," Alice added. "Maybe we could study together again this weekend?"

Bella was reminded of her idea that Alice was relieved to find a friend who just accepted her. She smiled again. "That'd be great," she said. Then she realised Jasper might be there this weekend, and her heart rate picked up. She glanced over at him to find him looking at her. She couldn't make out his expression before he blanked his face into a polite smile. He'd looked—worried, maybe? She hoped he wouldn't mind her coming. Her chest suddenly felt heavier, as her mood plummeted. She just couldn't figure him out.

The bell for the next period startled her.

"Come on," Jasper said, standing gracefully and grabbing the tray with her half-eaten snack. "Time for bio. Hey—you didn't eat much, do you want the rest of this?" he asked, offering her the tub of yoghurt.

"No thanks, I'm done," she said. She watched as he tossed the rest of her lunch, as well as his own—which also looked hardly touched actually—and followed him out, waving to Alice & Edward as they went off in the other direction.

.

Isabella heard the knock at the door with some trepidation. It wouldn't be Mr Johnson again would it? She couldn't believe her parents honestly expected her to marry him, and in less than a week!

And yet, what could she do? She had no way of contacting Jasper, and she knew his mother couldn't do anything. Still, she'd try to get away this afternoon to see if Mrs Whitlock had any ideas. There must be some way she could escape this ridiculous plan.

She could hear voices coming from the entrance and looked up to see Mary coming into the room, her eyes swollen with crying. Bella felt her stomach tighten as she took in her friend's expression.

"Mary!" she exclaimed, putting aside her embroidery and standing quickly to embrace her friend. "What's happened?"

Mary looked as though she didn't know how to speak, and Bella led her over to sit down, her heart filled with fear.

"Please," she whispered, "please tell me it's not Jasper—please Mary." But Mary had more tears falling.

"Oh Bella," she choked out. "He's gone. I'm so sorry."

"What do you mean 'he's gone'? He's not gone. He's coming back, as soon as he can. He's safe Mary, he promised me! He promised he would come back!" She knew she was starting to sound hysterical, her words tumbling over each other, but she couldn't help herself.

Mary just took her hands and held them, tears running unnoticed down her cheeks.

"We just got word today, Bella."

"No," Bella whispered. "No! It can't be true. It can't be. He has to come back."

"He hasn't been seen since the Battle of Galveston," Mary said.

Bella brightened immediately. "Then there's still hope?" She said, half questioning, half insisting. "If they haven't seen him, they don't know that he's dead. He's just missing!"

"But what could have happened to him?" Mary asked. "He would never desert his men. Never. You know that."

"Of course not, but there must be some explanation. We can't imagine it now, but once he comes back, I'm sure it will make sense. Maybe," she paused, racking her brain for answers, "Maybe he's been taken prisoner. He has to be still alive, Mary!"

"Bella..." Mary still looked just as pained as before. Bella's assurance was not making her more hopeful. "Bella, I didn't want to believe it at first either but...The army is listing him as missing in action, but the man who came to the house—he said we shouldn't hope for more. He was Jasper's second in command, and he'd been injured too, that's why he was going home. There was a huge explosion in the harbour—the lack of a body doesn't mean anything. No-one was taking prisoners."

"No," Bella moaned again. "No, please. Please Mary, it can't be true." She closed her eyes, and pictured Jasper the last time she'd seen him. He'd _promised_ her he'd be safe. " Please tell me it's not true," she whispered.

She felt Mary pull her into an embrace, and she realised she was sobbing. She stayed like that, weeping into her friend's shawl, until she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

For the first time, she realised her mother was in the room.

"I'm sorry, honey," her mother said softly. "Your father would never have approved the match, but I do know that you loved him."

She pulled herself away from Mary and tried to control her tears.

"I should go," Mary said quietly. "Mama...She will be needing me. I just—I had to come tell you."

"Of course, dear," Bella's mother said, perhaps realising her daughter was still trying to control her sobs. "Thank you for coming. Please give our condolences to the rest of your family."

"Yes," Bella got out finally. "Thank you, Mary. Mama, may I walk Mary to the door?"

"Of course, child. And then perhaps you should lie down for a while before supper."

At the door, Bella embraced Mary again.

"We'll still be sisters," Mary said fiercely. "No matter what else happens, even if he never—if he's really—you'll always be my sister in my heart, Bella."

"Of course," Bella said, hugging her one more time. "Of course we will."

Bella followed her mother's suggestion, and took herself to her room, where she threw herself onto her bed and sobbed until she fell into an exhausted sleep.

.

Outside the Swan residence, Jasper could hear Bella's sobs change slightly as she woke up, but they didn't stop. "He's dead," she cried into her pillow. "He's really dead."

"Oh, thank God," Jasper said, with a sigh of relief. He could feel Edward's surprise, and felt the need to explain. "I know it's selfish to be relieved, but I can't feel her emotions, now she's awake. I don't know how much more I could stand..."

"I know," Edward said, looking down to Jasper where he was sitting on the ground. For the past thirty minutes he'd been sitting with his head in his hands, holding back his own sobs, torn between wanting to go to Bella and comfort her, and wanting to run far, far away from her pain.

"Just listening to her cry is bad enough," Edward added.

"I have to see her, Edward. I can't let her think—I have to tell her the truth!"

"You can't!" Edward exclaimed. "It's not safe Jasper. Not for us, and especially not for her."

"I know," he moaned. "You think I don't know? But how can I not? How can I let her keep thinking I'm dead when—I promised I'd come back Edward, I promised her!"

"Jasper, it wasn't your fault." Edward was the calm voice of reason, but it just made Jasper want to scream at him.

"She died Edward! She died because I wasn't there for her. Because she was forced into a marriage with that, that _monster_!"

"Jasper, you don't know that, and either way, it doesn't change anything here, today. If you tell her, you have to change her, or kill her. What if she doesn't want to be changed?"

"I will protect her," Jasper said fiercely. "No one will hurt her again."

"Why don't you just start by getting to know her? Letting her get to know you again?"

 _Buzz_ Edward's phone sounded loud in the morning quiet. "Alice is pretty sure she's not going to school," Edward said, glancing at the message from his wife, "but she says we need to."

"What? No. You go, I'll stay here, and just—keep an eye on her."

Buzz buzz buzz. Jasper's phone started vibrating next. "What, Alice?" he barked into the receiver.

"You have to go Jazz, you've missed too much. It's starting to be noticed. Besides, this way you can pick up her missed work and bring it to her this afternoon. Esme's making soup too, so pick that up first."

"Can't you pick up her work, Alice?"

"No. I told you, people are starting to talk. Not only have you missed extra school this term, but it hasn't gone unnoticed that you're spending time with Bella. If you're both off at the same time…"

"Fine. But you need to keep a close watch on her then. As close as you can, anyway."

"Don't worry, I don't think she's going to leave her bed all day. That's why you're bringing soup. She may not be actually sick, but she does need to eat more."

* * *

 **Reviews make me so happy.**

 **Sorry, no recommendations this week. I haven't had much time to read!**


	12. Part 1: Chapter 12 - Revelations (I)

**Thanks to my lovely beta MeSh17, and as always, to Ms Meyer for permission to play.**

 **I came back from camping with a cold that I am having trouble shaking, but that's not really the reason this chapter is late. I only have a few more chapters pre-written (at least, in sequence), so things may continue to be slow for a bit as I try to make sure I am not missing anything that needs to be included in these early chapters (we're maybe a third of the way through here).**

 **Published Wednesday 6/6 2:15ish PM AEST. 2347 words.**

* * *

 **Chapter Twelve – Revelations (I)**

When Bella heard a knock on her door that afternoon, her first instinct was to ignore it. She was lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling, as she had been doing for most of the day. There was no-one she wanted to see right now.

Well, she acknowledged to herself, there was one person, but he was hardly likely to be visiting her, and besides, she wasn't sure she could look at him right now. To look into his gorgeous face and know that his namesake… but no, she wouldn't think about it.

She tried to blank her mind again and stared back at the cracks in the ceiling. She'd cried herself out after waking up that morning. Now she was just trying not to think; not to feel.

The knock sounded again and she closed her eyes. Please let them go away, she thought.

Her phone started buzzing. She clenched her eyes shut. After a few seconds the buzzing stopped. She started to relax but then it started again. The third time, she snatched it up. The name "Jasper Hale" was displayed on the screen. "How—?" Alice must have put his number in, she thought. Reluctantly, she clicked the answer button.

"Hello?"

"Bella, it's Jasper."

"Hi," she repeated.

"I'm at the front door. Can I come in?"

"Oh. Um…"

"Look, I know you're not feeling well, but I've brought you some soup. Esme made it. And your homework."

"Oh, I—Okay. I'll um, I'll be down in a minute."

She jumped out of bed and threw on some jeans and a jersey. It would be rude to keep him waiting but… She flew into the bathroom and quickly pulled a brush through her hair. She met her own eyes in the mirror. I still look dreadful, she thought. Oh well, I am supposed to be sick.

She trudged downstairs, carefully not tripping on the loose bottom step, and walked slowly to the door. Now that the shock of it being him had worn off, she remembered why she wasn't sure she wanted to see him anyway.

"Oh well, nothing else for it," she muttered to herself, and swung the front door open.

He was just so beautiful, she thought, taking him in on her front door step. And so much like… No. Stop. Don't go there. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She wouldn't cry. She would not.

"Hi Bella." His musical voice brought her back to herself. "Can I come in?"

"Sorry, of course," she said, stepping back.

"Here." He handed her a container presumably holding the soup. "It's still warm," he said. "I just picked it up from home. You should eat some now—I bet you haven't eaten all day."

"I— No, I haven't," she admitted. "Thank you." She led the way into the kitchen and motioned for him to sit at the table. "Can I get you anything?" she asked.

"No, you sit down," he said, pulling out a chair and taking the soup back from her. "You're the one who's sick." He started opening cupboards and only took two goes to find the bowls. She allowed herself to sit down, bemusedly. She was, in fact, feeling pretty awful.

The bowl of soup that appeared on the table in front of her a moment later did smell good. She took a tentative spoonful and waited to see how her stomach would react.

"You really don't feel well?" Jasper was frowning at her, looking confused.

"Just a bit queasy," she said, taking another spoonful. "This is really good though. Your mom is a good cook."

"Yeah, she loves cooking." He chuckled slightly as though that was amusing, but she couldn't imagine why.

She took a couple more spoonfuls of soup, but it was uncomfortable having him watching her so closely. Her queasiness was starting to get worse again anyway.

"I'll have some more later," she said. "You said something about homework?"

"Bella, that's not enough food! Have you eaten today at all?"

"Um… no," she admitted. "But I really can't eat any more just now."

Jasper sighed. "Okay," he said, "yeah, I do have some work for you, though honestly, you do look like you should just be in bed."

.

Bella really didn't look well, Jasper thought. More than just grief, his sharp eyes could see she'd actually lost weight in the short time he'd known her—in this life. All things considered, it was a bit worrying.

She stood up to return her bowl to the counter, and he quickly took it from her.

"Sit down darlin'," he said. "You look like a stiff breeze would knock you over. In fact, let's go sit on the sofa, and I'll go through the school work I picked up for you."

He touched his hand to the small of her back to guide her into the living room, and just that minimal touch sent a surge of warmth through him.

"Now sit there, I'll be right back."

He went back into the kitchen, tidied up her bowl and put the rest of the soup away at vampire speed, then grabbed his backpack and sauntered back into the living room.

She was sitting in the corner of the couch, her feet up under her, staring into space.

"Hey," he said gently, not wanting to startle her. She refocused her eyes and looked up at him, as he sat down next to her, bending one leg up onto the couch and angling himself towards her. He wanted to take her hands in his, but knew she'd notice how cold they were.

He longed to reach for her though. It felt wrong not to. They'd always been touching in the past, he realised suddenly. Holding hands, or just his hand under her elbow, her hand on his arm—whenever they were away from her family anyway, and long before he asked her to marry him.

How could he have forgotten her? He clenched his eyes shut for a moment, overwhelmed. The memories coming back were still blurry and incomplete, but the _feelings_. God, he'd loved her so much.

He'd _had_ to forget, of course. The first few days were nothing but blood lust and feeding. But he remembered, the sixth day, they'd brought him someone that looked like his sister. He'd killed her, of course, fed from her, as with all the others. They were intent on feeding his blood lust at that stage, bringing him two humans each day. It was only afterwards, with the spark of familiarity, that he'd broken down in horror.

 _"Did you know her?" Maria asked in her musical Spanish accent. "I'm sorry if you did."_

 _They were almost the first words she'd spoken to him since explaining what he'd become, aside from brief instructions._

 _He'd looked up at her. "No," he said shortly. "She looks like my sister."_

 _"Ah. Well, I'm glad it wasn't her. But, Major, you must forget your sister, and anyone else you loved. If a thought comes into your head, banish it immediately. They are dead to you now. And I mean that quite seriously. Should you ever go to find them, you will kill them, just as you did this one. Never think of them. Put that temptation from your mind. It is hard not to be drawn to them, if you allow yourself the memories. I should not like you to have to live through that."_

 _She moved to the door and gestured for him to follow. "Now come. It is time for you to leave this room. Let us find you another meal, to overcome the unpleasantness here."_

Maria had not treated all her recruits so thoughtfully, he found out later. She was naturally rather sadistic and didn't mind seeing them suffer at all. But she had a gift, which was to detect gifts in humans. She couldn't necessarily tell what the gift would be, but she could estimate their strength, and she'd believed—correctly as it turned out—that Jasper would be valuable to her. She'd wanted his loyalty, and for a long time, she'd had it.

"Jasper?" Bella's voiced jarred him from his memories. "Are you okay?"

"I should be askin' you that darlin'." He reached for her, then pulled his hand back again. "Bella, I—"

God, he wanted to tell her, so badly. How could he explain who he was, or even what he knew, without telling her _what_ he was? Without putting her at risk that way?

He couldn't. Edward was right, damn it.

"What is it, Jasper?"

"It's just—Bella, you do look sick, but you also—I just—you seemed... " God, could he be any less articulate? Vampires weren't meant to stutter! "I just wondered if there was anything else going on? You seem sad," he finally said.

"Oh." She looked down at her hands, clenched in her lap, and mumbled a response. "I, um, I had some bad news last night."

He reached out finally and touched her, unthinking, and gently tilted her chin up until her eyes met his.

"Bella, I just want you to know... I'm here for you, if you want to talk, and I..." he petered out as he gazed into her eyes and felt her love and longing and grief all roll into him, with an intensity that almost made him gasp.

"Oh god, I just can't do this!"

She pulled away at his words, and he felt the sharp stab of hurt before she looked away from him.

"No, no, that's not what I meant! I just, I can't—you need to know, I need to tell you—" She looked back up at him then, and he felt her confusion mixed in with all her other emotions, and was that—? The tiniest bit of hope, as well.

"Bella, he didn't die, he's not dead. He just, he changed, and—he couldn't come back. He wanted to, so much, but he couldn't. But he—I—I'm here now. And I'm sorry. So, so sorry. Please, please forgive me, for breaking my promise."

"Ja-Jasper?" It was almost a whisper, but looking into her eyes he could feel her hope growing, as well as her confusion. "Is it—is it really you? But...how? I don't understand. You didn't remember me. That first day—I know you didn't recognise me."

"I didn't. Well, not exactly. I—there's a lot to explain and I—I can't—I'm not supposed to—it's not safe, Bella, for me to tell you. I shouldn't have said anything but—"

"Don't you dare say that!" She was angry now. "I've spent my whole life, I've waited— and you weren't going to say anything?"

"It's dangerous, Bella. I'm dangerous. I'm not the same as I was."

"Wait—you didn't die? You mean you didn't _ever_ die? You've been alive the whole time?"

"Yes," he replied. "In a manner of speaking."

"What does that mean?"

"Just—yes, I've been the same as I am now, the whole time."

"And what are you now?"

"Bella, don't—please don't ask me that."

"And your family," she went on, almost as though he hadn't spoken. "They're the same as you?"

"Yes."

"Wait—did they, did they...make you like this?"

"No, no, not them! I've only been with them for a few decades."

"A few decades," she said slowly. "Jasper, all this time...and—oh." She stopped suddenly. The hurt had come back to the forefront of her emotions, but she looked down, before he could completely interpret it. "And your cousins, in Alaska, are they—?"

"Yes," he said, bemused. "But how did you know about them?"

"People talk, Jasper," she mumbled, still looking down. "So why don't they live here too?"

"There'd be too many of us," he said honestly. "And besides, they prefer their home in Alaska. They don't have to interact with—with humans, much at all there."

"I see," she said simply. Something about her tone told him there was more to her questions than he understood, but he didn't know what. She wouldn't look at him, and he wondered what she was feeling. Was she repulsed?

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked her, sadly.

"What?" She looked up, surprised. "No! Of course not. Why would you think that? Can't we—can't we still be friends?

"Of course, we can," he said, relieved, while she continued,

"We were always friends, first—before anything else."

She was looking down again, and he reached out now, to take hold of her hand.

"Your hands are so cold," she said, and he started to pull away, but she grabbed for his hand, and he let her pull it back, turning it over in her grip to clasp hers. "It was just an observation," she said, "not a complaint."

.

Later that night Bella lay in bed, not wanting to fall asleep. Her mind was still spinning with everything Jasper had told her, and at the same time, she was dreading her dreams. She knew that in the past, Jasper would still be dead. And she now knew too, that he never did come back. Not in that lifetime anyway.

But as much as she dreaded dreaming, she was also exhausted, and she knew her body needed the rest. Jasper was right that she didn't look well. She didn't feel well. The stress of the last few weeks was taking its toll, and the consequent queasiness meant she wasn't getting the nourishment she needed either.

After a while she got up and went to the bathroom to get some cold & flu medicine. Hopefully it would knock her out long enough for her to get some decent sleep before the dreams started.

The tablets almost hurt going down and for a moment she thought she was going to bring them straight back up. But they stayed down and she went back to bed, eventually falling into a dreamless slept that lasted almost until morning. But not quite.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Thanks so much for your reviews, I really appreciate every one of them!**

 **I have been reading a bit the last week, with my cold, so I have a couple of recs – both of these are older stories.**

 **I'll be home for Christmas by Mrstrentreznor **this is a Bella/Joshua Uley story, set a few years after the books (I think the point of departure is in Eclipse, can't quite remember). I remember I **really** liked this story. M rating. s/7619586/1/I-ll-be-home-for-Christmas

Summary: Bella Swan pulled the plug on the wedding juggernaut and ran. Reduced to short stays and voluntary isolation, she moves from place to place. The Volturi can't track her, but it doesn't mean they can't find her some other way. Human, she broke her promise to them. Depressed at Christmas, she meets an older man in a bar and he takes her home. Who is he? Why is she drawn to him?

Then I have a Jasper/Bella story for you too, that I just discovered even though it was finished in 2011:

 **Risen Anew by Pandora181900,** Summary: On Bella Swan's first day at Forks High, she trips over the door step. The smell of her blood is too much for Edward Cullen, and he snaps. Suddenly, she is thrust into a world she didn't even know existed.s/5418567/20/Risen-Anew


	13. Part 1: Chapter 13 - Meeting

**Thanks to my lovely beta MeSh17, who had lots of feedback on this chapter! And as always, thank to Ms Meyer for permission to play in her sandpit.**

 **Published Tuesday 12/6 3:10ish PM AEST. 1640 words.**

 **It's a bit short, but on the upside, it's less than a week AND I've already sent the next chapter to my beta!**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirteen – Meeting**

"You told her," Edward accused as Jasper walked in the door.

He'd gone for a quick hunt after leaving Bella's. He hadn't been that close to a human for any length of time in, well, ever, and it had taken its toll. He would have hunted for longer in fact, but Alice had texted as he left Bella's saying Carlisle needed him home soon.

He hadn't wanted to leave Bella at all, but Charlie had come home, and given that Bella was supposed to be sick it hadn't seemed appropriate to stay. He'd introduced himself to Charlie—he did hope he'd be in the house more frequently now—and given his excuse of dropping off the soup on behalf of Esme.

Bella hadn't had a chance to ask any more questions—not about his cold skin, nor how he'd known she was grieving his death just then, nor why he hadn't known her at first. He knew she'd ask them later, and he still didn't know what he'd say.

"I didn't tell her what we are, just—that I'm me," he replied to Edward's accusation.

Carlisle sighed. "That's enough though, isn't it?" He asked. The whole family was gathered, waiting to interrogate him. "She'll be asking questions now. We usually move on if anyone gets suspicious. Or even more than passingly curious. She's beyond that."

"She's not just anyone!" Jasper flung back. "She's Bella! She's mine!"

He could feel Esme's sympathy, Carlisle's concern, and Edward's disapproval, but above all he could sense Alice's excitement—he looked at her and saw her glazed eyes. She was having a vision and she liked it. His eyes flicked back to Edward, who was radiating even more disapproval, but it was tempered with a hint of relief. What did that mean?

"You've decided!" Alice crowed.

"I have?"

"You're going to tell her! You must have decided because I've seen it! And it's going to be fine Jazz! She'll be fine with it."

"You'll change her?" Esme asked.

"I—yes. If she wants it. If she'll have me." He hadn't thought he was sure, but suddenly he knew he was. It would be her choice, but if she was willing... "Only when she's ready though," he added.

"Of course she'll have you!" Alice said. "She's only been waiting all her life for you!"

"You've seen it?" he asked eagerly, "You've seen her changed?"

"Well, no, I haven't actually seen her as a vampire—I can't see that far ahead with her—but I can tell you she'll accept you for what you are. She loves you, Jazz. Finding out you're a vampire isn't going to change that."

"It would be problematic to do it in Forks though, I do realise that," Jasper said, hoping he was addressing both Edward's disapproval and the concern he felt from Carlisle. "She'd likely want to go to college first anyway, so I think there'll be time to worry about logistics later."

Carlisle interrupted then. "In the meantime, we have a more immediate concern," he said. "I asked you to come home tonight because we've had a call from the Quileutes. They've asked to meet us at the boundary line tonight. Alice said you would be hunting so I put them off until 10pm. I suspect your talents will be useful."

.

The Cullens waited silently, and Jasper allowed his senses to reach out as he heard the Quileutes approach.

A tall, burly young man carried Billy Black in his wheelchair, seemingly with little effort. He was followed by a woman Jasper presumed to be Sue Clearwater, as it had been her late husband, Harry, who'd met with them previously. Flanking them were four enormous wolves, two on each side. He wondered idly why there were so many of them in this generation, as he knew there were only three when Carlisle had lived here previously. Presumably, the man carrying Billy was also a wolf, perhaps even the alpha, if his position immediately beside Billy was an indication.

"Thank you for coming," Billy started, addressing Carlisle. "There are two things we need to discuss."

"Of course," Carlisle replied. "What can we help you with?"

"They are two completely separate issues, but equally important to our treaty," Billy began. "Firstly, our boys have been detecting the presence of others of your kind around the reservation. Are they friends of yours?"

"I'm not aware—" Carlisle looked questioningly at Alice but included the whole family in his question. "Is anyone expecting company?"

Alice was frowning, confused. She mustn't have seen anything then, he thought. Edward gave a slight shake of his head, probably responding to a question Carlisle had asked in his mind, as everyone responded verbally in the negative.

"Are they certain it's vampires they've detected?" Carlisle asked. Edward nodded his head very slightly at the same time the wolves growled.

"We're certain." The young man stepped forward. "We haven't met, he said. I'm Sam Uley. I'm the alpha of the pack, and I can assure you, it's vampires we've been scenting. There's no mistaking it." His lips turned up in a sneer. "So far no dead bodies have shown up, but if they keep coming around, I'm sure it's only a matter of time."

"We wanted to ensure they weren't affiliated with you," Billy said, "but also to warn you. We will destroy any red-eyes we come across."

"We understand," Carlisle said. "We're certainly not aware of who it could be."

"How long since you first detected them?" Jasper asked. "And how many are there?" He hated that he was away from Bella right now—or at all—but the idea that there could be rogue vampires around...

"It's been two weeks since we found the first trail," Sam said, "and there are two of them. Not always together."

"Would you be willing to show one of us where their trail crosses the boundary line?"

"So you can warn them about us? I don't think so," Sam sneered.

"I was thinking we could see if we recognise them, and if not, make sure they know this area is protected and off limits," Jasper replied, impatiently.

"We'll consider it," Billy said firmly.

"And that brings us to our second concern."

Jasper could feel that Billy was both anxious and angry about something. Nervous about bringing it up with the Cullens, perhaps, but feeling self-righteous about whatever it was too.

"It has come to our attention that a human has been spending time with you. Not only has she been to your house, but there are multiple vampire scents around hers."

"Yes," Carlisle said. "Bella Swan, has become important to our family." Jasper wasn't sure if he was pleased or angry that Carlisle claimed her for all of them, without acknowledging Jasper's specific claim.

"Not acceptable," Billy stayed baldly.

Jasper couldn't hold back his growl at that. He could feel the mix of fear and anger it elicited from the Quileutes, but he couldn't be worried by that. Bella was meant to be with him.

"The Swans are practically a part of this tribe," Billy continued, "they do not need vampires hanging around their home. If nothing else, I think you'd agree that it makes their house a more...interesting target for any nomadic vampires passing through. I assume your kind can identify other vampire scents as easily as the wolves?"

It was true, Jasper realised, his concern growing. If there were other vampires around, he needed to get back to her.

"We will ensure no harm comes to the Swans," Carlisle said calmly.

"Don't be ridiculous," Sam said scathingly. "Are you going to have someone constantly watching them? You didn't even know there were other vampires in the area!"

"Your _children_ ," Billy sneered the word, "may play at being teenage school students, but we all know that's a mockery. They do not need to be befriending the teenage population of Forks!"

"Nonetheless, Bella has become close to some of them, and our treaty makes no provisions for you to interfere with that," Carlisle said firmly.

There was a growl from one of the wolves at that response, and Billy Black looked equally furious.

Jasper sent out some calm, although he was struggling with his own feelings of panic now, imagining what could happen to Bella in his absence.

Carlisle quickly added, "However your points about our presence at her house are well taken. We will discuss the best way to approach her safety. Let me assure you that keeping her safe is paramount to us."

"Then you'll leave her alone!" Black all but growled.

"We'll discuss it," Carlisle said. "In the meantime, if one of the pack would show us the unknown vampires' trails, perhaps we can at least eliminate that threat."

Jasper knew he'd used the word "eliminate" deliberately, but also that Carlisle would never agree to permanently eliminate anyone—including a red eyed vampire—unless he felt there was no other choice. When James had decided to go against them the previous year, recognising Alice as the "prey that got away", his death had become inevitable. But even then, Carlisle had struggled with the need.

"We'll discuss it," Black echoed. "I believe we are done here." He gestured to Sam, who lifted him, chair and all, and turned to leave, with no further comment.

"Let's go," Jasper said impatiently.

None of them spoke again until Edward assured them they were out of the wolves' hearing range.

"I have to go back to Bella's," Jasper said then. "They weren't wrong that our scents there could make her a target."

"Agreed," Carlisle said. "Edward, Alice, why don't you run a perimeter around Forks and see if you come across any foreign scents. If not, we'll expand the search to just outside the Quileutes' territory. Let's not wait to see what they decide."

* * *

 **A/N**

Recs:

An old but fabulous fic—you've probably all read Windchymes' stories already, but if you haven't, you should. So—

 **Distractions, by Windchymes** (along with pretty much anything else she's ever written). She's a fabulous writer, and I think I'm not misremembering that she's Australian too, so added bonus. :) I think she's pretty much a strict Edward-Bella fan though. /s/5759303/1/Distractions

Summary: An unexpected discovery and Bella realises Edward lied when he left her. She is determined to find him, but as she searches she finds there is more to Edward Cullen than she ever realised.

Also, here's a fun little one-shot from my Favs list:

 **The Warmth of the Earth by Mrstrentreznor** s/12079578/1/The-Warmth-of-the-EarthIt's Bella-Sam. Summary: Sam thinks that maybe Bella Swan got lost after they saw her in the clearing with Laurent. She's done that before, right? New Moon AU


	14. Part 1: Chapter 14 - Questions

**Thanks to my lovely beta MeSh17, and as always, thank to Ms Meyer for permission to play in her sandpit.**

 **Published Wednesday 13/6 2:20ish PM AEST.  
2034 words.**

* * *

 **Chapter Fourteen—Questions**

As Bella pulled up in the school parking lot on Wednesday morning she made a concerted effort to put aside the sense of despair left over from her dreams.

Jasper was alive. He may not really remember her, but he did still care about her, at least a little.

Things wouldn't be the same between them, clearly. Whether or not the rumours about him and the Alaskan 'cousin' were true, for him it had been nearly 150 years. Of _course_ he'd moved on. It only stood to reason.

But he was alive, and they could still be friends. She could have him in her life—her waking life—finally. The thought that he would still be absent from one half of her life, and that she would still have to live though the rest of that life believing him dead niggled at her, but she suppressed it. She couldn't do anything about it, so she would focus on the here and now.

And here and now, Jasper was walking towards her.

As she got out of her truck and waited for him, she could feel the grin lighting up her face. She couldn't help it. He may not love her anymore, but he was here, her Jasper. Safe.

As he approached her he reached for her hand, and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss it, like he used to. She felt the fluttering in her stomach that his presence in her dreams always caused.

"Hi," he said, his smile bringing out a single dimple in his cheek.

"Hi," she breathed back. His gaze captured hers, and she couldn't look away. His eyes had swapped grey for gold, but they were still the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"Better, thank you." She'd had nothing but a coffee this morning, but he didn't need to know that. She had eaten a little more of Esme's soup last night.

The bell went, breaking the spell, and she tugged her hand away and turned to lock her truck.

When she turned back he took her hand again and threaded it through his arm, the way he would have when he was human.

"May I walk you to class?"

"Sure. Won't that make you late though?"

"Nah. I'm pretty fast. Besides, the teachers here love me. Straight A student, quiet, never cause any trouble..."

"You always were the smartest person I knew," she said, feeling her old pride in his achievements.

"I don't think I was as smart as you back then," he said. "But having gone through high school a few times by now helps."

She wanted to question him more on that, but they were at her classroom.

"I'll see you at lunch," he said, as she reluctantly removed her hand from his arm. "You'll sit with us again?"

"Sure," she said. "I'd like that." His eyes had caught her again, and she gazed up at him, wishing she could figure out the emotions in them. He seemed almost as reluctant to part as she was, but the sound of the second bell had her turning away quickly. "You'd better get to class," she said, making her way into her own classroom.

.

The morning went by in a blur of fending off Jessica's questions and struggling to focus on her work. The lesson before lunch she sat with Jess, and as their teacher was late, she couldn't escape the inquisition.

"Come on, Bella," Jessica whined, "tell me what's going on with you. First you sat with him on Monday, then he walks you to class this morning. You can't pretend that's nothing! Even Angela agrees something's up!"

"I sat with Alice on Monday," she corrected, mildly.

"You sat next to Alice, but it was Jasper who asked you!"

"Yeah, but he said it was Alice who wanted me to sit with them."

"Hmm…well it wasn't Alice walking with you this morning."

"Jess, you're the one who said he was involved with one of their cousins. I honestly think he's just being friendly."

"That was last summer!" Jessica said, clearly impatient with her demurrals. "Are you sitting with him at lunch again today?"

"I guess so," she said. She didn't want to let Jess's enthusiasm get her hopes up, but how could she help it? On one hand, he was just being the gentlemen he was, taking care of her the way he always had. On the other…hadn't he done that because he loved her? But if he did still have feelings like that, it was for the old Bella—nineteenth century Bella. And even though she felt like they were both her, she knew she was different too. She wouldn't just roll over and let her father tell her who to marry now!

Then again, she didn't really think nineteenth century Bella would do that either, if Jasper were around. But her nineteenth century self thought Jasper was dead. And in all honesty, as far as she was concerned, he might as well be.

On that depressing thought, she realised everyone was packing up their books. Lunch time.

.

Jasper waited for Bella outside the cafeteria. When he saw her approaching he smiled and opened the door for her. The smile she gave back to him was shy, but her feelings as their eyes met were hopeful.

"Hi," she said as she walked with him to the lunch line.

"Hi, darlin', how was your morning?"

"Pretty uneventful, aside from the inquisition in Spanish." She chuckled ruefully.

"What, a pop quiz?"

"In the sense that I sat next to Jess, and she's been analysing your and Alice's every move since the first time you spoke to me, so this week has given her plenty of ammunition!"

He frowned, he'd have to keep an eye on Jessica. He'd better ask Edward what she was thinking. "Ammunition for what?" he asked.

She looked up at him and frowned back, and he could feel her doubt and insecurity leak through.

"Oh, you know." She flushed and looked away. "First, she thought maybe I was secretly friends with your family—well, after Alice sat with me at lunch when you were gone."

"And then...?"

"Oh well..." She reached for a tub of yoghurt and stood fidgeting with it. He wanted to add more to her tray but didn't want to overstep.

"Aren't you going to get anything else for lunch?" he asked.

She grabbed a water bottle as they got to the checkout.

"Nah, I don't usually eat much at lunch. I'm not very hungry," she said, handing over her card to the cashier.

She waited while he paid for his own meal—none of which he would eat, of course.

"So what else is Jessica thinking?" he asked as they walked to his usual table. Neither Alice nor Edward were there yet.

She looked down at her tray, flushing again.

"You know, just typical high school gossip. When a gorgeous boy like you starts talking to someone like me…people wonder why, that's all."

He frowned again.

"What do you mean, people like you?"

She glanced at him and then away.

"Just, you know—" She gestured at herself. "Ordinary."

"Anyway…" she continued, oblivious to his frown, as she sat down in the same spot she'd sat in on Monday. He took Alice's seat, but turned it so he was almost directly facing her and waited for her to speak. "They already know about—you know—your…your cousin. So I reminded her about that and, I think she'll probably leave it alone."

She had opened her yogurt while she spoke, and now occupied her herself slowly taking a spoonful. She was still blushing, and he had the feeling she was deliberately avoiding looking at him.

"Bella, darlin'..." he waited for her to look at him, but she just glanced up and back down again. "You have said 'you know' four times in the last few minutes, but in fact I don't know. I have no idea what you are talking about. Firstly, _you_ ," and he emphasised the word by a touch on her shoulder, "are anything but ordinary. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever known, inside and out. And if you think I'm biased, you should have heard the things every boy in this class was saying on your first day here."

She was blushing harder now, but glanced up at him anyway. "How could you know what they were all saying? You sit over here with Alice and Edward and never talk to anyone, or so I hear."

"Well, one of the characteristics of—of what I am now, is super good hearing. So if I concentrate only a little, I can zone in on any conversation taking place in this cafeteria."

"Wow!" She looked up at him properly now. "That must be…a little overwhelming. Is it?"

"It was, at first, but you get used to it." He didn't want to be dishonest, but he also didn't want to give her extra reasons to avoid being changed herself. "It's kinda useful sometimes, in making sure people aren't getting suspicious of us."

"But, Bella, what were you trying to say about my cousins? They did visit last summer, and Kate did come into town with me one time, on a shopping errand for Esme. But I don't understand what that has to do with anything here?"

She flushed again and looked back at her almost empty yogurt tub.

"Just that—Jess said..." her voice had dropped almost to a whisper, as though she was afraid of whatever she had to say. She scraped her spoon around the inside of the tub absently, but without eating any more. Then she sat up straighter and closed her eyes, but said determinedly, "She said it was obvious you were together. So then—that's that, is all. No need for speculation."

He looked at her, shocked. "What?" He said stupidly. "Together as in—a couple?"

She looked up at him, and he could feel her misery as they made eye contact. "Yes," she said, then looked away again. "It's okay, Jasper, I get it—it's been 150 years. I don't—I don't expect anything."

"No, Bella, that's not—Kate and I—that's not what you think. We're not together that way. I mean, I'm not saying—" Shit. This was not a conversation he'd been expecting to have at school. Why couldn't Alice see her more clearly, so she could have given him some warning?

"Damn. Can we…can we talk about this later? Can I come by again after school? I just—I don't want to talk about this here."

"Sure," she said quietly. "That's probably a good idea. Here come your siblings anyway." She gestured towards the entrance.

He looked up and saw Edward and Alice hesitating by the door. "Everything okay?" Edward asked, too low for the humans nearby to hear him. They must have heard at least the end of his conversation with Bella. He could feel their concern.

 _Fine,_ Jasper replied silently, and watched as his siblings made their way over.

"Hi, Bella!" Alice trilled, with her usual enthusiasm, sitting down opposite her. "I'm so glad you're back at school today! Are you feeling better?"

"Uh, yeah," Bella said. "Did—Do you…?" She looked from them back to Jasper.

"They know what I told you yesterday," he affirmed, assuming that was her question.

"Okay," she said, looking down at her hands, fiddling with the edge of her jacket. He reached out and took one of her hands in his. She smiled shyly, but didn't quite meet his eyes.

Her eyes though, settled on his plate. "Aren't you going to eat anything?" she asked.

"Oh, um, well…I'm not really hungry," he answered lamely. "Here, do you want this Alice?" He pushed it across to her and she rolled her eyes.

"No thanks," she said, "Edward and I ate already."

"It's nearly time for class anyway," Bella said, pulling her hand away and standing, before he could argue. "I'm going to go use the restroom. I'll meet you in bio, 'kay?"

"Okay, darlin', I'll see you there."

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Look! No cliffy!**

 **Question for you –** I'm just curious to know, do you as a reader favourite a story before it's finished, never favourite an incomplete story, or sometimes do and sometimes wait? Obviously, many people _do_ favourite WIPs, or this one would have no favs, but I'm curious about general attitudes (for myself, I usually wait until the end to make that call, but _occasionally_ I do it earlier, but as an author of course, I am thrilled by every single favourite I get, LOL.).

 **Recs:**

 **Here's another question, for those who read the recs** – I mostly haven't bothered to include the older stories with trillions of likes, even though they may be some of my favourites, because I figure you probably already know them – but would you like me to include those?

 **Okay, here's a WIP** I'm following that's being updated regularly and is by an author with form for completing her stories (in the sense that she has 72 stories published, and this is the only one not yet complete!). I think all her stories are Bella-Jasper.

 **In the wink of an eye (Gone rewrite)** **by airedalegirl1**. Summary: Everything changes in the wink of an eye. Bella goes missing the night before her wedding to Jacob Black and when discovered near to death almost two years later she has no memory of the past. With Charlie dead, and Renee the other side of the world, who will she choose to trust? And who should she trust? For enemies lurk close by. s/12949826/1/In-the-wink-of-an-eye-Gone-rewrite

 **And an old one that I just discovered recently:**

 **My Pereche, by ggf83.** One of the things that I love about this is that none of the core characters are demonised. A lot of J/B fiction makes it work by making Alice and/or Edward evil, or at least nasty. Sometimes this works, but I prefer the ones where they are still sympathetic characters, and this does it well.

Summary: The stories always said that some bonds are stronger than that of a mate. Jasper thinks this is just a myth until he meets his own 'sufletul pereche' and has to accept he is destined for Bella, not Alice. Sometimes you can't fight what is destined to be, even if your life is already perfect. /s/7555233/1/My-Pereche


	15. Part 1: Chapter 15 - Communication

**Thanks to my lovely beta MeSh17, and as always, thank to Ms Meyer for permission to play in her sandpit.**

 **Thanks also for all the reviews and answered questions, especially to those I haven't had a chance to reply to yet. I am running around like a headless chook for the next few days, so please accept this short update in lieu of a review reply!**

 **Published Saturday 23/6  
1639 words. **

* * *

**Chapter Fifiteen—Communication**

Bella breathed a sigh of relief as she climbed into her truck at the end of the day. Conversation had been stilted at best and non-existent at worst between her and Jasper during biology class, and then gym had been the usual nightmare.

He'd said he'd meet her at home, so she planned to head straight home and get dinner started before he arrived.

She had a feeling it was going to be an uncomfortable conversation, at best. He'd said he and Kate weren't together 'that way', but—what? What was he going to say next? That they were together in some way? Maybe they had a casual on and off thing going?

Or maybe he wasn't going to say anything about Kate. Maybe he was going to say "I'm not saying I'm not with someone." Or "I'm not saying I still feel that way about you."

The last one seemed the most likely. He obviously knew how she felt. How he knew—how he knew she knew anything at all—was a mystery. But that he did know, she felt sure. And he clearly wanted to say something she wasn't going to like. So maybe he wasn't with Kate, but he didn't want to be with her either. Which was fine. Of course he didn't, she'd already figured that out.

So she'd let him let her down gently, and then she'd tell him again that she understood. That she was happy just to be friends. It wouldn't precisely be a lie. She _was_ happy that he was alive. To be able to have him in her life—in any capacity—was more than she'd expected a few days ago.

And if she didn't have to watch him with some supposed cousin, so much the better.

.

By the time Jasper arrived she'd finished chopping everything and was just sautéing the onions before throwing everything else in to simmer itself into soup. She'd enjoyed Esme's soup yesterday—as much as she enjoyed any food lately—and she figured if she made a good hearty soup that suited Charlie, she could water some down with extra chicken stock for herself.

"Come in," she called out, when she heard his knock, adding, "I'm just in the kitchen," once she heard the door open.

"Let me just finish up here and then I'll make some tea," she said. "Or do you prefer coffee these days?" He'd always been a tea drinker when they were growing up, although coffee was more popular back then, just like now.

"No, I'm good. I don't really drink either anymore. Why don't I make you some though, while you finish up?"

"Oh, uh, okay," she stuttered. He came right into the kitchen and she felt her breath catch as he brushed her shoulder in greeting.

"Which one," he asked, "tea or coffee?"

"Just some mint tea please. The cups and tea bags are up there." She indicated a cupboard above the bench.

He busied himself filling the kettle and then finding the right tea. His back was to Bella, and she just stood and watched him for a moment. He was so beautiful. Just like in her dreams but more. He really didn't look much like a senior in college, she thought. She wanted to run her hands through his wavy blonde hair. She wanted to run her hands down his back and feel his muscles under his shirt.

Stop! She told herself silently. You have to stop thinking like this!

She closed her eyes for a moment and turned back to the stove.

By the time she was done, he had her tea ready, and led her back into the living room, where they took the same spots on the couch as the day before.

"There's so much I need to explain to you, and I'm sure you have a thousand questions for me," Jasper started.

She nodded. "I do. Charlie's not getting home till later tonight though, so we have time. If you have time, I mean."

"I have all the time in the world for you, darlin'," he said, taking her hand in his again.

"You don't have to be back for dinner or something?"

He laughed. "No," he said. "That's the first thing you should know—Carlisle and Esme: they _are_ kind of the parental figures of our family. Esme especially will mother anyone, and Carlisle did change Edward, as well as Rosalie and Emmett—have you heard about them? They're away at the moment but they're part of our family too," he paused as she nodded.

"They were seniors last year, right?"

"Yeah. So Carlisle did support them all through their—what we call their 'newborn' period. Remember I said how overwhelming everything was at first?" She nodded again. "So he is kind of a father figure to them. But essentially, although we don't physically age, we're all adults, playing at being a family so we can fit into human society better. So no, no dinner time curfew."

"Okay," she said. "You said that yesterday—humans; you called us humans. So you're not—you don't consider yourself human anymore?"

"No darlin'," he said gently, "I'm not human anymore."

"Okay," she said again. "I'm not going to ask—you told me not to ask what you are, so I won't but…maybe you should just, explain whatever you can? Like how you knew who I was? Why you didn't remember me and now you—you do? At least partly?"

"I will answer all of those questions, but first I need to—I need to clear the air, to explain about Kate."

"What? No, no I don't need to hear about Kate. I told you Jasper, I get it. It's been 150 years. You didn't even remember me. Of course, you've moved on. And, truthfully, I'm not the same person I was back then either. Not really. I'm 21st-century Bella—you might not even like me once you get to know me."

He growled at that. Actually growled! She could even feel the vibration slightly through his hand, which she realised she was now holding in both of hers, her thumbs absent-mindedly smoothing the back of it.

"Don't be ridiculous!" he said. "Of course I'll like you, you're still you. Just a new incarnation. And no, I haven't moved on!"

She looked at him curiously. "Is that what you think?" She asked him. "That I'm the reincarnation of your Bella?"

"Yes," he said decidedly. "I'm sure of it. You're the reincarnation of yourself. You're still my Bella."

She took a swift breath in. That sounded like he meant—could he mean that? That he still wanted to be with her, like that?

"Isn't that what you think?" he asked her.

"Yes, it is," she said. "I always thought…I always hoped that maybe, one day, I would meet the reincarnation of you. That that's why I was having the dreams. And I thought maybe you would be having them too. I never dreamed you were actually still alive from back then."

He looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry," he said. "It probably would have been better for you if I had really died."

"What? No! Why would you say that?"

"Because think about it. Then you could be meeting the reincarnated me. We'd be the same still. I could be human for you. Or maybe—maybe we'd be in heaven together. Maybe you wouldn't have had to live through all this again and again."

"What do you mean? You think I've been here before? Have you—have you met me, reincarnated versions of me, before?"

"No! No, darlin'—" he began.

"No, of course not," she was saying at the same time, "otherwise you would have known me straight away, right?"

"Right," he said. "But Carlisle—he thinks he may have met you before, about 90 years ago."

"Wow. That's...And you think that's why I'm here? Why I was reincarnated? Because you never really died?"

"I don't know darlin', but—I have a lot to tell you. A lot we just found out this past weekend."

"I thought you were camping on the weekend?"

"No. That was just our cover story. Edward and I—we actually went to Texas to do some...shall we say, family research? We found out what happened to you, after I left. And we found my sister's journals, they're kept in a library down there. And a picture of you as well."

"Wow! Mary's journals were preserved, that's amazing. And—what?—a picture of me? From when?

"Wait—" she held up her hands in a stop formation. "I don't want to know—I mean…You probably don't know, do you, but I don't have all my memories from that life. Only up until this day in 1863. Every night I dream about that day in my other life. So—I don't think I want to know what's coming up, if that's okay." She looked down and took his hand in hers again. "I don't think it's going to be good," she added quietly.

"Oh Bella! I wish, god how I wish I could turn back time and just be there with you!"

"Yeah, me too," she said. "Except—then I guess we wouldn't be here now…"

They were silent for a minute.

"Anyway, before I get into all that, I need to—I have to tell you about Kate." He put the finger of his free hand over her lips to silence her as she started to protest again, and then gently ran his fingertips over her cheek, before dropping his hand into her lap and interlacing his fingers with hers. "I know you don't want to hear it, but I have to explain. Will you listen?"

She kept her eyes on their interlaced fingers. "Okay," she said quietly.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Two updates in one week!**

 **.**

 **Thanks for all the responses to my questions last time – now I have another one, sparked by some of the answers... How long is too long between updates? I mean, I know we'd probably all like them daily, but is there a distance between updates where you either don't read, or you just wait till it's finished (if ever) and then read?**

 **Or – are you someone who follows a story when you find it, but then waits till it's complete before reading?**

(I guess if you are then you are reading this much later, but I'd still love to hear your answer! :) )

 **Oh, another question** \- someone complained (maybe complained is too strong - alerted me to their sorrow?) about my short chapters after the last chapter (which from memory was about 2000 words). So - I'm curious, **do you prefer updates more often but shorter - or would double the length but only half as often (for instance) be better?** In fact, I just break the story where it seems natural to do, generally speaking (although to be honest this and the last chapter were originally one chapter, but I needed more time on this last bit, so I just put the first half up to get something up), I don't worry too much about the length. So - curious about people's preferences.

 **.**

 **The next chapter may take a little longer, but it *is* longer too. :) Reviews—as well as making me very happy—will get a sneak peak.**

 **Recs:**

I've just been reading the **Mortal Instruments** series, by Cassandra Clare – my 16yo son (who was the one who introduced me to Twilight) has been trying to get me to read them for months. It took a while but now I am hooked – have read the first four books in the past week. And still writing too! Think yourselves lucky...

So, to cut a long story not very short at all, I have no fan fic recs this week, sorry!

.

Okay, I wrote that and then changed my mind – this was a short chapter, you deserve something! So...

 **Afterlife,** by thatisastory, is a J/B story, but it starts out canon (except with no Renesmee). I just 'wasted' another hour of my writing time re-reading the last two chapters for you, to make sure I wanted to recommend it...  
 **Summary:** Becoming a vampire was supposed to mean a new beginning for Bella. Instead tragedy is visited upon the Cullens, and Bella is neither alive, nor dead, left to keep a promise she wishes she'd never made. This is her Afterlife. s/4642236/5/Afterlife


	16. Part 1: Chapter 16 - Confessions

Thanks everyone for your comments on longer/shorter and frequency of updates. I do appreciate all the people telling me to do what works for me (don't worry, it's all I can do really!), but it was also very reassuring to realise that there is no _one preference_ that everyone shares!

That said, sorry this has taken a bit longer. Meha went away for a few days AND I had to get my taxes in (they were due last October, but hey, I got them done by 30 June, which is the end of the financial year here in Oz, so that's something!). And then my (business) website got hacked, grrrr.

And as always, thanks to MeSh17 for her feedback, and making my cut down on my em-dashes (yes, that's right, this is the reduced em-dash version, LOL) and especially for getting onto it so quickly after getting back home AND thanks to Ms Meyer for letting us enjoy her sandbox and mess with her creations.

.

Finally – just a reminder that I LOVE when you tell me in reviews if you see typos or Australianisms (or anything that stands out as odd for an American to be saying). Meha and I are both not American, so sometimes I get it wrong!

Published: Friday 6th July.  
Word count: 3028

 **See you at the bottom with this week's recs AND a note on my understanding of Jasper's timeline. Now on with the show!**

* * *

 **Chapter** **Sixteen—Confessions**

Jasper was silent for a moment while he gathered his thoughts. How could he explain about Kate without explaining why he didn't remember _her_ : the absolute love of his life?

He knew this was going to hurt her, but before he could risk telling her the truth of what he was, he had to know she could forgive him. That they could move past this. Otherwise, it was just too dangerous for her to know the truth—if she didn't want to be with him anymore, she certainly wouldn't want to become a vampire.

"I guess…I do actually have to explain a bit of why I didn't recognise you at first really, for this to make sense."

"Okay…"

"Okay. So…hmm…how to explain…" He thought back to a conversation he'd overheard at a previous school. "Okay, so, have you ever tried on someone's glasses? You know how everything looks blurry?"

"Yeah, I used to do that with my gran's glasses as a kid. They were so thick I could hardly see through them."

"Right. I once overheard a conversation between a girl who'd just got glasses for the first time, and her friend. The girl with glasses pointed to a tree in the school playground and asked her friend if she could see the individual leaves on it. Of course she could, and glasses-girl said she'd never realised that was possible before. It had always just been a big green blob to her."

"Wow, that must have been amazing, being able to see clearly for the first time."

"Yeah. Now, imagine the view she'd seen from her window every day for years had been blurry like that. Then, just before she got the glasses, she moved to a different town. She could see the view from her new window clearly and after a while it gets hard to really remember the other view, because actually, she'd never been able to see it properly.

"And then, suppose years later someone showed her a picture of the first view—but not blurry, like it had been for her; a clear picture, like she'd be able to see it now. Do you think she'd be able to tell it was her old view?"

"I don't know. I guess maybe not. Are you saying that's what it's like for you?"

"That's a big part of it. The thing is, when people—when they become like me, well, some people remember their human lives pretty well, and other people don't. It's mostly got to do with the circumstances of the change and what you do right after.

"But even if they do remember, it's blurry. You remember how I told you we have really good hearing?"

"Yeah."

"Well, our other senses are also enhanced. So when I see you now, it's like I needed glasses before, and now I can see you clearly."

"I guess that makes sense," she said slowly. "But—that's not all of it right? It wasn't just that you didn't recognise me right away. You didn't seem to remember me at all?"

He could tell that idea hurt her, but he couldn't deny it. "No, you're right. I don't remember much of my human life. And everything I do remember has come from having my memory jogged somehow in the last sixty years or so. But I want you to understand—that has no bearing on how I felt about you. None. I loved you so, so much, Bella. I may not remember all the details, but I remember how I felt. I would have given anything to be able to come back to you. To marry you, have kids, grow old together. Nothing and no one meant more to me that you did."

"I know that, Jasper. I do." She looked at him and he could feel the sadness radiating from her, tears filling her eyes. "And Jasper, I'm sure you probably…you probably found records of me... I probably married someone else not long after you disappeared. But I want you to know, I didn't want to. And I would never have done it, no matter what Papa said, if I thought you were still alive. I'd already been wondering if I could run away, if your mama might help me, or if I could find the army..." The tears were spilling over now. "But then Mary brought word...god, Jasper!" She was almost sobbing as she finished. "She told us you were missing and that there was no hope. I'm sorry," she all but whispered. "I didn't want to betray you. I just didn't know what to do."

"Oh Bella, you didn't betray me." He pulled her into his lap and stroked her hair while she quieted. She clung to his shirt and almost curled up in his lap. He must feel cold but she didn't seem to mind. It was heaven and hell at the same time. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you most needed me."

When she was calm she leaned back a little to look up and ask him another question, but she didn't make any move to remove herself from his lap. He decided he would keep her there as long as she didn't complain. He would start wearing an extra layer or two so she wouldn't get cold—he wanted to have her this close to him as often as possible, despite the undeniable burn in his throat.

"So you said the clarity of memories—it tends to depend on the circumstances of your change? So can you tell me about yours?"

"No, I—not yet. I will, I just—I can't tell you that yet. Suffice it to say that the first eighty years were a living hell. There was nothing, and almost no-one, good about that time, and I am still so grateful to the people who got me out. Even then though, I was isolated and depressed.

"And then, almost sixty years ago, I met Alice." He smiled at the memory. "It was raining, which doesn't really bother me, but I walked into a diner to avoid standing out. She was there, and she just looked at me and said 'You kept me waiting long enough.' I could tell right away that she was—she was just happy! And sincere. You know what she's like. She just kind of, makes you be happy along with her." He looked down at Bella, smiling, but was surprised to feel her pain and wistfulness as she looked back at him.

"So, you and Alice—you were a couple then?"

"What? No! No, not at all! Alice—well, she has a talent. She's precognitive. She has visions of the future."

"What? Wow!"

"Yeah, I know. It takes some getting used to. And she's not always right. Sometimes the visions are open to interpretation. And the future can always change, when someone changes their mind. Plus, she doesn't see everything. But, when she first—woke up, if you like, to this life—she had visions of the future, but she didn't remember anything from beforehand."

"Nothing at all?"

"Nope. She has no memories of being human, or even of how she was changed or by whom. But she started having visions of the Cullens, Edward particularly, and also me, almost immediately. And she taught me another way to live—a way that she'd learned from her visions of the family, that made this life bearable. It took us another few years to track them down, and during that time I helped her survive, while she helped me learn how to be happy again, or at least content. But she was always just waiting for Edward. There was never anything of that nature between us—not even the suggestion of it."

"Okay, that's—good to know."

"But, that does lead me to telling you about Kate."

Bella was looking down and fiddling absently with the buttons of his shirt. His arms were around her still, but he lifted one hand to cup her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into his palm.

"Bella, I don't remember much detail of our lives, but I know we hadn't—we never—I would never have disrespected you by…by asking you to pre-empt our vows." She looked up at him, shocked.

"Of course not!" she said.

"And you would never have…"

"No," she agreed sadly, "but I wish we did. I wish we had!"

"Bella, you would never have wanted that."

"I know," she said. "But things are different now. I don't see things the same way as I did then. And I know what she's—what I'm—going to experience soon. And I just wish I could have had that with you first."

"Oh, Bella!"

"Shush," she said, covering his lips with her finger this time, "don't apologise again. It's not your fault."

He took her hand and interlaced their fingers again, bringing their hands down between them, his other arm still around her, holding her on his lap.

"Oh! And I want you to know... Bella, I'm not expecting—I know times are different now. And you're an eighteen-year-old woman—I'm not suggesting that—I mean, I wouldn't think less of you if you'd…if you'd been with other men."

She just looked at him.

"How could I?" She asked, smiling slightly. "All my life you've been my very best friend. I started to fall in love with you a long time ago. And by night, you were falling in love with me too. By day, I just had to hope and pray that I would eventually find you again."

"Oh darlin', I'm so sorry I didn't wait for you too. I wish I had. I would have, I want you to know that—if I'd had any idea...but by the time I broke away from Maria—my creator—I knew everyone from my human life would be dead and gone. It never occurred to me that—"

She shushed him again.

"Of course it didn't. It's okay Jasper. Truly. I mean, I'm not going to pretend it doesn't hurt to think of you with—with this Kate. For me it's only two weeks since you promised to talk to my father, the next time you were back. But I get that it's not really two weeks.

"So tell me—you said you're not 'with' her," she separated her hand from his to wiggle her fingers in air quotes. "So, were you, previously?"

"No! Not the way you mean." He sighed. "Bella, I want to explain to you—the kind of being I am now—what we're like…but I can't. Not really. Just—Kate and her sisters. They are like, the epitome, of our kind, in a way. And they are very sexual. None of them is mated—in a relationship, I mean. But they all enjoy a very healthy sex life."

"So, all of them then? Not just Kate?" she asked, clearly shocked.

"No, no, just Kate. And it was only a few times, a long time ago. I very quickly realised it wasn't for me. She wasn't for me. I mean—she's a good friend. I think you'd like her—"

She snorted, and he felt his lips turn up in a half smile. "Okay, well, maybe not. But under different circumstances…"

"Yeah, okay, let's just not go there now though, hey? I don't think I have it in me."

"Fair enough."

"So she was the only one then? In 140 years?"

"No…not—she was the only one since I left Maria, though."

"So—Maria?" She looked shocked again, and as she stared straight at him, he could feel her intense hurt. "The one who took you away to begin with? I knew I hated her. And—you were with her for eighty years?"

"Not really. Not the way you're thinking. She used sex as a means of control. I might have thought I loved Maria for a time—" her quick intake of breath made him curse himself inwardly. "But I didn't, Bella! It wasn't love. I didn't know what love was then. I was just stuck in this hell with, I thought, no way out."

She was even paler than usual, and he hurried on. "It's just—it was a crazy, hellish time and I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of. I was a monster, Bella. I was in hell and I inflicted that hell on others in turn. The fact that I slept with Maria—it makes me sick now, but truthfully, it was probably the least awful thing I did. When you know...god! Why am I wasting time confessing about Kate? When you know the truth, you'll never want to see me again, and I couldn't blame you."

"You're wrong Jasper. What you did with Kate, it hurts more because you weren't in hell then, and you cared about her. You still do. Whatever happened before then—whatever you did—you got out. You're not doing it any more. And it has no impact Jasper. It can have no impact. Nothing can. I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. Whatever you've done—it's not going to change that."

"Oh Bella, I love you too, so much." And suddenly, he couldn't hold back any more. She loved him. Her lips were right there. Slowly, so that she could pull away if she wanted to, he lent down and pressed his lips to hers.

.

Bella felt her eyes flutter open as Jasper slowly pulled back. Her heart was doing double time, and a small part of her brain wondered if his enhanced senses could hear it. The rest of her mind, though, was completely occupied with the adoration she saw in Jasper's eyes. Not breaking eye contact, she slowly lifted her hand to his cheek.

"I..."

"I love you, my Bella," Jasper said just as she began to speak.

"I love you, too." She said, and then wriggled around until she was facing him on his lap, her legs straddling his. "Oh, Jasper," she said, "I thought you wouldn't…I mean, I didn't—I didn't think you still felt that way, wanted me that way."

"Darlin', I will always want you. I will always love you." He paused, looking sad. "I know you must feel betrayed—"

"No, Jasper I—"

"Shh," he put his finger over her lips, "let me say this. I know it must hurt then, to think that I forgot you—"

"Jasper—" she tried again, but the slight increase of pressure of his fingers against her lips was too distracting. He gently rubbed his finger back and forth and she felt her breath grow short, her eyes dropping to his mouth and then closing, as she revelled in the sensation.

"Don't do that," Jasper said. Startled, her eyes flew back to his.

"Don't close your eyes," he clarified. "You know the saying—the eyes are the window to your soul? There's something in that, I think…And Bella, I need to explain some things. Lots of things actually. But..." he paused to take her hand in his again. Frowning, his thumb caressed her fingers seemingly without his awareness. "First I just, I want to make sure you know that I—" he stopped again, gazing into her eyes sadly.

"Just tell me, Jazz. Whatever it is, it's going to be okay, I promise."

"I did forget you. I'm sorry, and it shames me, but I did. I forgot everything and everyone, and I can never fully regain those memories."

"I know," she said, "but it's okay, you explained about that already. "

"Not really. Not completely anyway, but I can't tell you any more yet, anyway. But I just want you to know—even though I can't recapture the moments, the details…I remember how I felt. It's still there, the love I have always had for you. As soon as the slightest memories started coming back...actually even before that really. Before I had the foggiest idea who you were, I started feeling drawn to you: protective and just—wanting to be near you. I didn't understand it at the time..."

This time it was her turn to lean in, but unlike him, she didn't do it slowly. She couldn't help herself, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

It didn't start out as a passionate kiss—they had never done more than hold hands and exchange chaste kisses in her previous life—but when she pulled back to say again that she loved him, Jasper followed. And now she felt his lips part slightly over hers. He sucked her lower lip gently into his mouth, and she gasped with pleasure.

Jasper pulled back gently. "Was that—are you okay?" he asked. She could feel her heartbeat racing and her breath coming in startled pants. Then he looked into her eyes, and his lips turned up in a small smirk. "Oh," he said. "I can see that you are."

He leaned in to kiss her some more, and as she closed her eyes and allowed him to part her lips with his tongue, she heard herself whimper into his mouth. That seemed to excite him as he deepened the kiss further, one hand sliding into her hair as he did so. She tentatively reached out with her own tongue, and he moaned against her, before pulling back slightly.

"Oh god, Bella! You…I…we need to slow down a little."

"Okay," she panted, knowing he was probably right.

"There are still things I need to explain..." Jasper brought his hand up to caress her face, and rubbed his thumb back and forth across her lips.

She closed her eyes again and tried not to moan. She felt him carefully move her off his lap.

"I think," he said, "it may be a little too distracting having you so close to me though." He chuckled lightly as she opened her eyes and pouted, but turned to sit sideways on the sofa facing her, taking her hands and gently pulling her to face him.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Before we get into history and detail and recommendations, did I mention how very, very happy reviews make me? *grin***

 **Seriously, what did you think of this chapter? Too much dialogue? Not enough dialogue (unlikely!)? The rest of this afternoon will be the next chapter and then we will be back to more "plot development" chapters!**

 **.**

 **Now, Jasper's timeline:  
For those who care: here's my justification for Jasper's age, disappearing in January not October, and length of time spent with Maria. Some of these things have conflicting information between the novels, the Official Illustrated Guide, and what Stephenie has said in emails (as published in the Twilight Lexicon). The last of those sources I take as the least authoritative, because sometimes authors say things, but change their minds when they actually write the book.  
(If you don't care about this, just skip to the recommendations below!)**

Jasper was turned at the very beginning of January 1863, when he was not yet 19. Rationale:

*According to the book he was almost 17 when he enlisted in in 1861 (Eclipse p. 292). Texas seceded from the union in March 1861, so that's the earliest he could have joined, thus his birthday is perhaps March or April 1844, but not earlier.

*The battle of Galveston Jasper describes (also p. 292) was probably actually the Battle of Galveston Harbor, which was October 1862, BUT according to the Illustrated Guide he was turned in 1863 (although it also says he was 19, which is not mathematically possible). The Battle of Galveston (which was when Texas recaptured Galveston) was 1 January 1863. So I'm going with that battle, for the purposes of this story.

I'm assuming Jasper was with Maria until 1944. Here's why:

*Eclipse doesn't give us actual dates for Jasper leaving Maria or joining the Cullens, but the Illustrated Guide says he met Alice in 1948. He travelled with Peter and Charlotte for a few years (Ecl. p. 299) before going off on his own and wandering for an unspecified amount of time, so he must have left Maria by 1945 at the latest.

*He said in Eclipse "For the first century of my life, I lived in a world of bloodthirsty vengeance. Hate was my constant companion." (p. 300) While that can be taken as a "rough" estimate, it could be that he left Maria around 100 years after his human birth, which would make it around 1944.

*The Illustrated Guide says Charlotte was turned in 1938 AND that P&C came back for Jasper in 1938, which plainly can't both be true (Jasper says in Eclipse that Peter "snuck back" for him five years after leaving (p. 299)). So, I'm supposing he left Maria in 1944, which fits with Charlotte and Peter leaving in 1939, one year after Charlotte was changed in 1938.

 **Don't you love all that detail? Reading up on the history of Texas during the Civil War has been one of the fun side effects of writing this story :)**

 **.**

 **Recs:**

 **Endless Hope by xPaige Turnerx.** "Sometimes it takes a near death experience to realize how you really feel. AU. Set at the End of Twilight." s/5937087/1/Endless-Hope This is a Bella/Alice one shot. I **was** going to rec her latest story, but then I got to the end and discovered that even though it is marked complete, it is NOT! She is still working on it though I think (last updated in June) so go read it if you want. It's also Alice-Bella though.

And here's a rare (for me) all human rec that was written last year, that I enjoyed recently:

 **Secrets & Wishes **by CaraNo "Everyone has secrets, and everyone has wishes. We hope that the latter come true, and secrets...well, we tend to hope they're never unearthed. When Bella's son discovers a time capsule in the woods, her graduating class is going to need a lot more than hope. Same applies to her high school teacher, Edward Cullen." Bella/Edward s/12593077/1/

Don't worry, we'll be back to B/J recs next week :)


	17. Part 1: Chapter 17 - Vampire

**As always, many, many thanks to my beta MeSh17, and to Ms Meyer for her graciousness about the mess we make, playing in her universe.**

 **Words 5529, first published 2:55ish AEST, 19/7/18**

* * *

 **Chapter Seventeen – Vampire**

All Jasper wanted to do was keep kissing this beautiful woman, but he knew he needed to tell her what he was. He should have told her first, before he kissed her. But when she said she loved him...he just needed to show her how he felt.

Now the really hard part was here. Telling her about Kate had been awful. But this—she might think it would have no impact, but she had no idea what he was, what he had done.

"Bella, I want you to know—I will protect you. No matter what you decide...even if you never want to see me again, to see any of us again...I will make sure you're safe, okay? You're under no obligation."

"Jasper," Bella interrupted him, "I told you, nothing will change how I feel. Nothing."

"I know you think that darlin', and believe me, I hope you're right. But you don't know—you can't even imagine what I am. What I've done."

"So tell me! Trust me, Jasper. Let me in."

He took a deep, unnecessary breath and let go of her hands, pulling his back—she deserved to have some distance while she heard this. She might not want him touching her at all in a minute. But she grabbed his hands right back, and he let her pull them towards her. How could he deny her?

"Don't do that," she said. "Trust me, remember?"

He looked at their joined hands, watching as she gently rubbed her thumb over the back of his fingers, doing everything she could to soothe him. God, he loved her!

He took another deep breath and looked up into her eyes.

"Bella, I'm—I'm a vampire." He saw her shock and looked away. That was not anything like she was expecting, he knew. How could she have even imagined anything so ridiculous, so horrific?

But as he tried to pull his hands from hers again, she tightened her grip.

"No," she said. "I won't let go of you."

He looked back up at her in shock and saw that she was still gazing at him with love.

"I told you it wouldn't make any difference to me. So you're a—a vampire. So you drink blood? And—oh god—do the people die?" She was still holding his hands in both of hers, but now she looked away. She said it wouldn't make a difference, but he saw, before she broke eye contact, how the idea horrified her. Of course it did! How could it not?

"Not anymore," he said quietly, looking down at their joined hands. "That is, I—we—only drink animal blood. But—yes, the animals die, and before I learned I could live on animal blood, I did kill people. A lot of people."

"So, all the time you were with Maria...that's why you said you were a monster?"

Jasper closed his eyes. "No," he admitted, quietly, "at least, that's only part of it." His eyes back on their hands, he started to explain. "Bella, it was...I was...god! I don't know how to explain this to you." That wasn't really true though. He knew how to explain, he just didn't want to. She was already horrified, by the most basic truth of what he was. How could he tell her the rest? Then again, maybe he didn't have to. If she couldn't accept him as a vampire anyway, she didn't have to know the rest. The thought brought both relief and the very worst despair, at the same time.

But then she moved one of her hands up to his cheek, gently encouraging him to look up at her. And what he saw there almost took his breath away.

She was looking at him with love and acceptance, and at the same time her sympathy was clear.

"Jasper," she said gently, "you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I love you. I told you that won't change, and if you need to confess everything to me to truly believe it, then I'm listening. But if you need time—you have it."

"You still love me? Bella, I'm a vampire. I've killed people. I've tortured people! I—I left you! I forgot you! How can you forgive that?"

She looked down again, and he reclaimed her hand as she dropped it into her lap.

"Why did you?" She asked, in a small voice. "Why didn't you come back for me? You've partially explained, but—you said there was more to it. Did you—did you not want me? Once you were a vampire? Did Maria—was she—did you just want her?"

"No! No, Bella, that's not it, not at all." He sighed, realising he would have to tell her everything. It might help her to understand him, and why he forgot her, but he hoped it wouldn't also put her off every being changed herself. If she could ever possibly want that anyway.

"When a vampire is changed, is created...I already told you a little bit about how disorienting it is. You wake up, after three days of the most excruciating burning, three days where you can focus on nothing but the pain, to a world where you can see everything. Hear everything. You can feel the dust motes in the air dancing against your skin. And the way your brain is enhanced means that you can focus on everything you hear, everything you see, all at the same time. All the while, the burning has concentrated in your throat, and is still taking up more of your attention than your brain could manage altogether, three days earlier.

"And then, into that hell, a warm, breathing, bleeding human is tossed. And there's no time to concentrate on the wet sound of their pulse as their heart pumps their blood through their body, no time to take in the sounds of their sobs as they process what's happening to them, no time to see every pore in their skin, every hair on their head, every laboured breath their lungs drag into their panicking body.

"Because suddenly, every single part of your expanded mind is focussed on the taste of the blood rushing into your mouth. Before you even know that you've moved, the burning in your throat is being soothed by their lifeblood flowing into you. The fact that your teeth cut through their skin like butter, that you instinctively went straight to their jugular, that their heart beat is slowing, that they've stopped breathing—all of that is registered only after you realise that the blood is all gone. That you've drained their body and your throat is still burning.

"And only then do you realise what you are. What you've become. Vampire."

He glanced up at her only long enough to see the horror on her face. He couldn't look at her if he was going to tell her everything. He took another unnecessary breath, in and out.

"Humans only use a tiny part of their brain capacity," he started again. "But once they are changed, the vampire they become can use all of it, or at least, much more. We can concentrate on numerous different things at once, we have near perfect recall, and a seemingly unlimited capacity for learning. But for most of us, those first months are little more than a blur of feeding and learning control.

"Maria changed me to be part of her army. She—"

"Wait, what? She had an army of vampires? Was she part of the war? Was that why so many people died?"

"No. Not the way you mean. The war was terrible anyway. Conditions were awful, much worse than I would ever have let you know, back then. Most of the deaths really were due to disease. Of course, war does make a nice feeding ground for vampires, but no, that's not what Maria's army was for.

"She was building an army to fight other vampires for feeding territory. The southern vampire wars were a nasty time in vampire history, but at the time, they were all I knew. They're still going on, actually, but not to the same extent as they were then." He kept his eyes steadily on their joined hands, taking comfort in the fact that she didn't pull away from him, as he explained the history of the southern territory wars, and the advantage of using newborns—stronger than older vampires and more easily manipulated.

"Nomadic vampires—and those few settled covens, like our family—measure life in centuries and millennia. But in the South, vampires measured life in days and weeks. Very few survived to the end of their newborn year, and most of those who did, were—disposed of, when they got to that point and their newborn strength was used up."

He suddenly realised he was smelling the salt of tears and looked up.

"Oh, Bella, darlin', I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have—"

But she surprised him again, reaching up to capture the hand that was wiping away her tears.

"Jasper," she whispered, "I nearly lost you again. You could have died then and I would never have known."

"Oh, darlin'... in some ways I still think maybe that would have been better. I was dead to you anyway. And then, maybe...we would have been together all this time."

"Maybe we would," she said, thoughtfully. "But then, I would never have existed."

He had to hold back a growl at that idea. "You would _always_ have existed," he said. "You will _always_ exist!"

"Maybe," she said again, "but not like I do now. I mean...I do feel like I'm the same person. When I dream of her—of my life back then, I don't know anything about the me of now, but when I wake up, her memories are my memories. Or at least—everything I dream, feels just like it happened to me. The parts of that life that happen in between the dreams...they're not so immediate, you know. Like, I know they happened, but it's _almost_ like it happened to someone else. Or at least, that it was a long time ago, does that makes sense?"

"Sort of," he said. "Actually, it's a bit hard for me to completely get it, because the vampire memory is so acute. Aside from those first few months, I pretty much remember everything I've ever experienced in this life, like it was yesterday. Maybe it's a bit like my human memories, only the opposite."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it sounds like for you, with those other memories, the detail is clear but the feelings are a bit removed. Is that right?"

"Yes, that's it exactly."

"Whereas for me, with my human memories, the detail is hazy—actually, there's almost no detail, just a few images. But the feelings that go with them are powerful."

They were both thoughtful for a while, and he wondered how she was feeling. He was about to ask her, when she brought her eyes back to his. He felt her sadness, but also...relief?

"So why did you—how did you survive?" she asked.

"I—Maria, she was looking for talented vampires. Some vampires...well, Carlisle theorises that when we're changed, we bring our strongest attributes with us...that they become enhanced. And, for some of us that manifests as a, well, a supernatural talent."

"What, more supernatural than the rest of what you are?" She snorted, smiling slightly.

"Well...yes, sort of."

"And you have one?" she asked, curiously. "What is it then?"

"I'm an empath," he said.

"What, like Deanna Troi, on Star Trek? You can feel people's emotions?"

"That," he said, "and—I can manipulate them."

"What?!" He looked into her eyes and felt her shock.

"Not yours!" he assured her, "I promise, I haven't manipulated your emotions. I can't, even if I wanted to."

"What?" she said again. "Why? Explain!" She frowned, and he wondered what she was thinking.

"I can't explain it, fully," he said. "With most people—well, everyone, before you—I can feel their emotions. Even in a crowd, like say in the cafeteria at school, I can pick out all the different emotions in the room, and if I concentrate, I can tell which is coming from whom. If I know the person, I can recognise their emotional signature, and I can even pick them out from a different room. So at school, if Edward or Alice suddenly felt extreme rage, or bloodlust, or, well anything really—I will immediately know about it, because I'm so attuned to them.

"But you—the first day I saw you, I knew you recognised me, because I heard you say my name. But when I tried to read what you were feeling—there was nothing. You were like a blank to me. And, Edward has a talent too. He can read minds." He heard her sharp intake of breath and pressed on quickly, "But not yours—when I couldn't figure out your emotions, he tried to hear what you were thinking, but there was nothing there. If we couldn't see and hear you, we wouldn't have known you were in the room."

She frowned. "So there's...something wrong with my brain?"

"No!" he said, reaching up to cup her cheek, and tilt her face so she would look at him. He gazed at her and tried to put all his love for her into his eyes. "It's just like—you're shielded from our abilities—most of the time."

"Most of the time?"

"When you look straight into my eyes, like now—then I can read you." She looked down and he sighed. "That's why I asked you not to close your eyes before—I hate not knowing what you're feeling!"

She looked back up at him then, and he felt her trepidation, but also her love. Even after everything he'd told her...He let his fingers skim her cheek, down to her lips, and saw her pupils dilate, as he caressed them lightly. Then she pulled back slightly and looked away. He let his hand fall back into his lap, and she quickly interlaced their fingers, but didn't look back up.

"And when I'm looking at you, can you—"

"I can't affect your emotions at all, not even when we're making eye contact. At least," he smirked a little, hoping to lighten things up, "not with my supernatural ability!"

She smiled slightly and looked back at him. "And Edward? Can he read my mind then?"

"No," he said. "It's strange actually because—" He stopped suddenly. How would she feel about them eavesdropping on her dreams? Would she be angry? She deserved to know, either way.

"There's something else I need to tell you. You must have wondered how I knew—that you thought I was dead, that you were—you, at all."

"I—yes," she said, "I figured we'd get to that eventually. But yes, I had wondered. So, how?"

"I discovered—I came over here to check on you, after we'd been away, hunting. Remember when it was sunny the other week?"

"You missed two days of school."

"We did," he said. "And normally we wouldn't have come back until the Sunday night but—I was worried about you."

"You were? Why?"

"I couldn't explain it then," he said. "I didn't know who you were. We were all concerned about the fact that you'd obviously recognised me, and...you knew my real name."

"Where does the name 'Hale' come from?" she interjected.

"It's Rosalie's human surname," he explained. "It helps our cover story when we pose as natural siblings."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense."

"Anyway, we were all concerned but my feelings went deeper. I didn't want to admit it, even to myself—though Edward did his best to make me—but I just wanted to see you again. And...it made me anxious, to be away from you, even then. I just didn't know why."

She smiled at him, and he could feel her pleasure at his admission. Maybe she wouldn't be too upset.

"So we came back early, and I came over here to check on you—I'll explain some of our theories to you later, it'll probably give you a good laugh. But really, I just needed to be near you. But, when I got here…"

"What?" she said, "Don't keep me in suspense!"

"I could feel you," he said almost reverently, remembering how peaceful it had been, staying outside her house that first night. Until her dreams had turned sour, and he'd felt her emotional switch flip—which he now knew was when she'd started dreaming of the past.

"You could feel my emotions?"

"Yes, while you were dreaming I could feel everything you were feeling, just as though you were looking right at me. And then—please don't be upset but we still didn't know who you were or how you knew me. So, the next night Edward came back with me."

"And he could read my mind?"

"Yes—as long as you were asleep, he could. Mostly it was just the normal dream jumble, but when you started dreaming of the past—of our past—he said it was just like listening to someone's thoughts while they're awake. He can see what they can see, as well as the thoughts passing through the surface of their mind. And when you started dreaming of the past, he could see and hear everything through your thoughts, but it was like he was seeing directly through nineteenth century Bella's mind. There was no sense of you as an intermediary."

"Oh. That's…kind of creepy really. Has he been back?"

"A few times, yes. That's how I knew, yesterday, that Mary had been by, and—" he felt her spike of pain at the reminder. "Sorry," he said.

"It's okay. You're not dead, you're right here. It's just—in my dreams, when I go to sleep, you're still dead. And now I know…you're not coming back for me. I am going to have to marry that, that friend of Papa's…" He growled at that, he couldn't help it, and then cursed himself as she gasped.

"Sorry! Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. The idea of you being forced into—" He almost growled again. He had to control himself! "I just want to kill him. I want to go back in time and rip him limb from limb. I can't—"

"Shh," she said, squeezing his hands. "It's okay, Jasper, it was a long time ago."

"I should have been there!" he growled, "I should have been there for you!"

"But you weren't," she said sadly, "and you were explaining why…"

"Yes," he said, sighing. "So…the way I described waking up as a vampire. In Maria's army, most of the first months are like that. She would keep us half starved—newborns need to feed often—in order to control us. And then she would use us to fight her battles, and reward us with a day or two of unlimited feeding.

"For me, as my talent developed, it was even more hellish, as I could feel all the other newborns' bloodlust and desperation as well as my own. But gradually I also learned to control it—my bloodlust, and theirs too—which is what made me useful for Maria.

"But at the very beginning, when I first woke up to this life, which is a nice way of saying when the burning stopped and I could think and function again, all I could focus on was the burn in my throat. During your change it's like—you stop being you. All you are is the pain, the burning.

"Actually, I shouldn't say that as though it's the same for everyone. Emmett—Carlisle changed him after Rosalie saved him from a bear, and he talks about how he thought Rose was an angel. She stayed with him through his change, and although the burning was still all encompassing for a while, having her there made a difference."

"Did he know her beforehand?" Bella asked.

"No, but when he was finished with the change, and after his first meal, Rosalie and Carlisle talked to him about who he had been—they drew out his memories to help him hold on to them.

"I had the opposite experience. I was changed to fight, and that was what I did more or less constantly, in between feedings, those first few days—fight with other newborns. And to begin with they fed me twice a day, encouraging the bloodlust, to ensure they could use it to control me afterwards.

"Many newborns didn't even last a week, if they weren't sufficiently controlled. We killed each other, and Maria liked to destroy at least one herself from each new group she created, just as an example to the rest." He paused, thinking back to that time. It was true that much of it was a blur, but there were moments that stuck in his memory, and none of them were pleasant.

"After a few days," he continued, "Maria brought me a meal—a human girl who looked a lot like Mary." He paused, playing absently with her fingers. "I killed her," he finally spat out. "I didn't even pause. I killed her just as quickly as all the others. But afterwards, I broke down. I hadn't thought of her—of anyone, or anything from my previous life—until that moment.

"Maria asked me if I'd known her, and when I explained, she told me to never think of her again, to never think of anyone I'd known again. She said that if I couldn't forget, I would end up going back and then I would kill everyone. She said she'd seen it happen.

"I believed her implicitly. She truly seemed sympathetic, and although I didn't yet have control of my gift at that time, from what I can tell from my memories she really did want to spare me that pain. But she also needed to control me, and how much easier was that to do, if I remembered nothing and no-one but her?

"But after that, whenever anything brought up a memory again, I squashed it. I never once allowed myself to remember anything from my past, until after I met Alice. I spent eighty years with Maria—running her army, doing to others what she had done to me. By the end of that first year, I didn't have to repress the memories. They'd stopped coming." He looked up at her then. "And to some extent Bella, she was right. If I had come to you then, I wouldn't have been able to control myself. I _hate_ that I wasn't there for you. It enrages me to think about, but Bella, I _couldn't_ be. And I'm so, so sorry."

Now she knew everything. She knew the monster he had been as Maria's right-hand man. And she knew what was equally shaming—that he would have killed her, had he come across her then. But she was looking at him with love and understanding. He shook his head in confusion.

"Bella...why aren't you disgusted? You should be running—or at the very least throwing me out of your home. Do you understand?" he asked, almost desperately. "I would have killed you!"

"I know," she said simply. "Or at least, I know you believe that."

"No, Bella, it's true! I don't want you to be under any illusions. I need you to understand."

"I do! I do, Jasper."

"Then why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" She frowned, and he could feel her confusion.

"Like you still love me," he whispered.

.

"Jasper..." Bella tightened her hold on his hands and then let go to place her hands on his cheeks. How did she make him understand? "I know you think I should be...upset. Or angry, or something. But I'm only angry with Maria. _She_ took you from me. She made you into that monster. But that's not who you are, Jasper!" She gazed into his eyes, willing him to understand. "Centuries from now, that eighty years will only be a small part of your history. And whatever else happens between now and then, I truly—fervently—believe, you will always come back to the kind, loving, wise soul that I grew up with."

He took her hands and placed kisses on each palm, but then looked down into his lap, as if he didn't want to read what was in her eyes.

"But what if I'm not that person anymore, Bella?" he asked, quietly. "You think I'm the man you remember, but I'm not! Being with Maria changed me. Being a vampire changed me."

"No, Jasper, no. It didn't, not really." She frowned. "I mean...I don't mean to belittle those experiences and what they mean for you. I know you are different—just like I am—but you're also the same."

"That doesn't make sense, Bella." But he smiled, as he looked back at her, as though he was starting to believe.

"I know, but I thought about this a lot last week. Was I just using you, to replace _my_ Jasper? You reminded me so much of him, not just in how you look, but the way you talked to me. How kind you were. I realised that even if you didn't remember me, even if there was never any explanation, I was still falling in love with you, all over again. Because you were still _you._ "

She pulled one hand away from him to place it back on his cheek, and leaned in, maintaining eye contact with him, letting him read her love and relief and utter joy, until she couldn't focus anymore. Then she let her eyes flutter close, as her lips found his.

It started as a soft, gentle kiss, but when she felt his lips open under hers, she couldn't stop herself from pressing closer. She slid her hand into his hair, her other hand coming up onto his chest, as his arms went around her. She felt herself lifted back into his lap, as he gently sucked on her bottom lip, and she heard herself whimpering into his mouth. His moan all but undid her. By the time he pulled back, she was panting as though she'd raced him to their tree, back in Texas. It was a pretty perfect moment. Until her stomach growled.

Jasper frowned. "Bella, we've been talking for hours. You must be starving!"

"I'm not, really," she said. She kind of was, but she still felt a little queasy too.

"Was that not your stomach I just heard growling at me then?" he teased.

She felt her face flush. "Okay," she admitted, standing up, "I guess I'm a little hungry. I'll have some soup. Will you stay?"

"Until you tell me to go," he assured her, following her into the kitchen.

She smiled as she dished herself up a small bowl of soup, adding some stock out of a tetra pack in the fridge and putting it in the microwave to heat through. "I like the sound of that," she said.

He frowned as he watched her bring the bowl to the table.

"Bella, that's not much food. And it looks like it's mostly water. That can't be very nourishing."

"It's not water, it's stock. That's super nourishing!" she explained. "Besides, I—well, with the stress of the last few weeks...I just haven't been feeling all that well. This will be enough."

"Because of the dreams you mean," he said, frowning darkly. "Because I'm not there."

"Jasper, it's not your fault Maria took you," she said. "Anyway, you were away at war. Even if she hadn't, you still wouldn't have been there. It's my father's fault for insisting I marry someone against my will—for not respecting my choices."

"I wish I'd spoken to him when I had the chance."

"You remember that?" she asked.

"Sort of. Edward told me of a dream when you were thinking of meeting with me under our tree, and—"

"So you remember our tree?"

"Again, sort of. When he described your dream, I had a flash of memory of being with you, under an old oak tree, and he said you looked exactly the same, in my memory, as in your dream. Or rather, you were wearing the same dress. And the tree was the same too."

"We always used to meet by that tree. Ever since we were little kids, escaping our mama's supervision."

"The last time I saw you...I told you I'd speak to your Papa the next time I was back, didn't I?"

"You did," she agreed softly. "But Jasper, I don't think it would have made a difference. Mama told me—just this week—that he would never have accepted you. And anyway, once you disappeared…"

They fell into silence as she forced down a few more mouthfuls of soup. Then she realised that Charlie would be home before long.

"Oh," she said, "Charlie will be home soon. Do you—that is...do you want to stay, or..."

"It's up to you, Bella. Do you want me to stay? I will want to meet him at some point. He needs to know that I'm going to be in your life now. From now on. But it's up to you if that happens today."

She thought about it for a bit. She didn't want to hurt Jasper's feelings, but...

"Maybe not today," she said slowly. "I do want him to meet you, and you to meet him too. You'll like him better than my Papa, I think."

"I hope he'll like me better, too!" he interrupted.

"He will, don't worry." She smiled at him. "But maybe...I'd like to tell him, first, if you don't mind?"

"Of course I don't mind, Bella."

"I guess you should go then," she said reluctantly, getting up to walk him to the door.

"Okay, but Bella, I won't be going far—there's something else I need to tell you."

"Okay..." that sounded slightly ominous. She turned to face him, the front door still closed behind her. "Wait, Edward isn't still listening to my dreams, is he? Please don't let him do that! I don't want you to have to hear it."

"No! No, that's not it. We met with the—oh—with some allies of ours, last night. It seems there have been some nomadic vampires hanging around Forks. Some human drinking vampires."

"Oh! Has anyone...have they killed anyone?"

"Not yet," he said. "Not that we know of anyway. But these allies—they pointed out that our scents are all around your house, between Edward and I hanging around at night, and Alice coming to visit you on the weekend."

"And, is that bad?" she asked nervously.

"Maybe not. But, I'm concerned it might attract them. So one or two of us will be close by all night, okay? Just in case. And hopefully they will leave soon."

"So they can kill someone somewhere else," she said, sombrely.

"Bella..."

"Sorry!" she exclaimed. "It's just—"

"Don't be sorry," he said. "You're right. That's the reality of it."

"It's just, it makes it feel a lot more real."

"I know," he said. "I'm sorry you even have to know they exist."

"But they do," she replied, "whether I'm aware of them or not. At least I know you're out there, keeping me safe." She tried to smile, but suspected he wasn't fooled. Then she had another worrying thought. "But Jasper," she said, "you won't be in danger will you? Promise me you won't do anything dangerous."

He smiled at her, a look in his eyes that she couldn't quite interpret. "I won't do anything dangerous," he said.

Unconvinced, she grabbed his hands. "Promise me, Jasper. I can't—nothing can happen to you now, okay?"

"Darlin'," he said, smiling wryly at her, "I will be completely safe, I promise. The fact is, you don't survive eighty years in the vampire wars easily. I am very hard to hurt, okay?"

"So you're saying you're tougher than them?" She smiled back at him. "You always were pretty good in a fight."

"I was?" he asked.

"You don't remember when my brother decided you weren't good enough for his little sister, and needed to be taught a lesson?"

"I—no? What happened?"

"Well, suffice is to say, he came out worse than you did."

"Oh well...that's good, I guess?"

"I was pretty angry with him at the time, so yeah, it was good!" She took a step closer to him and looked up into his eyes. "But even so, Jasper, be careful, okay?"

"I will," he assured her. "I'd better go." He bent down and kissed her gently on the lips. She leaned into him, unable to stop herself from trying to deepen it, but he pulled away. She pouted.

"You want me to go before your dad gets home, right?"

"Yeah, okay," she said, "I do."

He reached past her and opened the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, darlin'."

* * *

 **A/N**

 ***sigh* I do love me some Jasper-kisses...**

 **Okay, happy now?**

 **What do you think? Reviews make me dance (and dancing is good for the soul AND good exercise. So, yeah. Let me hear it!) :)**

I didn't give this a final read through after I went over Meha's suggestions (she had a LOT of extraneous commas and words to get rid of this time!), which I would usually do, and I find more mistakes practically every time I read it, so feel free to PM me with them this time, haha! I just want to get it up for y'all, and I have training to write for a session I am running tonight and have yet to fully prep for. Gah! Plus it's my husband's birthday this weekend and I have yet to buy him a gift. And it's school holidays. And I am out the next three nights in a row. Do you need any more excuses?

On the update front – Meha is going to be pretty busy over the next few months, AND I am coming up to my busiest time of the year for my business, AND I'm past the point of having lots of chapters written in advance. I'm still staying a couple ahead, but the thing is, as I write a chapter, I often need to go back and edit one of the previous ones, so I like to keep at least a couple of chapters ahead.

And sometimes I might be writing several chapters in the future to figure something out and **then** I come back to the chapter we're up to... so anyway, all that means that gaps of more than a week are likely to be more common than not in coming months. I will still do my best to keep it as close to a week as I can, and not go over two weeks (though sometimes that may mean you get it un beta-read).

 **QUESTION: Do y'all like it when authors paste a little clip from the end of the previous chapter at the top? Would that be helpful now as the gaps are getting bigger?**

(And in case you were wondering, we're maybe half way through... Or maybe not quite. So there are still months of updates to come!)

 **Recs:**

Here's a current one I've just discovered – incomplete, but still being regularly updated by the author, and with 33 chapters already written. It's a three-way B/J/Em, which I have mostly steered clear of, because I just can't imagine sharing Jasper with anyone, LOL (of course, in this case it's him who has to share). But I am loving it, so far. It's very M rated, so don't go there if you are underage/not into erotica.

 **Double Temptation** by OzLilDevil

When your heart is in tatters, torn to shreds, sometimes it's the unexpected that stitches it back together again. And the love of your life is not always who you thought it was. It can be a temptation you never saw coming, & it's just too hard to resist. From the remnants of tragedy, sometimes something even better blossoms…eventually. Mature content M/M/F Bella x Jasper x Emmett s/12544511/1/Double-Temptation

Now here's a complete Bella/Jasper story for you – a nice little novella (12 chapters). It was only published this year, so it's not exactly an oldie, but it is finished:

 **Too Late** , by orchidluv

Jake pleaded with Bella just a bit too long when she was leaving for Italy, resulting in Edward's successful suicide. Alice freaks out. /s/12938409/1/Too-Late


	18. Part 1: Chapter 18 - Doctor

**Chapter 18 Word Count: 4013; First Published about 2:30pm, 8/8/18, AEST.**

 **Many thanks to Meha taking the time to read over it and Ms Meyer for permission to play.**

* * *

 **Previously...**

 _Unconvinced, she grabbed his hands. "Promise me, Jasper. I can't—nothing can happen to you now, okay?"_

 _"Darlin'," he said, smiling wryly at her, "I will be completely safe, I promise. The fact is, you don't survive eighty years in the vampire wars easily. I am very hard to hurt, okay?"_

 _"So you're saying you're tougher than them?" She smiled back at him. "You always were pretty good in a fight."_

 _"I was?" he asked._

 _"You don't remember when my brother decided you weren't good enough for his little sister, and needed to be taught a lesson?"_

 _"I—no? What happened?"_

 _"Well, suffice is to say, he came out worse than you did."_

 _"Oh well...that's good, I guess?"_

 _"I was pretty angry with him at the time, so yeah, it was good!" She took a step closer to him and looked up into his eyes. "But even so, Jasper, be careful, okay?"_

 _"I will," he assured her. "I'd better go." He bent down and kissed her gently on the lips. She leaned into him, unable to stop herself from trying to deepen it, but he pulled away. She pouted._

 _"You want me to go before your dad gets home, right?"_

 _"Yeah, okay," she said, "I do."_

 _He reached past her and opened the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, darlin'."_

. . .

 **Chapter Eighteen – Doctor**

Thursday morning passed in blur for Bella. She still wasn't feeling well and she felt as though her thoughts were mired in sludge, unable to escape the distracting haze of the past few days' disclosures long enough to understand anything the teachers were saying.

She'd taken a long time to go to sleep after Jasper had left the night before, too many thoughts running through her head then too: the way Jasper had described becoming a vampire, the look on his face as he talked about killing the girl who looked like Mary, his guilt over all the years he spent with Maria...It all mixed in with her speculations—completely superficial, she admitted to herself—about Kate: what did she look like, what _was_ she like, was it really over between them as quickly as he implied? And then when she'd let herself remember that Jasper was out there now, and that there could be other, less friendly vampires out there _with_ him. It was hard to just trust that he was as completely safe as he'd told her.

And who were the "allies" he'd mentioned? She had a feeling he'd been about to say something else, before he called them allies – like he hadn't really wanted to tell her about them. Were they human drinking vampires too, she wondered? But ones the Cullen family were friends with? Is that why he was hesitant to mention them?

Gradually her thoughts had drifted back around to the afternoon's revelations, and from there inevitably to the kisses they'd shared. If he was out there watching out for her now, she was glad he couldn't feel her emotions, she'd thought, wondering self-consciously if her dreams tonight would be as lust filled as her waking thoughts.

But when she finally did fall asleep, she seemed to spend the entire night dreaming of the past.

Her wedding date was only four days away, and her mother was full of plans and preparations. With the continued blockade, despite the victory at Galveston, access to all sorts of resources was still severely restricted, including fabric for new clothes. But there were still old clothes to be made over, hems to be let down, and she even gave Isabella two of her own dresses to rework.

Isabella followed her mother's instructions in a daze of grief and exhaustion. She wasn't sleeping and was hardly able to keep food down, but her mother didn't seem to notice.

Bella had woken in the morning feeling as though she'd not slept at all. She wasn't sure if she wanted to shake her nineteenth century self and tell her to run away, or hug her and assure her it would all be all right—eventually. Of course, it didn't matter either way, she could do neither one. All she could do was try to immerse herself in the present. She longed to see Jasper to reassure herself that it was all real. That he really was still alive and not just an illusion conjured up by her stressed, exhausted imagination.

She'd told him she didn't want Edward listening to any more of her dreams. The idea of Jasper hearing a blow by blow account of her days preparing for her wedding, or worse, the actual event, horrified her. But a part of her wished she'd asked _him_ to stay. He'd said he didn't sleep, so she didn't suppose he'd want to spend hours just watching her, but she wondered if his presence might have kept the dreams at bay, at least for some of the time.

And if he'd been hanging around outside somewhere—wouldn't he be more comfortable inside with her? The nineteenth century part of her found the idea of him spending the night in her room quite shocking—then again, her nineteenth century self might have fainted at the way Jasper kissed her yesterday! But her twenty-first century self was all for it happening again. And if it should happen in her bedroom at night? Well, she knew he would never do anything she was uncomfortable with. He would always put her first.

Then again, she would be living through Isabella's wedding night in only four more days. Maybe doing more than she was strictly comfortable with—but by her own choice and with the man she loved—might not be such a bad idea, _before_ Sunday night.

When the bell rang for lunch, she realised she barely remembered anything from her first three lessons of the day.

Her eyes automatically went to the Cullen table when she entered the cafeteria, but there was no one there yet.

As she waited in the lunch line she suddenly realised that Angela had come up behind her and was speaking to her.

"Sorry, Ange," she said, flushing. "I didn't realise you were there."

"That's okay, but—are you okay, Bella? You seem a bit distracted, and Jess said you didn't speak to her at all in Spanish."

"I'm just tired," she said. "I didn't sleep well last night. Sorry. I hope I wasn't rude to Jess. Was she upset?"

"No, I don't think so, just concerned."

Bella wondered if "I don't think so" was Angela speak for "probably, but I'm too kind to think that," but just then she spotted Jasper walking towards her. She knew the smile that lit up her face would be beyond revealing, but she couldn't help it, and anyway, who cared? She'd been a little annoyed when Jess kept imagining more than was there, but now—now, she could imagine whatever she liked.

"Hi, darlin'," he said as he came level with them, reaching immediately for her hand. "Hi Angela."

"Hi," she said happily, lacing her fingers through his. She wished she was brave enough to reach up and kiss him, but she felt herself blush just thinking it. He must have read something in her eyes though; he lent in and kissed the side of her temple.

"I missed you," he murmured, for her ears only.

"Me too," she admitted.

The line moved forward then, and Angela interrupted. "Aren't you going to get anything to eat, Bella?" She grinned now, and Bella knew her current distraction was easily understood.

"Uh, yeah," she blushed again, and quickly grabbed a yoghurt as she moved past. "Can you get me a bottle of coke out of the fridge, Jasper?"

"Sure." He also grabbed a salad and added it to her tray, then had paid and picked up her tray almost before she knew what was happening.

"Come on," he said, starting to move away.

"Um, see you later Angela," she said.

"You're welcome to sit with us," Jasper added, politely.

"Oh no, that's okay," Angela said quickly, looking uncomfortable. "I'll just..." she waved towards Jess and their usual table. "I'll see you 'round."

"Tell Jess I said sorry, about before, you know," said Bella, as she followed Jasper. Then she frowned, and said to him, "You didn't have to do that, you know."

"What, invite Angela to sit with us?"

"No. That was sweet. You didn't need to pay for my lunch."

"I added to it, I figure it's the least I could do."

"Okay well, thanks I guess. Just don't feel like you have to make a habit of it."

They sat down at the Cullens' usual table, Jasper pulling a chair out for Bella almost before she was aware of it.

"Bella, if I'd taken you out before—if that had even been an option back then—I would never have expected you to pay."

"I know, and I wouldn't have expected it either. But this is 2006 Jasper, and I told you—I'm not that girl anymore."

He frowned, and she bit her lip, watching him. He'd said he still loved her—even though she was different. But what if he couldn't, really? What if it was just his residual emotions for the old Isabella making him think that? She looked down quickly, remembering he could feel her emotions when they made eye contact.

"Bella—" he took her hand and paused, waiting for her to look up, she supposed. But just then Alice and Edward arrived at the table.

"Bella, I'm so glad you're sitting with us again today!" Alice gushed, quickly giving her a one-armed hug.

"Don't mind Alice," Edward said, chuckling as he pulled out a chair for his girlfriend. "She's always a little over the top."

"Oh shush, you!" Alice said, smiling all the while. "You know you love that about me."

"I do." Edward smiled back at her and Bella had the impression he had forgotten she and Jasper were there, until he turned his attention back to her. "She's excited to have a new friend, though," he added. "That's pretty unusual for us."

"Yeah I noticed," she said, then flushed in embarrassment. "I mean, I don't mean—"

"We know what you mean, Bella," Alice said kindly. "People tend to shy away from us. And we do tend to keep to ourselves. It's hard to make friends with people you can never be honest with. But you're different."

Jasper squeezed her hand. "Alice was defending you even when I was still in denial," he told her. "And I told you she couldn't stop talking about her day with you, when Edward and I got back from Texas."

.

Alice's good humour was truly infectious, Bella thought later as she walked with Jasper to their biology class. And it was reassuring to feel that Jasper's siblings accepted her so fully. Edward had seemed a little cool towards her at first, but he seemed to have warmed up.

Which was just as well, she reflected, considering the impact her presence was having on his family. Between monitoring her dreams (thank goodness he wasn't doing _that_ anymore), trips to Texas, and now having to run around Forks to keep her safe from random nomadic vampires...

She'd asked about them during lunch, but there was almost no more information than Jasper had given her the night before. Alice and Edward had run a complete perimeter of Forks, and had come across one vampire trail, but it had ended at a road—they assumed he'd entered a car there—and wasn't anyone familiar to them.

Their "allies"—and she still didn't know who that was, but she presumed it was more vampires, because evidently, they also had a sense of smell strong enough to pick out individual vampires—told them there were two nomads, but so far hadn't been willing to show them the trails they'd found. Still, at least it was presumably somewhere out of Forks, so that was something.

There was no real chance for conversation in bio, but Bella enjoyed just sitting next to Jasper, knowing that he felt the same way. His hand brushing against hers as they worked sent a spark through her body, and she could tell he felt it too. And every now and then he leaned over to whisper something in her ear, and the feel of his breath on her skin almost made it impossible to take in his words.

She had to ask him to repeat himself once, when he was clearly waiting for an answer.

"I asked if you would come over to my place after school today?" he said. "I know you've met Esme already, but not as my ma—my girlfriend," he said, twirling a strand of her hair around his finger. "And maybe Carlisle will be home too."

"I'd like that," she whispered back, before Mr Banner reclaimed their attention. It would be good to spend time with him and his family together, she thought. They did need to get to know each other again, but she decided she would put aside any doubts. Of course, they would probably creep up on her again from time to time, but she really believed what she'd told him yesterday—that at his core, he was still the same person she fell in love with a hundred and fifty years ago. So it was only reasonable to acknowledge that she was too. And maybe there would be a period of adjustment, as they came to know each other again, but so what? She can't have been reborn, and spent her whole life dreaming of him, for nothing. They were meant to be together, she did believe that.

After the lesson ended he walked her to PE. They were playing badminton, which was even less fun than usual as she had to stop twice with mild dizzy spells. But then he met her outside the change rooms at the end of the day, and everything seemed rosy again. They walked together to the lockers, storing some books and grabbing others to take home.

It felt pleasantly normal, and yet entirely special, to be walking around holding hands with the man literally of her dreams.

"I hope you don't mind driving," Jasper said, as they walked to the parking lot. "The others have gone on ahead."

"Of course not," she said, but then she realised she was starting to feel dizzy again and wondered if she should let him drive her truck.

"Bella!" Jasper exclaimed, steadying her as she stumbled, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I—just a little dizzy. I guess I haven't really eaten enough today."

"Bella, from what I can see you never eat enough."

"I just haven't been feeling very well lately. It's just stress I'm sure, but I...I do feel a bit...I think I need to sit down."

"You can sit in the car. Come on," he said, taking her by the arm and leading her over to it, "Give me your keys. I'll drive. I'm taking you to see Carlisle."

"Oh, I don't think—"

"Well I do. Please Bella, if only to put my mind at rest, just let him check you over. It doesn't even have to be an official visit, we can just see him privately in his office. If nothing else, maybe he can give you something to settle your stomach."

"Okay," she agreed reluctantly, climbing into the passenger seat of his car, "I suppose that would be alright. If it's off the record, so to speak...then at least it won't get back to Charlie, hopefully."

.

As they pulled up at the hospital, Jaspers phone buzzed. "It's Alice," he said, reading the screen.

"Hi Alice, what's up?" Jasper's jaw clenched as he listened, and Bella wondered what Alice could be saying. But when he hung up, all Jasper said was that Carlisle was in his office, waiting for them.

He took her hand and led her quickly, silently through the hospital, not pausing until she stumbled in her effort to keep up with him.

"Sorry, darlin'! I didn't realise how fast I was going," he said, steadying her, and slowing, but even then, not stopping. But she stopped, attempting to pull her hand from his grasp. Of course he didn't let her, but he did stop and turn to look at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"You tell me! Jasper, what did Alice say?"

"She said..." He looked down at their joined hands, trailing off. "She called Carlisle, he's waiting for us."

He didn't say any more, but stood unmoving, as if well aware she wouldn't let it go at that.

"Jazz," she said quietly, "she clearly said more than that. Something she said upset you."

"She said..." he stopped again. Taking an unnecessary breath, he looked up at her finally. "She said Carlisle was going to want to do some tests. And that...that the news wasn't going to be good."

"Oh." It was her turn to drop her eyes. "I see." She flashed her eyes back up to his, then away again, knowing he would read her fear. Gripping his hand more tightly, she turned back in the direction they'd been heading. "We'd better not keep him waiting then, I suppose."

.

"Come in," a musical voice called in response to Jasper's knock.

As they entered the office, Bella's gaze took in the warm décor, the comfortable looking couch and shelves of books, before they settled on the man she presumed must be Jasper's adopted father (if that was really the right description). He was just as beautiful as the other four members of his family she'd met, and much younger than she'd expected. Or rather, she corrected herself internally, he _looked_ younger than she'd expected. She wondered how old he was really?

"Carlisle," Jasper said, squeezing her hand, "I'd like to introduce you to my—to Bella. Bella, this is Carlisle, the head of our family."

"Hello, Bella, it's lovely to finally meet you," Carlisle said, coming out from behind his desk to shake her hand.

"You too," she said shyly, returning his hand shake, and looking sideways at Jasper. Was there a reason he didn't want to call her his girlfriend? she wondered. That was the second time he'd stumbled over the word. She'd have to ask him about it later.

The doctor led them over to the couch he had positioned in front of a wall of books, and gestured for them to sit, as he pulled up a chair from his desk.

"Alice called me," he began. "She said Jasper was worried about you, Bella?"

She nodded. "I haven't been feeling well," she said, "and I had a bit of a dizzy spell just as we were leaving school."

"Right," he said, frowning. He looked over at Jasper. "You explained everything about us to her?"

"Pretty much," Jasper was frowning as well now. "What has you so worried, Carlisle?"

But the doctor turned back to Bella.

"What Jasper probably didn't explain, Bella, is that because of our enhanced senses, I can often diagnose my patients by smell, or by noticing very slight physical changes that another doctor couldn't. Of course, I still need to order the standard tests for medical confirmation, but I can speed up the process by knowing just what tests to do."

"Okay..." Bella had a weird desire to sniff her armpits suddenly.

"And in your case, I think I know what's going on, but I'd like to organise some tests. I'll take some blood to test, and we'll do an endoscopy, to see what's going on in your esophagus, and probably a biopsy.

"And I think...Bella, I know you're legally of age but—" Carlisle paused, obviously unsure of her reaction. "I really think Chief Swan should really be here with you."

She frowned, he was obviously thinking the worst then. Or at least, something pretty bad.

"Just tell me, Carlisle," she said. "What do you think it is?"

He frowned in response, and she was sure he said something to Jasper, but it was outside of her hearing range, and so fast she would have doubted herself if not for Jasper's response. He squeezed her hand and turned to face her.

"Bella, whatever it is, I'm going to take care of you, alright? You will not die!"

She felt her breath grow short and knew that her face would have paled even more than usual.

"Is it that bad?" She whispered, turning back to Carlisle.

"I can't tell you anything for sure until I've done the biopsy, but...Bella I believe you have esophageal cancer—which is generally quite aggressive, by the time it's diagnosed."

"What does that mean?" she asked. "Quite aggressive?"

"It means...well, there are treatments, but...unfortunately esophageal cancer doesn't have many symptoms early on, and therefore, it doesn't tend to be picked up until it's fairly advanced. There's a lot we can do to treat it, but if it has spread already, they are largely temporary treatments, not cures."

"Oh." She felt her grip on Jasper tighten, as she closed her eyes and focussed on her breathing. In and out. In and out. She wasn't going to break down, she told herself.

Jasper lifted her into his lap and pulled her against him. She buried her face in his shoulder and inhaled his calming scent. They just sat like that for a few minutes, breathing each other in.

"It's going to be okay," he murmured into her hair, after a while. "We're going to get through this, I promise. And whatever happens, I will not let you die."

"You'll change me?" She asked, leaning back to look at him.

"If I have to. I won't let you die again."

"But you don't want to," she said, feeling hurt. She looked down, unable to make eye contact. Did he not still love her as much as he said? Maybe he wasn't sure he wanted her forever.

She felt his fingers under her chin, gently encouraging her to look at him. "Oh, I want to," he said. "You have no idea how much. But not until—not unless—you want it too. You're only eighteen. You should have the chance to live a little first. To finish high school. To spend more time with Charlie and Renee. You won't be able to see them, once you're like me."

"I won't? Why not?"

"Well, for one thing a newborn vampire can't be around humans at first—it's not safe, until you develop control, which can take a few years. And for another thing, you'll look different. Aside from anything else, you'll have red eyes for the first few months. And there are other complications with changing you in Forks, too."

She was about to question that, when Carlisle stepped back into the room—she hadn't even realised he'd left. "Bella," he said, "I'm sorry to interrupt but I've arranged for you to be admitted, and I've booked the OR for you. I want to get that biopsy done as soon as possible, and there's space for me to do it tonight. When was the last time you ate or drank anything?"

"Oh!" She said, startled. "Lunchtime—about one o'clock—I had some yoghurt and coke. You're really serious about it being bad, aren't you?"

"I just want to make sure we're doing everything we can," he said. "I've booked you in for an endoscopy for eight pm. That's seven hours after your last meal, so that's okay as you'll just be sedated, you don't need a general anaesthetic, but you won't be able to eat or drink anything until then, okay? And with your permission, I'd like to call Charlie. I'll ask him to come in and then explain what's happening. Is that okay?"

"Yes," she said, feeling guilty, but relieved. She didn't want to have that conversation with him herself. "Thank you, Carlisle."

It was a surprisingly quick process to get settled in a hospital room, with Carlisle on her side to pull strings. He had explained that it was quite a simple day surgery procedure, but that given the timing he wanted her admitted for an overnight stay. He also wanted to get her started on a drip as he could see that she was dehydrated and suspected she was also becoming malnourished, partly based on the condition itself, but also on Jasper's report of how much weight she had lost just in the time she'd been in Forks.

He had insisted that she not worry about the cost of a private room, as he would be paying anything her insurance didn't cover. She'd tried to argue with him, but when he pointed out that it was really for Jasper's benefit, and that it would allow him to stay with her (surreptitiously) over night, she acquiesced. She couldn't deny how much she wanted him there with her.

Settled as comfortably as it was possible to be in a hospital gown and with a drip in her arm, she wriggled to the edge of the narrow bed, so that Jasper could sit next to her, and resigned herself to a long wait. At least the drip would prevent her getting too thirsty. She'd experienced the fun of an unplanned "nil by mouth" before, while awaiting surgery once when she'd broken her leg, and it was not enjoyable.

* * *

So who saw that coming? I know at least one person had guessed almost that scenario...

 **A/N** I am not a medical person, so most of my understanding of the detection, treatment and outcomes of oesophageal cancer comes from the interwebs. However, my father-in-law died of it two years ago. He was diagnosed very late, and died two weeks after they told us he probably had about three months to live without treatment, or possibly twelve to eighteen months with treatment (chemotherapy and possibly radiation). What they didn't know at that point was that it had already spread to other organs.

Bella is much younger (esophageal cancer is generally an older person's disease and is VERY uncommon in children and teenagers) and in much better health to begin with, so it's not the same situation, and thus I have spent a lot of time trawling websites on esophageal cancer, but I apologise in advance for the mistakes I will no doubt make. The story is not going to be particularly focussed on her disease or treatment, but obviously it will be part of the backdrop for the other parts of the plot (which I will say no more about right now!).

.

 **Next update:**

I have sent Chapter 19 to Meha already, BUT she is flat out right now AND I am away next week, so it could be a couple of weeks again till you see it. I would be quite interested in having a second pre-reader if anyone is interested, especially someone with some plot development experience...

 **CoboltDragon** – I replied to you in the app. I don't know if you know, but messages in the app don't come through to the desktop version and vice versa. And you have PMs turned off, so I can't send you a PM except as a reply...

.

 **Recs:**

 **This one is complete, but relatively recent—it was only published last year. It's Bella-Jasper and I really enjoyed it (and I don't *** **think* I have mentioned it already...)**

 **Changes** by Wenyuewen

After the events of Phoenix, Bella struggles to resume her 'normal' life. But all things change and when Bella is turned unexpectedly, she must rediscover who she is and where she stands. (B/J)

/s/12459562/1/Changes

 **Now here's an older one (also Bella/Jasper). I've read so many over the past few years and some have such similar starting points that I can't remember which they are when I look back through my favourites. This one though, is pretty much unique.**

 **The Quiet Room** by givemesomevamp

So, I'm a little crazy. You're a little dead, but I don't keep throwing that up in your face. "I had to admit she made a valid point. I was still wary, but we out numbered her at least. After all, how much trouble could one small human possibly be. OOC/AU

/s/5899400/1/The-Quiet-Room


	19. Part 1: Chapter 19 - Before and Again

**Chapter 19 Word Count: 4622; First Published about 12:15pm, 4/Sept/18.**

 **Many, many thanks** Green Eyed Lana Lee **who was my pre-reader/beta (what's the difference?) for this chapter, and did an awesome job, even convincing me to make some changes to sound more naturally American (that sounded completely wrong to me, in my Aussie vernacular)! I have, of course, made some more changes since then, so any errors are my own!**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play in her world.**

* * *

 **Previously...**

 _"Bella," [Carlisle] said, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I've arranged for you to be admitted, and I've booked the theatre for you. I want to get that biopsy done as soon as possible, and there's space for me to do it tonight. When was the last time you ate or drank anything?"_

 _"Oh!" She said, startled. "Lunchtime—about one o'clock—I had some yoghurt and coke. You're really serious about it being bad, aren't you?"_

 _"I just want to make sure we're doing everything we can," he said. "I've booked you in for an endoscopy for eight pm. That's seven hours after your last meal, so that's okay as you'll just be sedated, you don't need a general anaesthetic, but you won't be able to eat or drink anything until then, okay? And with your permission,_ _I'd_ _like to call Charlie. I'll ask him to come in and then explain what's happening. Is that okay?"_

 _"Yes," she said, feeling guilty, but relieved. She didn't want to have that conversation with him herself. "Thank you, Carlisle."_

 _It was a surprisingly quick process to get settled in a hospital room, with Carlisle on her side to pull strings. He had explained that it was quite a simple day surgery procedure, but that given the timing he wanted her admitted for an overnight stay. He also wanted to get her started on a drip as he could see that she was dehydrated and suspected she was also becoming malnourished, partly based on the condition itself, but also on Jasper's report of how much weight she had lost just in the time she'd been in Forks._

 _He had insisted that she not worry about the cost of a private room, as he would be paying anything her insurance didn't cover. She'd tried to argue with him, but when he pointed out that it was really for Jasper's benefit, and that it would allow him to stay with her (surreptitiously) over night, she acquiesced. She couldn't deny how much she wanted him there with her._

 _Settled as comfortably as it was possible to be in a hospital gown and with a drip in her arm, she wriggled to the edge of the narrow bed, so that Jasper could sit next to her, and resigned herself to a long wait. At least the drip would prevent her getting too thirsty. She'd experienced the fun of an unplanned "nil by mouth" before, while awaiting surgery once when she'd broken her leg, and it was not enjoyable_

* * *

 **Chapter Nineteen – Before and Again**

The hours after Bella was admitted to the hospital passed by slowly.

Carlisle hadn't come back after speaking with Charlie, caught up in the usual bustle of activity in the hospital, but Charlie himself had arrived fairly quickly. Carlisle had explained everything he could for the moment, and made an appointment for him to come back the next day to discuss the results of the procedure—with Bella's permission of course. If he was surprised to find Jasper with her he didn't show it, so she supposed Carlisle must have said something about that too.

It wasn't the most auspicious way to introduce her dad to her 'boyfriend' - or whatever he was. Then again Carlisle had obviously told him it was Jasper who insisted she come in after her dizzy spell, because Charlie was appropriately grateful. So maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

"Dad," Bella said after a few minutes of silence, "you really don't have to stay with me the whole time. It's going to be hours before they get to me. Jazz and I were just going to watch TV."

Charlie rubbed the back of his neck with characteristic discomfort.

"I suppose I'm not really needed for now, hey, Bells?" Before she could answer he was turning his attention to Jasper. "And your parents don't mind you waiting with her, young man?"

"No sir," Jasper replied politely. "Carlisle has a couch in his office, he said I can sleep there after Bella's asleep, and he'll take me home when his shift ends."

"Right. Do you want me to call your mom, Bells?"

"Oh, no! Please don't, Dad! There's really no point in worrying her yet, right? At least not until we know more. Maybe it won't be anything serious after all, and you can imagine how she'll panic."

"Yeah, sure, sure," he placated. "But once the first results are in—she needs to be part of this too, Bella."

"Sure, Dad. Once we have the results."

Charlie looked like he'd aged a decade since this morning, she thought sadly. Whatever happened, this was going to devastate him. She would have to do whatever she could to make it easier.

The following hours passed in a blur. Part of her wanted to hash out her options with Jasper, but without knowing just how bad the cancer was—and despite Carlisle's claim that he'd need the test results to be certain, she was sure she did have cancer—she couldn't make any decisions. Besides they would need Carlisle to present medical options before thinking about other options.

So she allowed Jasper to distract her with TV, as she'd told Charlie she would, and snuggled into his side. It was hard to take in how completely her life had changed in just a few days and she found herself staring out the small window as often as watching the television.

She watched the sky gradually change from the ordinary, white overcast sky of a Forks daytime, to the pink and orange of sunset, through twilight and into the dark grey of a cloudy night.

Eventually Carlisle came back and told them it was almost time. The anaesthetist would be there shortly to chat with her, then the nurse or orderly would come to bring her to the procedure room.

"Jasper, visiting hours are almost over," he began, quickly adding, "and yes, I know you're not leaving her tonight but you'll need to be gone while other hospital staff are present. You can wait in my office. It's not a lengthy procedure and she's only undergoing a light sedation, so she won't be in recovery for long. I'll let you know as soon as she's back in her room."

He turned to Bella then.

"Bella, I've asked your father to come in tomorrow to discuss options—"

"Yes, he told me," she interrupted.

"But I'd like to talk to you and Jasper privately before that."

"Okay," she said. "That would be good actually."

"I know it's late, but I want to give you both time to think about things and discuss what you want to do, before we see Charlie. That way I can present the options tomorrow that make the most sense for your plans."

"Oh my god! Charlie!" she exclaimed, turning to Jasper in a panic. "Jasper, he's at home alone! What if the nomads come by when you're not there?"

"It's okay, it's okay, calm down, darlin'," Jasper said. "Edward and Alice are there, just in case. He'll be fine."

"But that leaves Esme alone, doesn't it?"

"She'll be fine, Bella," Carlisle assured her. "There's no reason the nomads would harm her, and Alice has been keeping tabs on both your father and our own family. She can't get any visions of the nomads directly, because she doesn't know them, but if anything of concern happens, she should know about it—as long as you're not there!" Carlisle chuckled. "It is really driving her up the wall not being able to see your future clearly, Bella."

"Okay, thank you Carlisle. And will you please thank Edward and Alice for me, too?"

"Of course," he said.

"Rosalie and Emmett will be back soon, too," Jasper added. "They've been travelling," he explained, "pretending to be off at college, but last time we talked they said they'd be back this week. But Carlisle's right, we don't need them for security."

"It will be good to have them home though," Carlisle said. "And it will make Esme happy."

Jasper murmured his agreement, and Carlisle brought the conversation back to her treatment.

He would officially be finished his shift for the day after Bella's endoscopy, so they agreed to talk with him that night, once she was fully recovered from the sedation.

"The nurses will make sure you're fully awake and have eaten something before they bring you back to your room," he told her, "so I'll come back and we'll talk then."

.

Bella barely had time to be nervous after that, and very quickly she was being wheeled into the procedure room, where Carlisle, the anaesthetist and several nurses were waiting for her.

She tried to smile, and joked about remembering all their names afterwards, and the next thing she knew she was waking up. No-one paid her any attention for a while, and she drifted back to sleep. The next time she opened her eyes a nurse was right there.

"Oh good, you're awake," she said. "How are you feeling? Would you like a some water?"

"Yes, please," she croaked. She mentally surveyed her body, as the nurse moved away. Her throat was a little sore, she thought, but aside from that she just felt sleepy.

.

Back in her room, she wondered how long she had before Jasper and Carlisle reappeared. Carlisle had spoken to her very briefly while she was drinking the tea and failing to eat the sandwich provided. But he'd simply checked how she was feeling and promised to come to speak with her soon.

But almost before she could finish that thought, Jasper was coming through her door. He came straight over and climbed onto the bed, looking into her eyes intently, she knew he was feeling what she was feeling. She tried to focus on feeling positive, and it was easy to be happy he was back with her.

"Carlisle hasn't spoken to you yet?" he asked her.

"No, you?"

"No."

"Are you—you're not in any pain?"

"Not really. My throat's a little sore, but the nurse said that's normal."

"Move over then," he said, but his actions didn't match his cavalier tone, as he gently helped her move to one side of the bed, and climbed in next to her, bringing her over to lean into his side.

Carlisle arrived not much later and smiled when he saw them.

"I just want to say, Bella, I'm sorry to have met you under these circumstances, but I _have_ been looking forward to meeting you. You've made Jasper very happy."

"Thanks, Carlisle." She smiled back at him.

"So tell us about the endoscopy," Jasper said, not one to beat about the bush.

Carlisle pulled a chair up to the bed and sat in it, seemingly wanting to make himself as unthreatening as possible.

"Bella," he said gently, "while we don't have the actual results of the biopsy yet, I can tell you with a strong degree of certainty that you do have esophageal cancer. I'm sorry, I know that isn't what you wanted to hear."

"No, but you were pretty sure already, weren't you? I knew that."

"I was," he said. "What I couldn't be sure of was how large the tumour was. But I'm sorry to tell you it's larger than I hoped it would be."

He went on to tell her that he suspected, based on the size of her tumour as well as her scent, that it had already spread, at the very least to nearby lymph nodes, if not beyond, and that for most patients at this point it would be a matter of doing what they could to extend their life for as long as possible, but with little real chance of a long-term cure.

There was the possibility of surgery, to remove the affected part of her esophagus, any affected lymph nodes and possibly part of her stomach.

"But, Bella, that surgery comes with its own serious risks and once you're in the surgery—I couldn't save you, if something goes wrong."

"So, you're saying I could die during surgery?"

"No! No! Absolutely not!" Jasper exclaimed, clutching her more firmly to his side. "No surgery!"

"That will be Bella's decision, Jasper," Carlisle said firmly, "but under the circumstances, I would recommend against it."

Carlisle also explained that while he had spent time before the endoscopy reading up on her condition, he wasn't actually a cancer specialist, and in fact if they'd been in a city hospital, it would have been unheard of for him not to refer her on almost immediately, and certainly once they had the biopsy results, she would be moved to an oncology department.

However, the five-year survival rate for the stage he believed her cancer to have reached, even with the most aggressive treatments, was closer to twenty per cent than thirty, with the average lifespan being under one year. And at the same time, those treatments could cost her her life, in a way that they would be unable to save her from.

Without any treatment, at this point, he expected she would have between three and six months to live.

That was a shocking moment for Bella.

"But I'm not that sick!" she said. "How can it be at that point already?"

"I know it seems quick," Carlisle told her, "but once the cancer spreads to other organs, things can go downhill fast.

"You can have chemotherapy," he said, "and radiation also. With those treatments there's a good chance we could extend your life to a year or more, and they _could_ be enough to completely cure you, if the cancer hasn't spread beyond a few lymph nodes. But the chances aren't good."

"So that's why an oncologist would recommend surgery?" Bella asked.

"That's right. And being young and otherwise healthy, you'd probably be a good candidate for it. But because we have another way to save you—if a rather unconventional one—I wouldn't recommend it."

"Please, Bella," Jasper interjected, "please don't take that option. I need you to live, and if you die in surgery I can't change you!"

"Shh," she said soothingly. "I'm not going to do anything Carlisle recommends against Jasper, don't worry. Can you tell us more about the other options?" she added to Carlisle.

He explained that they could use a combination of chemotherapy and radiation to shrink the tumour, which could help her swallow more easily, although they could also consider putting a stent into her esophagus to keep it open. He also wanted to have her undergo some more tests the next day, to give them a better idea how far the cancer had spread.

"Nothing so invasive as the endoscopy," he added, "I just want you to have a combined CT and PET scan. They'll help us see whether the cancer has spread and to where. If it has already spread to the liver or other organs, it's more likely that even an aggressive oncologist would recommend against surgery. Possibly even against chemotherapy."

"But you don't think it has?"

"I—don't think so," he said slowly. "But I can't be sure. Do you have any questions? Do you know what those scans are?"

"Not really. Is it like—when you go into one of those tunnel machines?"

Carlisle chuckled. "I suppose that's as good a description as any, yes, but it's not noisy like an MRI. We're lucky enough to have one machine that does PET and CT scans here, so they can be done at the same time. You will be given an injection about an hour beforehand, for the PET scan, and after that a drink for the CT scan. They'll explain more at the time, but do you have any more questions now?"

"Not really. Nothing I can think of. Except I guess—you said it's not invasive. So it won't hurt?"

"No, not at all," he answered. "If that's all, I'll leave you now, and I'll spend the night reviewing all the research into esophageal cancer I can find," Carlisle told them, adding that they should talk about whether they wanted to try treatment, or just plan on changing her sooner rather than later. "I know you will want to have more time with your father, Bella, and perhaps your mother. But consider too that the side effects of chemotherapy can be debilitating, so you may not wish to have as many rounds of it as an oncologist would recommend. Then again you may, and you can always change your mind as you go—it doesn't have to be an all or nothing approach. But, we do need to have some sort of plan before we talk to your father tomorrow."

"But, Bella, Jasper—there's something else you should know. Although I've never personally had such a young patient with this kind of cancer before, I have come across it once or possibly twice in hospitals I've worked in."

"What do you mean, possibly twice?" Bella asked. "Are you unsure if it was correctly diagnosed?"

"It wasn't diagnosed," he answered. "The patient was already dying, of the Spanish flu. But I met her, and I smelled the underlying cancer."

"Oh my god!" Jasper exclaimed. "Isabel Dawson?!"

"Exactly."

"At the time I didn't have the knowledge to diagnose it so exactly, but now—I'm fairly certain I'm right."

"And the other case?" Jasper asked.

"It was in 1962. I didn't meet the patient, I just spoke with her doctor. I had been going to consult on the case, but... Emmett had an accident and we had to leave."

"And was there anything notable about the case that you remember?" Bella asked.

"Nothing that meant anything until now, Bella. But yes, there is something. The patient was an eighteen-year-old girl. And her name was Arabella Reilly. I've looked her up Bella—I found a photo."

"And she looked like me, I suppose," Bella said quietly.

"Yes. The only photo I could find was her at fifteen, but yes—she looked just like a fifteen-year-old version of you."

.

Jasper sat on edge of Bella's hospital bed, one arm holding her to his side, the other resting on her lap as he gently rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. They hadn't spoken much since Carlisle had left, but he could tell from her breathing that she wasn't ready to sleep yet. She'd want to talk more, she just needed some time to process first.

It didn't seem fair that'd they just found each other, and now this! How could she be expected to cope with so much thrown at her in such a short space of time? As if it wasn't enough to find out, first that her fiancé had died—or disappeared anyway—and then that he was actually a vampire. Now she was incurably sick too?

"So you said there were other complications," she murmured, interrupting his musings, "as far as changing me goes. What are they?"

"You shouldn't worry about that darlin'," he said. "Whatever you decide you want to do, we'll make it happen, 'kay? That's all you need to know."

She frowned, and he caught a hint of irritation before she looked down at their joined hands.

"No," she said, shortly, and he could feel her determination as she looked back up at him. "That's not okay. I can't make decisions in a vacuum. I need all the information. Besides..." She trailed off, and looked away again, feeling less certain of herself.

"What, darlin'?"

"We're partners, right? If—You said you want to change me...that'd be pretty permanent. Even more than marriage."

"It would," he acknowledged. "And, Bella, I know we haven't really had a chance to talk about this yet—everything's happened so quickly—and... I don't want to rush you. Really, I don't. But you should know where you stand."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, I wanted to marry you when I was human and I want the same thing now. Also, vampires, we don't change easily. When we find our mates, we stick with them. There's no such thing as divorce for vampires—we don't need it." Keeping hold of her hand, he eased himself up the bed and slid his other hand into her hair, cupping her cheek. "I love you, Bella, and I always will. You're my mate—my soul mate if you like—and so yes, changing is permanent. But whether you decide to change or not, there'll never be anyone else for me."

"Oh," she looked a little shell shocked. "Okay then."

"Okay then?"

"I mean...Did you just propose to me?"

"I guess I did, darlin'," he smiled slowly, and sliding his hand down to her shoulder, he gazed into her eyes. "Bella Swan, you are my soul mate, and the love of my very long life. Will you marry me? Will you be my wife and stay with me forever?"

"I...I... Yes! God, Yes. I will, Jasper." Her smile was dazzling.

He could feel the love and joy and hope pouring out of her, as he turned their bodies and leant down to kiss her.

"Good," he said, as he broke off the kiss so she could breathe. "I'm glad that's settled then."

She smiled at him. "I love you, Jasper Whitlock," she said.

"And I love you," he replied. "But now I suppose we should get back to talking about your options, so you can get some sleep."

"Yes, and I still want to know, what are the complications? Don't keep things from me Jasper. If we're partners, I need to know everything you know. And I need to know that I can trust you to be honest with me."

He sighed. She was right, but it went against the grain. But in some ways, he thought, this was a test. It was an example of how things were different now. Back when he was human, he would have seen it as his responsibility to protect her from unpleasant information. He would never have told her, for instance, how awful conditions really were for the confederate soldiers. But the Bella of today wouldn't tolerate that, and he needed to respect her choices.

"Okay," he said aloud. "You're right. We have some allies—of a sort—here in Forks, and our treaty with them means I am not supposed to tell you about them, but I think that as my mate, my fiancée, you are legitimately counted as part of the Cullen family, and so you have a right to know." He paused, gathering his thoughts.

"I know you're friends with some of the Quileutes. Do you know much about their legends?" he asked.

"Um...I know bits and pieces, why?"

"Do you know their legend about the cold ones, and the wolves?"

"Hmm...I know they're supposed to be descended from wolves. And I've heard the term 'cold ones' but I don't know anything about them...I think Seth mentioned it to me."

"Okay, well...the fact is, those legends are true. The cold ones are their name for vampires."

"Oh!" she gasped. "So they know...what you are?"

"Some of them do. Your friend Jacob's Black's grandfather, Ephraim, formed a treaty with Carlisle, back in the 1930s. It basically states that as long as we stay off their land, and don't bite a human, we can live here in peace. In turn, we will leave them in peace and neither one of us will tell the humans about the other."

She frowned. "But—okay, that's nice and everything, but how could they possibly enforce it? And what could you tell people about them?"

"That their legends are true," he said simply. "That some of them turn into giant wolves, to protect their people from vampires."

"What?" He could feel the shock rolling off her. "They—who? And how many? And, and...are you saying they could hurt you?"

"There are five, that I know of," he told her. "I don't know who they all are when in human form, but your friend Jacob is one. Edward confirmed that after we met with them. I'm surprised he's not the alpha of the pack, which is grandfather was, but maybe he's too young yet. We don't know all that much about them, to be honest."

"But—they're dangerous, to you?"

"In theory," he smiled, reassuringly. "If there were enough of them against me, they might be. They don't really present a danger to our family, though. The treaty is actually more for their benefit than ours. Carlisle is a peacemaker."

"But you've agreed not to bite a human. And that's what you'd need to do, to change me, isn't it?"

"Yes," he said. "But don't for a second think that's going to stop me!"

"But that's why you said it's complicated—doing it here in Forks."

"There's that," he admitted, "and there's also the fact that Billy Black already warned us away from you."

"What? For what reason?"

He could feel her becoming agitated and wished—not for the first time—that his gift was more effective on her. Instead he went back to rubbing his thumb over her hand, and although he couldn't send her calm the way he would for anyone else, he could feel her emotions settle, just from his touch. More proof that they were truly mates, he thought.

"Billy considers you and Charlie to be part of his family," he explained. "He arranged a meeting with us recently, partly to tell us about the nomads, but I think the main reason they told us is because they had also detected our scents around your house, and they were worried that it would attract the nomads to you. But—they also just wanted us to leave you alone."

"But you told them no, right?"

"Of course, darlin'. The treaty doesn't say anything about who we can be friends with!"

"Maybe...maybe I should talk to Jacob."

"I don't know, darlin'. I'm not sure there's anything you could say that would convince him. They really don't trust us, despite the treaty."

"Yeah but, if they know I'm dying anyway...and if I explain to Jacob about the dreams. And the other past lives...I'm obviously _meant_ to be with you Jazz. And in each life, I've died young...Did I—is this what happened the first time as well? When you went to Texas, what did you find out?"

"Yeah, Bella, you died young that time too. Only a few weeks after you found out I was missing. We didn't know what happened. At first we thought maybe you starved yourself out of grief, or that your _husband_ ," and he couldn't help saying the word like a curse, "had hurt you. But I'm guessing it was the same thing that time too."

"So surely then, they'll have to agree. It's my choice to be changed, anyway, they can't decide something like that for me."

"Maybe."

"Wait, only a few weeks after I found out you were missing? But it's already been almost a week!" He could hear her heart racing and feel the panic radiating off her.

"Shh," he said, "It's going to be okay. Just remember, she—you—would have had no medical care, no access to a drip or vitamins or anything else to keep you nourished and hydrated. And you were forced into an unwanted marriage with a man you didn't know. It's hardly surprising your body failed more quickly under those circumstances."

"I guess that's true. Still, it's a bit confronting. I wonder if the scans tomorrow will find more than Carlisle is expecting."

"Either way, I am going to take care of you, Bella. I will not let you die, do you understand? And if you decide you want to be changed quickly—well that's what we'll do, okay?"

"Okay. The question is," she continued thoughtfully, "should I have chemo first, or not?"

They talked it over, and he could see she was going back and forth in her mind, but what it came down to was that she wanted to spare Charlie and Renee as much pain as possible. And if that meant "dying" more quickly, to avoid watching her go through the pain of chemo, then that's what she'd choose, but if the chemo could give her another year or more of relatively decent quality life, then she might choose that.

"One thing to consider," Jasper interrupted her finally, as she seemed to be talking herself in circles, "is that whether or not you have chemo, we can stage your death and change you at any time. You don't have to let the cancer get really bad. In fact, I really hope you won't do that to yourself or your parents—or me. Somehow or other we are going to have to stage your death and get you away from Forks—"

"But what if the Quileutes agree to my change?" she asked. "Then we won't have to do that, right?"

"Everyone else will still have to think you're dead, darlin'. Remember I said it was dangerous for you to know what I am? It really is." He went on to explain about the vampire's ruling body, the Volturi, and their one basic rule: keep the secret. "If a human finds out about us, we are supposed to kill them or change them. So if your parents know, and the Volturi find out..."

"They'd kill them?"

"Without a second's thought, and with no discussion."

"That's why you didn't want to tell me what you were, at first."

"It's one reason, yes. I had to make sure there was at least a chance you would still want to be with me. Of course, I couldn't know if you would truly accept me as I am until you did know, so it was a catch twenty-two, in a way, but I promise you, I would have spent the rest of my life protecting you—even if I had to do it from the shadows, if you didn't want me around. I would never let anything happen to you."

Bella yawned then, and he could feel how tired she was.

"Let's get you settled for the night," he said, helping her lie down as comfortably as possible, with the drip still in her arm.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Sorry for the delay with this chapter. September is going to continue to be super busy for me, business-wise, and I have some personal things going on with my family also, so I'm afraid slower updates will continue. I do expect to have some extra writing time come October though.

In the meantime, many many thanks for your reviews, they mean so much to me and keep me feeling accountable (even if I am still slow!).

 **Recs:**

Okay, so the last couple of chapters I've given you all Bella-Jasper recs. This week they are both Bella-Edward. I really should make myself a list of all the stories I've recommended so I don't double up, but these are both newer stories (complete, but published this year) so should be safe!

 **Walk Away** by Christobel Cullen. AU of New Moon...what if Bella broke up with Edward first? What would it be like for him to walk away?

This one, although it's not quite explicit, seems to me to be exploring the same idea as my one shot story, Souls Apart: the physical effect of the mate bond on a human, when that bond is threatened. It has a completely different starting point though. I like that it's very true to the original characters. It's a relatively quick read too. s/12786933/1/Walk-Away

 **All the ways you know me** by FlamingMaple  
Bella and Jacob are expecting their first child, when tragedy strikes. Lurking, still waiting for her chance at vengeance, is Victoria, who is emboldened by Jacob's death. Watching, and trying to redeem himself, is Edward. BxE. HEA. s/12823589/1/All-the-ways-you-know-me


	20. Part 1: Chapter 20 - Visitor

**Chapter 20 Word Count: 3164; First Published about 12:15pm, 5/Oct/18.**

 **Not beta'd, so for all excess commas and other mistakes, mea culpa.**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play in her world.**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty – Visitor**

When Bella awoke the next morning, the first thing she saw was Jasper's golden eyes gazing at her.

"Mornin', darlin'," he said with a warm smile.

"Morning," she croaked back, closing her eyes and snuggling into his embrace. He was lying on top of her covers, so that his cold body wouldn't chill her. She also remembered him disappearing suddenly a few times during the night, just before a nurse came in to check on her. But right now she just wanted to be close to him, and pulled her arms out from under the blanket to grip onto his shirt.

"You okay?" he asked, cautiously.

"Yeah, just...bad dreams." Her dreams had been broken up all night, an unsurprising mix of images—unknown vampires attacking her and her father, doctors forcing her to undergo surgery she knew would kill her, her mother crying at her funeral—until they had finally morphed into a dream of her past.

It was only three days until her wedding now. She hadn't seen Mr Johnson since he'd visited the previous week, and was struggling to accept that in three days she was meant to promise her life to him. Her mother had finally noticed her weight loss and was constantly berating her for letting grief control her.

"This is such a good opportunity for you, Isabella, " she'd said. "It's not only your father who gains from this connection you know, you will have a much better life with Mr Johnson than you ever could have with that boy you're wasting your tears on." That comment brought the tears, always close to the surface, into her eyes, and she could see her mother's face soften through the blur. "I don't mean to be insensitive Isabella, you know I don't like to see you suffer. But you have to embrace the life you have, not starve yourself away."

Now that Bella knew she had cancer, Isabella's symptoms all made sense. But in her dreams, she felt that it probably _was_ her fault she was feeling so ill: her inability to accept the life God had given her. At the same time, she didn't want to accept that life. She prayed, repeatedly, that God would bring Jasper back to her somehow. She never once prayed that he would help her accept Mr Johnson.

Bella couldn't help but wonder how she would be feeling now, if Jasper hadn't come back into her life. How did Isabella Dawson and Arabella Reilly feel, when they realised they were sick? Did they have people in their waking lives to help them through it? That was assuming they too had dreamed of a past life, which maybe they hadn't, who knows?

"Don't you think it's odd," she said out loud, a sudden thought arresting her, "that both my previous selves were also near Carlisle when they got sick? The last one—Arabella—she was so close to you! You would have been with Carlisle by then, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," he said. "I've been thinking about that, too."

"It makes me feel a little sick," she said, "thinking that she—I—was so close to you but missed you. But also, a little bit jealous. You're mine, not hers! And if you'd met her. Ugh! I would never have existed!"

He chuckled, and she could feel the rumble through her cheek against his chest.

"It was always you, Bella. Always and only you. And yes, I can't help feeling bad, so guilty, that you've gone through this three times now, without me there with you. But at the same time—everything that's happened has brought you here to me now. How can I regret that?"

"Good," she said. "Stick with that thought, because I don't want to feel jealous of my former selves, but somehow, I'm able to!"

He laughed again. "God, I love you, Bella Swan."

She smiled and moved back to tilt her head up and kiss his chin. "No more than I love you, Jasper Whitlock."

Suddenly, Jasper was disentangling himself from her. "Nurse coming," was all he said. And then he was gone—into the bathroom, she thought, though she couldn't be sure—just as a nurse popped her head into the room.

"Ah good, you're awake," she said. Leaving a trolley in the hallway, she brought in a tray and placed it on the bedside table, pressing a button on the bedhead to raise the head end of the bed, and helping Bella into a sitting position. "Here you go," she said, swinging the mobile arm of the table over the bed. "Just some yoghurt, jello, soft fruit and a cup of tea. See how you go with that."

"Thank you," Bella said, though as usual her stomach rebelled at the idea of eating.

"You're welcome, dear. Now, Dr Cullen should be in to see you on his rounds a bit later, and I'll come back to collect this tray in a bit, but you just take your time and eat as much as you can."

"Yes ma'am." And the nurse was gone, and Jasper back by her side.

"I spoke to Carlisle not long before you woke," he told her. "He said he'd come and talk to us some more before his shift starts, so he should be in soon."

"Okay. Has he got anything else to tell us?"

"Not much, I think. He spent the night reading up on the form of cancer you have, and also looking through the literature for previous cases in people your age."

"Because it's different when you're younger?" she asked. "Is the treatment different?"

"Not so much that, I think," he paused, as if wondering whether to tell her something.

"Just say it, Jasper."

"I think he wanted to see if he would find anyone else that matched your description."

She gasped. "Any other past versions of me you mean?" He nodded.

"He didn't find any though. So as far as we know, this is only your fourth time having to go through this hell."

"It's not hell with you, Jasper. And don't beat yourself up about not being there the other times, okay? We've talk about this! Don't make me jealous!"

He smiled weakly, obviously aware that she was trying to make him feel better.

.

Bella drank her tea and ate most of a tub of yoghurt before she determinedly pushed the table away. He frowned at her, but she just frowned back.

"I promise you, I can't eat anything else," she said. "If I do I'll just bring it back up."

He hated seeing her so unwell. It had been bad enough when he thought it was just stress. Now, knowing that it was so much worse than that...

"Carlisle's almost here," was all he said out loud, hearing his pseudo-adoptive father murmuring for him to warn Bella of his approach.

"Great," she replied, not quite sarcastically.

Carlisle's presence was always soothing to Jasper. He was almost unfailingly calm, and always compassionate, which was like a balm, surrounded as he was by a seething mass of human emotion, especially in a hospital (or school, he thought, wryly).

So when he arrived, Jasper soaked up his calm and compassion, and just wished he could project it onto Bella, like he could for anyone else.

There wasn't much new for him to tell them, but he went over the options they might share with Charlie, and they told him what they had decided so far. Bella wanted to try chemo and radiation, if Carlisle thought it would extend her life in a worthwhile way, and when Carlisle recommended she have a stent placed in her esophagus to make eating easier, she was happy to agree. She also suggested they tell Charlie that she had forth stage cancer, even if it turned out she didn't.

"That way we're...we're starting to prepare him for the loss," she said, pausing to get her breathing under control. He could tell she was struggling not to cry at the thought of Charlie's pain.

"And that will also mean surgery wouldn't be recommended. Yes, I think that is the best idea," Carlisle agreed. "He may still want you to get other opinions though, and it wouldn't be wrong of him."

Bella argued that he trusted Carlisle—he'd told her they were lucky to have such a good doctor in a small-town hospital—which Jasper could feel made Carlisle both pleased and uncomfortable. He felt guilty, presumably that they would be lying to Bella's father, even though he knew it was the best way to keep her safe.

"In any case," Carlisle added, "I will have to refer you to the oncology department in Port Angeles to get any treatment. But I will edit your files as needed to make sure you get the options you want."

"Okay," she said quietly. "But—does that mean you won't be my doctor?"

"I won't be the one to prescribe the treatments," he agreed, "but you can have oral chemotherapy, which you can take at home. So you won't have to keep going back and forth to Port Angeles for that. Though the radiation therapy will need to be done in Port Angeles. But if you happen to be stubborn and insist that you'd rather be treated by your boyfriend's father aside from that, well, I will happily argue that as a teenager with stage four cancer, we should focus on making your last months as happy and stress free as possible, and so if you just want to deal with me as much as possible, I will talk with the oncologist on your behalf."

"Thanks, Carlisle, I would really appreciate that."

"No thanks are necessary, Bella. Anything I can do to make this easier for you, I am happy to do it." Jasper could feel his sincerity and squeezed Bella's hand, making a note to tell her about it later.

The whole family were so happy for him to have found his mate, almost unbelievable as her story was. Carlisle had said on the phone that he'd already had to warn both Alice and Esme away from visiting today, saying she'd most likely be discharged before school was out anyway, and would probably not feel up to visitors. Esme had insisted she would bring some soup around for dinner though, and Alice had begged to be allowed to visit on the weekend. "Maybe you can talk to Bella and see if she'd like that," Carlisle had added to Jasper.

"Jasper said you'd been looking for evidence of other cases...other times I might have been reincarnated," Bella began, hesitantly.

"Yes, but I didn't find any," Carlisle told her. "It's a very rare form of cancer in one so young—though it's increasingly common in the over fifty age group—so they tend to be written up quite thoroughly. Of course, Isabel Dawson hadn't been diagnosed, as far as I know, and there could have been others, maybe between then and your original life. But you are still only the fourth incarnation that we know of."

Bella gasped suddenly. "Lives four times!" she said quietly.

"It looks like you have," Jasper replied, confused. "But do you mean something else?"

"Seth said—the Quileutes have a prophesy," she said. She looked up at him momentarily, but then seemed to look right through him. "Beloved of the tribe, called 'beautiful'... And then something about lives four times." Her eyes focused on his again, and he could feel her wonder. "That's all I know," she said. "Seth mentioned it one time. I kept falling over but not hurting myself, and he said I could be the girl who lives four times. My name means beautiful, and I'm not a member of the tribe, but they've practically adopted me, he said."

"You don't know what it said about this girl?" Carlisle asked, and Jasper could feel his concern. If the Quileutes felt they had some claim on her, it could make things even more complicated.

"No. Jacob told Seth he wasn't supposed to talk about it with 'outsiders'." She made air quotes with her fingers. "Seth laughed it off, but Jacob was obviously uncomfortable, so I didn't ask anything else about it. At the time I thought the same as Seth—that it was a myth, just like their stories of the cold ones." She chuckled quietly, lightening the atmosphere a little. "Now I know _that_ was wrong!"

He loved that she could still laugh. Hopefully the prophecy wouldn't turn out to mean anything. "Charlie's coming," he warned then, feeling his emotional signature approaching.

.

After Charlie had left for work, and Carlisle for his rounds, Bella had snuggled back into Jasper's arms, taken a deep breath of his scent (at least, that's what he thought she was doing), and drifted back to sleep.

Carlisle had organised her scans for later that day, hopefully just after lunch, but it was a bit dependent on what emergencies might come up. She could come back in and have them as an outpatient, he'd said, but this way it would get done more quickly, and she could go home, knowing she was done, for the time being.

He'd book her in for the following week to have the stent placed, and also send a referral to the oncology department in Port Angeles. They would call her to make an appointment, but he would ask them to include him in it also, as per her request.

Charlie had told her he'd call Billy and tell him and Jake not to come over tonight, which they had planned to do, but Bella had told him not to worry, she'd enjoy seeing them. Jasper had frowned at that, and been hard pressed not to growl, but she'd just squeezed his hand and smiled at him.

After Charlie had left she'd reminded him that Jacob was actually a good friend of hers. "I might be a bit mad at him—or at Billy anyway—but they are family to us. And I might not have very much longer with them. Plus, I need to know they'll still be there for Charlie after I'm not. I know he seemed very stoic, when he was here earlier, but..."

"No, I get it," he'd told her. "What he was feeling didn't match what he was putting out at all. He's terrified for you, and you're right, he's going to need support."

"I had hoped that maybe he and Sue Clearwater...they've been spending a lot of time together. I hope me being involved with their mortal enemies doesn't ruin that for him. Do you think she knows, about the myths being true?"

"She does. She was at the last meeting we had with them."

He thought about that now as he held his sleeping mate. Charlie would need support to cope with his daughter's cancer and her passing. It was just like Bella to be thinking of that already, trying to take care of him, and he really did hope that the enmity between his family and the wolves wouldn't ruin it.

Would she want him to hang around tonight too? It went against the grain to leave her in a house with an adolescent werewolf, but at the same time, he doubted his presence would make things easier for her, in this instance, or for Charlie.

.

Bella was relieved to finally be able to leave the hospital just after three. She'd not particularly enjoyed the feeling of being stuck in the tube for the PET scan, especially after having to drink some awful fluid to have a CT scan at the same time. She'd ended up throwing half of it back up after trying to force herself to drink the full amount, and having to start again, but they said just to drink as much as she was able, the second time, without throwing up. It delayed the whole process though, which had frustrated her no end.

She was so glad Jasper had stayed with her all day. Somehow just a simple touch from him was enough to calm her down, every time.

It was cold in her truck, so she turned the heat right up as soon as they got in.

"So," she began, "do you want me to take you home, or...?" She let the sentence trail off, hoping he would say no.

He gave her a startled look. "Oh, I was sort of hoping you would invite me back to your place actually. Of course, if you want to be alone that's okay, but I'll still want to be nearby."

She couldn't help grinning. "I guess the closer you are the safer I'll be, right? So you'd better just stay with me then. At least..." She felt her smile falter a little. "I suppose you'll have to leave before Jake and Billy get there though, won't you?"

"I don't have to—we certainly didn't agree to their ridiculous demands—but it would probably be a good idea, yeah," he said. "I won't go far though."

When they pulled up outside the house she still thought of as Charlie's, Jasper was around the truck and opening her door almost before she had the keys out of the ignition.

"That's going to take some getting used to!" she said.

"Sorry." He reached up to help her out of the truck, and she was again forcibly reminded of the Jasper of her past. She smiled and took his hand. The Southern gentleman thing really wasn't so bad, she thought.

"That's okay, let's go in." She wanted as much time with him as she could get before he had to leave.

"I know Charlie mentioned pizzas, but I think I'll make a casserole for dinner," she was saying as she unlocked the door, "that way I can—" Suddenly she was being pushed behind Jasper's growling body, his arm holding her tightly to his back.

"What's wrong?" she gasped out.

"Vampire," he growled. "There's been a vampire here. Recently."

"In—in the house?"

"Yes. They didn't come through this door—they must have come through the back, there was no scent out the front. But the smell in here..."

"Are they gone?"

"Shh," he breathed, a finger to his lips. He held up his phone and showed her what he'd just typed:

 _There's no breath or movement, no sound, but they could be upstairs, waiting. Vampires can be very still._

She nodded against his back, to show she understood, and he tapped some more on his phone and hit send. It was too fast for her to make out the message, but she saw the words "backup" and "NOW". He must be asking Edward or Alice to come.

He turned, bringing her into his arms, and showed her the phone to see another message he'd typed.

 _They're probably gone, but we'll wait for Edward and Alice._

She nodded again. God, please let them be gone, she prayed.

* * *

 **A/N**

Reviews, as someone else said recently (or at least, I read it recently), are not only motivating, they are candy! Let me know what you think! One more chapter in Part 1...

 **Recommendations**

 **I'm giving you three this week, because there's been such a long gap between updates. There actually probably won't be such a long gap before the next chapter, since it is complete AND proof read (though only by me!) and just waiting for one of my betas to hopefully have time to look at it. But still. You'll like these. All Bella-Jasper this week. :)**

 **Recent:**

 **Call me Little Bit, by Spudzmom** This is a lovely little one shot that I discovered a few weeks/months ago – I thought I had recommended it already actually, but I can't find it, so... I think you will all like it, since you like this one :) Bella-Jasper  
This one was only published this year, but according to the author note it had been published previously in 2014. s/12964149/1/Call-Me-Little-Bit

 **Older:**

 **Scarred,** **by** **j** **ascat** Jasper is horribly scarred by a vindictive Maria. He decides to live alone in the forest around Forks, certain no one could ever love him now.

I'm amazed I never discovered this one before, as it was written in 2014, and has over 1000 likes... but there you go. Hopefully it is new to some of you as well. Bella-Jasper. s/10230143/1/Scarred

 **WIP:**

 **Lost Cause by** **IvaChism** Jasper is a relic of a lost time. His mind is shattered beyond repair and he is labeled feral, dangerous. A lost cause. Dismissed by all... except one.  
This is being updating slowly – last update was in August. Who knows though, maybe a bunch of you hopping over and leaving REVIEWS might inspire another update? JxB s/12982756/1/Lost-Cause **Edited to add:** Just updated today, shortly after I first published this :)


	21. Part 1: Chapter 21 - Revelations (II)

**Chapter 21 Word Count: 4487; First Published about 2:15pm, 18/Oct/18. (AEST)**

 **Not beta'd, so for any typos, excess commas, Australianisms or other mistakes, mea culpa.**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play in her world.**

 **See this week's recs, a question for y'all, and more, at the bottom.**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-One Revelations (II)**

Jasper picked Bella up and ran her back to the car. He wanted to stay close enough to hear any sound from the house, should the vampire still be there, but also wished for a more defensible position.

If the vampire was in the house, he (or she) would certainly have heard their arrival, and could pinpoint their location at any time by the sound of Bella's heartbeat and breath.

And while Jasper was an experience fighter, he would not risk Bella's safety if he could possibly avoid it.

There was no sound from the house, however, and Edward and Alice arrived only moments later.

 _I suspect whoever it is, is long gone,_ Jasper thought to Edward. _I haven't heard a single sound._

He watched as Alice and Edward ghosted into the house, and listened to their progress, following the sounds through the building.

"There's no one here." Edward's voice came from the upstairs part of the house, and Bella's bedroom if he was correct. "But there certainly has been. And it's the same one we tracked earlier in the week."

"Come on," Jasper told Bella. "Edward says they're gone."

He walked with her at a human pace, her hand in his, and they made their way up to her bedroom, where his two siblings awaited them. The smell was much stronger there and the idea of another vampire in her room forced a low growl from his chest. He felt her hand grip his even more tightly, and he turned to give her an apologetic smile, to see her looking pale and frightened.

"What—" she began, her voice cracking on the word. She cleared her throat and began again. "What were they doing in here? Why would they come into my room?"

They all looked at her blankly for a few seconds. Why _would_ they come up here? He hadn't been up there and from what Alice says she'd been all over the house helping Bella clean. But the vampire scent led straight here.

"You _do_ smell particularly appealing," Alice started slowly. "Maybe it was just a matter of following your scent?"

"Gee, that's comforting," Bella muttered. Then she took another step into the room. "Wait a minute, where's my pillow? And where are the clothes I left on my bed yesterday morning? And the tank I usually sleep in? It was on my pillow when I left for school."

What the hell! Some vampire had taken her clothes?

"Oh wait," Bella added, before any of them could speak. "I guess I've got my tank and my sweats in my bag—Dad brought them in for me last night. Not that the nurse would let me change into them. But the other clothes..."

"Could he have put them away somewhere?" Alice asked.

"Maybe...I'll go check the laundry," Bella said doubtfully, starting to pull away from him.

"I'll come with you," Jasper said instantly, thawing from the stressed statue he'd become.

The clothes were not there though, and neither did a thorough search turn up her pillow.

"But why would they take them?" Bella asked, bemusedly.

"To prove they'd been here?" Alice asked.

"Or to give her scent to someone else," Edward said, reading his mind.

Jasper had to control the urge to growl again, and instead pulled her into his embrace. They needed to follow the vampire's tracks to see if they led to anything else this time, but he wouldn't leave her vulnerable. And the Quileutes were coming over tonight too. Another complication they didn't need.

"We'll go," Edward said, answering his thoughts again. "You stay here with Bella."

Bella looked at him in question as the two vampires flitted out the black door, in the direction the scent disappeared.

"They're going to follow the vampire's tracks and see if they lead anywhere useful this time."

.

After Edward and Alice disappeared, Bella flopped down on her bed, pulling Jasper with her.

"Gah! No pillow," she exclaimed.

"I'll get you another pillow," Jasper assured her.

"Don't be silly, there's one in the linen closet, it's just—" he was gone before she could even finish the sentence, and back almost as quickly. Handing her the pillow, he slid back onto the bed and pulled her into his arms. She sighed in contentment. There was so much going on in her life, rogue vampires in her room was just another complication she didn't need. But somehow, from the safety of Jasper's arms, it was hard to worry about anything.

They stayed like that for almost half an hour, and Bella had almost dozed off when she heard Alice's voice.

"We're back!" Alice trilled from downstairs. Bella could hear the low murmur of Edward's voice also, but couldn't make out any words.

"Shall we go down?" Jasper asked her. "Or you can stay here and nap if you like…"

"No, let's go see what they found."

"It's going to be okay!" Alice said, as soon as they reached the bottom of the stairs. At the same time Edward was saying to Jasper, "Just stay calm, okay?"

She could feel Jasper's tension.

"What did you find?" he barked.

"The trail led quite close to the high school," Alice began, "before it met up with a second vampire. Jasper—it was Victoria. She'd been sitting up in a tree overlooking the high school parking lot."

Jasper's growl was audible, and he pulled her closer in to his side.

"Who's Victoria?" Bella asked.

Jasper had frozen again—Bella had noticed him go still earlier, and wondered if it was a stress reaction. She tried to turn to face him, but he was holding her too tightly.

"Jasper," she murmured, pulling on his arm.

"Sorry," he said, but rather than letting her go, he pulled her closer and buried his face in her hair. "Whatever she wants, I will protect you, I promise."

"Who is she?" she asked again, at the same time as Alice snorted, saying, "I think it's pretty obvious what she wants!"

Jasper growled again, but Edward explained. "Victoria is the mate of a vampire we killed last year," he said.

"You mean a vampire _I_ killed," Jasper said.

"We were all there, Jasper," Alice said.

"What happened?" Bella asked, shocked.

Jasper just went back to breathing in her hair, but Edward explained that they'd had a run-in with three nomads the previous year. One of them, James, had recognised Alice from when she was human. He had wanted to drain her, but another vampire had changed her before he could.

At the time, he'd contented himself with killing the other vampire and leaving Alice be. He'd planned to let her change and then track her down afterwards. Tracking and killing was his hobby, but he usually played with his food, rather than other vampires, and he had never come back for Alice.

But when the Cullens had come across the nomads they'd been in the middle of a hunt just outside of Forks, and when the Cullens had asked them to leave, James had decided to kill Alice after all. Unfortunately for him, with a mind reader and an empath against him, he was quickly outmatched. Edward was onto him almost before he'd finished making his decision, but it was Jasper who twisted his head off his neck, and lit his remains on fire with the lighter he always carried.

Victoria and the other vampire, Laurent, had run away, and the Cullens had let them go. Jasper had warned that Victoria would almost certainly be back, unless she got herself killed beforehand. Vampires never got over the death of a mate. But Carlisle had insisted they be allowed to leave, so long as they weren't threatening them at the time.

Now that decision was coming back to haunt them. Victoria was back, and the obvious conclusion was that she'd somehow discovered that Jasper had a human mate.

"She can't have been near the school while we were there," Edward finished. "Her thoughts would have stood out from the normal student population, I wouldn't have missed them."

"No, but she could have seen us in the parking lot after you left, yesterday," Jasper said.

"Or the other vampire—he's the one we tracked before—she must have had him spying on us," Edward said. "I'm guessing the second vampire whose trail the wolves found was Victoria's."

"It makes sense that she stayed away from us and Forks itself," Alice said. "She wouldn't have wanted us to know she was nearby."

"But now she's declaring herself," Jasper said. "She's challenging us. Actually, I'm surprised she came close enough for even the wolves to track her before. That was a risk. But then again, she's lost her mate. It's surprising she can think rationally at all."

They stood silently for a while, all contemplating options.

"Charlie!" Bella exclaimed. "Is someone watching him?"

"We haven't been, while he's at work," Edward said, "but the vampire who was here didn't go into his room."

"He's fine," Alice added. "I see him getting home in a while. All your futures completely disappear not along after that, so I guess the _dog_ is still coming for dinner."

"Alice! He's my friend."

Alice just frowned, and Jasper interrupted.

"We will need to step up your protection," he said. "Edward, I think we need to ask Rose and Emmett to come back now. And we need to talk to the wolves again. They care about Bella and Charlie. Once they know what's going on, they'll probably be more helpful."

"And what about Esme?" Bella asked, suddenly feeling panicked. Who else could be in danger?

"What about her?" Jasper asked.

"Carlisle said she was safe alone because the nomads wouldn't have any reason to hurt her! Victoria could have a grudge against your whole family."

"He also said Alice was watching her future, remember? She'll be fine. We do need to let her and Carlisle know what's going on though," he added to Edward.

"I'll let them know," Edward said, "and we can have a meeting while Bella's having dinner with the wolf."

Bella tensed, and felt herself grip Jasper's hand. "You won't leave?" she said.

"Shh, darlin', we won't go far—just far enough that Jacob can't hear us. We'll still be able to follow everything going on here."

"They don't have super hearing like you guys?" she asked.

"They do, but not as good as ours," Alice bragged. "Besides, Edward's mind reading goes a lot further than even our hearing."

Edward and Alice left then, promising not to go too far, but to talk to Carlisle and Esme and have them come for a meeting later on. Alice would call Rosalie and talk to her about coming back a few days early. Meanwhile Jasper insisted Bella try to take another nap, she'd slept so restlessly in the hospital. Esme was bringing soup later, and Charlie had said he'd bring pizzas home with him, so there was nothing for her to do but relax, which she gratefully did, falling asleep in Jasper's arms within minutes.

.

Dinner proved more stressful than Bella had anticipated, largely due to the Blacks' obvious antipathy for Jasper and his family.

The Quileutes has arrived before Charlie—by design, Bella suspected—and Billy had tried to warn Bella about Jasper, without being explicit. She had quickly shut him down.

"I believe I know at least as much about Jasper's family as you do," she'd said stiffly. "In fact, they'll be wanting to speak to you later, but I might as well tell you now—there was a vampire in my room today, before we got here. They won't be leaving me unprotected."

"That's a joke!" Jacob had scoffed. "It's their fault they've attracted them to you in the first place! If they'd left you alone like they should've…"

Charlie had come home then, preventing any further discussion. He'd misinterpreted the tension as relating to her cancer diagnosis, and she could see Billy looking guilty with the reminder that she had more on her mind than rogue vampires.

After dinner—soup for her, pizza for everyone else—the men went into the lounge room to watch a game, while Jake stayed in the kitchen with her.

He helped her with the clean-up in silence, but she could tell he was building up to something. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him take a breath as though he was going to speak, several times, before he finally did.

"Listen, Bella," he finally began, "I don't know what they've told you, but we can protect you. You don't need them!"

"Jake—"

"I can't explain how, but—"

"Jake!" she said again. "It's not as simple as that."

"Yes, it is," he insisted. "I know you don't understand—"

She put her hand on his arm. "I do understand, Jake. I understand a lot more than you know. But there's more to it than _you_ know."

"Bella—"

"Look," she said, with a small laugh. "This is not working. We both think we know things the other doesn't, so why don't we lay it all in the open. You go first?" She hung up her kitchen towel and sat down at the kitchen table.

"I...I can't, sorry." He sat opposite her, but leaned his head into his hands, his elbows on the table. "I really want to but…"

"That's okay, Jake, I think I know what you think I don't know anyway," she said.

He looked at her and frowned. "You'd better not," he all but growled.

She frowned back. "Regardless," she said, "there's a lot you don't know, so why don't I fill you in, then maybe you'll understand why— Well, you might understand some things you're not happy about now.

"Firstly…you know I have cancer, right?" Even as she said it, she wondered if she should have been less blunt—it still seemed so unreal, especially with this latest crisis distracting her—but Jacob just nodded.

"So, I haven't exactly told Charlie this yet but...it's pretty certain that it's terminal."

"I hope you don't mean what I think you mean!" Jake growled.

"What?" Bella was taken aback. That was not the reaction she was expecting.

"Who's your doctor? I'm assuming it's _Doctor_ " —he sneered the word as though it was an insult— "Cullen."

Oh, he thought she meant it was not really terminal, but would be anyway. In a manner of speaking. Well, she admitted to herself, that was half right. Except Carlisle had said her chances of survival really were low, even with the maximum human intervention. She closed her eyes and allowed herself a moment to feel sorry for herself, then looked straight at Jake.

"At the moment, yes," she said, holding up a hand to cut him off when he took a breath to interrupt her. "But he has referred me to the oncology clinic at the Port Angeles hospital for treatment," she added. "I don't have all the test results yet but Carlisle strongly suspects it's quite advanced. Apparently that's pretty common with esophageal cancer, because the symptoms aren't too obvious to begin with."

"Oh." He looked a little shell shocked, and she reached a hand across the table to him. She explained then about the treatment options that Carlisle expected them to recommend—chemotherapy and possibly radiation—and how much extra time that might buy her. When she said that without treatment she might have as little as three months, he jumped up and began pacing.

"That's not—I didn't realise! Charlie didn't say—"

"He doesn't know yet, at least not how likely that is, and please don't say anything. Carlisle has, well…an advantage, with his super senses, you know? He said we need to wait for the test results, but I think he's pretty certain."

"Right." The word came out clipped, as though he didn't want to acknowledge the truth of it, she thought.

"Please sit down, Jake," she said quietly "There's more you should know, which I hope will help you understand—and accept—the choices I'm making, and will make."

.

Jasper paced back and forth in the forest. They were just close enough to the Swan residence to hear the conversation taking place, while staying far enough away that Edward assured him the wolf hadn't detected their presence.

Twice already Edward had had to restrain him from running back to her. He didn't like the wolf-boy's tone, but Edward assured him he had nothing to worry about.

As always Edward was listening to everyone's thoughts at once, filtering out the ones that weren't relevant to them as best as he could, and focussing on Jacob's point of view in the Swan's kitchen. Charlie and Billy were watching a game in the living room, and while Charlie's thoughts were no more than half distracted from his fear for Bella, Edward assured him they were not listening to the conversation taking place in the next room.

"She's going to tell him everything, isn't she?" Edward interrupted his thoughts.

"She trusts him," he replied, by way of explanation or justification—he wasn't sure which himself.

"Do you?"

"His feelings towards her are all of concern and love and trust," Jasper began.

"But he hates us," Edward interrupted. "He blames us for causing him to start phasing."

"He may be right."

"Maybe. They don't all feel like that though. Some of the wolves we met the other night love what they are. Some of them are even grateful to us, for ensuring there are wolves in this generation, to protect the tribe from random nomadic vampires."

"They still assume it's our presence here that's made them change though."

"Yes, and they may be right, but last time we were here the wolves were already phasing before we arrived. So it may have happened either way. Besides which, we've been here nearly four years, and they've only started phasing recently—if it's our presence that precipitated it, I'd have to say it's not much of a defence mechanism."

"True. They're lucky we're not actually a danger to them."

The conversation between Bella and Jacob continued through their speculation. Bella had explained her dreams, and how she'd met Jasper again, and how he had found out the details of her previous life, and death. She wanted her friend to understand, Jasper knew, that they were soul mates. That she was meant to be here. That Jasper was meant to save her this time.

"Wait a second," Jacob exclaimed suddenly, "this is your fourth life? You've lived four times? Oh my god! Seth was right! You are the girl who lives four times!"

They heard him stand up and start pacing again.

"Lives four times, beloved of the people, called beautiful," he muttered, more to himself than to Bella, Jasper thought, but he was clearly audible to the vampires. "Must be protected, must be let go… fifth life's return… shit, shit, shit! What does _that_ mean?"

"Jake!" Bella interrupted, "what are you talking about? The prophecy?"

"What do you know about that?" Jacob asked sharply.

"Nothing!" Defensive. He better not be scaring her! "Just what Seth said the other day," she added. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'm not allowed to tell you about it. It's—tribe stuff, y'know?"

"But if you think it's about me—"

"I still have to get council approval."

"Fine." They could hear her launch to her feet and slap her hands on the table. Jasper imagined her leaning over, pinning Jake with her glare. "But you must see, Jake, I'm meant to be here with Jasper. I've come back twice before, so close! So close to finding Carlisle in time. And this time I _am_ in time. And Jasper's here too. We're meant to be together, Jake."

"In time for what?" Jake asked, his voice suspiciously emotionless. "You said the cancer was terminal."

There was a pause. Jasper could hear Bella's every breath.

"In time to save me," she finally whispered. "The way only he can, Jake.

.

Bella lay in bed, knowing she needed to sleep, but unable to shut off her mind. She wished Jasper was there with her to remind her that everything would be okay.

Except it wasn't okay.

Rogue vampires and werewolf prophecies aside, her life had flipped upside down in a matter of days.

And she couldn't stop thinking through all the "what ifs" over and over. What if she had decided to go with her mom and Phil to live in Florida? She would have died without meeting Jasper again. _And_ she wouldn't have had this time with Charlie.

What if Arabella had actually met Carlisle. What if she'd somehow met Jasper? Then, she, Bella, would presumably never have been born. And Charlie and Renee wouldn't have to lose their daughter. But then—who would they have had instead? Whoever she was, would she have looked after Renee the way Bella had? Maybe she would have done a better job...

And most of all, what if—what if there was something she could have _done_. Something to avoid this disease. Why did she keep getting it? Was it God's way, or the universe's way, of making sure she never lived longer than she was supposed to the first time? Why _had_ she come back over and over? Did everyone? Was every life and death preordained in some way? But that didn't make sense. If she was coming back to find Jasper, there would have been no point in coming back those other times if it was preordained that she wouldn't find him.

Around and around her thoughts went, seemingly without end.

And beneath it all, she knew she was avoiding her biggest worry. How could she say goodbye to Charlie? How could she tell Renee? This was going to kill them. Except it wouldn't, she thought, inwardly rolling her eyes at her pun. It would only kill her.

She felt the mild nausea she'd been feeling for—how long now? She wasn't even sure. The burning in her chest that she was used to thinking of as garden-variety indigestion, not even terribly bad most of the time, suddenly felt so much more sinister. It was hard not to feel revulsion for her own body; not to feel angry with it. Why was it letting her down? People her age didn't _get_ oesophageal cancer. She had had it four times. _Why_?

She wished again that Jasper was with her. But she knew he couldn't want to stay with her all night while she slept. Last night was a one off, and she wouldn't expect it of him again. What could be more boring?

Besides, she knew he wanted to hear about the outcome of the meeting with Sam. They were hoping Edward would be able to hear in Sam's thoughts what had been discussed with the elders, and hopefully get the full text of the prophecy.

.

Jasper waited impatiently for Carlisle and Edward to return from their meeting with the wolves. Carlisle had left a message with the elders, asking to meet with Sam, but the Quileute council were having an emergency meeting that evening, after Billy and Jacob returned from dinner at the Swans' house, and so the meeting with Sam was delayed.

Only Carlisle and Edward attended at the border, as it was only Sam and two other wolves they were meeting with, and they didn't want to appear aggressive.

Jasper was waiting with Alice and Esme in the woods outside Bella's house. He would rather be inside with her. He could tell she wasn't asleep, both from the sounds of her moving around in bed, and from the fact that he couldn't feel her emotions.

But she hadn't invited him to stay, and besides he could do a better job of guarding her out here. Not that they needed all three of them, especially as Alice had seen nothing happening—and with them outside away from Bella, she had no trouble seeing them clearly.

Finally, he heard sounds of two approaching vampires, and knew from their emotional signatures that it was Carlisle and Edward.

"So?" He asked, before they even stopped moving. "What did they say?"

"Nothing very helpful," Carlisle answered. "For the most part, they're still blaming us for bringing this threat to be area, and specifically to Bella and Charlie. They see it is proof of the concerns they expressed last time.

"However, they accept that we will be patrolling this area until the threat is dealt with, and staying as close to both the Swans as we can. Of course, they don't know about Alice's visions, which help us keep Charlie safe."

They would step up their own patrols within the Quileute lands, and agreed to keep the Cullen's updated on any new trails they found, and had finally agreed to show them the trails they'd found previously, on the boundaries of Quileute land and the ocean.

"It's wasn't Victoria," Edward said, "or the other vampire we've scented."

"There are three of them? Dad burn it, where are they coming from?" Jasper growled.

"And possibly Laurent, too," Alice added. "Though I've been looking for visions of him and Victoria all evening, and haven't seen anything. But that may be just because I don't know them well enough to see anything until they affect us directly."

"What about the prophecy?" Jasper asked, turning to Edward. "Did you get any more details of it? And what about their meeting? Do you know how they took it?"

"From what I could tell, there was a mixed response. I saw in Sam's mind, some of the wolves also have mates. It's a bit like with vampires, an all or nothing thing. They call it imprinting, and from what I could tell, an instantaneous bond is formed when they see their mate for the first time.

"Sam has imprinted and was thinking about the intensity of it. It seemed like he was sympathetic to the idea that Bella might be Jasper's imprint. But, the general consensus of the council was not as positive. They are happy for us to defend Bella and Charlie from Victoria, but they don't extend that to accepting the possibility of you changing Bella to save her from the cancer.

"And, I don't think they would in any case, but it's worse than that. They are convinced she is the girl from the prophecy, and the prophecy specifically says she can't be changed. I got the whole text. This is what it says:

Beloved of the people

But not of the blood

Four lives lived

Called beautiful one

Vanquishing enemies

Uniting Foes

She must be protected

She must be let go.

She cannot be changed

Before she is lost

Her fifth life's return

May soften the cost."

.

~~End of Part 1~~

.

* * *

 **.**

 **Author's Notes (I have a lot to say this week, plus THREE recs again):**

Right so... I suspect there are going to be a few of you unhappy with that! A few people have suggested I don't have Vic in this story and/or don't have any issues with the Quileutes, because surely they can be reasonable, under the circumstances. So, I don't think they will be *unreasonable*, but I hope you can see their point of view.

So, anyone want to share any theories about that prophecy?

Or Jasper's reaction to it?

 _ **Reviews are love. :)**_

 **NB** this chapter was not only not beta'd but I haven't re-edited it since I published the last chapter. I just figured you'd rather have it now than have me print it out and then take another week to edit it again. So **pleeease** feel free to let me know about typos, in this and any chapter. I would love to fix them!

 **THANK YOU** to everyone who has reviewed, followed or favourited this story. I was a bit thrilled to make it to over 1000 follows and over 500 reviews with this chapter. :) I've just realised I haven't sent out review replies to the last chapter with your preview, sorry! But I am so grateful for all your comments.

Oh, one more thing **Green Eyed Lana Lee** , I hope you liked that little phrase Jasper used just for you. You know which one. :)

.

 **Okay, so, that's the end of part 1.** I've said before there's a fair way to go with this story, so fair warning, we're maybe half way through (or maybe not – part one turned out about waaaay longer than I anticipated – Jasper and Bella talking too much, mostly! LOL).

I have some bits of Parts 2 and 3 already drafted (maybe 12000 words), and a fairly detailed outline (I've just fleshed out part 2's outline more thoroughly over my kids' school holidays). BUT I started publishing when I had – I don't know, maybe 8 chapters? – fully drafted.

Now, I have **almost** got the next chapter fully drafted, but after that it's fragments here and there. That's how I work – I write bits and pieces as I'm writing the outline, sometimes just a paragraph, other times whole conversations. And most of the fragments I have are in part 3. So...

 **Question for you**. I think I know what the most common answer will be, but I'm still interested. Would you prefer I finish a draft of part 2 before I start publishing it, OR would you like me to publish as I go, knowing you will most likely only get a chapter every 3-4 weeks (at least to begin with)? As I said I am almost finished a full draft of the next chapter, but I will probably want to get at least the next two chapters after that finished before I come back and review chapter 22 and get it out there – that way I am less inclined to end up with continuity errors.

So, thoughts?

.

 **Okay, finally, here're your recs for this week:**

 **For starters, Carlisle-OC story.** This is probably the first non-Bella story I've recommended, and probably the first OC story too. I'm a little bit traditional. But, I liked it. It's good to read something different now and then :)

 **Second Chance at Forever, by NobleMikaelson.** There is no Esme in this at all (ie she never existed), but aside from that it is mostly canon, set (mostly) shortly after Breaking Dawn ends. Summary: In 1955, the love of Carlisle's life was ripped away in a brutal nomad attack. He spent decades trying to get over that loss, only for the shock of his life when, in 2005 at the wedding of his son Edward, he meets a girl named Abigail Goodwin; an exact match for his dead mate. A search for answers leads Carlisle down a road he never thought he'd go down again. s/12436836/1/Second-Chance-at-Forever

 **My other two recs this week are both Bella-Edward:**

An old one first:

 **Lightning Crashes, b** **y** **Psvtiger** Bella makes the decision to leave Phoenix forever after a tragic accident. The cold numbness that has imprisoned Bella's heart begins to subside when she finds herself falling for the only person at Forks H.S. capable of tearing down her walls. s/7127656/1/Lightning-Crashes

And a WIP (last updated yesterday! I haven't even had a chance to read the update yet!):

 **What Drives Her, b** **y** **Virginia May** Edward leaves Forks & Bella behind after the incident with Tyler's van. Five years later, he finally returns to his family and the Pacific Northwest. While picking up his latest Swedish automobile, he is confronted by a very familiar scent. AU-Twilight. s/5815062/1/What-Drives-Her


	22. Part 2: Chapter 1 - Interlude

**Part 2**

Beloved of the people

But not of the blood

Four lives lived

Called beautiful one

Vanquishing enemies

Uniting Foes

She must be protected

She must be let go

She cannot be changed

Before she is lost

Her fifth life's return

May soften the cost

* * *

 **Chapter One - Interlude**

Bella woke from another nightmare very early on Sunday morning. She thought of them as nightmares now, not the hopeful dreams she'd had all her life but nightmares of a life without Jasper, of being forced into an arranged marriage with a man old enough to be her father. She looked around for Jasper, but he wasn't there. He'd gone to hunt, and though he'd promised to be back by the time she woke up, he'd meant morning, not the middle of the night.

He hadn't spent the night with her in the two days since she'd been home from the hospital, instead he spent the nights hunting or patrolling. The whole family had decided to hunt every other day, determined to be at full strength if Victoria came back. Or rather, when she came back.

She sat up in bed and hugged her knees to her chest, staring at the night sky and the branches of the tree outside her window. She knew Alice and Edward were out there tonight. She hadn't wanted Edward listening to her nightmares, but she couldn't exactly insist that he leave Alice to guard her alone or that Carlisle and Esme take an extra turn.

It was still full dark out, but she could hear Charlie stirring. He was going on a fishing trip with Billy, and not returning until late that night. They'd both wanted to cancel, but Bella had insisted they go. They'd refused to go for the whole weekend, as they'd originally planned, but given in and agreed to go on Sunday when she'd pointed out that if she did have the chemotherapy, she would need a lot of home care and support over the next six months or more. She was relieved, not only because she wanted to spend the time with Jasper, but because she wanted to do everything she could to strengthen Charlie's ties with his Quileute friends. _He_ would need support just as much as she would.

"I promise I'll still be here when you get back," she'd said, making direct eye contact with Billy and hoping he understood her point.

Later, she'd told Charlie she'd have a sleepover with Alice. "She'll probably inflict painted toenails and other tortures on me, but it will be worth it if you go on your trip."

"A sleepover with Alice?" Charlie had asked wryly. "Or Jasper?"

"Dad!" Bella exclaimed. "Jasper and I have only been together for a few days! And besides, Carlisle and Esme will be there the whole time." She had squirmed a little inside as she spoke, knowing that while she wasn't lying, she also wasn't telling the whole truth. She suspected Charlie knew that too. He could see how intense things were between them. He hadn't looked entirely convinced, but Esme had called him to officially invite Bella to spend the night, saying they would take good care of her and that Esme would bring her home Monday morning after Jasper, Edward and Alice went to school. Bella had decided to withdraw from school. One way or the other, she wasn't going to be seeing out this school year.

So Charlie had agreed— _and I didn't even have to remind him that I'm eighteen_ , Bella thought—and now she could hear him showering, so she decided to get up herself to see him off.

.

The coffee had just finished brewing when there was a knock at the door. Jasper! She thought, and practically ran to open it, only to find Jacob and Billy on the other side.

"Oh!" she said, startled. "Uh...hi. Come in." She moved out of the way to allow Jake to push Billy's chair into the house.

"Hi, Bella," Billy said.

"Don't look so excited to see us," Jake said at the same time.

"Sorry," she answered. "I just thought you were someone else. I assumed Dad would be picking you up, Billy."

"He would have, but Jake wanted to come see you. Although Charlie assured us you would still be asleep."

"Yeah, I was planning on getting another hour's shut-eye, at least," Jake said. "What gives?"

Bella shrugged. "Couldn't sleep," she explained, shortly. "Woke up from a nightmare and I figured Charlie was up, so thought I'd get the coffee started. Want some?"

She poured for them both without waiting for an answer, knowing they were both caffeine addicts.

"Thanks, Bella," Billy said as she handed him a cup, just as Charlie appeared in the kitchen.

"So who were you expecting at the door then? Bit early for visitors isn't it?" Jake challenged her, before accepting his own cup and taking a large gulp of the hot liquid.

Bella blushed, glancing at Charlie. "Oh, I guess I was still a bit muddled—need my own coffee. But Jasper and Alice are coming over later. Alice and I are having a sleepover while you're away," she added to Billy, hoping he wouldn't change his mind and refuse to go.

"Really?" was all he said, though his tone was disapproving. Charlie frowned at him, but said nothing,

"Yeah, I didn't want Dad to feel like he had to come back early for me. So sorry, Jake, but I won't be able to hang out for long."

"Hmm," Jacob grinned, but she thought she could see the hint of resentment in his eyes. "Well, maybe I should just kidnap you and take you back to the rez before they get here."

"Yeah, I'd like to see you try," Bella muttered, crossly.

Charlie finished his coffee and took Billy's cup, rinsing them both and leaving them to dry by the sink. "Well, Billy, shall we get out of here and leave these kids to sort themselves out?"

As soon as they were out the door, she rounded on Jacob.

"I hope you weren't even slightly serious about that crack earlier, because—"

"And I hope _you_ aren't planning anything more serious than getting your nails done with your bloodsucker friends tonight!"

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" she asked, infuriated not only by his name calling, but by his insinuations. There was no way he could possibly know what she had planned for tonight. No-one could.

"Just that I hope you aren't planning to make any permanent changes while Charlie's away, that will break his heart."

"What?! Not that it's any of your business what I do, but how can you think I would do that to my Dad? Not to mention I haven't even spoken to Renee yet. Do you really think I would do something so drastic _now_?"

"What else am I supposed to think? You insist Charlie and my Dad go fishing for the day, despite the rogue vampires roaming around..."

She felt herself pale at that thought. "But there are wolves watching them, right? You wouldn't leave Billy unprotected!"

"Yeah, which is two less wolves to patrol anywhere else. But maybe you don't care about that, if you're going to be off with your bloodsuckers."

"Jake! Would you stop calling them that! You're talking about my friends. And I wanted my Dad to have one day—just one—where he could go away and have fun before everything goes to hell with my treatment. He's probably going to spend the next six months taking care of me while I go through hell—which means he'll be going through hell too. Is it so wrong for me to want him to have this time to just relax?"

"So, you are going to have treatment then?" Jake sounded surprised.

"Of course, I am!" she said, feeling only slightly guilty for the implied lie, that she would go through the full course of treatment. She _may_ decide to do so, after all.

"Then it's not as bad as you thought? There's hope?" Oh. Now he sounded hopeful.

"Um...No," she said quietly. "Not really. I mean, I don't know any more than I did on Friday. I'm seeing the oncologist this week, remember. But if chemo gives me more time..."

"Oh." She could see him deflate before her eyes.

With the advantage of Edward's mind reading, they had decided not to even bring up her change with the wolves for now, knowing that the council had decided they would not allow it under the treaty. And while it was clear they were already concerned that changing her might be on the cards—as early as this weekend!—Bella wasn't going to say anything to encourage that line of thinking. Any more than she already had last night, anyway.

"I'm just trying not to think too much about it until that appointment though. I don't have all the results, and I don't really know what he'll be recommending. But whatever happens, I know that next six months is going to be rough—for me _and_ Charlie. So I want him to relax while he can, does that make sense?"

"Sure, sure, I get it. But you know that Billy and I are here for you—and Charlie—for anything we can do, right? And the pack too—we'll keep that red headed leach off your back, help take her out if we can. So you can just focus on fighting this thing."

"Thanks, Jake." She reached across to give him a one-armed hug, just as another knock sounded at the front door.

She laughed. "Now this time, I'm pretty sure I do know who it is," she said. "Will you stay and meet them properly?"

"Sure, sure," he answered. "I'm supposed to be delivering them a message anyway."

.

Later that day, Jasper watched fondly as Alice did Bella's toenails, having already subjected her to a facial and a manicure.

"I'm not sure which is sweeter," Esme said to him. "The way Alice is doing everything she can to spoil her, or the way Bella is tolerating it all without complaint." Alice stuck out her tongue at Esme.

"You know it's good for her to relax this way," she said to Esme, "even if she wouldn't do it herself. In fact, especially because she wouldn't."

"Well, regardless," Jasper drawled, "You've got ten more minutes, then she's mine. I promised her I'd stop her before you got to waxing, and I'm sure you're almost there."

"Pfft!" Alice complained. "She doesn't know what she's missing."

"I am in the room you know," Bella interjected.

"Yes, but not for much longer," Jasper said. "Eight minutes, Alice, then I'm taking her away."

He thought back to Jacob's message for them that morning. "Just a reminder from the elders that the treaty specifies no biting humans, for any reason," he'd said, "not just no killing."

"We're well aware," was all Jasper had said in reply. Alice had surprised him by being the one to growl, but then, she did find the wolves doubly annoying, because of the way they blocked her visions.

His mind wandered to the Quileute legend. He felt it likely, with the support of those wolves who had imprinted, that they would have been able to talk them around to a treaty exception, if it wasn't for the prophecy. With her dreams and evidence of her past lives, it was surely clear that they were meant to be together.

But that same evidence convinced them that she was the subject of their prophecy, and with that, any chance of their agreeing to her change was gone.

Jasper's fear though, was not that the Quileute's wouldn't agree. He was sure they could get around the wolves. If need be they would simply leave, taking Bella with them, with no warning for the tribe.

No, his fear was that the prophecy was right. It didn't say they shouldn't change her. It said she couldn't be changed, in time. It made him want to take her and change her now, without waiting another minute. But he knew he couldn't do that. She naturally wanted more time with her father. He had to respect her wishes, and allow her to make her own choices.

Five minutes later he had her sitting at the kitchen table while he served her lunch. She still had cotton wool buds between her toes and had promised not to move from her seat until Alice gave her permission, but that suited Jasper fine. He knew she couldn't eat much, and all he was doing was reheating some soup Esme had made, but he liked having the chance to take care of her. He also knew she was likely to eat more, if forced to sit still with him, than she would have left to her own devices.

After Alice came back and pronounced her toes ready for walking, he pulled her into his lap. "Shall we go up to my room?" he asked, liking the intimacy of having her in there. It was something he could never have done when they were both human. And now, he had something particular he wanted to talk to her about.

"Sure," she said, "only..."

"Only?"

She lowered her voice. "Can everyone hear us? When we're up there I mean? Only, there's something..."

"They can," he replied, cutting her off. "But actually, they're all going out. They won't be far, but it will just be us here for a while." Alice had seen what he wanted to discuss, and had offered to get everyone away for a while—an offer he jumped on with alacrity. He was used to the lack of privacy. Between their super human hearing, Edward's mind reading, Alice's visions and his empathy, there was very little real privacy in their family. But he knew Bella would be more forthcoming about her feelings without the family all listening, so he was grateful to Alice for organising it.

He picked her up and flew up the stairs with her, settling her comfortably on his couch. There was a new queen-sized bed pushed into one corner of his room, which Alice had bought two days earlier.

"She'll be uncomfortable if you buy it _after_ she finds out you don't have a bed," she'd told him. "But I'm sure she'll be staying here from time to time, so we might as well get one for her now."

"I thought you couldn't see her clearly enough to know that sort of detail," he'd retorted, slightly irritated that she'd made the purchase without consulting him.

"I can't. But I know how she thinks. She likes doing things for others, but she's not that comfortable having people take care of her."

She was right, he knew, so he gave in gracefully. The bed made his room a little cluttered, with the desk, the bookshelves lining the walls, and the couch, but he was grateful now that it was there, so she would have somewhere to sleep tonight.

"Bella," he said, once he knew everyone was out of hearing range. "There's something I wanted to ask you."

"Okay," she said, looking at him curiously. "Me too actually, but—you go ahead."

He could tell that she was feeling nervous about something, but whether it was about his question or hers he didn't know. He decided to just bite the bullet and find out what she thought.

"So, I got something for you...I don't know how you'll feel about it. And if you don't like it, of course we can change it. And maybe you won't want it at all right now, I just..." He realised he was rambling and took a deep, unnecessary breath.

He went to his desk and took a small bag out of the top drawer, and brought it over to her.

"Isabella Swan, I love you more than I can possibly express. You've already agreed to be my wife, but I wasn't sure if you wanted people to know. I—" He opened the bag and held out the ring he'd chosen while she slept, and had shipped overnight from Seattle.

"Jasper," she almost gasped out his name, and he could feel her love and happiness as she glanced up at his eyes, and then back down at the ring. She held out her hand for him to slide it onto her ring finger. "It's beautiful," she said, bringing her hand back to look at the ring more closely.

"It's not something I could ever have afforded when I was human," he said, "but it's something I could imagine I would have chosen then if I could—although I chose the central topaz because it will match your eyes after your change. But if you'd rather something more contemporary..."

"No, no it's perfect! I love it. Thank you, Jasper." She leaned over and kissed him, and he couldn't help himself, he pulled her into his lap and deepened the kiss, until she pulled away, breathless.

He ran his fingers through her hair and then stroked her cheek, relishing the feeling of her leaning into his touch.

"I don't know if you want your father to know," he began. "It will come across very differently to him than it does to us, so if you don't, maybe you can wear it around your neck. Or you can just hold on to it until...Until after. It's up to you, whatever you're comfortable with is what I want."

"Oh," she said. "I don't—I hadn't thought about that."

"Well, you don't have to decide right away, you can take your time, but... I had another thought as well."

"Okay," she said, gazing trustingly into his eyes. Even though he knew that she was his mate, his soulmate, who had been reborn three times looking for him, it still amazed him sometimes that she was so comfortable being close to him. That there was absolutely no fear or revulsion for what he'd become.

"I thought maybe...Would you like to get married while you're still human? Maybe even before you start the chemo, assuming you do. While you're still—relatively—well?"

"Oh!" He could tell he had shocked her. "I—"

"You would still live with Charlie, of course," he interrupted. "I know you want to spend as much time with him as you can, quite aside from the issue of the wolves. I just—if you were really going to die, I know I would want to have said my vows to you before God, even knowing I would never be able to live with you as husband and wife. And I thought, maybe you would want the opportunity to have your father walk you down the aisle?"

She looked thoughtful, the tears that he knew were always close to the surface, threatening to fall as she gazed at him.

"I would like that. To have him walk me down the aisle. But... It's very sudden. It would _seem_ very sudden to everyone else."

"True, but I think they would understand our reasons."

"And, it would be weird to marry and then not live together. Part of me wants to say yes. But another part of me sort of wants to save marrying you until I can actually _be_ married to you, does that make any sense?"

"Perfect sense."

"Can I think about it?"

"Of course. And there's no rush. We could do it soon, before you start chemo. But we could also do it later, when you've recovered from the chemo too. Or anytime you want, or not until after. It's entirely your call."

"It's your wedding too, though," she protested. "It shouldn't be all about me!"

"I just want to be married to you, darlin'. I don't mind when or how, as long as whatever we do is what you want. But—I suppose I would like to have our engagement acknowledged. I know it will seem sudden, but I'd like everyone to know how serious I am about you. I don't want to be just the boyfriend, while you're going through all this. I want my right to be there for you to be clear. Does that make sense?"

"Absolutely," she said.

"But it doesn't have to be straight away. I want to it be right for you, more than anything." He paused, watching the expressions chase themselves across her face as she gazed down at the ring. He wished she'd look up so he'd know what she was feeling. "Well," he added, "you said you had something to ask me as well?"

.

Bella glanced up nervously, and then gazed back down at her engagement ring, wondering how to frame her request. She wasn't at all sure how Jasper would take it, especially as she hadn't yet agreed to set a wedding date. But then again, this wasn't the 1860s.

"Okay," she said finally, looking resolutely into her new fiancé's eyes. "Tonight..." God, this was harder than she expected. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before opening them and starting again. "Tonight, in 1863, I'll be getting married." Jasper took a sharp breath in, and she knew she'd surprised him with her subject matter. "And after the wedding..." She clenched her jaw, and let her eyes drift down until she was staring at Jasper's collar.

Her voice dropping almost to a whisper, she told him about her previous night's dream. "Mama gave me 'the talk'," she said, bending her fingers to suggest quote marks. "She told me what to expect on my wedding night. And I—nineteenth century Bella—she's preparing herself, mentally. It's making her feel sick to her stomach, but Jasper, she doesn't have a choice. Once she's married..."

"I know, Bella. I'm so sorry! Oh Lord, I can't tell you how sorry I am."

"No, don't be sorry," she said immediately. "I'm not telling you this so you can be sorry. I just—I don't want that to be my first time."

"I don't—what do you mean? How can it not be?"

"You and I," she began, looking back up at him and indicating between the two of them with her hand. "Tonight. You and I could..." She trailed off. "I know it won't make any difference to her, to my dreams. But it would make a difference for me."

"Tonight? You want to make love with me, tonight? Is that what you're saying?" She couldn't interpret the look on his face. She thought it was a mix of shock and maybe—awe? Was that a good thing?

"Yes?" She didn't mean it to come out like a question, but somehow it did.

"Oh, Bella. I don't know..."

"Please Jasper, I know we're not married yet, but—"

"No, Bella, it's not that. It's— You're fragile right now, even more than usual, and, well...I haven't ever made love with a human woman, even in the best of health."

"I should hope not!" she joked.

He gave a half smile, but she could tell his heard wasn't in it.

"The thing is, every moment I'm with you, I have to be so careful. I could so easily crush your hand, instead of just holding it. When I move your hair out of your face"—he illustrated his meaning, gently stroking her forehead and moving aside a strand of hair—"if I wasn't paying attention, I could accidently put my fingers right through your skull."

"Ew, that's an image I didn't need in my head!"

"Sorry." This time his sheepish smile was less forced, despite the subject matter of their conversation.

"That's okay, I know you're just trying to protect me, but..."

"It's just—remember how I explained about newborns, how their bloodlust is so strong, and that instinct pretty much takes over everything?" She nodded, frowning. Maybe he wouldn't be able to make love to her without feeding on her? "Well, sex is a bit like that too. When we give free rein to our instincts..."

"So you're worried you'd bite me?" she asked.

"No... Not that, really. I'm just worried I would hurt you, darlin'. Kiss you too hard, or crush your shoulders, or, well...some other part of you."

"Oh, that's—" She thought about it for a minute, then started again. "But I mean, we've kissed, and...it seemed—for me anyway—pretty..." She could feel herself flushing. "Well, pretty hot and heavy," she finished, not looking at him. "And that seemed okay." She looked up at him. "I mean, you didn't seem to have any trouble staying in control then, did you?"

"No," he said. "And honestly, I think it would be all right, but the idea that I could hurt you. It makes me feel sick. And vampires can't get sick, so that's really saying something." He gave her another half-smile. "I do think I could do it," he said, "and you have no idea how much I want to. Really. I'm just worried."

"Could we, maybe just play it by ear a little?"

He frowned at that. "What do you mean?" he asked, incredulously. "Try it and stop if I hurt you?"

"No! I just mean, maybe we could fool around a little, and then," she flushed, "you know. See how you are feeling about it?"

"Hmm. Maybe that could work."

.

Jasper pulled Bella onto his lap, pulling her hair back off her shoulder.

"Hmm, fooling around a little could be fun, I guess," he said, running his nose down her neck to breathe in her scent at her pulse point. He listened to her heart speed up, and felt his own desire increase, before he pulled back, dropped a quick kiss to the side of her head as he did so. "I have another idea though, darlin'," he added, his hand reaching up under her hair to gentle massage her neck. "Let's keep you awake for the whole night."

"Oh." She pulled back, turning to look at him. "You think if I skip a night's sleep completely, I won't dream about it?"

"Well yeah. I mean, I know you've said anything that happens in between the bits you dream, you know about instantly the next time you dream, but you said it doesn't feel as immediate, right?"

"Yeah. It's like—I know it happened, and it still kinda feels like it happened to me, but kind of not too. Or rather, while I'm dreaming it's like I _am_ Isabella Williams, so it feels like it happened to me then. But when I wake up, there's a difference between the stuff I actually experienced in the dream, and just what I remembered in the dream, if that makes sense?"

"Exactly," he said. "So if you don't sleep tonight, it won't have quite the same immediacy afterwards.

"It's just—I know you Bella. I know you now, and I knew you then. And the Isabella Williams of my time, she'll do her duty, and there's nothing you'll be able to do to stop it. She'll hate every second of it, but she won't fight it and she won't actually see it as rape, exactly. But you—you'll feel like you've been raped. And it kills me, every time I think of it—of what she—what _you_ went through, after I disappeared. I—God!" He ran his free hand through his hair and gritted his teeth in frustration. "I want to kill Maria over and over again for what she did to you when she changed me. I want to go back in time and kill your father, and that _fucker_ who dared to call himself your husband... arrrgh! I just want to—I want to—"

Bella tenderly put her hand up to his cheek and brought his face around to look back at her.

"Hey," she said, interrupting him. "It's okay. I'm here, I'm right here, and it's going to be okay. I mean, I know, it's going to be awful. You're right about me then, and me now. I haven't experienced it yet—or I have, but I don't remember yet—but I know it will be horrendous. But we're here now. And as much as I hate Maria—for taking you from me, yes, but more for what she put you through—I have to thank her too. Because Jasper, don't forget, if you hadn't disappeared, even if my father hadn't forced me to marry someone else—I still would have died. And you would have been off fighting, and not even known."

"I know. God! I know. I can't even think about that...although, maybe I would have died then too...and then maybe we'd be together forever, in heaven. And you wouldn't have had to live through another three times of this, looking for me."

"Maybe," she said, "who knows? But Jazz—we're here now, together. That's what matters to me right now. I want forever with you, and now, finally, I think I'm going to get it."

Jasper growled, and she could feel the vibrations through her hand. "You _are_ going to get it. There's no two ways about it."

"But still, I like your idea of skipping that night completely. I know I'm going to remember it, but if I can skip actually experiencing it first hand, this time around, that would be better."

"Exactly."

"But that doesn't change what I said before Jasper."

"About...?"

"About making love with you. Before. Before I take on that memory, I want to make love with you, the man I love, the man I was always meant to be with."

"Bella—you know I want to. So much. It's just—"

"I know. I'm fragile right now. Even more than a normal human. But Jazz, I trust you. And I need this. I know it won't help her—the me of 150 years ago. But it will help me, now, today. And also too, I just—" She looked down, and felt her face heat with her signature blush. _Now_ I get embarrassed, she thought, half amused at herself.

Jasper's finger under her chin gently brought her gaze back up to his. He bent down and pressed his lips to hers tenderly. "You just what, darlin'?"

"I'm afraid that once I'm a vampire—I won't feel quite like me anymore. You explained about newborn bloodlust and"—she flushed hot again—"other lust. But... I just want to do this while I'm still human. Just once. Can you understand that?"

"Yeah darlin', I can. Truly. I just don't know, though. Can I—how would you feel about me discussing it with Carlisle? Would that be okay?"

"Oh, um..." she felt herself flush even hotter. "Yeah, I guess so. I mean, he's a doctor, right? So... Yeah, that makes sense."

"Not only that, but he's _your_ doctor, darlin'." Jasper chuckled. "But yeah, if he thinks it will be okay, and if you accept that we _may_ have to stop, if I feel like I'm losing control, then—I would love nothing better than to be the first man in your memory to ever make love to you."

"The first man to make love to me at all in this life—and the only," she said, smiling shyly at him.

He growled again, playfully, "I'd better be," he said.

.

.

* * *

 **Author's Notes and Recs (down the bottom):**

Many thanks to my fabulous beta reader Green Eyed Lana Lee for going back and forth with me for this chapter. I have, of course, made some more changes and additions since then, so any awkward sentences or errors are my own!

 **.**

 **Word Count: 5216; First Published about 3:30pm, 18/Nov/18, AEDT**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play in with her characters and mess up her sand pit.**

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Reviews are like candy! Jus' sayin'...

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Timing: You can expect about one chapter a month from here on out. Maybe I'll get quicker later, but no promises. I'm staying only a little ahead in my draft. I completely understand if you want to wait to read until there are a few more chapters, or until it's complete, but if you do that, **can I ask a little favour and ask that you just leave a quick review – even just a hello, here's where I'm up to – as you go?**

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 **I LOVED all your comments on the prophecy, how you interpret it, how you think they will etc! Love to hear more of those. Some people were closer than others...**

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 **Recs:**

 **If you read these (or any of my other recs), please will you leave them a review and let them know I sent you? Reviews are like candy, and I would personally be thrilled to know someone was recommending my story, so I am sure they will be too.**

 **Jasper/Bella old story:  
** **The So Unknown, b** **y:** **Slywolf9** I didn't plan on staying with Bella long after Edward left, but suddenly the days turned into weeks, into months. It was perfection and happiness, and nothing could take it away. Then one day Edward came back. JxB s/4942273/1/The-So-Unknown

 **.**

 **WIP:  
** This one is not getting anywhere near the attention it deserves, so I highly encourage you to go read it! Pairing not specified.

 **Transit Twilight by** **K. J. Groening** This is a relatively new WIP being updated quite frequently, that I am really enjoying. I can't quite figure out where it's going, which makes it extra interesting.  
It is about a trans version of Bella named Jack who's just moved to Forks in his junior year. Edward seems to have the same reaction that he had to Bella, but Jack does not have the same reaction to him, and there is a new character named Alia (who is herself intriguing) who becomes important to Jack quite quickly. It's well written, the plot is interesting, and best of all, it's unpredictable.

.

 **All human story B/E complete:**

 **A Thousand Leaves b** **y:** **BellaSunshine**

Isabella Swan grew up as the best friend of Alice Cullen, younger sister of Edward Cullen, who was never nice to Bella despite her being an "honorary Cullen." Everything changes when Edward is sent to prison for the murder of Bella's mother. AU-Human


	23. Part 2: Chapter 2 - Married

**Chapter Two – Married**

Jasper lay with Bella in his new bed. With an electric blanket under her and a warm quilt over, she needed only a thin blanket between her skin and his to keep her warm. He would've preferred to feel her naked body against his skin, but the bliss of holding her while she slept was more than enough. He especially loved being able to feel her emotions while she slept. They had agreed that she would stay awake all night to avoid dreaming of her nineteenth century wedding, but as she drifted off he realised he could simply wake her when her emotions developed the clarity he felt during her dreams of the past.

For now Bella's emotions were muted but pleasant, so Jasper simply enjoyed lying with her. He closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like to truly sleep with her. To drift off into that dream-state with her in his arms and to wake with her in the morning.

Instead of dreaming, he found himself reliving the most pleasurable experience of his life. Making love to his fiancée, for the first time.

Of course, it was a pleasure laced with apprehension to begin with. A woman's first time almost always included pain, not to mention blood. As if his fear of hurting her through his own lack of control wasn't enough. But that particular fear had proven largely groundless.

Earlier in the afternoon, after Carlisle and the rest of the family returned, Jasper had taken the doctor aside and asked his opinion on their evening's plans. He was concerned that Carlilse wouldn't approve, and without his blessing he'd have to disappoint Bella. But after asking how well Jasper had managed his control while kissing, Carlisle was reassuring. He agreed with Bella that Jasper would never hurt her. He did advise using condoms.

"Just to be on the safe side," he'd said. "It's not as though you need contraception, but I'm not sure how the venom in your ejaculate might affect her."

Alice in her usual irrepressible manner had breezed into the room while Bella was eating dinner, and handed Jasper a full box. "I didn't know it would be tonight but I knew you'd be needing these soon," she said, grinning at him. "The rest of us will be hunting tonight," she added. "Carlisle and Esme will take first watch, close enough to help if needed but far enough to give you some privacy. Edward and I will hunt first. We'll swap with Carlisle and Esme halfway through. The wolves will watch out for Charlie tonight."

Bella had blushed adorably when she realised what Alice was talking about. But she had been grateful.

She'd also blushed when he took her upstairs and she'd found the room lit by candles. He'd wanted to make everything perfect.

"You're already perfect," she told him. "I don't need anything else, but this is beautiful, thank you."

Her first time hadn't been perfect, he knew, in the strictest sense of the word, despite her protests to the contrary. It had hurt her a little, and though they both expected it, it still upset him. And the bruises he'd left on her hips, when he'd gripped them to lift her to his mouth, upset him even more. Though she had undeniably enjoyed that part of the evening, and insisted that the bruises were well worth it.

He couldn't deny feeling a little smug when he remembered the explosive orgasm he'd given her, using only his tongue, his lips, his fingers.

And then later, when he was moving inside her, his own climax had been like nothing he'd ever known. And only the pillows had paid the price for the intensity of his passion. She had bled, a little, but her blood hadn't affected him in the slightest. And while she admitted to a little soreness afterwards, she assured him he hadn't really hurt her, and her pure joy, as she gazed into his eyes, belied any fear he may have had.

She sighed, and rolled over in her sleep, pushing her bottom against the part of him that was already swelling again with desire for her. Her emotions were still the slightly muted ones of normal dreams, but they were becoming more interesting. Where there had been a general sense of happiness, he now detected a combination of true joy and rather delightful lust. She moved against him and moaned quietly.

He hadn't planned to wake her unless her dreams became unpleasant, but now he couldn't resist lifting her hair off her neck and nuzzling her pulse point.

She turned in his arms found his lips with her own.

"Mmm," she hummed, without opening her eyes. "You taste good. Wait—why is there a blanket between us?" She pulled back a little to look at him.

"You were gettin' cold," he said.

"I fell asleep?"

"For a little while," he said. "I figured I'd wake you if your dreams turned nasty."

.

By Monday night, Bella was utterly exhausted. Esme had brought her home that morning as promised, and then stayed with her for most of the day. Charlie had already left for work, but a note on the bench told her he'd be coming home to check on her at lunch time.

"Jasper would have stayed if he could," Esme told her.

"I know. I understand why you need to keep up appearances," she said, although she did wish Jasper was there. Having spent the night with him, alternating brief snatches of sleep with increasingly delirious but still wonderful periods of making out, it had been almost a physical pain to part with him this morning.

She had no regrets though. Making love with him had been even _more_ than she had imagined. More intense; more wonderful, more _connecting_.

She knew that when she slept properly, she would take on the memory of her first wedding night, but nothing could now change or detract from her first time in this life being with Jasper.

She'd spent the day forcing herself to stay awake, reading up about oesophageal cancer and its treatments on the internet, chatting to Esme, and, once school ended, snuggling with Jasper on the couch. She'd dozed a little, once he'd arrived, but not enough to dream, or to affect her sleep that night.

Esme had insisted on staying to cook dinner for her and Charlie—really, it was amazing how good a cook she was, considering she said it all tasted like cardboard to her—but then she and Jasper had left to give her some time alone with her father.

.

The rest of the week passed in a blur of bad dreams and medical appointments, interspersed with making blissful love with her fiancé. Having succeeded the first time, Jasper expressed no qualms about doing it again, although they never had the same privacy again. Each night Jasper would spend some time outside taking a "guard shift" or away hunting, but most of the night he would spend with Bella. But there was always someone outside, and of course her father across the hall.

Saturday night found her lying in bed waiting for Jasper to reappear. She was determined to be awake when he arrived, as she'd slept through the last two nights.

A lot had happened in the week since her cancer diagnosis. Emmett and Rosalie had returned, she'd had her first appointment with the oncologist and got the full results from her testing. Her disease _had_ reached stage four, as it turned out. She wasn't especially surprised, despite Carlisle's cautious optimism. Not when she considered how quickly her nineteenth century counterpart had died, even though she still didn't feel especially sick herself.

The oncologist, Dr Simpson, agreed with Carlisle that she should have a stent placed to open out her oesophagus and allow her to take in more nutrition, but she wanted to start her on some kind of internal radiation therapy to shrink the tumour first. That, unfortunately involved her spending two days in hospital in Sequim, about half an hour past Port Angeles, as the Port Angeles centre didn't have radiation facilities. So she'd be heading there first thing Tuesday morning. Then Carlisle would place the stent on Thursday, and only after she'd had a few days to recover would they start the chemotherapy.

At least, that was Dr Simpson's recommendation (though she would have expected to place the stent herself). She'd explained that Bella's scans indicated the presence of cancer in distant lymph nodes and also the liver, although it appeared the damage to the liver so far was minimal. Without treatment, given her age and general health, she felt that Bella might possibly live for a few months, though she stressed there were no guarantees.

With treatment, she was hopeful they could extend that to more than a year, possibly longer. That treatment though involved almost six months of chemotherapy, the side effects of which sounded awful. There was a small chance that she could go into remission, but the five-year survival rate for her form of the cancer, diagnosed at her stage, was less than three per cent.

She still hadn't decided what she would do.

Charlie, she knew, wanted her to have the chemo. So did Renee, who had been calling every day since Charlie gave her the news.

And really, if she didn't have another option, she thought she probably would go that route. Six months of abject misery in exchange for another six months and possibly significantly more of decent quality of life. And a chance, however tiny, of remission. Compared to the alternative—being dead in less than six months—that sounded reasonable. Although it was also true that the chemo would knock around her immune system pretty badly, and some people died from complications resulting from that damage, before they even finished the treatment.

But she did have another option. Though the wolves complicated things, Jasper assured her they would find a way around them if and when they needed to. So it was a matter of how much extra time she could buy to spend with Charlie, and whether the misery was worth it—to either one of them.

Jasper had suggested she try one lot of chemo and decide from there, which seemed a reasonable compromise, and was probably what she would do. Dr Simpson had explained that different people reacted to chemotherapy in very different ways, and they wouldn't know how her body would handle it until they began.

Sue had offered to help Charlie take care of her, if she did decide to go the chemo route. Renee had said she'd fly up the next week after the radiation was finished, but Bella was hoping she wouldn't stay for the chemotherapy. She loved her mother, but she had no illusions about her abilities in the sick room. Bella would end up feeling like she had to take care of her mother, as usual, and from what Dr Simpson had said, she would be in no state to do so, even in the best-case scenario.

Both Sue and Esme had offered to stay with her during school hours over the past week as well, but Bella had told them she needed time to be alone and come to terms with everything. She would need enough help if she went through with all the treatment, without burdening them now. Quite aside from the burden of guarding her from vengeful nomadic vampires.

"What are you frowning about?" Jasper's voice penetrated her ruminations before she even realised he'd arrived.

"Nothing, now that you're here," she said, smiling.

He laughed, and slipped onto the bed beside her, his right arm sliding under her to draw her against him. He leaned over and her breath caught in anticipation, all unpleasant thoughts banished. His left hand came up to gently brush a strand of hair from her face, and he leaned down until his lips connected with hers, his fingers threading through her hair.

Her own hands came up to hold him against her, as she opened her mouth to him, and he sucked on her lower lip. She moaned against him, and tried to pull him closer.

He resisted though, slowly pulling away until he could look into her eyes.

"As pleased as I am to be here, darlin', you were definitely frownin' about somethin'," he drawled, cocking one eyebrow at her in question.

She reached up to smooth his eyebrow back down with her fingers. "I love how your accent creeps back when we make love," she said, ignoring the content of his speech in favour of appreciating the sound of his voice, and the feel of his skin under her hand.

"Mmm," he replied as she ran her fingers through his hair. "Ah cay-yun fetch it all back ifin' ya want. Ah did jus' drop it t' feeyt in and soun' like Rosalie, us bein' twins an' all."

She laughed again. "I think that's even stronger than it is in my dreams. Or—was, I mean."

It was Jasper's turn to frown now. "Your family never did have quite as strong an accent as mine. And I suppose your big shot husband is the same."

She sighed and looked away. She hated thinking about her husband. She'd dreamed about him several times this week, although if Jasper was there when she started dreaming about the past, he woke her up. But he hadn't been there every time. She knew Edward had been there for one awful dream, because he'd sent Alice in to wake her, but he'd promised her, the next day, that he would never repeat the dreams to Jasper. "I can't give you complete privacy," he'd said, "but I'll never share anything I hear in your mind, without your permission."

Jasper groaned. "Sorry!" he said, flopping down onto his back and pulling her to rest against him, his arm curled under her and her cheek against his chest. "I didn't mean to ruin the mood. I know thinking of him is even worse for you than it is for me. Much worse, I suppose, although that's hard to imagine."

She nodded against him, knowing he'd feel the movement.

"I hate dreaming about him. I hate knowing that he ever existed, that I ever allowed him—" She broke off, not wanting to even think about what she'd "allowed" him, not that she'd had any choice in the matter.

"Shh, I know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought him up."

"In just two more weeks, those dreams will stop," she murmured. "And then he'll be gone, truly gone, from both our lives."

"He will," he agreed.

"It's kind of freaking me out to think about though," she confessed, without moving her head.

"What? Why?" He moved her back onto the bed and leaned back up over her, to make eye contact. "Why would you say that?"

She rolled her eyes. "Not him being gone, silly! Me being dead. I mean, past me. I've been dreaming about that life for the whole of this life. The idea of that just—ending. It's weird. And, kind of scary."

"Why scary?" he asked, frowning slightly.

"Just that—we know both my previous reincarnations died around the same time as Isabella. I mean, the same age. What if I'm not meant to live past this age?"

His frown deepened. "I hadn't thought—I'm sure that's not going to happen. But I'll ask Carlisle. We don't know exactly when they died. I'll ask Carlisle to look up the dates."

"Thanks," she said. "I know I'm probably just being morbid. I just can't help thinking about it."

"Of course," he said, "but Bella, nothing is going to happen to you. I won't allow it. And—she died, you died, twenty-two days after the wedding, on the thirteenth. So I will be staying with you all day that day, okay darlin'? I won't be letting you out of my sight, not even for a minute."

She laughed. "I might want to go to the bathroom on my own, at least."

He growled, but smiled at her. "I might allow that," he said. "Maybe. We'll see."

.

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 **Author's Notes and Recs (down the bottom):**

This chapter is unbeta'd, but in honour of Green Eyed Lana Lane, I did delete several instances of the word "that" on re-reading. Pleas 4give eny typoes thut mae of slippd throo,

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Reviews/Comments are like Christmas Presents!

Sorry I haven't replied to the reviews on the last chapter. I do read and LOVE every one of them. Seriously, I am so grateful for all the positive feedback I have received on this story. I hope you continue to enjoy reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it.

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 **Chapter 23 Word Count: 2711 ; First Published about 8:10pm, 19/Dec/18, AEDT**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit.**

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 **Recs:**

 **I'm trying to get this up quickly and then put my girls to bed, so you'll have to look them up this time. Both of these are Bella/Jasper stories that readers reminded me of recently, and both set partly in 1860s Texas!**

 **"Lifetimes Spent Loving You** " is a Jasper/Bella pairing, and also James/Victoria. When I first read it was a few months after I started writing this, and at first I thought maybe someone else had already had my idea! But, no, it's quite different, although you'll see the similarities. It's a one shot, but novella length. Definitely worth a read. edited to add /s/12568976/1/Lifetimes-Spent-Loving-You by Kaialuna

 **"History of the Forgotten"** is also Jasper/Bella. To be honest I can't actually remember much about this story or whether I loved it, but it's an interesting premise. Aro sends Bella back in time to the Civil War (in Texas, of course!), instead of letting Edward and Alice take her home. edited to add... /s/11391800/1/History-of-the-Forgotten by bluesands22


	24. Part 2: Chapter 3 - Foreboding

**24: Part Two, Chapter Three**

 **Word Count: 3748 ; First Published 21 January, Australian time.**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit. Not all writers are happy for fans to make a mess of their work, so I am very grateful for her graciousness towards us!**

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 **Chapter Three – Foreboding**

The drive to Sequim on Tuesday morning took just over an hour and a half with Charlie at the wheel of the cruiser. Bella knew it would have been faster with Jasper driving, not to mention more comfortable, but she couldn't deny her father the chance to take care of her, even if it did mean arriving at the hospital in a police car.

She'd be staying in hospital until late on Wednesday, and she'd convinced Charlie to let Jasper drive her home so that, in theory, each of them had to make the three hour round trip only once. She knew Jasper would be around the entire time anyway, although Carlisle had told her they wouldn't let any visitor stay in her room for too long, due to the risks from the radiation. And no-one pregnant or under the age of eighteen could visit at all. It did make her wonder just how logical it was to subject her own body to that same radiation, but that seemed to be the inevitability of cancer treatment. To kill off the cancer, you put something in your body so toxic you just had to hope the cancer succumbed before you did.

Jasper had told her he would be nearby the whole time, but wouldn't make himself known until Charlie left. However, since Charlie only left when she was wheeled off to the operating room, she didn't see him before the procedure.

Dr Simpson had explained that they would be placing her under sedation, before placing small radiation seeds directly into the tumour. There they would stay, the radiation seeping out, until Wednesday afternoon, when they would be removed.

She could have visitors during that time, but they must stay behind a line on the floor that would be six feet from the bed, which would also be surrounded by portable radiation shields.

Jasper had scoffed at the restrictions, assuring her the radiation wouldn't hurt him, and that he'd be right next to her as long as he was able. The restrictions on visit length would be harder to get around though, so Alice and Esme had insisted on visiting too.

"You really don't need to come," Bella had tried to assure them. "I won't be able to move or do anything much. Dr Simpson told me it's important to stay still as much as possible, to prevent anything moving. But I can watch TV and maybe read."

"Or I can read to you!" Alice had enthused.

"Or we can watch television together," Esme added.

In the end, she dozed through most of Tuesday, having slept little the night before. Although she was regularly disturbed by nurses charged with having her move (slightly) and breathe deeply at regular intervals through the day, it did seem to pass relatively quickly, with most of it spent asleep. It was still pleasant to have company though, and she was grateful Alice and Jasper were able to take the time off school. Jasper had insisted he wouldn't go back to school until Friday, and would take the following week off as well.

"Think about it," he'd said when they'd discussed it on Monday night. "If you were really dying, would anyone expect me to just keep going to school as though nothing was wrong?"

"Well, they might," Bella had replied. " _I_ might. I might want to see you graduate from high school and know that you had a life ahead of you. If you were a normal human I mean. Think how much worse it would be to be repeating year twelve next year, when I'd used up all the treatment options and was actually dying or dead."

"Okay," Jasper acknowledged. "But the fact is, I've graduated from high school multiple times already. So this time, I'm just not going to worry about it. I'm actually thinking of withdrawing altogether like you have, but Carlisle is against it, for the same reasons you just gave, or rather, because that's what other people will be thinking. I'm keeping an open mind for now."

Jasper snuck back in, late on Tuesday, and spent the night holding her, though even through the night he had to hide for regular medical checks.

It wasn't until late Wednesday morning that Bella realised Jasper's tension was more than just about her health. She was more alert than she had been on Tuesday, but her throat felt raw and painful, and she was still feeling ridiculously—it seemed to her—exhausted. Still she'd watched as much television as she could stand. She muted it and turned to Jasper, where he was sitting next to her on the bed.

"I'm glad I spent the day with Charlie on Sunday," she told him, her voice raspy, "and let him bring me in yesterday. If this is how I feel with just this bit of radiation, which is not even really entering my whole system, I can't imagine how the chemo is going to make me feel."

"It's not going to be easy," Jasper said, handing her some water to sip on. He sighed. "Charlie enjoyed spending the time with you, too. I know you want to spend as much time with him as you can…"

"I do," she said. "As long as it's safe. But I don't know…" she took another sip of water. "I'm sure if I had no other option, I would just tolerate the chemo, however awful it is. But I'm already wondering how long I'll last. I do want to stay human, and spend time with my dad—and Renee too—for as long as I can, but…"

"You don't have to undergo chemo at all you know," Jasper told her. "After the radiation and having the stent placed, you should be able to eat more easily, at least for a while. That alone will improve your health."

"I know, but not very much. And I don't want it to seem like I'm just giving up. I want my parents to see me fighting this."

"Yeah, I know, darlin'." Jasper sighed again.

"Hey, what's wrong? I thought you were behind this? It was your suggestion to try one round of chemotherapy and see how I go."

"I know, it was. It's just—maybe you should delay it a couple of weeks. Take more time to build up your strength and immune system again."

"Well, that sounds like it makes sense, but Dr Simpson was pretty clear that time is of the essence. If that really was a good idea, I think she would have suggested it." She frowned at him. "Which you know. What's going on?"

He sighed again, and moved to face her properly, his back to the end of the bed. "I didn't want—That is, I wanted to wait until you were through this procedure and home again before I told you…" He trailed off, and reached for her hand. "You shouldn't have to worry about anything but recovery right now," he added.

She took another sip of the water she still held in her other hand, before she spoke. "You're kind of scaring me, but whatever it is, maybe it will take my mind off how crap I feel right now."

"Okay, it's just…I asked Carlisle to look into the exact dates Isabel Dawson and Arabella Reilly died. Carlisle had assumed Isabel Dawson died shortly after he left Chicago, during the flu epidemic, but she actually recovered. She died the following year, on February thirteenth. That's the same date you died the first time. She was eighteen."

Bella felt her mouth drop open. "Oh my god. And Arabella Reilly?"

"The same," he said. "February 13th, 1962."

"And she was eighteen," Bella finished for him, quietly.

"Yes. And they both shared your birthday."

"And so you're worried that—"

"There's every reason to hope for a better outcome for you," Jasper said. "Neither Arabella nor Isabel had access to the sort of treatment you have. Isabel was never treated at all, and Arabella was only diagnosed a week before she died."

"Wow, so we got there a whole two weeks earlier!"

"Hey, that's a two hundred per cent improvement! Don't knock it. Plus, you hadn't found me in either of those lives. I can't believe that doesn't count for something."

"Definitely." She leaned back and closed her eyes. "I can see why you want me to be at my best health I can be, though," she said.

"I can't lose you, Bella. Not now. Not ever!"

"You won't," she said. "I'm sure of it. This time is going to be different."

"You weren't so sure on the weekend."

"I know." She opened her eyes and sat forward, squeezing his hand. "And, Jasper, even though I am going to be fine, will you promise me something?"

"What is it?"

"Promise me, if—if I do die again, you won't do anything stupid. You'll wait for me. You know I'll be coming back for you, so you have to wait for me."

"Bella—"

"Promise me!"

"Of course," he said, "I will wait for you. Although—"

"No!" She cut him off again. "No 'although'! Do not start talking about it being better if you died, and we could both be human again, or we could be in heaven or something. You wait for me!" Her throat was so sore she was almost whispering, and she took several sips of water before she could take a deep breath. She could feel the tears wanting to escape her eyes, and took several deep breaths to try to get herself under control.

"Okay, Bella. Okay," Jasper said, reaching up to thread his fingers through her hair and cup her cheek with his palm. "I promise, I will wait for you, _if_ the worst happens and you die before I can change you. But I also promise I will do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen!"

He pulled her into his arms, and she buried her face in his neck, just focussing on breathing deeply and not bursting into sobs. "I don't want you to be with some other version of me though!"

"Sorry!" Jasper gasped out suddenly, and before she knew what was happening, he was on the other side of the room.

"Wha—" she started, bewildered. But before she could get the question out, the door opened, and a nurse came in.

"Sorry," she said to Jasper, "but your time's almost up, you'll need to leave shortly." Then turning to Bella, "How are you feeling, dear?"

"I'm fine," she said, taking another sip of water afterwards. "My throat's a bit sore."

"Your heart rate was quite elevated there a minute ago."

"Oh! I was just, you know… thinking about things," she said to the nurse.

"Okay," the nurse said, though she sounded a little doubtful. "Do you need anything for the pain?"

"No, I'm fine," she repeated, though she could see Jasper frowning at her.

"Alright. I'll be back in a while." She turned to Jasper again. "Five minutes young man."

"Yes ma'am," he replied.

With the nurse out of the room, Jasper was back on the bed in less than a heartbeat.

"Hey," he said, lacing his fingers into her hair and tilting her face towards him. "We are going to make this work. We are going to keep you safe, and you are I—you, Bella Swan, not some other version of you—and I are going to be together forever. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, sir!" she said, smiling at him.

"Okay, I have to go for a while, but first…"

Her eyes flicked down to his lips as he tilted his head down towards her, angling his lips over hers.

"Let's get that heartbeat back up and shock the nurse again," he murmured over her lips, half laughing, until her lips parted, and she slipped her tongue out, rubbing it against his lower lip. She felt his moan through her hands which had slid up onto his chest. Her own moan answered him, as he sucked her lower lip gently into his mouth. By the time he pulled away, she was panting, and definitely wanting more.

…

It had been a relief to get out of hospital on Wednesday afternoon, and even more so to get home to her own bed. But Thursday afternoon found Bella reclining in yet another hospital bed, this time in a private room in Forks General.

She was paying vague attention to the television news, but thinking more about her treatment so far. She was sure the procedure she'd just undergone—having a stent placed, to help keep her esophagus open—wouldn't usually result in a private room under her father's health insurance. In fact, she rather thought she would have been released by now. But Jasper had told her that the rest of the family was taking the opportunity of her hospital stay to hunt together, so she supposed it made sense to stay here where Carlisle was nearby and Jasper could stay with her. She'd given up any idea she had of not letting them pay for her to get better treatment than she might otherwise do. This was all hard enough, not only for her but for Charlie and Jasper. She might as well embrace anything that made it easier.

She was almost dozing off, leaning against Jasper and letting the voice of the news anchor wash over her, when she felt Jasper noticeably tense next to her. She glanced at him and saw that he was focussed on the television. Tuning in she realised they were talking about a recent spate of murders and disappearances in Seattle, announcing two new bodies found overnight.

"Is something wrong?" she rasped out. Her throat was sore, even more so than before this most recent procedure, making speech somewhat difficult, and Jasper passed her some water before he answered. She took a sip, but then waited, looking up at him expectantly.

"Jasper?" she asked, when he still hesitated. "What is it? Do you think it's a vampire committing all those murders?"

"Not _a_ vampire," he said. "Many vampires. Remember what I told you about the newborn wars?"

"You think they've moved up here?" she asked, horrified, sitting up to face him properly. "Why would that happen all of a sudden?"

"No, that's not what I meant. But I do think someone is creating a newborn army in Seattle."

"Oh my god. But why?" She looked at him, but he wouldn't look her in the eye. "Wait, what aren't you telling me?"

"Alice has had some visions over the past couple of days. Just flashes mostly, nothing conclusive. You know she's been trying to watch for Victoria?"

"Victoria's making an army?"

"Maybe," he said. "Alice has been getting flashes of her with some other vampires. But we already knew she had at least two other vampires helping her, from the trails we've found around Forks."

"And?" she said. "I can tell there's still something else. What else has Alice seen?"

"I told you, it's not clear, but…" he trailed off, and looked down at her consideringly, as if unsure how much to tell her. She just stared back at him, challenging, hoping he could feel her determination to know everything. Finally, he started again. "She's seen Maria, as well as Victoria, in some of the visions," he said in a rush. "It looks like she's coming to Washington."

"You think she's helping Victoria?"

"Maybe," he said again. "I didn't think Victoria knew who I was, but if she did, or she found out somehow…"

"What do you mean? Who you were?"

"Uh…" He avoided her eyes again, and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Hey." She took his hand in hers and squeezed it, waiting for him to look at her. "You know you don't have to tell me anything about your past you don't want to, right? But whatever it is, it won't make me think less of you."

He squeezed her hand back. "Do you know how amazing you are? Here you are, in constant pain, voice all raspy, dying of cancer, and you're comfortin' me." He leaned in to gently kiss her. "I love you, Bella Swan Williams." He leaned back again, and his expression turned serious. "The God of War," he said suddenly. "That's what I used to be known as, back when I was with Maria."

He sounded so embarrassed, she was sure he'd be flushed bright red if he still had blood in his veins. She laughed. She couldn't help it. "The god of war? You are kidding right?"

One side of his mouth turned up in a slight smile. "I didn't come up with it!" he said. "Though I have t' admit, I didn't discourage it either. It was quite useful at the time, being feared that much. Saved us from a lot of fights."

"So, you think Victoria might have recognised you—or somehow found out who you are—and gone to Maria for help?"

"Honestly darlin', I don't know. I actually don't reckon she did recognise me. I don't say this to be arrogant, but she would've been putting out a lot more fear if she'd recognised me straight up." He looked thoughtful. "I just can't figure what Maria would be doing with her otherwise though."

"But they're definitely together?"

"No, not definitely. The visions are so fragmented, it's hard to be sure. There's a flash of Maria with at least a portion of a newborn army, in a clearing Alice recognised. From the amount of snow left on the ground, she thinks it's probably at least a couple of months away, though it could be earlier if we have an early thaw."

"So not near town then?"

"No, up where the snow stays around for longer. She's also had various flashes of Victoria with two other vampires she doesn't know, in a city somewhere. It could be Seattle. And some others of Victoria with a larger group. "

"Are they the same vampires, when Victoria is with the larger group, and in the clearing with Maria?"

"Alice can't tell. She doesn't see people she hasn't met before at all clearly, unless they're interacting with someone she knows. And she's not seen Victoria interacting directly with more than two vampires. And then, the better she knows that person, the clearer the vision. That's why her visions of you are a bit clearer now than they were when we first saw you, before she knew you. Though they're still blurry, and she can never see far into your future."

Bella thought about that for a little while, looking down at their joined hands. She took a sip of water, as much to calm herself as for her throat.

"But Alice doesn't know Maria, does she? How does she know it's her in the clearing?"

Jasper looked worried again. She could tell she wouldn't like whatever he was about to say.

"We know Maria is in the clearing, because we are all there too. You're right that Alice hasn't met her, but her vision of her is quite clear with all of us in the clearing, even if it is just a flash—and Edward recognised her in that vision, because he's seen her image in my mind."

"Oh my god," she said, shakily. "All of us? Have I…have I been changed?"

"No, darlin', no!" Jasper soothed. "You weren't in the vision. Just the vampire parts of our family."

"Oh." She took a deep breath, not sure if that was reassuring or precisely the opposite. She couldn't help a little frisson of pleasure though, that Jasper was including her in his family, even if it was almost as an afterthought.

"Aside from the visions of Victoria in the city though," Jasper began again, "they all are very fragmented and keep changing. Usually that means there are still too many variables for the future to be certain."

"But you're worried," she said.

"A little," he admitted. "If it were just Victoria, even with a newborn army, I wouldn't be particularly concerned, although we would definitely want to draw them away from Forks. Newborns are easy to defeat, one on one. An army of them is a different story, but an army is very difficult to control. I doubt Victoria could keep control of very many."

"But Maria could?"

"Yes. Maria wouldn't turn more than she could control. And she can control a lot. She likely has one or two talented vampires to help her. A talent like mine is invaluable in controlling an army. That's why she kept me around for so long. But she knows better than to depend on one person. She was always looking for other talents to increase her advantage. Victoria hasn't had time to develop the sort of capabilities she would need to control an army, in herself or anyone else. But Maria…"

"So what do we do?" Bella asked. "We can't let them come here, to Forks!"

"I don't know, darlin'. The vision of them is in the forest, not right in Forks, which is something. But, it may be that if we leave, we could draw them away altogether—" He stopped at the sound of her gasp.

"You are not leaving without me," she exclaimed.

"Of course not," he soothed. "Never. And another option might be going to Seattle ourselves to deal with Victoria before Maria gets involved. Though it's hard to know if she might be involved already…"

"That sounds like a terrible idea! What if Maria _is_ there already? What if she has a whole army she's brought with her? No! Maybe you should just change me now, and we'll leave straight away. Go somewhere she won't find us for a while, and then…and then—"

"And then what? We'd still have to fight her some time, and maybe with less warning. Though we have discussed asking our cousins in Denali if they'd be willing to help, and maybe we could consider heading towards them. In any case, based on Alice's visions, we most likely still have some weeks before we need to worry. That's time you can spend with your father. I know you want that."

"I do," she agreed. "But not at the expense of your family's safety."

"I'm more worried about you, than us," he said. "I don't think we should do anything precipitate before February thirteenth."

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 **Author's Notes and Recs (down the bottom):**

This chapter is unbeta'd, please forgive any typos or Australianisms that may have slipped through (feel free to tell me about them though – in fact, please do!). I have the next several chapters drafted, but there are some cliffies coming up, so I am trying to get a good chunk pre-written to a decent standard, so that when it gets to that point, I can be posting a bit more quickly!

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If you want to be kept updated on where I'm up to and receive a preview of the next chapter, leave a comment.

Reviews are love. :)

 **.**

 **Recs – if you read them and like them, please leave a review and let them know I sent you! (or better yet, review every chapter!)**

 **Is there a WIP that you love and think I should read? Let me know!**

 **Here's an old Jasper-Bella story.** Once again, I don't actually remember all the details of this one, I can't remember quite how it plays out but it starts off well! It's another one that starts just after Edward left in NM, although Bella reacts a little differently.

 **Golden Moon** by NusiainForks

Bella doesn't fall apart after Edward leaves, especially when she discovers Jasper stayed behind. But with Alice waiting for Jasper in Alaska, will Bella find new love or be abandoned again? BxJas AU/OOC Bellie Award Nominee.

 **And a more recent one I enjoyed a lot (but Bella/Edward):**

 **Mysterious Graffiti** by Michaelmas54 s/12989225/1/Mysterious-Graffiti

Knowing something terrible is going to happen in the future but being unable to warn anyone without risking your own existence is the dilemma facing Edward Cullen, but he decides to take that risk because for once in his life he cares. There's a stealthy build-up to an exciting and terrifying climax for our Twilight characters. Rated M for all the usual reasons.


	25. Part 2: Chapter 4 - Family

**25: Part Two, Chapter Four**

 **Word Count: 3248 ; First Published 13 February, Australian time.**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit.**

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 **Chapter Four - Family**

Early Saturday afternoon, Bella sat snuggled under a throw blanket on the couch, watching a movie with her mom, who'd come up to spend the weekend with her before her chemo started. Charlie had gone in to work—mostly to give them some time alone together, she was sure—and Jasper was outside somewhere, giving them what privacy he could, without leaving her unprotected. She wasn't sure who else was out there, but she knew someone would be. There were always at least two vampires or two wolves close by, although there'd been no new signs of Victoria or any other vampire since the day one had been in her house.

"You're not eating much of this popcorn, Bella," Renee said, offering it to her again. "Would you like something else?"

"No, I'm good, Mom. Jasper fed me so much for lunch, I can hardly fit anything in right now." She was also still struggling to comfortably swallow dry foods like popcorn, but she wouldn't say that to her mom. Renee had been trying so hard to be helpful since she'd arrived the previous evening, and she didn't want to discourage her. Even though all she really wanted to do was soak up her mom's positive presence. She didn't really need anything else from her, with Jasper and, when she was around, Esme both waiting on her hand and foot. Even Charlie was pressing food on her whenever he could.

"That Jasper seems like a nice boy," Renee said, "or young man really. I can hardly call him a boy, even though I still think of you as my little girl. Not the way he looks."

"Mom!" Bella flushed a little, knowing Jasper would be hearing their whole conversation.

"Oh, Bella, you can't pretend he's not extremely nice to look at." Her mom laughed at her expression.

Bella decided all she could do was laugh herself. It wasn't as though he would hear anything he didn't know.

"Yes he is," she admitted. "And I do like to look at him, as much as possible!"

"Your father told me he's been taking time off school to take care of you."

"Uh, yeah," Bella said. "He wanted to drop out altogether, but I convinced him not to. He's really smart, so it's not hard for him to keep up with the work, if his sister brings it home for him."

"I'm surprised his parents allow it. Grateful, but surprised."

"They're very supportive," Bella said, defensively.

"I'm not saying this right," Renee said, clearly picking up on Bella's tone. "I'm glad you have him. You're so young Bella, so young… I can't believe—" She took a deep breath a started again. "I'm glad, very glad, that you have the opportunity, that you have someone like Jasper in your life. The way he looks at you, it's as though the sun rises and sets with you. You deserve that, Bella. For however long…" She stopped, her voice choked up.

"Mom…" Bella started, tears filling her eyes. If only she could tell her that it would be forever. That she wasn't really going to die. She grabbed the remote to pause the movie, then turned to her mom and took both her hands. She took a deep breath, and started again. "Jasper and I, we're just trying to take each day as it comes. We don't know how long we have, but neither does anyone. At least we have forewarning not to waste our time together." She knew she was sounding like a book of clichés, but what could she say? She very much doubted she could be so philosophical if she really was facing death, the way everyone thought she was. Then again, for her mom's sake, maybe she could.

"I haven't told anyone else yet," she started again, "but, Jasper asked me to marry him." She pulled one hand away to lift the long chain from under her shirt, displaying the ring on the end of it.

Her mother gasped, and covered her mouth with her hand.

"Oh, Bella!" She reached out to look at the ring. "It's beautiful," she said. "Are those real diamonds?"

"Yes, and the central stone is an imperial topaz, which represents love and affection."

"It's very old fashioned looking," Renee said. "Is it a family heirloom?"

"No, but you're right," Bella told her. "Jasper has ancestors who were in the civil war, and he loves history, so…"

"It's beautiful," her mother said again. "Are you—are you planning on going through with it? With getting married?"

"I'm not sure," Bella admitted. How should she handle this? She hadn't thought about what to say, before she blurted out that they were engaged. She just wanted to reassure her mom that she was truly loved. That even though her life may be short, it was full. But they hadn't talked again about whether they would marry while she was still human, and now, if they ended up deciding to bring her change forward, there was unlikely to be time.

She decided just to tell her mom what Jasper had told her. That he wanted to be acknowledged as more than just her high school boy friend. That he would love to exchange vows with her before God, even if they could never truly live together as husband and wife, but that he was leaving it to her to decide when or if that would happen.

"We're hoping that the chemo might give me enough time to be able to walk down the aisle feeling truly well," she said, feeling that it was a true hope, even if it looked more and more unlikely that she would stay human that long. "And you know, there is a chance, however tiny… Only three per cent of people are still alive after five years, with this kind of cancer," she said. "But three per cent is not none." She shouldn't be offering her mom false hope, she thought, but she wanted to her to understand that Jasper was in this for life. "Of course, I know it's not likely, but… we're both praying for a long life together."

"Oh, Bella," her mom said again, tears now streaming down her cheeks. "It's so unfair… But I'm so glad you've found him. I always said you were born middle aged, and I know, you know your own mind. You're so young, but I truly think, if you can beat this thing, you will have a long life together."

"Thanks, Mom, I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it." Bella choked out, trying to blink back her own tears.

"Well, I've only known your Jasper for less than a day, but I can see how much he loves you. And as for you, I trust you, Bella. You should know that. You've always been wise for your years. I'm sure you've lived before, probably made it to a ripe old age, and then brought that wisdom with you into this life."

Bella laughed through her tears, slightly shocked at how close her mother was to the truth. But also amused at how far.

"But why don't you wear that gorgeous ring on your finger, Bella?" her mother asked when they both had their tears under control. "You said Jasper wants to be acknowledged as more than just your boyfriend. And his devotion to you _is_ obvious. But as long as you keep the engagement secret, it doesn't really mean anything, does it?"

"It does to me," Bella replied. "And to Jasper. But you're right. Now that I've told you, I guess I should tell Charlie too. And then I'll…I'll ask Jasper to put it on my finger." She could feel her cheeks heat, embarrassed a little at her romanticism, even though she knew it was the sort of thing her mom loved. She hoped now that Jasper was listening. She wished she could call out to him to come back now. Tonight, she thought.

…

Jasper chopped salad vegetables in the Swan kitchen, at a frustratingly slow human speed. He watched from there as Bella played the consummate hostess to her Quileute family, as she had called them when explaining why she wanted to host a dinner the day before she started her chemotherapy.

Renee had left only an hour earlier. She'd offered to take time off work and stay while her daughter went through the chemo, but Bella had turned her down, insisting that she'd rather her mother save her leave for later, when she would be feeling better.

Bella had cried in his arms after her mother left, and Jasper knew that Renee was also crying, in the back of the taxi that would take her to the Port Angeles airport. He hoped they would have an opportunity to see her again, before Bella needed to be turned. But he was starting to think that was less and less likely.

They had spent a few quiet days since she'd had the stent implanted. Bella had been eating and drinking as much as she could, getting her strength back up before starting the next treatment, and he'd been pleasantly surprised to see how quickly she did start to seem stronger, and less pale.

Her mother had been just as Bella described, and spent half of the weekend fluttering around in a dither, trying to get Bella to drink this tea, or that green smoothie. But he could feel the love pouring off her for her daughter. Bella's death—or disappearance—would devastate her as much as it would Charlie.

On Friday afternoon, before Renee had arrived, they'd been lying together on Bella's bed, when she mentioned her idea for this dinner.

"I know I'll be feeling pretty terrible," she'd said, "after Renee leaves. I'll probably question why on earth I thought hosting dinner was a good idea. But it'll force me not to give way to despair. And it may be the last time I get to spend time with any of them, without being horribly sick."

A weekend of last human hurrahs, she'd called it. She'd also declared that she wanted to have all her favourite foods this weekend, before the chemo messed with her taste buds, as she'd been told it likely would. So despite her mother trying to force feed her various foul tasting concoctions, in addition to the calorie filled meal replacement drinks the doctor had prescribed, she'd also filled up on hot chocolates, out of season fruit he'd had flown in for her, and a roast dinner he'd cooked for her and her parents (under her instruction) on Saturday night—though she'd struggled to swallow much of that, even with the stent in place. He'd been forced to swallow some of it himself, to keep up appearances, which had been just as disgusting as he'd expected, but was completely worth it to be able to share the family meal with her.

Now, he watched through the open living room door, as she greeted his mortal enemies with hugs and kisses. And as much as he knew they hated him, and felt their resentment and suspicion as soon as they caught sight of him tonight, he could feel the love they had for his mate. He wished they could feel the love he felt for her. If they could only understand that he loved her more than anything, and that it was pure love, not the vampire obsession their imaginations had conjured, they may be more accepting of her eventual change.

With Seth and Leah having recently transformed into wolves for the first time, they were both now thrown into the supernatural world the rest of them lived in. Leah was resentful of the vampires for, as she saw it, causing her change and taking away her choices. Seth though seemed relatively comfortable with who he was becoming, and had confided to Bella that it was a relief to no longer be on the outer with his friends and sister.

He hoped, as he knew Bella did, that whatever their feelings when they did finally discover that Bella was gone—whenever that happened—they didn't allow it to prejudice them against Charlie.

As if the thought had called him, Charlie chose that moment to appear down the stairs. He greeted the "kids" as he had called them earlier, en masse, then shook Billy's hand, and kissed Sue on the cheek. Ahh, the feelings that both Sue and Charlie were giving off then were pretty clear, and evenly matched. So Sue, at least, could be counted on to support Charlie through his grief. Jasper smiled to himself as he watched them. Charlie hovered next to Sue, not quite touching her, but clearly wanting to, as he offered to get both his friends a drink.

Bella came over to him then. "How's the salad going?" she asked, smiling as she touched him lightly on the back.

"Slowly," he said, grinning back at her. He loved the way she was always touching him now. Just a stroke of his arm as she passed him, or a hand on his back, or even the slight pressure of her leg against his as they sat together reading. He was the same of course. If he had his way, he would never stop touching her. Making love to her, naturally, was at the top of his list of favourite activities. But any contact was better than none. Whenever they were apart, even by a room, it was like his whole body just yearned to be nearer her. He wanted to lean down right now and kiss her, in front of everybody. But he knew she wouldn't thank him, if she thought he was just marking his territory. And there would be an element of that to it, he admitted to himself. So instead, he reached up and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Very human of you," she said cheekily, referring to his food preparation skills, grabbing a slice of red pepper as she spoke and taking a bite.

On impulse, since he couldn't kiss her, he leaned down and murmured his desires into her ear.

"You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now," he said.

He felt, as much as heard, her quick intake of breath. And as he leaned back from her, to look into her eyes, he could feel her desire spike.

"So what's stopping you?" she asked, a bit breathlessly, her heart rate speeding up.

"Oh, maybe just the three wolves watching us hostilely from just a few feet away," he replied, without looking away from her. "Not to mention your father."

"Oh!" She flushed, and glanced quickly at the Quileute's and then away. "Right then, well, I guess we'll just toss all this in a salad bowl," she said, ducking down to reach one out from under the counter.

He laughed, softly. God, he loved her.

Sue came into the kitchen then, glass of white wine in hand.

"What can I do to help?" she asked, as Bella straightened up, handing the salad bowl to Jasper.

"Oh, uh…" Bella was still flushed, and seemed to be very carefully not looking at him. She waved her hand at the abundance of covered food dishes on the counter. "You all seem to have brought enough food to sink a ship, even though I told you I was cooking," she rolled her eyes here, "so if you would just move some of that to the table, I'll get the lasagne out of the oven. It should be ready now.

"And, Jasper," she added, still not looking at him directly, "if you could add some dressing and toss that salad, could you put it on the table too, and grab the plates and some cutlery for everyone?"

"Sure, darlin'." He did as she asked, then grabbed the (entirely unnecessary) oven mitts from her and took the lasagne to the table too, placing it down carefully on a cork board she put down for him.

There wasn't room for many people to sit around the small kitchen table, especially with all the food piled onto it, so most of them would eat with plates on their laps.

"Now," he said to Bella, leading her to the living room sofa. "You sit down and relax. I'll fix you a plate."

She smiled up at him, and finally made eye contact again. As always, it was both a shock and a supreme pleasure to tap into her emotions, and feel the love and happiness pouring out of her. It wasn't all for him though, he knew. She really did look on this group as her extended family.

As he prepared a plate for her, he thought gratefully, not for the first time, of his own family. He was glad he had a whole family to offer her, when she changed. She would do it, he knew, just to be with him. But although she was indisputably introverted, and could spend hours on her own reading, she was also a social creature. She seemed to attract people to her, probably due to the love that poured out of her.

Being a vampire was inherently isolating. Most vampires were nomadic and lived in covens of two of three at most, and even then, if they weren't mated, those coven bonds were sometimes quite weak. To have a family of seven living together was otherwise unheard of, and for such tight bonds to exist between non-mates was as unusual as was the fact that they called themselves family.

But she would love them, he knew, just as he did, and as she was already coming to love Alice and Esme. She was still a little shy with Edward and also Carlisle—who she saw more as her doctor, than anything, he thought—and had hardly had a chance to speak with Emmett or Rosalie. But that would change over time, he had no doubt.

He sat down next to Bella with her meal spread between two plates. Everyone here but Charlie knew what he was, and hopefully Charlie wouldn't notice that he didn't eat anything tonight.

"You can't expect me to eat all of that!" Bella murmured to him, as if reading his mind.

He kissed the side of her head. Surely that much was acceptable?

"No," he told her, "Eat as much as you like, just take a little off both plates, if you can. I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I got some of everything."

He could feel curiosity across the room, and looked up to see Sue watching them. He smiled at her. They'd be seeing a lot of her over the next weeks, as she'd offered to stay with Bella during the day while she was undergoing chemo. The cynical part of him wondered how much that offer was based in wanting a member of the Quileutes to keep an eye on their prophecy, and make sure the vampires didn't break the treaty—as if they could stop them!—but he knew they it also stemmed from a sincere concern both for Bella and Charlie.

Sue didn't smile back, and her emotions told him that she was uncomfortable about something—probably his very presence, if not his closeness to Bella—but she nodded at him politely, before looking away. She didn't seem particularly hostile, at least.

* * *

 **A/N**

I am in a bit of a hurry to get this up because I am going away again tomorrow, and have yet to pack. Plus I have school pick up in a half hour. Since the last chapter went up I have been half way across the country for a funeral, followed by some very wonderful (though bitter-sweet) family time, and now my kids have gone back to school, and Autumn is fast approaching. Which ironically gives me less time to write, not more.

So… this chapter is unbeta'd AND I have no recommendations for you (that I have time to look up and add). But, I will balance that out by suggesting you try the _All Souls Trilogy_ by Deborah Harkness. It's available on kindle as one big book (for less than the three cost individually). That's what I'm reading at the moment.

Feel free to leave reviews with the typos, inconsistencies, and Australianism. Or, you know, whatever else you want to say. I did go over this chapter with a red pen a few weeks ago, but I haven't had a chance to come back to it since.

Also, Thank you so much to everyone who had reviewed this story, you really do inspire me to keep going. I am so sorry to all the people who reviewed last time didn't get a reply. I do, usually, reply to every review. And I know I said last time I would send you updates. But it was a matter of send review replies with a teaser, or just put up the next chapter. No time for both – I figured I knew which you'd prefer!

Thanks for reading, see you next time! :)


	26. Part 2: Chapter 5 - Chemotherapy

**26: Part Two, Chapter Five**

 **Chapter Word Count: 4081; First Published 11 March, Australian time. (unbeta'd so please leave me a comment about any typos or Aussie-isms and I will fix them)**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit.**

* * *

 **Chapter Five – Chemotherapy**

Bella had looked forward to Monday with a degree of dread, knowing she would be sitting in in the hospital in Sequim for hours, poison gradually dripping into her body. She had been informed of some of the likely and less likely side effects of the treatment, from nausea and throwing up to diarrhea (at the same time! Oh, the joy), weakness and dizziness to breathlessness, her hair falling out (even her eyebrows!), abdominal pain, mouth sores, and even kidney damage. And that was just a few of the possible reactions.

With the particular kind of chemotherapy she was undergoing, the chance of her hair falling out was less than ten per cent, and likely wouldn't start until later in the first cycle or possibly the next cycle (thank goodness, she'd thought; she hoped she wouldn't become the first completely bald vampire). On the other hand, the chance of kidney damage was more than ten per cent, so she'd be having regular blood tests to keep an eye on kidney function, and straight fluids in the drip for an hour or two both before and after the chemotherapy. Which meant she'd be sitting in that chair for up to seven hours, presumably feeling sicker and sicker as the day went on.

She'd also been told that most of the symptoms would likely get progressively worse with each round of chemotherapy (one round consisting of a day with the drip, two weeks of tablets, and then one week of nothing), and some things, like mouth sores and burning hands and feet, would probably not clear up until some weeks after the last round ended.

In the end, that first day wasn't as bad as she'd imagined. She started the day, when she arrived in Sequim, with a tablet that she would be taking morning and night for the next two weeks. That was one half of the chemotherapy treatment. Then she spent six boring hours with a drip in her arm—three of it receiving fluids, and three receiving poison—but she couldn't really tell the difference between the two.

She didn't start feeling truly nauseated until later on Monday night. Dr Simpson had given her an anti-nausea prescription, which Jasper had filled for her before they left Sequim, just in case. She'd been told to call the clinic if she needed something stronger, as she may need injections if she was unlucky enough to have a particularly bad reaction. She was to phone in if she either vomited or had bouts of diarrhea more than four times a day. However, when she'd already vomited three times by 2am, she'd decided that prescription definitely wasn't strong enough, despite her general loathing of needles.

As Jasper carried her back to bed after the third time, she could only be grateful that she'd taken the time the night before to tell Charlie, not only about her engagement to Jasper, but also that he was going to stay the night on Monday night—in her room—to take care of her.

She lay in bed, half listening to Jasper's conversation on the phone with Carlisle. They were supposed to call the clinic in Port Angeles the next day if she needed a different prescription, but Dr Simpson had agreed to her having it administered by Carlisle in Forks general, as long as she checked in with the clinic first. The oncologist certainly hadn't expected Carlisle would be making a house call to her in the middle of the night, but that was what a concerned Jasper was demanding.

By Tuesday morning, while the nausea remained, the injection Carlisle had given her had put an end to the actual vomiting, at least for the present.

Sue arrived, as promised, just before Charlie left for work.

"Not that I don't think your young man is perfectly capable," Charlie had said on Saturday, when he'd told her Sue was coming over, "but Sue is an experienced nurse, and, well, I'll feel more relaxed about going to work, knowing she's with you. Besides, Jasper can't stay home from school indefinitely."

"It's fine, Dad," Bella had replied easily, with the benefit of having known of Sue's offer before Charlie did, care of negotiations between the wolves and Cullens regarding her protection. "I'm sure I'll enjoy having Sue here."

Which, in fact, turned out to be quite true. Her experience as a nurse was an advantage, in knowing how best to help Bella manage her symptoms, and besides, Bella had known her for a long time and felt comfortable with her. After the death of Billy's wife, who Bella barely remembered, Sue had taken to caring for the Black children along with her own, as much as she could, and when Bella visited in the summers, she fitted into Sue's brood with little effort. Plus, she knew it was vain, but she hated Jasper seeing her at her worst and when the diarrhea kicked in, not too long after her morning chemo tablet, she appreciated having a woman to support her.

By lunch time, Bella was exhausted. She'd not slept much the night before until after Carlisle's visit, and then had to be woken at 7am to take her morning dose of chemotherapy. Sue had given her another anti-nausea injection, that Carlisle had left for her, in the late morning, and was pressing her to drink as much as possible to keep from becoming dehydrated.

She'd brought some ginger ale and also crystallised ginger with her, which Bella had been nibbling on, but the idea of eating solid food was entirely unappealing. She had no appetite, and didn't fancy it coming out again, anyway.

She'd spent most of the morning in bed, but Jasper now carried her downstairs.

"I'm not a complete invalid," she grumbled, but he just chuckled.

"I know," he said. "But I like carrying you. You might as well save your energy for fighting me on something more important," he teased.

"Hmm…" was all she said, as he placed her carefully on the couch.

Once she was settled, Sue brought her a bowl of warmed chicken broth, which Esme had dropped over earlier.

"Thanks, Sue, but I'm not really hungry," Bella said.

"I know," Sue replied, "but try to eat some anyway. It's nourishing and hydrating at the same time."

Bella just sat there, the warm bowl of soup cradled in her hands, but made no effort to eat. She could hardly believe how tired she felt, considering it was only day two, and the effort it would take to bring the spoon to her mouth really didn't seem worthwhile. Not when she didn't want it anyway.

"Come on, darlin'," Jasper cajoled. "Just take a spoonful, please?" She looked at him, and the pleading expression on his face almost won her over. "For me?" he added, hopefully.

"Okay," she said, sighing, and picked up the spoon. She knew chicken soup was one of her favourites, but it really didn't appeal right now. None the less, with Jasper coaxing her through, she managed to eat almost half the bowl full, before she put her spoon down and sighed. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head against the back of the couch.

She felt the weight of the bowl disappear from her lap, and a light breeze that told her Jasper had zipped it into the kitchen, though when she reached out with her hand, he was right next to her.

"I know I said I'd like to watch some television," she said, "but I think I'd like to go back to bed now."

"Okay, darlin'." Jasper picked her up gently to carry her back upstairs.

"Could you come back down for a minute please, Jasper, once you have her settled?" Sue asked, as they walked away.

When Jasper got back to the room, he was carrying a bottle of ginger ale, along with a clean glass and straw. Placing them on her bedside table, he sat down on the bed, where she was curled up on her side, and stroked the hair back from her face.

"She just wanted to give me that bottle of ginger ale—" he answered her unspoken question "—and ask me to try to keep you sipping on either it, or at least water, any time you're awake."

Although she'd been there for less than a day so far, Bella could already feel Sue thawing in her attitude to Jasper. Or at least, she hoped she could. She didn't think they'd spoken at all on Sunday night, and when Sue had arrived that morning, she'd definitely been keeping her distance from him, speaking only to Bella as much as possible.

But she seemed to have already accepted that for the most part, Jasper was going to be her primary nursemaid whenever he was able, and he was actually exceptionally good at it, if only because she would try harder for him than for anyone else.

She just hoped that Sue would continue to soften, and that she might influence the rest of the Quileutes as well. Since they would be spending the better part of the next weeks or months together, she couldn't imagine that Sue wouldn't come to like or at lease respect Jasper. How could she not? But perhaps she was a little biased, Bella reflected, smiling slightly to herself as she drifted to sleep.

…

Later, when Carlisle came by after his hospital shift, Jasper could hear him chatting with Sue in the living room.

"How is she?" he asked her.

"She's asleep right now," Sue told him, not realising he would know that already just from the sound of her breathing and heartbeat. "But she's really not doing so well. For only being on the second day of her first cycle, well…I've seen worse reactions, but she certainly could be doing a lot better."

Jasper could feel her worry, had been feeling it increase through the day, and it transmitted itself to him to some extent. The biggest concerns with her treatment were infection, from having a lowered immune function, or kidney damage. Both were more likely in someone who couldn't keep food or water in her system, which was why secondary treatments for symptoms like nausea and diarrhoea were so important.

"At least we can keep her visitors mostly limited to people who won't transmit germs to her," Sue added, and Jasper could feel her grudging acceptance of Carlisle, and perhaps himself, though he'd also felt her discomfort with his presence through the day. Although on reflection, that had been less noticeable as the day wore on.

They chatted some more about how the day had gone, what she'd eaten (not much) and how much liquid she'd had. Carlisle told Sue he would come around later that evening to give her another shot, so that hopefully she would get a better night's sleep that night.

Then he heard Sue take a deep breath, and could feel her resolve.

"Carlisle," she began, "there's something else I need to raise with you."

"Oh?" He could tell, just from the sound of Carlisle's voice, that he too realised this was moving on to a different subject than Bella's health. Jasper wondered if she was going to comment on him spending too much time there.

"I noticed Bella is wearing an engagement ring," she said instead. "I didn't want to say anything to upset Bella, but this is definitely going to raise some questions with the council."

"It's hardly their business," Carlisle responded. "It's certainly not in violation of the treaty. And if she's not to be changed, and not going to survive the cancer…it's not as though marrying a vampire is going to deprive her of future choices."

"No," Sue replied, "but if he's thinking of taking her away from her father's house—"

"There's no question of that," Carlisle said, flatly. "Honestly, I'm not sure they even intend to actually marry. I suppose it depends how her treatment goes. I think it's more a way of expressing their commitment, their attachment to each other."

Jasper looked at ring glinting on Bella's finger, where her hand rested above the covers. He allowed his mind to drift to their conversation on Saturday night, only vaguely conscious of Carlisle and Sue continuing to converse, knowing this was something Carlisle could easily handle.

 _"Jasper," Bella had begun, seeming shy all of a sudden. She was sitting on the edge of her bed fiddling with the hem of her shorts, and only flicking her eyes up to him briefly. "I wanted…That is, I told Renee, this afternoon, about—" Rather than complete the sentence, she pulled the engagement ring he had given her out from under the neckline of her t-shirt._

 _"I know," he told her, smiling. "I heard."_

 _"I want to wear it," she said. "I want everyone to know."_

 _"Are you sure?" He didn't want her to make herself uncomfortable just to satisfy his wishes. Then again, she'd already told Renee, who was much more supportive than either of them had expected._

 _"Yes," she assured him, smiling back at him now. "I'm certain. But—"_

 _"Hmm?"_

 _"I was thinking of waiting till tomorrow night. After the Clearwaters and Blacks leave I mean." She frowned. "It's not that I'm ashamed or anything," she hurried on. "I just—I want that one last meal to be peaceful, you know?"_

 _Of course, he understood that. They had tried, once, to bring up the subject of her possible change with the wolves. Careful not to imply that they were intending to do it, Carlisle had simply mentioned it as a possibility—something they might consider offering her, if the treatment didn't go well, and were wondering how the wolves would view it._

 _Edward had previously heard some dissenting thoughts from a member of the pack who didn't seem to agree with the Quileute's position, although he'd heard it through Jacob's mind, when he was in wolf form, and wasn't sure who it had actually come from. The thought had been passing, but they'd decided to sound them out, as a group, while they were discussing how they would manage Bella and Charlie's protection._

 _The hope had been to assess which and how many wolves might consider siding with them—or at least, might provide some assistance in convincing the others. But whoever it was had apparently changed their mind, or wasn't at the meeting, as the reaction of horror seemed to be universal. In some cases, the very idea of Bella becoming a vampire was the central theme of their disgust, and in others it was more a fear of affecting the prophecy, but in no case was there doubt that preventing such an outcome was critical._

 _Jasper couldn't say he was surprised, even if he was disappointed. The wolves had only marginally begun to trust them, and had a natural and instinctual revulsion of their kind. In truth, humans usually had the same response, but theirs was covered, in part, by the vampire's ability to draw their prey in. On the wolves, that ability had no effect. Even without the prophecy they would probably all be horrified by the idea of someone they cared for being turned into a Cold One._

 _Obviously, wearing an engagement ring spoke to a stronger commitment between Jasper and his mate than the Cullens had yet expressed, although realistically, Bella telling her story to Jacob should have made that commitment clear. So it made sense to keep it from them until after this last party._

 _On Sunday night, after the Quileutes had left, Jasper had been elated to place his engagement ring back on his fiancée's finger, and held her hand—her other hand—proudly, as she'd shown it to her father._

 _"We will be married," he'd told her later. "I promise you that. One way or another, before or after your change, I will make you my wife. It's been 160 years coming, and I don't intend to wait too much longer!"_

After Charlie came home, and Sue left, Bella woke up for a while and Jasper carried her downstairs to see her father, although she didn't stay there for long. The nausea had returned, and she was unable to keep anything down. He was relieved when Carlisle returned to give her another shot, and not long after that, she settled back into an uneasy sleep.

He sat beside her in the rocking chair all night, relishing the fact that she was, on the whole, resting more easily than she had the night before. He didn't touch her, not wanting to disturb her in any way, merely pulled the chair as close to the bed as he could and sat, unmoving, gazing at her. He would need to hunt soon, he knew. And he should also spend more time training his family, and the wolves if they would allow, to fight newborns. They had made a start the previous week, even the pack coming to watch one night, although always leaving some to guard the Swan house, of course.

But at the moment, he couldn't bear the thought of leaving her. Perhaps if she slept well tomorrow night, he would ask Alice to come sit with her for a few hours. She wouldn't be left without one of them close by, of that, he was decided.

Later that night, when Bella was sleeping deeply for the first time in three days, Jasper felt her emotions move into the more alert ones that indicated she was dreaming of her past. He'd been waking her, if he was around, every time that happened since her marriage. But now, she so needed the sleep, he decided to leave it unless her emotions became too distressed.

…

Isabella sat down, feeling dizzier than usual. She hadn't been able to force down any food that morning, for the third day in row, just some of the revolting chicory drink that had to pass for coffee, until the blockade lifted.

She was beginning to doubt she'd live to see that happen.

Maybe this is my body's way of rejecting this marriage, she thought, not for the first time. Or of rejecting my separation from Jasper. "Please God," she said out loud, "if I really am dying, if that's what's happening, please, please bring me back to Jasper." Her voice dropped to a whisper as she continued her prayer, "I know it's not being faithful to my husband, to ask for that. But how can I be faithful to him, when in my heart, I'll always be Jasper's? Please let me be with him again, God. Please!"

Oh, she thought. What about when _he_ dies? Would she be bound to him forever by virtue of her vows? But it was only until death parted them, right? "Oh God," she groaned "I know it's wrong, but please don't hold me to that. He promised to love and cherish me, which is clearly not true. Jasper promised to love me forever, and I know the priest didn't bless that vow, but it was true. Surely that counts for something more?"

She felt so tired and weak. She knew she should get up, she needed to talk to Cook about the menu for dinner, but she just couldn't right now.

I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes, she thought.

…

Wednesday passed in much the same way as Tuesday, except that over the course of the day, Jasper felt Sue's uneasiness with him wane. He even thought he felt a measure of warmth from her at one point, when he was again coaxing Bella to eat some soup, though he couldn't be sure if the feeling encompassed them both and the moment they were sharing, or just Bella.

But Wednesday night, when Bella once again started vomiting before she could have another shot of the anti-nausea medication, Jasper's cell started ringing. He had just deposited Bella back into her bed, so he was able to pull his phone from his pocket to glance at it, while he held a glass of water to her lips.

Peter. What could he want? He hadn't heard from him since just after Texas, and now felt a sense of foreboding as he placed the glass on Bella's bedside table and clicked to answer the call.

"Jasper," Pete's spoke without waiting for a greeting, as usual. "You've gotta get her off that medication."

"What? Why?" Jasper reached out for Bella's hand, as if simply holding her there could prevent anything untoward happening to her.

"It's attackin' her body," he said. "It's makin' her too weak. If she keeps taking it, she's gonna to end up dead."

"But Carlisle said she's—"

"I don't give a dried apple damn what he said, Jasper. Have I ever been wrong?"

"No," Jasper said slowly. "No, you haven't." He thought over all the other issues they were facing and added, "You know we've got a bit of a situation here with a vengeful psycho vampire, any information on that?"

"Nothing much," Peter admitted. "You know how my knower works. It doesn't give me as much to go on as your seer does, but what it does tell me is always right. I do think you're going to need us, though. Not yet, down the track a bit. But, Jasper, make her stop taking those tablets now, that part is clear and urgent. Charlotte wants to meet her—not to mention we both want to see you with your mate—but that's not going to happen if she gets any weaker."

"Should we—" He looked at Bella as he spoke, and had to force himself not to tighten his grip on her hand so much that he hurt her. He swallowed and started again. "Should we change her now? The house in Alaska is ready for us."

"No!" Pete's certainty about that was clear. "No, definitely not."

"Because she's too weak?" he asked, but then answered himself, "No, that doesn't make sense. Enough venom will bring someone back from the very edge of death."

"No, you're right, it's not that," Peter agreed.

"Then what?"

"I don't know, I just know, if you change her now, there's disaster down the track."

Once he was off the phone, Jasper drew Bella into his arms. He could feel her shaking slightly, though he couldn't be sure if it was fear, or just the combination of exhaustion and nausea reasserting itself.

"It's okay," he told her, rubbing gentle circles on her back. "It's going to be okay."

"What did he say?" she asked him, her voice wobbling slightly, as she pulled back to look at him. "You looked as though you wanted to grab me and run off right now!"

"Well, darlin'," he said, hoping to lighten the mood a little, "the good news is: no more chemo tablets for you!"

He explained the whole conversation to her—the half of it she hadn't heard, plus a bit more detail on Peter's talent than he had given her before—and her response surprised him. Well, not the part where she was relieved to stop the chemo already. She'd been entirely miserable for the past two days, with little relief in sight. So that wasn't a surprise. It was how calm she was about everything else, that had him a little shocked.

"Maybe you were right then," she said, when she'd thought about it for a while. "Maybe starting chemo before the thirteenth was a bad idea."

"You seem very calm." He looked at her, one eyebrow raised in question. She let him feel her emotions as he looked into her eyes, and smiled at him."

"Now I am. You had me panicking for a minute there, while you were on the phone," she said. "But I figure—if Peter says you won't need him for a while yet, everything should be okay, right? For now anyway. And he'll tell us if that timing changes. Between him and Alice, we should be okay."

"Hmm, I guess so." He hoped so. Though the fact that it took until now for Pete to call and tell him to get her off the chemo concerned him, if it was doing her so much harm. But maybe she just needed that little bit of cancer treatment, but no more. A delicate balance: just enough to keep her alive, not enough to kill her.

.

* * *

.

 **A/N**

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I know updates have slowed down a lot, and I do understand those readers who have fallen away – hopefully they will come back and read when it's complete (which I estimate to be – sometime this year, LOL).

However, I do very much appreciate those of you who are still reading as I write, and especially if you leave me a little comment-love. It is for you, most of all, that I am trying to get further ahead in my draft, so the coming cliffhanger chapters don't have to get posted a month a part!

I'd love to hear your predictions of what's to come though. I can tell you now, all the worries people have expressed of what they think is coming - none of them are on target! :)

 **Recs**

I have two for you this week, but before I give them **– do you have any recs for me?**

Especially WIPS being updated regularly? Preferably not AH, but I am open to any pairings. And (as you'll see from my first rec below), it doesn't have to be all vamp either – other supernatural themes welcome.

Also, I'd love more Jasper-Bella recs, but I am not really a fan of those that demonise the other Cullens or make Bella/Jasper all vengeful. I'll read them sometimes, and they *can* be done beautifully, but in general, they're not my thing. I feel like I have read every half decently written J/B fic on here, but maybe you have some recs from some other site that I don't frequent? I'm open to them too. Plus, I'm probably not up with all the WIPs out there…

Anyway, on with my recommendations for you. These are both Edward-Bella stories.

Firstly, one that's a little bit different (okay, quite a lot different) I really enjoyed this, but take note of that smut warning – there's a lot of it, so if that's not your thing, give it a miss:

 **Karma's A Witch** by JacklynnFrost

"Witchling." My vampire hissed, his black eyes narrowed in hate and hunger. "What have you done to me?" I decided the truth in this instance is best in order to survive. "I might have accidentally... bound our souls, oops." / Bella, a witch, and Edward, a vampire, find themselves bound forever. Warning: love adventure, minor character death, dark themes. AU, Smut, mates, EDITED /s/8171149/1/Karma-s-A-Witch (complete)

 **How Do I Live?** by Bethesda Gray

When Edward abandons Bella to discover a human life for herself, the resulting damage is something that neither of them could have imagined, and neither can heal alone. s/5735164/26/How-Do-I-Live (complete)


	27. Part 2: Chapter 6 - Disaster

**27: Part Two, Chapter Six**

 **Word Count: 3131; First Published 3 April, 7pm-ish Australian time (AEDT)**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit.**

 **Unbeta'd**

* * *

 **Chapter Six - Disaster**

On Friday morning, Jasper came home to shower and change his clothes, ready to spend a day in the hell that was school without Bella. He'd agreed to keep going at least two or three days a week, with Alice collecting his work for him on the other days, for the sake of appearances. And since he'd not gone yet this week, and he definitely planned to spend every second of Monday—the anniversary of Bella's previous deaths—beside his mate, he'd pulled himself away from her this morning to spend a day on the school charade.

Emmett and Rosalie were outside Bella's house right now, and two wolves would be there shortly to relieve them, though Esme would also be spending the day with her. It was all very well to have Sue there to help take care of her, and he certainly had come to respect and even appreciate the Quileute woman over the past few days—it was clear that her care for Bella was very real, and more than just something prompted by the prophecy—but Jasper insisted on a member of his family staying with her too. If something happened that only vampire venom could save her from, he knew full well the wolves couldn't be depended on to contact them.

"Jasper," he heard Alice call from downstairs, though without raising her voice, "let's go. It wouldn't do to be late on one of your few—" She cut off suddenly, with a choked, "No! Oh my god, not now!"

Jasper was downstairs before she'd finished speaking, to find her standing by the door, eyes glazed, Edward's hands on her shoulders as he gazed at her worriedly. He didn't need to focus his gift to feel the panic coming off her.

"What's happening?" he cried. "What's she seeing?"

"I don't—it's too fast, too fragmented," Edward said.

As Alice's eyes came back into focus, she started barking out orders.

"Esme, call Rosalie! We need to go now. It's happening this weekend. I'm not sure when, exactly, but it feels so close!"

"What? What did you see, Alice? Tell us exactly!" The urge to run straight back to Bella's was almost irresistible, but he had to know the details.

"It's all fragments, like Edward said. Normally that means the future's not set, decisions are still to be made, but—they're all fragments of vampires in the forest, most with the snow still thick on the ground like it is right now."

"Who? Victoria? Maria?" Jasper could feel himself going into strategic mode. He had to have all the information before he acted. Acting solely on his desire to be with Bella could be disastrous.

"Victoria and maybe twelve or fourteen others? I think she's bringing them most of the way here through the water, because I see them of them coming out of the sea near Lower Elwha, that's clear, but then there's a flash of them in a clearing I recognise, near the hot springs. That's the same place I saw in the vision of Maria, though. And," her eyes were unfocussed, still concentrating on what she could see with her mind's eye. "I'm still getting flashes of a later fight. I see us fighting in that clearing, but—there's not as much snow on the ground. It's all mixed up."

"That's about fifty kilometres due east of here," Edward observed.

"When, Alice? Can you narrow it down at all?" Jasper asked.

"I can't be sure," she said. "In most of the visions, the snow's as thick on the ground as it is right now. Though there are only flashes of us fighting. And in some of them it's partially melted, like it was before. But you know how sometimes I just get a feeling about the timing? The vision of them coming out of the water—I'm sure it's soon."

"Monday?"

"No. Sooner."

Jasper breathed a sigh of what he knew was irrational relief. Somehow, if it had been on the thirteenth, he would have felt fate was against them.

"It's too late to go to Seattle then, we could miss them," Carlisle said.

"So we go into the forest to the east of here. Fan out, and move through the tree tops. We'll stay between Forks and the hots springs, and try to herd them towards the clearing, away from here. You all remember your training." Jasper looked around. "Don't take the obvious attack, and whatever happens, don't let them get their arms around you."

Esme was on the phone to Rosalie while Jasper strategised. Now she spoke up. "Rosalie and Emmett are already on the way here," she said. "Rose said Jake and Embry are outside Bella's now."

"Okay, I'm going to head over there first, and speak to the wolves. If they're willing, I'll ask for some more to come guard her and the rest to head into the forest. If at least one will come with us, Edward will know what's happening with the rest of the pack. Alice, now we have a plan, can you see any changes?"

Alice's eyes glazed once again as she searched all their futures.

"No-o," she said slowly. "I'm still seeing flashes in that clearing. Nothing I can make out, but I think we're all there. Although maybe those are all later. I'm not seeing anything, not even flashes, of us engaging with Victoria this weekend…it must be the wolves, they must be going to help us, and that's blocking the visions. But the vision of them coming out of the water—Jasper, I think it may have already happened!"

"Okay, I'm leaving now," Jasper said. "Head out the moment Emmett and Rose arrive."

...

Bella woke up to feel Jasper's cool hand against her cheek. "What…?" she trailed off, confused. "I thought you'd left already," she said.

She'd been feeling a little better today, having not taken a chemo tablet since Wednesday morning, but was still exhausted. So when Jasper left this morning she'd gone straight back to sleep, secure in the knowledge that Esme would be there by the time she had to fake taking the morning's tablet for Sue.

"I did," Jasper replied, frowning. Suddenly, she realised how tense he was.

She sat up. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Jasper? What's happened?"

As Jasper explained Alice's visions, and what their plan was, Bella could feel her breath starting to come in shallow puffs. This was not what they'd planned on. They weren't ready!

"But Peter said—"

"I know," Jasper said. "I can't tell you anything more, except Pete wasn't worried about this weekend, and he hasn't called, so I think that should give us confidence."

"Oh, yeah, I guess so." She took a deep breath and tried to relax. "So what do we do?"

"You, stay here, in bed, and try to relax."

She snorted at that, though without humour, but Jasper kept talking.

"Embry and Jacob are outside right now, and Seth and Leah are on their way. That's just for just in case. Sam's agreed that the rest of the pack will head into the forest and help us with a head on attack, to try to keep them all away from Forks."

"You're—you're going?"

"I have to, darlin'. But you'll be safe here, and I'll be back before you have time to worry, I promise."

"It's not me I'm worried about, idiot!" She said, holding back her tears by force of will. "And you shouldn't make promises you can't keep. You don't even know where they are yet. And I will be worried every second you're away." She paused, and took a deep breath. "But I understand you have to go. If anyone can beat them, it's you."

Jasper's smile was a little twisted, and she knew that assessment of his character didn't really thrill him, although it was what would keep them all alive now.

"Yeah," was all he said.

He leaned in and kissed her, his hand cupping the back of her head. She brought her own hands up to slide around his neck, and deepened the kiss. He let her, for longer than she expected. But then he pulled back, and rested his forehead against hers.

"I've gotta go, darlin'," he said, pulling back further and walking towards the window. "Close this after me, 'kay?" he added, as he pulled it open.

"Be safe," she said in reply. But he was already gone.

She got up to close the window, and glimpsed a wolf's red fur through the trees. She sighed and moved back to the bed. She knew she wouldn't be getting any more sleep. Should she go downstairs? She realised she was mildly hungry for the first time all week, although she was still queasy as well. Was Sue there, she wondered? Probably. Or Esme? No, if Esme were here, she would have come up. She must be with the rest of the family.

Please keep them safe, she prayed. She'd never been particularly religious—not in this life—but she believed there was something out there, and she hoped now that whatever it was would look out for her family. "Please keep Jasper safe," she murmured.

She curled up on the bed, discarding the idea of food, or of going downstairs. How long till she heard something? Would Jasper call, when everything was finished, or would he just show up at her window? She refused to think about the possibility of anything else happening. Of Jasper not—no, she wouldn't go there. Everyone would be fine. Except Victoria, and the unfortunate souls she had kidnapped and changed.

Now if only she could will it to be true.

A sudden noise from outside got her attention. What—?

A loud bang, as though something had crashed into a tree, followed quickly by another.

She leapt up and ran to the window.

The forest was vibrating.

Trees shaking, the crashing noises now constant.

The fight had made it all the way here?

Were there far more vampires than Alice had seen?

Were the Cullens—? No, _please God, no_ , they _couldn't_ be dead.

As from nowhere, a face appeared at the window.

Before she could process what was happening, the window had shattered, and a red-haired vampire had her up against the wall, held by the front of her neck, her toes barely touching the floor.

"Finally," she hissed, "Finally, I have you, and your precious mate can't do anything about it."

Bella couldn't breathe enough to get a sound out. In her mind, she was screaming for Jasper. Was he close enough to feel her? No, because she was awake.

It wouldn't matter though, she would be dead before he could get there. She hoped he wasn't feeling her last moments.

"The question," the red-head, who must be Victoria, continued, "is whether to kill you now, and leave you for him, or take you with me? What would be better revenge?" She released Bella slightly, only to ram her back into the wall.

Bella's vision was starting to go black.

She couldn't breathe.

Please God, she thought, but couldn't decide how to finish. She couldn't see any possible way she could survive.

Just as she thought she would pass out, another shaped leaped through the window.

"Let her go, bitch!" It was Jacob, in human form.

Oh god, now he'd be killed too.

Bella felt herself thrown through the air and felt a crunch as her back hit the bookshelf. Books rained down on her, but she hardly noticed them through the pain in her chest. She tried to take shallow breaths, the pain making her dizzy and unable to focus.

No, she realised, that was the blood dripping into her eyes.

Suddenly there was an almighty crash, and a huge hole in the wall where Jacob had been thrown into the hallway.

Almost before she he had landed, she was again flying through the air, this time in Victoria's arms as she leapt for the window.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion then. She felt the blood spurting out of her shoulder, running down her arm, before she realised that the broken glass in the window frame had slashed through her flesh. Her vision started to turn cloudy with pain and lack of air, as Victoria squeezed her so hard she thought her ribs must now all be broken. And even as she had that thought, she saw Jasper leaping for her, almost from the very edge of the yard as he sped out of the forest, and felt another impact from behind. Jacob must have recovered and smashed into Victoria.

She hit the ground in Jasper's arms instead of Victoria's, but she couldn't breathe properly, and felt a warm liquid bubbling out of her mouth, as she tried.

"No, no, no!" Jasper was saying. All around her, she was vaguely aware of the noise of fighting. Bodies crashing into each other, wolves growling, and Victoria letting out a shriek of anger. Jacob must have scored a point, a small, calm part of her mind thought. The larger part of her focus though, was on her mate.

"Bella, Bella," he was saying, desperately. "Please, please, stay with me, you have to…" and then she felt his teeth cutting into the soft flesh inside her elbow, and then her neck." I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he was saying, his hands now pushing into her shoulder, seemingly trying to staunch the flow of blood. "Please live! God, please let this work."

The pain in her chest with each gasping, wet breath completely eclipsed any pain from his bites, but she couldn't speak, couldn't say a word either to reassure him or simply thank him for being there. She wanted to apologise. She wouldn't survive this, she was certain, and she wouldn't remember him the next time she was born. Not from this life anyway. Look after Charlie, she wanted to say, and, I promise I'll come back. But nothing but gurgles came out, and her vision was starting to go black.

Suddenly, she felt a new pain, first in her arm, just below the flesh ripped by the window, then her neck. What was happening? Had Victoria got her back? No, she could still feel herself in Jasper's arms, still hear him murmuring desperately to her, though she could no longer make out the words. Oh god, she was burning, she was burning from the inside.

She realised her eyes were closed. With a last effort, she opened them, not sure if it was to see Jasper's face one more time, or to try to tell him with her eyes that she was burning, to beg him to douse her in water. But in the long tunnel that her eyes had become, all she saw was three vampires bearing down on Jasper from behind. She tried to gasp out a warning, but nothing would come and her vision was quickly dimming, the feeling leaving her body, even the burning pain becoming something distant. Her last thought was that at least if Jasper died here too, maybe he would get his wish, and they would be together in heaven.

.

Jasper stared down at his dying mate, completely oblivious for the first time in his immortal existence to the battle raging around him, desperately trying to stop the blood from flowing out of her, his venom along with it.

He'd felt the wolves' fear and pain when he was less than half way to meet his family, and whipped around, tuning in as he ran back both to the panic coming from the wolves, and the combination of trepidation and triumph from others whose emotional signatures he didn't know, before he hit on the one he recognised. Victoria! How did she get behind him?

He'd redoubled his speed and come upon the Swan's backyard just as Victoria burst out of the window, Bella clutched against her. He leapt for them, desperately hoping she was still alive, and that he could keep her that way.

He'd bitten inside her elbow first, hoping the venom would heal the gash through which her blood was escaping so quickly, and then her neck, pumping as much venom into her system as he could. Her increased moans told him the venom was moving through her veins, but her gurgling breath told him she didn't have much time.

He was about to bite her again—she needed as much venom as he could get into her—while keeping the pressure on her still leaking wound, when her eyes opened and she stared up at him, and he was suddenly lost in her pain, her fear, and the tiniest bit of hope. Then with a new spike of fear her eyes opened wider and she stared over his shoulder. Before he could react, her eyes had closed again, and as he felt her lose consciousness, he became aware again of the others in the clearing, reacting just too late to put her down carefully, before he was grabbed from behind, and she fell from his grasp. Even as he responded to the new threat, trying to keep himself between her still body and anyone else in the clearing, he felt his arm being almost twisted from his shoulder.

He wrenched it back, and threw the newborn vampire away, knocking down another in the process, but before he could move, a third one was on him. He was desperate to move Bella to a safer position, as well as to bite her again, but could do nothing but try to fend off the newborn vampires who seemed to be coming at him without respite. The four wolves were each fighting as hard as they could but there were simply too many vampires for them to handle. He knew the other wolves would be on their way, alerted through the mind link the pack shared, and prayed that they had made it to within Edward's mind reading distance before turning around.

As yet another newborn leapt at him, he felt, more than saw, movement behind him, and simultaneously realised Victoria was once again radiating triumph, the wolf she'd been fighting—Jacob, he thought—lying unconscious on the ground. Ignoring the threat behind him, he turned back to Bella, reaching out to grab Victoria before she could reach his mate. Too late. Victoria had Bella in her arms and was already retreating when he felt another vampire land on his back, and teeth enter the side of his throat. The last thing he saw was Victoria grinning victoriously, dragging Bella without the slightest regard for her safety, before he felt his head being ripped from his body, and knew no more.

.

* * *

.

 **A/N**

Ducking for cover...

Don't worry, the next chapter should be up by next week!

Reviews are love. Or you know, hate, maybe, in this case. LOL. But still love.

.

 **Recs**

If you go read them, _please_ leave them a review and tell them I sent you! :)

I feel I need to give you a Jasper-Bella one after that, so… this is a WIP with only 4 chapters so far, but I think it has a lot of promise!

 **Words in Grey** by Wenyuewen

Soulmate AU: Isabella Swan doesn't talk about soulmates and soulmarks. Really she'd rather pretend that the marks don't exist. It's hard to get through life when what should be a romantic promise instead tells Bella without a doubt that her match - Jasper Whitlock - is dead and gone. No, Bella is not interested in fate. (Bella/Jasper) /s/13138659/1/Words-in-Grey

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Another WIP, but this one is being updated pretty fast. There seem to be a lot of Bella-Rosalie stories around at the moment, and this is one that I am enjoying:

 **And So the Lamb Became the Wolf b** y UntitledAlsoUnknown

After Edward leaves her, nothing goes quite right for Bella. Her best friend Alice is gone. Her new best friend Jacob leaves her. An accidental twist of fate turns Bella into a shifter, just trying to learn the rules of her new pack. When the Cullens return unexpectedly, Bella imprints on one of them. Bella/Rosalie. T for now, maybe M for later. s/13226943/1/And-So-the-Lamb-Became-the-Wolf


	28. Part 2: Chapter 7 - Devastation

**28: Part Two, Chapter Seven**

 **Word Count: 2551; First Published 9 April, Australian time**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit.**

 **Unbeta'd**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven – Devastation**

The intense burning around his neck was the first thing Jasper felt as awareness returned, followed by the stinging of alien venom in various other parts of his body.

It was only the second time in his immortal life that he'd had a loss of consciousness, or felt that kind of pain, but his perfect recall immediately informed him of what must have happened. Someone had ripped his head off and dismembered him. He was extremely lucky he hadn't been burned.

As full awareness returned, suddenly, so did all his more recent memories.

"Bella!" he gasped, leaping into a standing position, a growl emanating from his chest.

Carlisle took a quick step back, hands up in a placating gesture.

"It's alright, Jasper," he said. "The fight's over, we're at home." But Jasper could instantly tell that everything wasn't alright from the emotions surrounding him: guilt, sorrow, worry, and almost paralysing sadness, the last of which he recognised as coming from Alice.

"Bella," he said again. "Where is she?"

"Jasper." He felt Carlisle's worry and sadness roll over him—but worry for him, or for Bella? "I'm so sorry," he began. "Victoria—"

"No!" Jasper broke in. "No! She not dead! I won't believe it. I would know—"

"No," Carlisle agreed, "Alice says she's still alive, for now. But Victoria took her. We lost her trail at the ocean—the others are still out there, looking, but..."

"I think they're still in the ocean," Alice said, coming into the room, "or maybe on a boat? There's definitely still water around them." He watched as her eyes glazed over again, her vision turning inward. At the same time, he was making and discarding various plans.

"Where are they looking?" he asked Carlisle. "Has someone organised a helicopter?"

"Emmett and Rose have been running the ocean edge, hoping to find her as she makes land fall," Carlisle said, "or at least pick up a trail."

"Esme and Edward?"

"Stayed behind to deal with all the newborn pieces at the Swan house—they've burned the house down. Now they're heading to Seattle, following the trail back, in case she doubles back there, or has left any clues as to her plans."

"Oh, why is Bella so hard to see?" Alice moaned suddenly. "It's even worse than usual, she keeps flicking in and out, more out than in, the more time passes."

"But they're still in the ocean?"

"There's water all around. She's blurry as always, but she's with Victoria and there's still water. I hope they're in a boat, I don't know how long Bella will survive in the water, even changing—she is changing right? Please tell me you bit her, Seth thought you had—" he nodded, as she continued, "and it's been hours."

"What? Hours? How long?"

"It took us time to subdue all the newborns, and then find all the pieces of you," Carlisle said. "And you know how long it takes to reassemble a completely torn up vampire...it's been more than a day since Victoria took her, Jasper."

"A day? But you said hours," he said, turning back to Alice.

"Hours since they hit the water," she replied. "They're not in the Pacific," she added. "They're in the Atlantic."

"My god!" He exclaimed. "We need a plane then," Jasper said decisively.

"You need to hunt, Jasper," Carlisle said, "you won't heal fully without blood."

"Later," Jasper growled.

"Now!" Carlisle said. "What if you have to fight Victoria? You won't be any good to Bella half healed.

"I won't be any good to her at all if we don't find her!"

"We'll find her, Jasper," Carlisle soothed. "I'll organise a private jet, you hunt."

"Call Jenks, he can—"

"Oh!" Alice cried. "No no no! What are _they_ doing here? Why now?"

"Alice!" Jasper was in front of her, gripping her arms in a second. "What's happening? Is it Bella?"

"No," she said, coming out of her vision. "At least, I don't think so. It's—the Volturi, coming here. I think...I think Victoria is thinking of going to them. The vision keeps flickering, as if she hasn't decided what to do."

"The Volturi? What are they here for?"

"It's just flashes," she said. "Aro, reaching for Carlisle's hand, he mentioned Victoria—I think she reported us to them. Caius growling about the wolves. I think—I think they're going after the wolves."

"That's all?" Jasper asked.

"Oh! Oh my god!" Her eyes were glazed again, but now he could feel more panic flowing from her.

"What?" He demanded. "Alice, what do you see?"

"Maria," she whispered, "She was never with Victoria, she can't have been. But she is bringing an army to Washington. It's clear suddenly. Maria is coming to kill you."

.

Jasper hunted as quickly as he could. Deer tasted awful but that was irrelevant right now. They were close by and he could quickly drain several of them. Carlisle was organising a plane and keeping in touch with the others as they continued to search.

Alice was caught in ever changing visions. They had become even worse, in Jasper's view, as she'd honed in more closely on Victoria, trying to watch her decisions, rather than watching Bella. She seemed determined to go to the Volturi, but in some visions she killed Bella before she got there. It seemed it was that choice that started the series of visions, as with Bella dead, everything became clear, and it was then that all hell broke loose, the Volturi and Maria both ending up in Forks. In other visions Bella was still alive—evidenced by the lack of clarity in those visions—and when those were foremost, there were no visions of disasters closer to home.

How Maria was connected to everything else, Jasper couldn't fathom. Unless she was working for the Volturi, but that seemed out of character, and besides, why would they come themselves if they could send her?

The visions of Bella alive were more reassuring. Not only because she was alive—though of course that was the most important thing in Jasper's mind—but also because Maria was completely absent from those visions. They didn't reach as far into the future as the more disturbing visions though. Whether that was solely because of Bella's blurry presence or also because there were too many variables in that future, Alice couldn't be sure, but Jasper suspected it was the latter. Victoria seemed determined to take her to Volterra—whether alive or dead—but what would happen there Alice couldn't yet see. Their best hope, they all new, was to intercept her before she made it to Italy.

It took Carlisle time to organise a private jet and have a flight plan filed, but it would be waiting for them in New York when they got there. He'd booked them tickets to fly on a commercial flight from Seattle, which was quicker than filing the paperwork for a new flight. Rosalie and Emmett would meet them at the airport in New York.

The plane trip to New York was easily the longest few hours of Jasper's life.

Alice sat with her eyes closed, Edward and Esme, who had arrived home with no further information while Jasper was hunting, sitting on either side of her, trying to keep her calm. For Jasper's sake, Edward kept up a running commentary, just loud enough for the vampires seated near him to hear, of anything new in Alice's visions.

Victoria had made landfall just before their plane touched down in New York, sparking a new wave of visions as she made decisions about the best way to get to Volterra. What was not immediately clear was whether she had come out of the ocean in Portugal or Spain, or perhaps even France, or whether she had made her way through the Strait of Gibraltar and only come out of the water at Italy.

As they waited for their private jet to take off, it became obvious that the it was the latter route she had taken, as Alice's visions in Volterra started to solidify.

"We're not going to make it in time," Alice moaned, quietly. "They're almost there, these visions are so close to now, we're going to have to go all the way to Volterra to get her back!"

"So we go to Volterra," Carlisle said. "Does that decision change anything? I presume it will at least prevent them going to Forks and wiping out the wolves."

"I don't know," Alice answered, allowing her eyes to focus on real world for the first time in hours. "I can't see those visions anymore at all. Victoria has obviously decided to keep Bella alive, which is great, but it means I can't see very far into the future at all. Her presence seems to cloud everything."

Her eyes glazed over again as she returned to watching the future, but she continued speaking aloud. "I can see that we're not going to get to Volterra before Victoria though. She must be almost there. Aro will touch her hand to read her memories, and then he'll read Bella's…" She trailed off, and Edward told them she was just watching, waiting for more to come.

Everyone waited tensely. The plane had not yet jettied out to the runway, a delay with some other flights keeping them grounded. A tiny part of Jasper's brain was aware that any humans on board would have been incredibly uncomfortable, watching his family all sitting or standing around, as still as statues, waiting for something to happen.

The plane had two rows of lounge seats facing each other, and behind them, a separate room with beds, not that they would have any need of those. All the Cullens were arrayed between the two sets of lounges, but only Alice was seated, with Edward next to her, turned to half face her, and holding her hand.

Luckily, the only humans on the plane were in the cockpit, as they had opted to fly without any other staff, so there was no-one to see their altogether very unhuman behaviour.

"Aro's sending Victoria away," Alice said suddenly. "But keeping Bella there. He doesn't seem to be angry, more—intrigued."

"They're there now?" Carlisle asked. "

"Yes, I think I am only seeing this moments before it happens," Alice replied.

"And Bella's still alive? She's okay?" Jasper asked, for perhaps the hundredth time, coming to sit opposite Alice.

"She's–not dead," Alice replied. "I can't tell—I suppose she's changing, but she seems like she's unconscious. Victoria just dropped her on the floor, and she's not moving at all, let alone thrashing about and screaming, as you'd expect."

Jasper realised suddenly that he was crushing the arm of the couch in his fist. He loosened his grip and leaned forward, placing his head in his hands. Please let her be alright, he prayed. He'd seen hundreds of vampire transitions, and never encountered one like this.

"Oh, she just made a noise," Alice added. "They're talking about her memories, Aro couldn't see much, just images. And Marcus can't see her bonds properly, he says they flicker on and off. Oh! They think you're dead Jasper. Victoria must have seen you be decapitated."

"Yes," Jasper said, "I was looking right at her, as she ran off with Bella, as it happened. She definitely saw."

"Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no!" Alice was whimpering suddenly, and the pain coming off her left Jasper reeling.

"What?"

"She's—She's gone! I can't—she's just gone!"

Jasper could feel the devastation coming off Alice, grief and fear and dread combined. "What do you mean?" he shouted, leaping towards her, intent on shaking the information out of her if necessary.

Suddenly though Edward was in front of Alice and growling at him. "Back off, Jasper!" he said. "Don't take out your frustration on Alice!"

Alice was oblivious to their exchange, still frozen, her eyes glazed over, searching the future. Suddenly she snapped out of it and stared at him, standing from her seat. "I—Marcus bit her. I think...I think he drained her. One second, I was watching it play out, almost in real time. Blurry, like it always is with Bella, but happening. The next, she's gone. Bella's future—I can't find anything. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Jasper."

"I'll kill him!" he roared. "I'll kill them all!"

One part of his brain was registering Alice's grief. He knew she would be crying if she could. As it was, her tearless sobs were muffled by Edward's chest as he held her. But most of his brain was focussed on his rage, replaying the words over and over: "Marcus bit her."

He started to run, he would get off this plane and swim to Italy, but he was going now. He had to get to her, even if it was far, far too late.

But Edward dived for him. "No!" he yelled, "Jasper stop! Remember what you promised Bella."

Jasper was beyond rational thought, he threw Edward off like smacking away a gnat, snarling at him, but then Alice was dancing in front of him. Not attacking him, but not letting him pass. "She'll come back, Jasper!" she said. "She'll come back and you have to be here for her. You promised! She told me you did."

Jasper just growled at her, but now Carlisle and Esme were there too, and Edward was back, trying to pull Alice behind him.

"Get out of my way," he growled. Nothing was going to come between him and the Volturi now. He would kill them, starting with Marcus. He would find Bella and bring her back.

Now Emmett was behind him. Did he think he could take him? Jasper sneered, his fury overcoming all other emotions.

"Don't touch me Emmett, unless you want to leave a hole in the wall."

"Jasper," Carlisle's voice was calm and even, as always. "Think about what Bella would want. She'll be born again, looking for you. What will happen to her, if you get yourself killed attacking the Volturi? Or perhaps worse, captured, and held prisoner? Will she be born over and over again, unable to find you?"

Carlisle's voice was mesmerising, almost as though he were the one with empath abilities.

"Jazz," Alice all but whispered, from behind Edward, "she will come back. She will be born again. And you promised you would wait for her. Please don't go to the Volturi now. Please. Think of Bella."

He was thinking of Bella. Who did he think she was thinking of? He had to get to her.

Now Edward spoke, responding to his thoughts. "You can't get to her until she's reborn, Jasper. She's gone from Volterra now. Even her body's probably been burned, and if it hasn't yet, it will be by the time you could get there."

Jasper growled again, but he couldn't fail to see the truth in their words. She was gone. He had failed to protect her, despite her faith in him. How many times would she come back, only to die? He sat down on the couch where Alice had been sitting, and leaned forward, his head in his hands. How could he have failed her so completely?

.

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 **End of Part Two**

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* * *

 **A/N**

Ducking for cover, again...

Trust me. You're going to like Part 3 better than Part 2. Chapter 1 will hopefully be up next week. It's school holidays though... Not sure if that will be a help or a hindrance!

There are a few short chapters at the beginning of Part 3, but I will try to get them up in a timely manner.

Reviews are love. (and they get sneak peaks)

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 **Recs**

If you go read them, please leave them a review and tell them I sent you! :)

.

I'm thinking some upbeat Bella/Jasper time is in order after that...

So, to help "feel you better", as my youngest used to say, here's a sweet little Bella/Jasper one shot:

 **Welcome** **Home** , **Mrs** **Whitlock** by SweetSouthernGal

Isabella Swan married Jasper Whitlock on a crisp cool day in the fall of 1860. Several months later, he went off to join the Confederate Army. He's believed dead, and after a while, he expects her to be dead as well. But things aren't always how they seem, and they may yet be reacquainted.

s/4802390/1/Welcome-Home-Mrs-Whitlock

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And another:

 **A Kiss** by GeezerWench

"He left you, but I stayed. He told you he didn't want you, but I do." A drabble of 478 words. Jasper/Bella

Short, but lovely. /s/10284751/1/A-Kiss

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And here's a Jasper/Emmett one shot too, that I absolutely loved.

 **Opening His Heart** by SereneCalamity

Jasper had just never allowed himself to accept that maybe himself and Emmett had the possibility of a future. Emmett/Jasper. Oneshot.

s/13208822/1/Opening-His-Heart

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Now for a bit more reading time, here's a WIP, a Bella/Leah imprint story.

 **Twin Flames** by likexcrazy

When Jacob brings Bella to First Beach to hear the tribe's stories, Leah is blindsided when she imprints on her. Now the two girls must reconcile this new reality while the shock waves of the aftermath threaten to burn down everything they know and love. F/F

s/13225379/1/Twin-Flames


	29. Part 3: Chapter 1 - Volterra

**29: Part Three, Chapter One**

 **Word Count: 1535; First Published 19 April, Australian time**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit.**

 **Unbeta'd**

* * *

 **Part Three**

 **.**

 **Prelude**

Maria looked at her seer in disgust.

"Could you not be any clearer than that? Your wisdom is supposed to guide us, instead it does nothing but confuse!"

"Mistress, I am sorry," the other vampire said, head bowed. "I can only tell you what I see—the future is not yet certain. All I can be sure of is that if this Major is united with his mate, it will spell your destruction."

"And who is his mate?"

"I don't know—I can't see. She is… shrouded, somehow. Maybe she's not even a vampire yet? I don't know."

"So, they're not together yet then."

"I don't think so. Whenever I see him close to the present time, he is still alone."

"Well then, we will have to make sure it stays that way. One or the other of them will have to be destroyed. And if you can't tell me who she is… I always did want to repay him for abandoning my army without a word."

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 **Chapter One – Volterra**

"Fascinating!" Aro exclaimed, after letting go of the changing human's hand, allowing her to roll back to her limp position on the stone floor in front of him. He seemed almost gleeful, Marcus thought.

He was curious as to why, but not enough to pursue it. He turned away, as Aro addressed the vindictive redhead.

"You may go," he said. "My brothers and I will deliberate on the best course of action from here. Felix will show you to a room.

"Felix—take Victoria to a waiting room. Make sure she's comfortable. We might be a while." He turned to address the small crowd of Vampires who regularly attended their "court" sessions. "Everyone else is dismissed."

"Of course," Victoria began. "I'll just take the girl—" Marcus found himself hissing, for no reason he could fathom, but Aro interrupted before he could.

"No," Aro said decisively. "She stays here. It is her fate we must decide, as well as the Cullens' and the wolves'. Felix..."

Victoria obviously knew better than to question the Volturi leaders, and allowed herself to be led away, albeit with a frown.

"Well?" Caius drawled, once the room was cleared of all but the brothers and the changing—or perhaps dying—girl. "What did you find out from that self-righteous woman? And what has you so excited about the girl?"

"Oh, brothers," Aro said, "I think we may be in for some fun. Or at least a change of pace."

Caius snorted, but didn't interrupt.

"Firstly, Victoria's complaints against the Cullens may have some legitimacy. They _did_ kill her mate, though as it was in response to an unprovoked attack, I see no harm in that. Of course, she's well within her rights to seek revenge, but there is no reason for our involvement. If it weren't for this girl's vulnerability, I doubt Victoria would have lived this long herself—they are a strong coven."

"Was it true that they were leaving the girl human after sharing our secret?"

"As to that, it's impossible to say what their intentions were, but undeniably she was still human weeks after Victoria first learned of her existence."

Now Caius hissed. "Then they were clearly in breach of the law!" he said. "And what of her assertions of their alliance with werewolves? Surely even Carlisle would not stoop to that level!"

"Well again, it's not entirely clear," Aro said calmly, "though certainly she believed it. As to the other, Victoria's memories do not give proof positive that the girl had known our secret the whole time, besides which, she appeared to me to be sick in Victoria's later memories, so it is possible they simply intended to let nature take its course, while keeping watch on her."

"Let her die naturally you mean? But then why would the boy bite her at the last minute?"

"Yes, that does rather suggest that they never intended her to die, doesn't it? Unless it was simply his bloodlust taking over due to her injuries. But that's not what it looked like in Victoria's memory. And it appears he died defending her, so I rather think they _were_ intending to change her eventually."

The girl moaned at this, the first sound she had made since Victoria dropped her on the floor in front of them. Marcus looked at her thoughtfully. "She appears to have some awareness?" he asked, more than stated, looking back at Aro, "Surely her memories should have answered any questions Victoria's left?"

"Ah, but that's where things become truly interesting, brothers!"

"Just tell us, Aro!" Caius was becoming impatient, as usual.

"Well, Caius, for the first time in my very long life, I could not get a proper read on this girl's thoughts!"

"What?! What does that mean, a proper read?"

"Exactly what I said, brother dear. I could make out some images—and they were quite interesting, let me tell you. But certainly not enough to cover the eighteen or twenty years she seems to have lived. And no words. No context—just a few images."

He looked at them both gleefully "She's barely even begun to change yet! Look at the flush still in her cheeks! If she is almost blocking me now, imagine what she will be like when her change is complete! Marcus—what do you see in her?"

Marcus looked at the girl curiously. His gift was to see bonds, but it was not an automatic effect, like Aro's mind reading. He could turn it on or off. Looking at her now, he activated his gift. It was harder to see bonds with those who were not in the room—the further away they were, the thinner the bonds looked. But this girl practically glowed with them—except that they flickered on and off, mostly off.

"It's—interesting," he said finally.

"What?!" Caius, ever impatient.

"She is definitely mated, but she appears to have other strong bonds also. That's not so unusual in a human, they do tend to have a greater range of such bonds than vampires, but usually the few true bonds we have—mostly mating bonds—are stronger than their many. But her mating bond—I've never seen anything like it in a human, let alone one in the midst of the change…it glows with power. But—they all flicker."

"What does that mean?" Caius again. But Aro was already answering.

"It means, brothers, that her shield is protecting her—intermittently—from Marcus as well!"

"Yes, I think so. Actually, I'm only getting flickers of the bonds—mostly, I see nothing."

"But who is she mated to?" Caius asked. "Surely you could at least see that Aro? And is it human or vampire?"

"And that's where it is really interesting," Aro replied. "The images I could see in her mind—they were almost all of the same person: one Jasper Whitlock, aka the God of War," Aro ignored Caius's snort of disdain at this, to continue, "now presumed deceased." He looked thoughtfully at the girl on the floor when she moaned again. "But most curiously," he added, "in the majority of her memories, he appeared to be human, not vampire."

Marcus watched the girl curiously. How could she possibly have human memories of Jasper Whitlock? Were they from photographs? Aro did say he only saw images. But surely there couldn't be many such pictures still in existence, even if there had been many to begin with.

Her heart stuttered.

"Hmm, perhaps she's not going to make it," Caius commented. "She's not nearly far enough through the change to survive if her heart stops now."

That would be a mercy, Marcus thought, with her mate dead. But even as he thought it, he was moving. Someone with such strong bonds shouldn't die, he justified, as he bit into her wrists and behind her knees, injecting more venom. But there was something else motivating him, he knew.

As he watched the effect of the extra venom moving through her body, he turned his extra senses back on, but this time he looked at the bonds of the vampires in the room. In the short time she'd been with them, each of them had already developed a bond to her. Caius's was, predictably, the weakest, while his own—more unexpectedly—was the strongest.

At the same time, he couldn't see her bonds anymore at all. As though the extra venom he'd injected had strengthened her shield to make it completely opaque.

He offered his hand to Aro, showing him what he'd seen.

"Well!" Aro exclaimed. "That's unexpected. It's been a long time since you have formed a new bond with someone, Marcus."

He felt himself flinch internally, deliberately avoiding any thought of why that was.

"I wonder if that effect is part of her shield?" Aro added.

Caius rolled his eyes. "Out loud, please," he growled.

"Marcus has observed new bonds, brother—ours, to her. I'm just wondering if this is a defensive effect that works together with her shield." He bent down to touch her hand. "Hmm," he added, straightening up. "It seems your venom has perfected her shield Marcus. I don't see any part of her memories anymore."

* * *

 **A/N**

I hope you all feel better!

 **This was necessarily short. The next chapter shouldn't be far away though.**

 **Reviewers make me very happy, and get sneak peaks and sometimes progress updates via PM.**

Congratulations to the three reviewers - disestablishmentaria, viola1701e, and Janine984 – who picked what happened here (and commented in a review)—Free cake to you! I thought it was so obvious and you'd all roll your eyes at my attempts to be slightly suspenseful, LOL! I know quite a few others were are least *hopeful* that she wasn't really dead.

But seriously - don't you trust me a little by now? I'm not going to ruin it, I promise!

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 **Recs**

Please leave them a review, if you visit, and let them know I sent you. :)

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First, a nice little Bella/Jasper one-shot:

 **The Cabin** by ObsidianDraconis  
It's a cold winter's night and a blizzard is settling in, but Bella Swan has been searching for her missing piece a long time and she's not about to let a little cold and snow stop her now. AU Vampire Bella

s/13167648/1/The-Cabin (one shot)

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And here's a WIP I've been reading for a while, I'm surprised to see I haven't rec'ed it yet. It's Bella/Edward, but a very different set up.

 **Emergence** by knicnort3  
Swan Manor is hiding dark secrets. Humming in the night, vibrating foundation, and a mysterious hatch that leads to a cold dungeon and a glowing eye. As Bella begins to unravel the intense underground world lurking just below her feet, she must decide if she is prepared to risk everything to set a certain someone free. AU, Vampires, B/E

/s/13103235/1/Emergence


	30. Part 3: Chapter 2 - Waking

**30: Part Three, Chapter Two**

 **Word Count: 2558, First Published 24 April, Australian time**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit.**

 **Unbeta'd**

* * *

 **Chapter Two – Waking**

Bella's heart beat so hard she thought it was going to leave her chest. And the pain! The burning that had gradually receded from her limbs was now so intensely concentrated in her chest she didn't see how she could survive another minute; another second even.

Even so, a part of her mind could function around the pain. Jasper had told her she would wish for death, the pain would be so bad during the change (and surely, that was what was happening to her?), but that it would end. He was wrong though. She didn't wish for death (though maybe she had, earlier, when she was screaming endlessly; that period was a blur of pain during which she couldn't remember thinking anything)—she just wished for him. He'd promised he wouldn't leave her side during her change, but he wasn't here. No-one was here. Just the pain.

Maybe this wasn't the change. Maybe she was dying. Maybe she was dead, and this was the hell she'd never believed in (had she? She didn't think she had).

And then suddenly—nothing. Her heart stopped. The pain stopped. Well, not entirely. The burn was still there, she realised, but in her throat now. She knew she'd been screaming at one point in the eternity of burning, had actually screamed her throat raw, to the extent that only a croak emerged. Maybe that was why it still hurt. But it was bearable. Worse was the pain still in her chest. Not so much burning, as pulling. Aching and pulling. As though something was trying to pull her heart out of her chest. But the intense burning there had stopped. Anything was manageable in comparison.

She realised that her eyes were closed and that she wasn't breathing, in the same moment that she became aware of sounds outside the room she was in.

She opened her eyes and sprang to her feet in the split second that she thought it. There were footsteps approaching the door. In the next moment she was in the corner of the room furthest from the door, bent in a crouch. She was aware of everything at once—the dust motes in the air, the texture of the hewn rock walls, the stone floor under her bare feet, the distant sounds of a city and the nearby sounds of lowered voices and footsteps, the feeling of the air moving ever so slowly in the room, and the silk of the dress she was wearing against her skin, which wasn't what she had been wearing before—before what? What had happened? She wasn't meant to be changed yet, surely? And where was she? Most importantly, where was Jasper?

The door opened and a hiss filled the room, which she cut off as soon as she realised it was coming from her. But when five strange—red-eyed—vampires entered the room, it started again, followed by a low continuous rumble from her chest that she didn't seem able to stop.

The vampires fanned out in an arc by the door—wisely, she thought, not approaching her. The three in the middle seemed vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place them, and she knew she'd never met any vampires outside of her family anyway—were they members of Victoria's newborn army? Maybe she'd seen them when they were humans?

But they didn't act like newborns according to her understanding. The one in the centre and to his left both had dark hair, tied back in ponytails, while the one to the right had platinum blond hair, dead straight and cut to chin length.

Of course, they all had the ridiculous good looks of all vampires, but their skin looked delicate—almost papery, and their eyes, while clearly red, also had a sort of milky look to them. They all looked extremely old.

Flanking them on one side was the biggest vampire—or man—she'd ever seen. Bigger even than Emmett. On the other was a tall vampire with numerous scars on this neck and arms—not unlike Jasper's. Looking at his scars made her growl grow stronger.

The vampire in the middle spoke then, in what she supposed was meant to be a soothing voice.

"Be-lla," he said, drawing out her name as though he was speaking to a child—and was not used to doing so—"it's so good to see you conscious and aware! We've been so looking forward to meeting you properly!"

She just growled louder in response, though not deliberately. She felt herself starting to panic. Where was Jasper? He was supposed to be here to keep her in control. He'd told her newborns felt everything intensely and had trouble controlling themselves. That's why they'd been planning to spend her first year in Alaska. Right now, she was afraid she was going to start hyperventilating, while at the same time she couldn't stop growling, and her body seemed equally poised to leap at the vampires in front of her or to leap for the window. Either of which action, a dispassionate part of her brain told her, would probably get her killed in the space of one of her non-existent heartbeats.

Close your mouth, that part of her brain said, hold your breath. Stand up straight. Look like you are relaxed and in control.

Even as she thought it, she did it. But I'm not in control, another part of her brain was replying, while yet another part was just chanting Jasper's name over and over. Where was he?

"Where's Jasper?" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

The vampires in front of her exchanged glances which she couldn't interpret.

"Perhaps the better question for us to answer right now is, where are you?" replied the middle vampire, who seemed to be the spokesman for the group.

"Okay," she agreed, reluctantly. "Where am I?"

"You're in Volterra," he said. "Do you know where that is?"

"In—in Italy?" She asked incredulously.

"Exactly!" He clapped his hands together, clearly pleased with her answer. "Do you remember how you got here?"

"I—I—Victoria? Victoria attacked? Jake! Jasper! Where's Jasper? Please, I need him. Is he here? Why isn't he here?" The memories were coming back, but they felt wrong and confused. She remembered Jasper—he was almost crying and begging her to be okay and then he bit her—God that hurt—but then—she remembered being in the water with—with Victoria? And Victoria saying the Volturi would take care of the Cullens—and not in a good way.

"In brief—Victoria attacked you, Jasper bit you, but Victoria got you away and brought you to us, where you have completed the change. I take it you understand what that means?" She nodded, and he went on, "For now, the most important thing for you to know is that you're perfectly safe here, despite what Victoria may have told you." He stopped talking and gave her an appraising look. "I must say, you're incredibly controlled for a newborn, even one who knew what to expect—and especially given the circumstances. Your throat must be bothering you though."

The burn in her throat seemed to go up a notch when she focussed on it, and her hand automatically cradled her neck.

"She needs to feed, Aro," said the one just to his left, with seeming sympathy.

"Well, as luck would have it, I can hear Heidi on her way now with a nice soothing meal for you," the one called Aro said.

As she turned her attention out again, she realised there were two sets of footsteps coming down the passageway, and also a wet thudding sound that somehow made her mouth fill with saliva (or was it venom?)—and, oh god, that smell! It was divine, beyond divine—it was indescribable. She had to have it, now! The burn in her throat grew threefold, she needed a drink, something to douse the flames. And that smell! But it was coming from the doorway and the red-eyed vampires were between her and the door. And all those scars—could she get passed? Could she get to it before they stopped her? She was on the balls of her feet when two distracting thoughts hit her brain at the same time: Jasper said those scars came from fighting newborns—and most of them didn't live to tell the tale—and red eyes meant human drinkers. And oh god, oh god, it was a human, the smell was a human and she was being pushed through the door by another vampire, and oh god the smell, she had to have her.

She looked into the girl's eyes. She looked like she was about 16, and she was terrified.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god," Bella realised she was saying it out loud, "No, no, no!" She pushed herself back into the corner. Jasper, she needed Jasper! "Please," she cried, "please, please, please, please..."

"Here," Aro said, looking pleased with himself, and taking hold of the girl's arm. "She's for you." He propelled the girl towards her, and she fell to her knees, catching herself on her hands on the stone floor. Instantly the delicious smell, which Bella now realised was her blood, permeated the room even more strongly.

"No, no, no, no... " Bella crouched down in the corner and put her hands over her ears, trying to block the sound of the girl's wet blood flowing around her body.

"What's wrong with her?" One of the other vampires asked

"Bella," Aro said at the same time, "look, she's here for you. She'll make the burn go away. Your throat must be burning fiercely by now." He grabbed the girl by the arm, pulling her up off the ground, and started to drag her towards Bella.

"No!" Bella cried out, and suddenly Aro and the girl were stumbling backwards.

"Che cazzo è?!"* Aro was looking at her like she had grown horns. "Girl, what did you just do?"

Suddenly the blond-haired vampire seemed to lose patience.

"What is wrong with you?" He growled at her, stepping over to Aro and grabbing the girl. He pulled her head back by the hair to expose her neck, and using a sharp fingernail slit her throat open.

"Noooo!" Bella screamed again, but the blood spurted out spraying the room. It didn't make it as far as Bella though. It looked as though it hit a wall and rebounded off it, about two feet from Bella's corner.

Bella crouched down further covering her eyes and ears as best she could and holding her breath. In her head she just pictured Jasper, and chanted his name over and over.

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.

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"I still feel like I'm connected to her," Jasper told Alice, without taking his eyes off the trees outside his window. He'd been standing there for hours—days, probably. He'd lost count. Without Bella's heartbeat to measure the passing of time, what did it matter? Before Alice interrupted him, he'd been counting the individual needles on all the fir trees in sight.

They'd been back in Forks for three days. Bella had been dead, for three days. The thirteenth had come and gone, and Jasper had flipped a metaphorical finger at it. For all he'd worried about it, if she'd survived, that would have been the day her change was complete, after he bit her on Friday. But Bella had died two days early. The thirteenth was nothing but a con, designed to make him think he had some kind of control. He'd had no control.

Jasper hadn't left his room since they arrived.

"I don't feel the way other vampires do when they lose their mates. That emptiness that drives them mad—I've felt it too many times, from others. But this—it's not that, but it's almost worse. It's like she's on the other side of the world, and I can't get to her. It hurts so much. It's not emptiness, it's constant pain. And I do feel the constant pull to go to Italy to avenge her. It's like my whole body is being pulled in that direction, like it's my magnetic north. I've felt that in too many others, too."

"I know," Alice said quietly. "Or, I guess I don't really. You know I haven't been away from Edward since we met—not by more than a few hours run. And even that's uncomfortable, if it's for any length of time.

"But Jasper, maybe the fact that you still feel her means she's already been born again. There's no need for her to wait this time—she knows you're waiting for her."

"You think she knows? You think in between incarnations her soul knows what's happening?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Or God does. Or whoever or whatever keeps sending her back."

They lapsed into silence, and Jasper went back to counting fir needles. It didn't dull the pain, but it helped him resist the pull of Volterra, and certain death along with his revenge.

Downstairs, he could hear Emmett and Edward discussing the best way to track births around the world. He could have told them she was always born on September 13th. And even if Alice was right, and she wouldn't have to wait this time, she would surely be born as physically close to them as possible, so they would only need to track births in Washington, or nearby, for the moment anyway.

Carlisle was on the phone to Billy Black. All four of the wolves who he'd left at Bella's house had been seriously injured in the attack. Two of them, Jake and Embry, had been critical, and would have died without Carlisle's intervention.

Part of Jasper resented that Carlisle had been attending to them while Bella was still alive, and needing help. He'd saved their lives, but at the expense of getting Jasper back together more quickly. Maybe he could have saved Bella, if he'd been revived earlier. He knew Bella wouldn't have wanted that though. Not at the expense of the wolves, who were only there to protect her.

He also resented the Quileutes for refusing to condone her change. They wanted her to die. They needed her fifth life, according to their ridiculous prophecy. Every time he thought about it, he wanted to go destroy some wolves. But again, he knew Bella would be horrified that he even had that thought. Besides, she hadn't _wanted_ to be changed straight away. She'd wanted to spend the time she could with Charlie.

Now, instead of the revenge Jasper craved, Carlisle was warning Billy of Alice's visions. She'd still been getting occasional flashes of an alarming future, though they were all unclear. She hadn't seen Aro there again, not since Bella died. But she was having regular flashes of Maria in the forest.

These visions of Maria were changeable. Sometimes there was more snow, and sometime less. As though Maria hadn't decided just what to do yet. But all were no more than flashes, implying there was something else at play, which led them to suppose that either she had a talented vampire with her, who was obscuring Alice's visions, or possibly that the wolves were somehow still involved. That's why Carlisle was speaking to them now.

.

* * *

*"Che calzone è?" roughly translates as "what the fuck?" Although that's not a literal translation.

* * *

 **.**

 **A/N**

 **A couple of short chapters, I know. But close together! The next chapter (which is not the chapter 3 I had originally written - that's now chapter 4!) is almost complete.**

 **Reviewers make me very happy, and get sneak peaks and sometimes progress updates via PM.**

.

 **Recs**

Please leave them a review, if you visit, and let them know I sent you. :)

.

For starters, here's a Bella/Jasper story, but one that's relatively canon (minus Renesmee) and starts out sometime not too long after Bella's change. In other words, there needs to be some tragedy before it can be Bella/Jasper! I feel like I haven't made you cry enough (or maybe at all) with this story - just think, I could have really killed off Bella (or Jasper) and made you all sob! So this story, well it ends up Bella/Jasper and all happy, but I cried my eyes out with the first chapter! But it's worth it, I promise.

 **Shattered Forever** by Cerianna  
It was supposed to be the "happy ever after," but what if something unexpected interferes? How do you pick up the pieces of a shattered forever? /s/11103691/1/Shattered-Forever

.

Now here's one with magic, but not vamps. It's Bella/Edward, and very sweet, I think. Bit of an antidote to having just reread the first chapter of Shattered Forever! Not sure it has anything to do with Twilight, aside from the names, but that seems to be true of many of the non-vamp fics. It's still fun.

 **Everyday Magic** by: TheFicChick  
The residents of Birch Hollow are used to strange things happening in autumn.  
/s/13108886/1/Everyday-Magic


	31. Part 3: Chapter 3 - Frozen

**31: Part Three, Chapter Three**

 **Word Count: 3097, First Published 9 May, Australian time**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit.**

 **Unbeta'd**

* * *

 **Chapter Three - Frozen**

Time passed slowly. Jasper had moved on to counting blades of grass sometime the day before.

His phone rang. Peter. He sent it to voicemail. It rang again. He threw the phone at the wall, shattering it.

It was all he could do not to head straight for Peter and send him to hell right now.

He _knew_ Peter wouldn't steer him wrong deliberately, but how could he make a mistake of this magnitude? He'd never been wrong before.

Another phone rang, downstairs.

"Peter!" Alice growled in greeting. "You're not too popular around here just now."

"I know." Peter's voice sounded through the phone, and Jasper felt an involuntary growl rumble through his chest. "But I don't know why," he added. "All I know is somethin' has you all in a state of shut down and that if I show up now, Jasper's going to tear me a new one. That if I even _called_ before now, it wouldn't have been pretty. And that you're still going to need us there in a few weeks, anyway. What happened?"

"Bella—" Alice began. Jasper's growl increased in volume, and he heard Alice start to leave the house.

"Victoria arrived unexpectedly..." she was saying, as she raced out of hearing range.

.

"Peter and Charlotte are coming next month, or possibly April," Alice told Carlisle, when she returned to the house. Jasper felt himself growl quietly again.

"Are you sure that's wise?" Carlisle had obviously heard the growl.

"I think it's necessary," she said. "He's not sure exactly when yet, but he knows we'll need them. I told him about my vision—we're guessing he'll be coming the same time as Maria."

"And…" Carlisle hesitated, and Jasper could feel his indecision, as though he were unsure if he should continue. "Did the two of you... Did you come up with any theories as to why his _last_ information was so unhelpful?"

"Ye-es..."Alice replied, hesitantly. "But I'm not sure—Jasper's not going to like it."

"No, I'm sure. But Jasper's not going to be happy regardless, until Bella's reborn, until we find her again. We need as much information about what's coming next as we can get. And that includes figuring out why Peter implied only a week ago that everything would be fine."

"Okay," Alice said. He heard her sit down, and the faint sound of skin on skin that was probably Edward taking her hand. The ache in his chest intensified, if that were possible. God, how he wished he'd just turned Bella the moment he realised who she was. To hold her hand again...just to look at her... He closed his eyes, and focussed on the conversation downstairs. Anything to distract himself from this longing.

"I told Peter about the Quileute prophecy," Alice was saying. "And we think—that is, we wondered if maybe Peter's _knowing_ didn't save Bella because...well, because she actually needed to die one more time."

Jasper was down the stairs heading for Alice before he knew he was going to move, his guttural growl now at a higher volume. How dare she?

Before he could reach Alice, Edward was up and in front of her, crouched defensively. "Back off!" he snarled. Behind him, Alice stood too, and it was her heartbroken expression and feelings of complete remorse that reached Jasper, more than Edward's protective stance.

"I'm sorry," she said to Jasper, peering around Edward as he straightened up. "I know that sounds heartless. But she's special, Jasper. She's been reincarnated multiple times, she's the subject of a prophecy, for goodness' sake! So what if the prophecy's right? What if it's important to more than just the Quileute's?"

Jasper closed his eyes, and backed away. Could she be right? Was Bella not reincarnated to be with him, but for some other purpose? It hurt, to think that she wasn't just his.

"She wasn't reincarnated multiple times to fulfil that prophecy," Emmett said, speaking for the first time into the tense silence. Jasper opened his eyes and looked at him, tasting the certainty in his emotions, tempered by his every present compassion. "Rose and I didn't have a chance to really get to know her, but it was clear she was completely besotted with you, Jasper. And everything you guys told us about her dreams, and the other times she came back, so close to meeting you, or Carlisle at least, that wasn't anything to do with the Quileutes."

"Besides," Rose added, "prophecies are supposed to foretell what's going to happen—or what might happen—they're not prescriptions for what _should_ happen."

"We did have one other idea," Alice said, tentatively, sitting back down, and pulling Edward with her. "But I don't really think—well, anyway. It was just—what if you'd changed her earlier, and then Victoria got to her as a vampire? And what if those of us who believe we lose our souls when we change, what if they're right? And then she wouldn't have been able to come back!"

"That actually makes some sense," Edward said slowly, but Jasper didn't agree. Bella would never lose her soul, just because she became a vampire. He just didn't believe it. Besides, that wouldn't explain why Peter wasn't able to warn them about Victoria's attack.

.

Jasper stared out the window, trying to ignore the ache in his chest, along with the pull towards Italy and revenge.

He had already made the decision to leave for Volterra on three separate occasions since his first desperate attempt, but each time Alice talked him down.

"But what if you're wrong?" he'd all but shouted at her, the first time. "What if she's still alive? Still changing? She needs me to be there when she wakes up!"

It hadn't occurred to him, in the first shock of Alice's announcement, that she could be wrong. That his mate may still live. But Alice hadn't actually seen her die. Yes, she'd seen Marcus bite her, but she hadn't seen what came after. She hadn't seen them burn her body. Not having any personal knowledge of the Volturi, Alice couldn't see them either, once Bella and Victoria were gone. But what if there was another explanation?

"I'm not wrong, Jazz," Alice replied quietly. "She's completely disappeared from my visions. She has no future. That only ever happens when someone dies. And if you go to Volterra, your future disappears, too."

"But you don't actually see me die."

"All I see is, one moment you're approaching Aro, looking furious, the next you're gone." Alice looked sad, and he could feel her desperation to convince him. "Don't do it, Jasper! Bella is going to need you when she's born again. Which she may have already been. We don't know what will happen if you die too, but there's no guarantee that things will still work out. We don't even know for sure if we still have souls to be reborn. You can't assume you wouldn't be leaving her permanently."

"But what if you're wrong?" he'd asked her again the next time she'd had to talk him down.

"Okay," she'd said that time, taking a rational approach to convince him. "What if I am wrong? That means the Volturi decided to let her live; to let her change. That means she's safe right? Of course, it's not ideal for you not to be there when she wakes up. But she's safe, and eventually-probably sooner, rather than later-she's going to contact you."

"But what if they treat her the way I was treated as a newborn? What if she doesn't remember anything?"

"Jasper! The Volturi are not Maria. You know that! They're not going to hold her against her will, and they're certainly not going to try to turn her into a mindless soldier."

"They'll make her feed on humans though."

"Yes," she said sadly. "They will do that."

They'd lapsed into a melancholy silence for a few minutes, before Alice had started up again.

"But just think about it rationally, Jazz. If she's dead, and you go there, you'll attack them and be killed. You know you will. Then you won't be here for her when she's reborn. If she's alive, and you don't go there, she'll eventually contact you, or just show up here. Even in the worst case, where she didn't remember you, you know she'll be drawn here by your bond, eventually. As a vampire, she won't be able to resist it, not with her mate being a vampire too."

The third time he'd decided to go to Volterra anyway, despite all Alice's rational arguments against it, she'd brought Carlisle up to work on him.

"What about this Jasper," he'd said, "we'll deal with the threat posed by Maria coming to Forks, which we honestly need you here for, and then I'll go to Volterra myself. I shouldn't be in any danger. Even if Victoria convinced Aro that we'd broken the law by keeping Bella alive, as soon as he touches my hand, he'll know the truth of our intentions. What do your visions say about that, Alice?" he added, turning to the small vampire.

Alice stood still for a few moments, allowing her eyes to glaze over as she searched for a vision. She frowned. "I can't see anything," she said. "Are you absolutely decided to go?"

Carlisle frowned too. "Absolutely," he said. "What does that mean, then?" he added absently, almost to himself.

That had started a whole conversation about the future and Alice's visions. Her fragmented visions of Maria and her army had disappeared since the wolves had decided to help, but before that they'd become more and more disturbing, as she'd started to get a better handle on the numbers Maria was bringing with her, and her visions had moved from fragments of Maria arriving in the clearing, to fragments of the Cullens fighting her army.

It had all remained fairly blurry, and she couldn't get any sense at all of who lived or died or who won the battle, which they assumed was because there were too many variables, particularly during the battle itself.

Peter had assured them it would turn out in their favour, as long as they asked both the Denalis and the wolves for help, and of course, with Peter and Charlotte's help too. He couldn't guarantee that none of them would die though, and besides, Peter's assurances didn't hold quite the same weight with the Cullens that they had before Victoria's success.

So did Alice's inability to find a vision of Carlisle in Volterra mean he would not be around, after the battle, to go to Italy at all?

"I don't _think_ that's it," Alice said slowly, thinking it through. "You know I've still been getting the occasional glimpses of all of us in the weeks after the battle. Nothing concrete-they all have the blurry quality of futures that are possible, but by no means certain. So they don't prove any one of us will survive. But if it's even a possibility, I should be able to get at least a glimpse of Carlisle in Volterra, and I get nothing."

"Maybe it's good news then," Carlisle had concluded. "Perhaps it means we'll have found the next incarnation of Bella by then anyway, and so there'll be no need for me to go."

.

A detached part of Jasper's brain knew that he should be putting time into training his family, and the wolves, in preparation for Maria's attack. He'd given them some basic training for dealing with newborns before Victoria came, but it hadn't stopped two of the wolves from almost dying in that attack.

His family had intercepted some other vampires Victoria had sent as a decoy to attack the Cullen's house, and they had handled them easily enough, but she had kept the bulk of her army with her.

Maria's army would be much better trained, and from what Alice had seen, much bigger.

Peter had promised to arrive in plenty of time for the fight, but the Cullen's should be training now. None of them had any experience of this sort of fight. And Jasper knew, somewhere deep down, that he cared very much about his family. And that despite everything, Bella cared very much about for the wolves. For some of them anyway. And that should matter to him.

But if he let himself feel anything at all, he wasn't sure he could control himself.

Every time emotion had broken through since Bella's death, he'd tried to attack someone. And he was only just keeping the pull to Volterra under control. He'd seen more than one vampire go mad with grief after losing their mate, the hunger for revenge the only thing to keep them even slightly functional, until it was completed. Many died in the attempt at revenge, and those who succeeded found another way to die quickly after their revenge was complete.

And Edward and Alice had been right. He had promised Bella he would wait for her. Even if the Bella who came back wouldn't be quite the same, wouldn't remember that promise. He had to be there for her. This time he would keep her safe.

If he let himself feel now, that wouldn't happen. Instead, he was sure he'd find himself in Italy before he knew what he was doing, possibly with one of more of the Cullens injured in his flight.

Better to just count the blades of grass one more time.

.

Jasper's resolution was put to the test only a day later, when Charlie came to visit, one week after Victoria's attack. Charlie's grief was palpable, far more so than any of the Cullens', and almost tipped Jasper over the edge. He gritted his teeth together and closed his eyes, focussing on holding his body still. He wanted to send Charlie some peace and comfort, but it was all he could do not to flood the house with anguish instead.

As far as Charlie was aware, Bella and Jasper both died in the house fire. Although no remains had been recovered, Sue told him and the investigating police that Jasper had returned after she arrived, unable to bring himself to spend even the day at school. She had stepped out of the house to accept some chicken broth from Esme, who had driven over with the meal but wasn't staying, when there was a huge explosion, they thought from the basement, and the house had quickly been engulfed in flames.

The small amount of truth to the story was that Sue had been in the house when Victoria attacked, and was on the verge of being attacked herself, by one of the newborns, when the remaining wolves and then the Cullens had shown up and brought the fighting to an end. It had been Esme who saved her from the newborn intent on making a meal of her.

The Cullen's had quickly decided to stage Jasper's death in the fire, as well as Bella's, knowing that even if they were able to recover Bella, she was changing, and would need to go somewhere far away, and Jasper with her.

The explosion was also real, after Edward tampered with the gas connection in the basement, and they set fire to a venom covered vampire limb and threw it into the house. It had been a balancing act then between calling the fire brigade and having the house burned sufficiently quickly to hide both the vampire remains, and the lack of human remains.

Luckily, none of the neighbours seemed to have reported the noise of the fight with the newborns as having started well before the explosion. Everyone was in too much shock at the sudden deaths, to make reliable witnesses.

Charlie had been staying with Sue, and was in a state of shock and grief himself, but they had agreed to have a joint memorial service for the young lovers. Renee and Phil were flying up on Sunday, and the service was scheduled for Tuesday. Carlisle and Charlie had so far been discussing details by phone, but today the funeral director wanted to meet with them together, and as Carlisle couldn't go to the reservation, they had had to invite Charlie to come to them.

As the familiar sound of the cruiser approached, Rose knocked on Jasper's door and let herself in. Since she was supposed to be his sister by birth, she should be the most grief-stricken member of their family, and of course, having known Bella hardly at all, she was actually the least affected. She was hurting for Jasper himself, he knew, but she didn't personally miss Bella, and relied on her reincarnation to eventually make her family whole again.

Jasper had heard the family discussion about managing him while Charlie was there. What if he had a meltdown and appeared just when he shouldn't? Carlisle had wanted to send him hunting, but Alice had emphatically assured him that wasn't going to happen. He wasn't ready to leave the house.

"I don't think he'll move from his room anyway," she'd said, "but maybe someone should stay with him, just in case." So Rose had been elected.

He tried to melt himself from his statue-state to speak to her, but his throat was frozen, holding in the sobs. If he spoke now, he would break down.

He hadn't spoken since Alice had had to talk him down from his last decision to go to Italy, two days ago. A decision he didn't even realise he'd made, until she came barrelling into the room, dragging Carlisle with her, after having another vision of him going after Aro. Strange that it was Aro she kept seeing him attack, and not Marcus. But perhaps they knew better than to let him anywhere near the vampire who had killed his mate.

"Charlie's here," Rose said, bringing him, unwillingly, back to the present.

He nodded slightly, but didn't look at her. He could smell Charlie, as well as feeling his emotions. Having not hunted in more than a week, the scent of human blood should have made the burn flare in his throat. But instead, it simply reminded him of Bella. Their scents were as similar as their quiet temperaments. What would the next Bella smell like, he wondered? Would she smell the same? Who would her parents be?

The funeral director arrived next. Her scent did make the burn in his throat worse, and he welcomed the very slight distraction from his thoughts, as he listened to them plan the funeral.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Sorry for the delay, particular to those to whom I sent a review reply saying I'd try to get it up last week! May is a super busy month for me, workwise, so the next one will probably take just as long.**

 **Thanks so much to all the readers and *** **especially** * **reviewers who are still with me.**

I don't actually check my reader stats very often, because it just makes me crazy when I see hundreds or in some cases thousands of people have looked at each chapter, and only maybe 40 of them have said ever hello. What the?

Say hello people! You don't need to log in (though maybe leave a name/username, so I know who you are if you come back?), and you don't need to actually "review" (is that word be a stumbling block?) but say hi!

 **In fact, how about this? Whether you are a regular reviewer or not, and whether you are logged in or not, this chapter, leave a comment telling me where in the world you are, and what time it is there when you are reading? (I'm in Canberra, Australia, and it's 5:43 pm as I post this.)**

.

 **Recs**

Please leave them a review, if you visit, and let them know I sent you. :)

.

First, this is a one shot, utterly beautiful and utterly awful at the same time. All human.

 **Forward,** by GoEunAh

Isabella must accept the truth that her husband was lost in battle during World War II. Time has moved on, but each day she is forced to take a step further from the man she promised to wait for. The same man that was there for her during her darkest times, was now asking her to wait for him in his own dark days. /s/13270408/1/Forward

.

Now, here's a rec for a totally different young adult series, three books published, the fourth (and final) due out in, I think July. I've absolutely loved the first three (as has my daughter). I've started writing fan fiction in my head while I wait for the next book. :)

 **The Spoken Mage series** by Melanie Cellier

The first book is called **Voice of Power:**

In Elena's world words have power over life and death-but none more so than hers

As the daughter of shopkeepers, Elena has always known that the mysteries of reading and writing were closed to her. Only the mageborn can risk harnessing the power unleashed from putting pen to paper. Until Elena discovers an impossible new ability and joins the elite ranks of the mages.

But with the kingdom at war, the authorities can't agree if Elena is an asset, or a threat they need to eliminate. Thrust into the unknown world of the Royal Academy without friends or experience, Elena will need all of her wits, strength, and new power to carve a place for herself.

Except as the attacks become more personal, wits and strength won't be enough. Elena will have to turn to new friends and an enigmatic prince to unlock the mysterious potential of her words and survive her first year as a trainee mage.

Find it on Amazon by searching for Melanie Cellier, or go to melaniecellier dot com/spokenmage/


	32. Part 3: Chapter 4 - Breaking

**32: Part Three, Chapter Four**

 **Word Count: 2983, First Published 30 May, Australian time**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit.**

 **Unbeta'd**

* * *

 **Chapter Four – Breaking**

A week after Bella's change was complete, she still hadn't fed, and Marcus was getting worried. Every day they took another human into her room and slit their throat, though not in such dramatic fashion as Caius had done the first time. Every day, some other vampire ended up feeding—no point wasting good blood, as Caius had pointed out. And it wasn't as though they could be released anyway after being shown Volterra and all its glories, as Aro pointed out to Bella on the second day, trying to coax her to feed. She wasn't saving any lives.

But all the girl did was crouch in her corner, whimpering her mate's name. Her dead mate, although they hadn't told her that yet. Frankly, he wasn't sure if she was going to survive. An unstable vampire was a dead vampire, of necessity.

But Aro was convinced that with such a powerful shield, she was eventually going to be invaluable to them. And as for Marcus himself...well, there was a reason he'd injected more venom into her, to ensure her change was complete. He just couldn't quite decide what that reason was yet.

He could no longer see her bonds at all—they'd been completely blocked to him since the moment his venom entered her system. But he felt sure they were still there and as strong as anything he'd ever seen.

Today's feeding efforts had gone just like the previous six, but as on every other day, he had gone back once the blood was all cleared away, to try to talk to her again. She had been so lucid and controlled in the beginning. She was still controlled—supremely so—in the one area most newborns were weakest in. But as far as holding a conversation—that seemed to be beyond her. Although perhaps that was a choice on her part, it was impossible to say. If only they could simply send for Jasper Whitlock.

Of course, Marcus was well aware that Aro would have done everything he could do avoid that anyway. He wanted her for the guard. He did not want Carlisle Cullen or any of his coven walking in and snatching her away. And despite what Marcus had shown him of her bonds, he simply didn't believe her human bonds would have come through her change with any strength. He insisted that if they could just get her to feed, she would come to embrace her new life, and forget the old. Marcus disagreed, but it didn't much signify, sadly, since her mate was dead.

He hoped her bonds _hadn't_ come through the change intact, but given what he'd seen when she was already a day into changing, not to mention the way Jasper seemed to be the only thing she could think about—that seemed unlikely.

.

When another week passed with no progress, Marcus decided it was time to consider other options.

"Aro," he said "I think we should consider bringing in animal blood."

But both Aro and Caius were adamant that no newborn in Volterra would start her life on animal blood.

"It was one thing to tolerate Carlisle's choice in this matter," Aro said, "but this is a newborn vampire in our care—and frankly she was barely more than a child as a human. She needs to be given a proper understanding of her place in the world as a vampire—and one with Volturi venom running through her veins no less. Don't worry. She'll break eventually. It's only a matter of time."

.

Three weeks was Marcus's breaking point.

.

Bella gritted her teeth. There were three vampires approaching her door, she could hear and smell them—no-one new, but there was a new smell. There was a heartbeat too, they must be bringing another human already. God, she didn't know how much longer she could hold out. The burn in her throat was all consuming. She closed her eyes and held her breath. It was too late, though, the smell—different as it was—had already done its work, making the burn flare up worse than ever.

She focussed on strengthening her shield, trying to extend it as far from her body as she could. The further away they were when they slit the human's neck, the more easily she could resist.

She could hear Aro's voice in her head, from previous ordeals. "Why do you keep resisting young one? They are going to die either way, you are just wasting their blood for no good reason.

"I know Carlisle has inculcated you with his strange habits, but they're not natural. We are natural predators. They are our food source. This is just the cycle of life. Really, there's no reason for you to deny yourself like this."

Stop it! She told herself. You can do this. Think of Jasper! Jasper worked so hard to resist! And he said it's much harder once you've tasted human blood. He wouldn't want this for you. He would want you to hold on. It won't save this one's life, but it will save lives in the future.

She focussed back on the shield, going over and over it in her mind. Weeks of this same process assured her that no one could break through to her—god knows they'd tried often enough to begin with. But it helped her to focus on something other than the flames in her throat.

.

As he stepped into the room, Marcus heard a low, continuous growl coming from the girl. He stepped forward and realised her shield was even further into the room than before. She should be getting weaker by now. Three weeks without feeding was unheard of in a newborn. In fact, the only vampire he had ever heard of doing it was Carlisle and he honestly doubted even he could have resisted humans whose throats were cut in front of him, day after day.

There was no doubt the girls' shield helped, but it was clear that it didn't block scent or sound, from the expression on her face.

"Bella," he said gently, "open your eyes, _passerotta_ , and see what I've brought you."

The girl's growls increased, her hands and eyes clenching more tightly.

Marcus sighed.

"Little one," he said, "it is not human. Use your senses. Listen. The heartbeat is faster than a human's. Smell it—the scent is far less appealing. In fact, to me it is entirely unappealing, but given how thirsty you must be, I imagine it is still very pleasant to you."

As he spoke, he saw her take a breath and slowly she seemed to relax a little until she finally opened her eyes just as he stopped speaking. They were almost completely black, despite her own newborn blood that should be keeping them red. He was right then, using her shield was taking her energy. She glanced at him briefly, before turning her attention to the vampire beside him, and the large deer she was holding.

Suddenly, the girl darted towards them, and Marcus felt himself thrown against the wall.

What on earth? He looked back and saw her, crouched over the deer sucking the blood from its torn neck, though a fair amount was escaping onto the floor and into the girl's clothes as well. Meanwhile, he felt himself held against the wall by an invisible force, as were the two he'd brought with him.

"Amazing," he breathed.

When she had drained the deer completely, she retreated back into her corner, leaving the deer carcass on the floor, and releasing them from her shield.

She closed her eyes again, but glanced up when he spoke to her. Her eyes were still dark, though lighter than they had been. She would need more blood soon. Unfortunately, deer were far harder to come by in Italy than tourists.

"Bella," he said softly, stepping closer until he again came up against her shield, "I know you don't want to feed from humans. I'm sorry I let this go on for so long. Aro was determined, Caius even more so but... on this occasion I overruled them."

"On this occasion?" She questioned, her voice light and clear, as though she hadn't spent the past three weeks doing nothing but growl at anyone who came near. "Meaning the humans will start again tomorrow?"

"No, piccolina, no more humans. On this occasion meaning: in your case. I changed you, you know, and that gives me certain-"

"No!" She interjected ferociously. "Jasper changed me! Jasper! Not you. Not Victoria! Jasper."

"Shh... you're right. It was Jasper's venom that started your changed. Aro saw that in Victoria's memories. But Bella, Victoria ripped you away from him before he could inject enough venom. You lost a lot of blood, and by the time you got here your heart rate was very slow. I was afraid you would die before the change was complete, so I injected more venom."

She was running her fingers over the crescent shaped scar just inside her left elbow, looking away again. "That's why there are so many of these," she said quietly.

"Yes," Marcus agreed, matter-of-factly. "I bit you several times to ensure you would change in time. That one though, and the mark on your neck—" She put her fingers up to the scar automatically. "Those are Jasper's—I knew you wouldn't want them obscured."

He was silent for a moment, watching her fingers slide back and forth over her dead mate's mark.

"Thank you," she said quietly, without looking back up at him.

"You're very welcome. Listen, Bella—" he broke off, not really sure what he wanted to say.

"Why?" She said suddenly, looking up at him again. "Why did you do it?"

"Why did I change you?"

"Yes."

"You were dying, Bella."

"So? I was just another stupid human. Food. Why would it possibly matter to you if I died?"

"I don't really know," he said. "It was an impulse. Instinct, if you like. And if you knew me, you'd know I don't act on impulse. Not for centuries. So, I don't know. Except—"

"Yes?"

Marcus suddenly became aware of their audience. He had brought two strong members of the guard with him, as was customary when dealing with a newborn. But the bond he felt with this girl—he felt sure she wouldn't attack him. But it was a strange feeling, and one he didn't want to discuss in front of the guard.

He turned around, disregarding another rule about newborns.

"Felix, Ariana, dispose of that deer and bring another two."

"But, Master -"

"I'll be fine, Felix. Go now."

"Yes, Master."

The two vampires took the deer and left. Marcus turned back to Bella finally. He sat on the floor, facing her, as close as her shield would allow.

She looked at him curiously but remained mute.

"I don't know how much you know about us, Bella—"

"About vampires?"

"Well, that too," he said, "but I meant us—the Volturi—do you know who we are?"

"Sort of," she said. "You're like, the governing body for vampires, right? Carlisle has a painting of you on his wall."

"Does he? The Solimena I presume. I'd wondered what happened to that."

"Yes. It's of Carlisle, and three vampires he said were the three leaders. You're one of them."

"And what else do you know about us?"

"Not much," she said. "Jasper—" her breath caught on the name and she paused for a moment. Did she know he was dead? She must at least suspect, he supposed. "Jasper said that once he told me what he was, it meant he would have to change me—that if he didn't I, as well as his family, would be at risk from the Volturi." He nodded, but she was still speaking. "Victoria said—oh my god, you didn't, did you? Please tell me you didn't hurt them!"

"No, Bella, we haven't acted against the Cullens, if that is what you mean."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank god," she said. "Victoria said you would kill them, for keeping a human alive—but you have to understand, they were always going to change me!"

"It's okay, Bella, Aro gleaned as much from Victoria's memories. What was less obvious to her, because she was so lost in vengeance, was quite clear to us."

"Good," she said. "But—where is Victoria?"

"She's dead."

"What?" She looked shocked. "I mean, not that I'm sorry, but—what happened?"

"She left a small army of newborns completely unsupervised while she escaped with you. Aro ordered her executed almost as soon as he read her memories."

"He read her memories?"

"Yes. Aro can read not just your current thoughts, like the young Edward Cullen, but every thought you've ever had, with one touch." Marcus decided not to mention yet that he couldn't read her. He watched her process that idea, until another thought obviously occurred to her.

"Oh my god! My dad! Who—I mean—what happened to the newborns? Did you—did they—?"

"Calm down, _passerotta_ , they are taken care of."

"So you did send someone to Forks?" She seemed disturbed by the idea, but he couldn't tell why.

"No," he said slowly, and watched as her shoulders slumped with relief. "We checked the news reports. There was a house destroyed by fire, and neighbours said they'd heard an explosion before fire broke out. There were two deaths reported, but not your father. I assume he is the chief of police?"

"Yes," she said. "But he's alright?"

"Yes, he was specifically mentioned in the article, as it was his house. I understand he was not there when Victoria attacked."

"No, he was at work."

"Ah. And I gather the Cullen's were also largely absent."

"They were hunting," she said.

"Leaving you alone? Were they unaware Victoria was hunting you?"

"Jake was there!" She said defensively. "And Jasper wasn't far!"

"Too far to be of much use, apparently. And Jake is?"

"He's a...a friend," she said looking away from him again.

"Ah," he said again. "The wolf then."

"What?" She stared at him. "How did you—?"

"You forget. Victoria's memories." He wondered if she would realise that he hadn't mentioned _her_ memories. "She claimed that the Cullen's had been working with werewolves. Is that why you were concerned about us sending someone to Forks?"

"I—yes." She looked down again, and he wondered if there was more she was hiding. "Carlisle said Caius wouldn't like it."

"Carlisle was right. And had your friend been an actual werewolf, Victoria would have been right to assume we would act. But he was plainly working rationally, with Jasper, to protect you, and not during a full moon either. That's not a werewolf. I presume he's a Native American shapeshifter."

"Yes," she said slowly, looking back at him. "So—are they common then?"

"Not at all. We were unaware there were any left. Aro is quite interested."

She stiffened again. Definitely concerned then. "But there is no law against forming alliances with them, so Carlisle is quite safe."

She was quiet again, and he just watched, allowing her to process all the new information he'd given her. He knew she would have more questions for him. He wasn't disappointed when she spoke up again less than a minute later.

"But you said—there were two deaths reported?"

"Yes."

"So, one of them was me? They would have had to come up with a cover story. And who else? Victoria? No, that wouldn't make sense."

"No, _piccolina_ , not Victoria."

"Not one of the wolves?"

"Bella," he said gently, "I'm not sure if you realise—but you must know, you need to understand—" He paused. "Bella, Jasper—"

"No!" She said, glaring at him. "No! Don't even say it. I know what you're going to say, but it's not true, it can't be true. I won't believe it!"

"Bella—"

"No!" She repeated. "I would know! I would feel it! I know what you think. It was just him and a few wolves against all those newborns, and Jake was already injured...But he's fine. Jasper is fine.

"Bella, I'm truly sorry, I am. But Victoria saw him being ripped apart."

"No," she said again, though it came out more as a moan this time. "He was experienced with newborn armies," she said. "They couldn't have hurt him."

"He was trying to save you Bella. He did save you. But he couldn't defend himself properly at the same time."

"No, no, stop it!" she said. "Just stop it!" Her shoulders hunched as she seemed to fold in on herself, and suddenly her shield expanded and he was pushed almost to the wall again. "Go away!" she sobbed out. "Just stop it and go away!"

"Bella—" But a high keening sound was coming from her now, and as she rocked back and forth, head buried in her arms, her shield kept expanding. Marcus decided it was time to make a strategic exit out the door, before her shield trapped him completely. He could always push a hole through the wall, but it wouldn't be his ideal method of escape.

Aro was waiting for him in the hallway. "Was it wise to inform her that her mate was dead while you were alone with her, brother?" The keening sound increased in intensity and volume and Marcus hissed, dragging Aro further away before answering.

"I thought she deserved to be told without an audience," he finally said.

"And that clearly went well," Aro said dryly.

"I would say it went as well as could be expected," Marcus replied. "I've sent Felix and Ariana out for more deer. They should be back within another hour or so. I'm hopeful that feeding again will help her regain control."

* * *

 _passerotta = little sparrow_

 _piccolina = little one_

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Firstly, I was so stoked to get recommended on TwiFandomNews dot com this week! Totally made my day. Thank you!**

 **Secondly, I wrote the first draft of this chapter (and most of chapter 1 of part 3) over two years ago, when I had only drafted a few scenes of part 1, so it's exciting to finally get to post it.**

On the other hand, I am posting now despite not being as far ahead of here (in my draft) as I like to be before I post. I hope I don't regret it! But I didn't want to leave you hanging any more, and I think I am coming down with the dreaded lurgy (is that a term you use in America? or elsewhere in the world that's not Australia?), so I thought I'd better get it up!

 **Thanks so much to everyone who left a comment last chapter! It's so lovely to hear from you.**

 **Now I have a question –** this is really for those people who don't often review, but those of you who do are welcome to chime in anyway... **Is it the word "review" that puts you off?**

Most so-called "reviewers" aren't really reviewing, they are just leaving a comment – sometime encouraging, sometimes engaging in criticism, sometimes just a smiley face! But I think the word "review" put me off, when I first started reading fan fiction, and I wouldn't comment unless I had something review-worthy to say.

Just wondering if that's a common thing?

 **(As always, sneak peaks and progress updates to everyone who does leave a comment!)**

.

 **Recs**

Please leave them a comment, if you visit, and let them know I sent you. :)

.

First, a Jasper/Bella WIP that I discovered this week, and am really enjoying...

 **I Thought I Knew** by dll10

A vampire's nature is so fixed, unchanging. What happens when unparalleled trust is placed in the face of the ultimate betrayal? Is it enough to alter the course of things, and what everyone thought they knew? A retelling of Breaking Dawn where Edward's reaction to Bella's pregnancy causes her to turn to Jasper for protection and find love in a very unlikely place. /s/13265748/1/I-Thought-I-Knew [Bella, Jasper] [Alice, Seth]

.

And here's a fun Edward/Bella fic, in which the Cullens are vampires and arrive in Forks as usual...but Bella is a ghost!

 **Romance** **Is** **Dead** by Kat097

Bella had a feeling that she was going to die young. She just didn't expect to be a ghost afterwards but these things happen. So do vampires, who can not only see you but take an interest in your afterlife. "You're **dead**." "So are you. What's your point?" /s/5589439/1/Romance-Is-Dead


	33. Pt3:Ch5 - Sanity is a Double Edged Sword

**33: Part Three, Chapter Five**

 **Word Count: 3389, First Published 27 August, Australian time**

 **And as always, thanks to Ms Meyer for permission to play with her characters and mess up her sand pit.**

 **Unbeta'd**

 **.**

 **Author Note:**

I'm so sorry this has taken soooo long, especially to those reviewers I sent a preview to maybe a month or more ago saying I hoped to get it out in the next week or two. Life has been hectic and I have been sick – and/or travelling – for most of August. I don't even remember back before that.

And every time I have sat down at my desk to get this up, I realise I have other urgent work things to do. The downside of working for one's self...

I was hoping to get it to a point where the rest was all drafted and just needed a final edit, so I could go back to publishing every week, before I posted this chapter. Unfortunately, I am sorry to say it is not at that point, but I couldn't keep you hanging anymore. I am actually quick sick at the moment, but this chapter was just waiting for me to update it with some edits I made on a printed copy, so I judged that was just about within my brain capacity. Of course, I then made other changes as I went, so hopefully I didn't stuff anything up!

So without further ado...

* * *

 **Chapter Five – Sanity is a Double-Edged Sword**

During Bella's fourth week as a vampire she fed every day, always with Marcus's company, sometimes with Aro or Caius watching on as well. The latter two were still grumbling about Marcus's decision to feed her animal blood, but he as he didn't seem worried by them, Bella decided that she shouldn't be either.

They had carefully failed to mention Jasper again, but Bella never stopped thinking about him. If he was still alive, he would come for her, she was sure of it. Unless he thought she was dead...But Alice would have seen, wouldn't she? She never could see Bella's future very clearly, but she could certainly tell the difference between alive and dead!

But if Jasper truly was dead...How would she know? Would the Cullen's come for her? Or would they blame her? Or even if they didn't blame her, maybe they had simply decided she was fine where she was, and no longer their responsibility?

But she refused to believe Jasper could really be dead. He had said a vampire who lost her mate would go crazy with grief. That the pain of the loss eclipsed any rational thought. And while she was aware that her emotions were somewhat out of control, she didn't think she was crazy. But maybe she wouldn't feel that until she knew for sure? The way Jasper had described it, she thought it was an almost physical pain. Like the effect of a physical bond being broken. But maybe it was solely on an emotional level, and as long as she had hope, she wouldn't feel it. In which case her hope itself was providing her sense of hope, in—what would that be? The opposite of a vicious cycle? So how could she know?

She did have an aching pain in her chest, where her heart used to beat, and a similar burn in her throat. The latter was softened by drinking blood, though it never quite went away. But the burn in her chest never changed. She felt constantly as though something was trying to pull her heart right out of her body, as though that last enormous beat it has given had never allowed it to settle back into place.

But she didn't think she was crazy. Victoria was dead, so maybe that helped. And maybe... if he _was_ dead... But she felt herself starting to hyperventilate just thinking those words. No, no, no, she thought. He wasn't dead. He couldn't be. Be calm. Be calm. Be calm.

He _would_ come for her! He must. And if—don't think it Bella—okay, if things were worse than she imagined, he would be born again, just like she had been. She took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Of course, breathing was completely irrelevant now, so why she hyperventilated when she got upset, she didn't know. But it had happened once or twice a day for the past week, and she was starting to get a better grasp on how to calm herself down. Mind over matter. Deep breathing gave her something to focus on, even if it did nothing to the oxygen levels in her body. (And Marcus had assured her she didn't need oxygen anymore.)

But why hadn't he come for her yet? If he was alive, he must know where she was, Alice would have seen. But maybe if he came to Volterra there would be a bad outcome? Maybe there were things he didn't want Aro to know. No, nothing would have stopped him, nothing except...Deep breath. Deep breath.

She needed to stop going over and over this in her head. She needed to just get out of here and go home. If he was alive, there was a reason he hadn't come. If he—if he wasn't...she needed to be there for when he came back.

Next time Marcus came, she would tell him. She needed to leave.

.

But the next time Marcus came, he brought Aro and Caius with him again, along with Felix and Ariana who both carried deer. She could hear their flying heartbeats when they were still minutes away. She'd learned to estimate how long they would take to arrive by the sound of those heartbeats, but she had no real concept of the actual distance.

She had yet to leave the room she'd completed her change in. Aro euphemistically called it "waking up", as though burning alive in any way resembled sleep! She wished they would let her out. Really, if she _was_ a little crazy, spending four weeks in one room, unable even to lose herself in sleep, was surely sufficient excuse!

She did have access to an ensuite bathroom, thankfully, with both shower and bath. She spent a significant amount of time in there after each feeding frenzy left her covered in blood. The rest of her time was spent lost in her memories, going over and over the ones she wanted to retain, of both the lifetimes she remembered.

"Bella!" Aro exclaimed, as he walked through the door ahead of his fellow leaders, just as though he was surprised to find her there.

"The one and only," she replied, wryly. She could smell the deer now, but she was determined to maintain some level of control this time. The last time Aro and Caius had accompanied Marcus to see her, she had thrown them all against the wall with her shield somehow leaving the deer inside it, and then proceeded to tear both the deer's heads off and lose half their blood to the floor. They had been talking about Jasper as they approached, and she had felt completely out of control.

Marcus had been working with her though, and she knew that if she couldn't show she had some control, she would never get out of this room.

Caius and then Marcus entered behind Aro, followed by Felix and Ariana. Bella gritted her teeth and held her breath, desperately controlling the urge to leap for the deer they carried. The deer themselves were still and silent, except for the racing heartbeats, and the blood rushing around their bodies. They were always like that by the time they got to her, Marcus said they were beyond the point of struggling, having let go of their animal version of hope. She thought it was more likely they were physically in shock.

Ariana looked wary, but Felix grinned at her. "Not going to yank 'em out of our hands this time, then?" he asked.

She clenched her fists, but didn't answer, as to do so would have meant taking a breath.

"Never mind," Felix said cheerfully. He tossed her the deer he was holding, which she caught mid-air. Growling uncontrollably, she retreated to her corner with the deer and bit into its neck.

She felt her shield activate as her eyes closed in bliss. There was nothing, nothing in her prior experience that came close to the satisfaction of drinking blood. She had already forgotten what chocolate tasted like, but she knew it was nothing like this good.

Actually, that wasn't quite right. The deer's blood didn't _taste_ good, exactly, but the feel of it going down her throat... It wasn't just that it soothed the burn. She suspected it was like the feeling a junkie got when they finally got their next high. Relieving the pain, and feeling _amazing_ at the same time. All too soon the deer was dry, and the burn in her throat was only slightly relieved.

She looked up, still growling, and Ariana tossed her the second deer. Her shield automatically let it through—she didn't _do_ anything to make it happen—but she knew it was still up and protecting her, and her prey, from the other vampires. She made short work of the second deer, and felt almost too full by the time she was done. Sloshy. But the burn in her throat was down to a very dull ache, though the ecstasy of the drug was already fading. The pain in her chest was, as always, unchanged. She wondered if that was the difference between animal blood and human blood?

Hopefully, she would never find out.

"Well," Aro said, approvingly, "that was a much more pleasant display than the last time we visited."

"Less unpleasant, I would say," Caius said.

"Indeed," was Aro's only response.

"Bella," Marcus began, more gently. "Could you let Felix in to take away the carcases?"

She took a breath and moved away from the deer. Marcus had been attempting, after each time she fed, to help her control her shield. But she still didn't know quite _how_ she turned it on or off. It just happened.

"Well, young Bella, that was indeed a more controlled display than we have yet seen from you. For a newborn of four weeks old, you are doing very well. I think it might be time we brought you out to begin training with the guard. Has Marcus explained to you your place, within our little community?"

Bella's eyes flicked to Marcus. What was that supposed to mean? She instinctively trusted Marcus more than either Aro or Caius, and didn't want to give the wrong answer. She rather thought this was a conversation she'd rather have just with Marcus, but Aro was not going to let that happen.

"I'll take that as a no then, shall I?"

"I'm not sure what you mean," she admitted.

"Well, my dear, Marcus changed you." She growled lowly, but otherwise held her piece. "That gives you a certain...standing, within the Volturi. Anyone changed by one of the rulers has a place with us by default, but in your case... well Marcus hasn't changed anyone in a _very_ long time. However, you still need to earn your place within the guard. You will need to be trained, and the sooner that starts the better."

"If she has the control necessary," Caius interjected, "and is fully stable. Which I am still not convinced she is, despite today's improvement."

"Oh, I think we'll find she'll do well enough, once she has the feeding under control," Aro stated breezily. "After all, brother, she did go three weeks without feeding at all. That shows incredible control for a newborn, and if she went a little—shall we say 'batty'?"—he laughed at his own joke before continuing—"during that time, one could hardly blame her, wouldn't you agree?"

Bella was in fact feeling more and more out of control, every second they stood there. She knew Aro was implying that Jasper hadn't been—wasn't—her real mate. He'd already stated as much earlier in the week. She clenched her hands to stop herself from growling or attacking. Marcus had made it clear to her that insane vampires weren't allowed to live, and that although some volatility was expected in newborns, the better she could control it, the better chance she had of survival. Which for some reason, he seemed to care about. She looked at him, pleading with her eyes.

"She will be fine," Marcus said, "but I believe it is too early to consider having her train with the guard yet. For the time being, I will continue working with her to gain control of her emotions."

"Well," she said, through almost clenched teeth, "I would like to take a shower now." She indicated the blood that had spilled down her neck and into her shirt, despite her improved performance. "If you would excuse me?"

"Indeed," Marcus agreed, stepping back and indicating that the others should leave ahead of him. "I shall return a little later, _piccolina_."

They left, thank god, and she shut herself in the bathroom to enjoy the one relief she felt in this place.

.

 _"I should take a shower before bed," Bella said. She sat on her bed, leaning into Jasper, her back against his chest, while he was propped up against the headboard of the bed, his knees raised on either side of her. She had a throw blanket wrapped around her, keeping the cool of his body from affecting her temperature, but it was hardly needed—the feel of him surrounding her raised her temperature anyway. Or maybe that was the effect of his lips nuzzling her neck. His right hand rested on her thigh, which was raised and leaning against his, but his left now moved from its position over her hip, sliding up under her sweater to rest just under her left breast, his index finger tracing lazy circles over her skin._

 _"Okay," he said, against her skin. "Want me to help you undress?"_

 _"Oh," was her breathy reply, as his hand slide up further to cup her breast, his thumb rubbing slowly back and forth across her nipple. She unconsciously tilted her head further to the side to give him better access, and his tongue darted out to lap against her pulse point._

 _His right hand now slid up to cup her other breast. She heard a low moan coming from her mouth, as her hands gripped the top of his thighs. "Jasper..." she gasped as he pinched her nipple._

 _"Mmm?" His lips moved up the column of her neck, and he sucked her earlobe into his mouth. "You didn't answer my question," he added, whispering into her ear, "but then again, what I'm plannin' doesn't really require you to undress." His right hand slid down over her belly, his cool fingers slipping under the waistband of her jeans._

 _Just then there was a roaring cheer from downstairs. Bella jerked back in response, banging her head against Jasper's chin._

 _"Charlie's just down stairs," she said, putting her hands over Jasper's to still them—although she couldn't quite bring herself to push them away. "I can't—"_

 _"That's okay, darlin'," he said, kissing the slightly tender spot where her scalp had collided with him—though he must have jerked back himself, or the collision would have been more painful. "I have another idea. Your bathroom has a lock on it right? And if we're a little bit careful, the sound of the shower will disguise any unusual sounds we may make... Though I can tell you from Charlie's emotions that he's entirely caught up with the game he's watchin' anyway."_

 _"You want to—shower with me?"_

 _"Mmhmm." She could hear the smile in his voice._

 _"I've never—in the shower..."_

 _"Oh I know, darlin'. But I'm pretty sure you want to." His lips we're back on her neck, but his hands were still under hers._

 _"Yeah," she said, a little breathless. "There is a lock."_

 _Almost before she realised what was happening, she was standing in the bathroom, Jasper's hands steadying her as she swayed, dizzily._

 _"Sorry," he said. "Too fast?"_

 _"A little." She laughed. "Lock the door."_

 _"Already done, darlin'."_

.

She sobbed, covering her mouth to try to hold the sound in, as her eyes focussed outward and she realised she was not in her bathroom, and Jasper was not with her.

.

"Bella?" Marcus spoke gently, not sure what he was interrupting. She'd seemed completely lost inside her mind since he'd entered, but her happy laughter followed so quickly by the gut-wrenching sobs had him concerned.

She looked at him, and he could see the devastation in her eyes.

"Jasper told me, he said that after you've changed, memories from before can become hard to hold onto," she told him. "I had started to keep a journal... to write down some of the things I wanted to recall. But he also said if you keep thinking of them, once they're fixed in your vampire mind, they'll never fade. So I'm...remembering."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I wish things were different for you."

"Do you?" She asked, cynicism filling her tone. "I don't think Aro does."

"No," Marcus admitted slowly. "But Aro hasn't lost his mate."

She looked at him, considering. "But you have." She finally said. He just nodded, not wanting to discuss Didyme. "How do you survive then? Jasper said a vampire who loses his mate will usually either seek death or revenge, but either way, losing their mate usually renders them largely insane, generally sooner than later."

"It's not without...difficulty," he replied, "and the assistance of two of our talented vampires."

"But why bother?" she asked. "Is it because—" She stopped herself then, and he wondered what she'd been going to say, but her eyes had glazed over again, and he wondered if she'd forgotten he was there.

"I made Jasper promise," she said suddenly, "that if I died, he would wait for me. We knew it was a possibility. But I would have come back. The fifth life, you see... He said it would be difficult, but he promised he would do it. He wouldn't seek death. He wouldn't let his mind go. He would wait." She refocused on him suddenly. "Is that why I'm—is it your talented vampires, keeping me sane?"

"No," he told her, and didn't add that he wasn't sure she was entirely sane, especially when she zoned out and started rambling like that. "They can't reach you, through your shield."

She frowned. "But my shield's not up right now."

"Your physical shield isn't. Or maybe... Perhaps it's more accurate to say you haven't got your shield stretched out from you right now," he said. "But it's still there, in some form at least. None of our talents work on you."

"Oh." She went quiet again, thinking about that presumably. She was a truly remarkable vampire. To be so controlled, so quickly, was itself amazing. But to also be in almost complete control of herself after losing her mate was phenomenal, even if she did fail to make sense at least half of the time. Of course, Aro just saw that as further evidence that Jasper hadn't really been her mate. But the strength of the bond he'd seen convinced Marcus that Aro was wrong. It was possible, he supposed, that something of her attachment had been lost, in the final change from human to vampire. But nothing seemed to have been lost in the first day of her change, and everything she'd said since waking supported his assumption.

Including the fact that Jasper Whitlock had clearly considered her to be his mate—or had told her such, at least.

No, they were mates, he was sure of it. He suspected her control was more to do with the fact that she'd never met Jasper as a vampire. Marcus had never met a vampire who'd met her mate as a human but then lost him before she was changed. But the consequence was that she didn't—quite—know what she was missing. Oh, she missed him, sure. But not with the intensity of a vampire who'd felt the mating bond, and then had it ripped out.

Marcus took a deep, unnecessary breath. Best not to let his mind wander down that particular rabbit hole. There was only so much Corin could do.

Now Didyme, her ability to make people happy was an altogether different power. You couldn't feel despair around Didyme. You could still experience grief, worry, fear—all the usual range of emotions—but they were accompanied by joy and hope. Never despair.

Corin's ability was to create a sort of addictive contentment. But never joy. And he knew from experience, if he let himself think too much, he could go to a place where Corin's power just didn't touch him.

"Edward couldn't read me, either," Bella said suddenly. "Most of the time, anyway. And Alice couldn't see me very well. Even Jasper..." she trailed off again.

"He'll come back," she said, cryptically, and started rambling again. "That's why I'm still sane. I'm holding on, just like he promised to. He'll come back. But I need to be there. I can't be here, or I'll never find him. And what if he doesn't remember? Will he remember? Maybe only the first life, like me. No Maria then. That would a blessing at least. Or is it all one life, for him? But no, vampire life should count differently. His heart stopped." She tilted her head, as though thinking. "My heart stopped. So this is the fifth life then?"

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Thank you so much to everyone who has left a comment since I last posted! It's so lovely to hear from you. It really does keep me going, even though the past couple of months might make you doubt it! Apologies to those who "reviewed" recently who I may not have replied to. I do read and treasure all your comments!**

 **Without knowing people are waiting to read the next chapter, I don't know how much longer this would take me, but it would be longer, I promise you!**

 **Instead of giving you other recs now, can you tell me – what WIPS should I be reading? I am open to any pairing, but rarely read all-human ones (though if you tell me I really MUST, I will look at it! LOL).**


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